I've been doing a lot of self-reflection recently on improving my self-esteem and approach to life, with the aid of various works I've been reading up on, as well as youtube wandering (I do love TedTalks!). I expect there are lots of people out there in cyber-land who have issues similar to my own, whether it be something carried over from childhood, or something relatively new as consequence of some not-so-good choices (I'm led to believe relationships are usually the big offenders).
In the grand scheme of things, I'm pretty typical - I have body hang ups, I have confidence issues, and I'm becoming more introverted as a result. The good thing is that, as part of my reflections, I'm seeing that and trying to find and tackle the root causes.
Body hang ups are, for the most part, pretty straight forward. I feel overweight and unhealthy, so the obvious solution is to get fit and eat better. Whilst it sounds easy, it obviously isn't that straight forward or so many people wouldn't resort to fad diets or feel like they forever fail when they attempt to change problem areas in their routines.
I have succeeded in altering my diet to the degree that I do cook fresh. I very rarely eat out and I take food to work (including healthy snacks). I do have the occasional 'bad snack' but I don't believe in eradicating everything if a little brings pleasure. What I am doing though, when I do eat junk food, is look at my reasons for going for it. Am I eating it for pleasure, or is it comfort? Is it a 'reward' for achievement? Is it because I'm tired? Stressed? etc. By acknowledging my reasons for choosing junk food over better, wholesome foods, I become more aware of what drives that habit and I'm better equipped to tackle the cause rather than 'bad snacking' to mask a problem.
With this approach alone, my weight stabilised: I dropped 2 stone in the beginning but I've been around the 12 stone mark for about 3 months now.
As part of some of the reading I've done, one of the re-occuring pieces of advice seems to be to visualise yourself as the person you want to be, and then do what you would be doing then. There's so many times I've heard people say they want to be active, but spend all their free time watching TV. Or they want to be healthy, but buy ready meals rather than cook for themselves. That's not to say we should be too quick to jump steps but, if we want to be active we have to take steps to introduce activities into our current routines to be the person we want to be.
As I said, I began by cooking fresh. Simple things I could make in bulk to start with, like home-made curry with extra veggies, stir-fry, casseroles, stews, roasted veg, and looking at introducing more fruit and vegetables into my diet such as using sweet potato instead of white potatoes, kale in my stirfry, spinach salad and curry wraps... etc.
I then moved onto being more active. I'm very heavy in the chest department so some more energetic exercises can be painful. I did try jogging, with mixed results. I enjoyed it once I got used to it (using the 'couch to 5k' podcasts) but it is currently quite uncomfortable as the boobs just don't behave even with sports bras, I then have my tops riding up with bits of flesh catching a chill. Not fun in this weather! However, I did persevere until a necessary job shift meant I'm not up early enough to run at a time I feel comfortable (around 6am) because I don't finish work until late at night.
I can't afford to attend classes at the moment (even if I wasn't working the times these classes normally take place) but I have since invested in an exercise mat and have been tackling pilates routines. Youtube definitely is a fabulous resource when you have limited time and a tight budget. I did initially go for yoga, but have since moved to pilates as I feel I'm getting better results from a more "dynamic" routine. Has anyone else out there taken up pilates? How are you finding it?
The next issue I had was confidence on a superficial level. I do the basics such as oral hygiene, showering regularly, and ensuring I wear clean clothes... but that's really as far as I went. I always felt like I wasn't valuing myself because I wasn't giving myself any time. That's one of the things I love about a big night out - you actually spend time on yourself, and you feel good by the end of it. But I never really do that. That's what I've been working on most recently.
I bought myself an eyebrow enhancement treatment (tattoo) for my birthday back in November as I was very self-conscious about patchy eyebrows - it had been a nervous habit where I plucked at the hair with my fingers. Which I love so much!
I then set myself up a weekly plan where each day I did something small for myself. Things like "Twinkle Toes Tuesday" (give myself a pedicure), "Face mask Friday" and "Smooth-it Saturday" (full body exfoliate). That seems to be working really well to boost my mood, though I do find it odd sometimes how little things like that can make such a big difference. Especially since I'm not typically a very girly-girl. Am I being converted?
I've now treated myself to some quality skincare products from the Liz Earle range (Hot Cloth cleaser, toner and Superskin Hand Serum) as my skin and hands are looking very unloved and tired, as of late. They turned up today! I've heard so many good things about the hot cloth cleanser. Has anyone used the hand serum? My hands definitely need lots of TLC so hopefully Liz will fix that for me.
In previous posts I've discussed about introducing more structure to my free time to work towards goals also, such as coursework and study. That I'm doing quite well with. In terms of the creative writing, that's hit and miss at the moment. I do have chunks of time set aside for it, but I find I keep putting too much pressure on myself about it. There's a lot of hopes stacked upon that one process. As much as I love creating, creating also scares me as that's ultimately what I'll be judged on. Tackling that fear is an ongoing process as present.
So, these are the changes I've made so far. Little shifts in my routines which will hopefully stick and ensure that I remain in a better mindset in the future.
The next thing for me to tackle will be socialising - I really don't get out much at all! I've tried a couple of online communities which hasn't really led to much. Unfortunately, it's incredibly difficult finding activities that enable me to mix with people with similar interests that fit in with an ever-changing work rota.
Does anyone have an advice or stories they too want to share?
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