He's the only one who can call me that...

Sam Winchester [[Supernatural Roleplay Account. Mun & Muse 21+]] My main ships on this blog are SamxDean and SamxJess. I am possibly open to others but ask first.

[sammygender]

trying to explain to people in real life that i’m a supernatural fan in the ethel cain two boys striking out across america familial horror way and not in the 2014 tumblr gay angel and bisexual boy with daddy issues way

[callmesammyagain]

Why do people insist on being so insufferable on the Internet? Why do we have the same discourse every few months about taboo/controversial themes in art? Aren't y'all tired?

Fiction is fiction for a reason. It's not real life. Art in any form, and fiction in particular has long been a medium through which people can enjoy/fantasize/work through things they wouldn't irl.

Creating art (writing, painting, music, film, etc) about dark, heavy, "problematic" [shoot me, I hate the term] themes and topics does not equal you supporting, promoting, praising, condoning, or endorsing those topics. And it should be more commonly understood that that's the case.

Someone enjoying consuming art and media involving particular themes (for whatever their own personal reasons are as to why) is not invalidating the experience of folks who may have faced real life abuses/horrors.

People are responsible for the media they choose to intake.

And someone partaking in "problematic" themes in a safe, controlled, FICTIONAL environment where it is okay and encouraged to explore things you would never even wish to experience in reality, does not make them a bad person.

I have so much to say about this but it would take too long.

[h3llh0undz]

i am under the very firm belief that destiel was NEVER supposed to happen. everything that ever pandered to destiel was just because of the fans. it was to make the shippers happy, not because of what the characters were supposed to be. (and NO, cas telling dean he loves him doesnt make it canon. one sided i can agree, but its not canon. “dean wanted to say it back!” NO HE DIDNT?) but samdean was always ALWAYS supposed to be endgame. platonically or otherwise, this is THEIR show. (i dont really like people calling cas the third main character too. he wasnt created with the intention of being important. BUT i do like him as a character. i AM glad he stuck around, but people really over-inflate it all. thats all a conversation for a different day though). since the very beginning, sam and dean have been insane for each other. and that never changed. theyre SOULMATES for fucks sake. there is infinitely more evidence for wincest than any other ship in the show could ever conceive. people calling sam a third wheel to destiel is so fucking delusional imo. salmondean is always the duo and everyone else is secondary to them. they always leave anyone they do get involved with for each other. ship destiel if you want, its cute, but understand it is NOT real. your perceptions of characters do not affect the show.

[callmesammyagain]

I know we love to joke about Dean's love of pie, and food in general. But what if the reason he's always eating/snacking and will always take free food when offered is because of food insecurity growing up? What if he's just resource hoarding because he was so used to not always knowing where his next meal would be from or when?

[roadmotel]

dean without sam is a danger to himself but sam without dean is a danger to others

[callmesammyagain]

closed rp w/ frecklesndimples

Somewhere around two and a half years ago, or so, Sam had left his family behind to go to college. He'd ended things with Dean, feeling bad about just cutting and running, but he'd battled for so long with his feelings. He knew it was wrong, that he was probably going to Hell, and Dean care about him too much to just let things go if he told him all that...so a clean break was what he needed.

Of course he misses his brother, his dad...but he's doing this for himself, even if he found some sweet girl who doesn't know the darkest parts of his soul and for some reason will put up with him. He's moving on. He is.

--------------------------------------------

Sam had finished up classes for the day and had just settled down, post-shower, to work on a paper that was due the next week. He was curled up on the couch in his baggiest comfiest sweats, laptop open and typing away when there was a knock on the door.

He wasn't expecting anyone, and it couldn't be Jess because she had a key. Begrudgingly, he set his computer on the coffee table and got up to open the door, immediately freezing when he saw who was on the other side. @frecklesndimples

[callmesammyagain]

Sam sighed, staying silent, letting Dean think he was just thinking about his decision or whatever. Really he was thinking about how he was supposed to just have a weekend. What was he supposed to do when the weekend was up? Just let Dean leave and go back on the road? He couldn't just ditch Jess, right? But he wasn't sure he could stay with her after this, after realizing what he'd really been doing all this time and how much his feelings for Dean were still very present and very real.

"Yeah. Yeah, the weekend is good. Um, let's go with that and then we'll see how it goes after? I...I hope you're comfortable on the couch, let me know if you need anything else" he managed to push himself up to his feet. He wavered just a little, getting a bit dizzy from standing up too fast but hopefully Dean would just think it was because he was tired. "And...please don't drink anymore after I'm asleep....okay?" @frecklesndimples

[callmesammyagain]

closed rp w/ frecklesndimples

Somewhere around two and a half years ago, or so, Sam had left his family behind to go to college. He'd ended things with Dean, feeling bad about just cutting and running, but he'd battled for so long with his feelings. He knew it was wrong, that he was probably going to Hell, and Dean care about him too much to just let things go if he told him all that...so a clean break was what he needed.

Of course he misses his brother, his dad...but he's doing this for himself, even if he found some sweet girl who doesn't know the darkest parts of his soul and for some reason will put up with him. He's moving on. He is.

--------------------------------------------

Sam had finished up classes for the day and had just settled down, post-shower, to work on a paper that was due the next week. He was curled up on the couch in his baggiest comfiest sweats, laptop open and typing away when there was a knock on the door.

He wasn't expecting anyone, and it couldn't be Jess because she had a key. Begrudgingly, he set his computer on the coffee table and got up to open the door, immediately freezing when he saw who was on the other side. @frecklesndimples

[callmesammyagain]

Sam knew his brother better than anyone, so he knew that Dean definitely blamed himself for everything, and for ‘corrupting’ him. Yes, he’d told himself how wrong it was to have these feelings for his brother - and yeah, maybe it was - but it’s not like Dean somehow made him have these feelings. He didn’t force him to do anything, they never did anything that Sam hadn’t wanted and enthusiastically consented to or asked for. 

“Is that what I did? I wouldn’t say that I’ve moved on from anything…” and he hadn’t. All of his feelings for Dean and his emotions around leaving, starting over, doing whatever the hell he was doing - none of them were gone, he hadn’t healed anything, he’d just stuffed it down and pretended it wasn’t real. But how could he possibly just admit all of that? He couldn’t just dump poor, sweet, innocent Jess the second his brother shows up. That’d be weird. And he did still genuinely like school, and he wanted to finish his degree and build a life outside of hunting.

Dean was right, he was tired and probably should just go ahead and head to bed. But what happened in the morning? Dean said he’d stay the night and then ‘get out of his hair’ but he didn’t want Dean to leave. He couldn’t just wake up and send Dean off with breakfast, and go back to whatever was supposed to be his normal.

[callmesammyagain]

closed rp w/ frecklesndimples

Somewhere around two and a half years ago, or so, Sam had left his family behind to go to college. He'd ended things with Dean, feeling bad about just cutting and running, but he'd battled for so long with his feelings. He knew it was wrong, that he was probably going to Hell, and Dean care about him too much to just let things go if he told him all that...so a clean break was what he needed.

Of course he misses his brother, his dad...but he's doing this for himself, even if he found some sweet girl who doesn't know the darkest parts of his soul and for some reason will put up with him. He's moving on. He is.

--------------------------------------------

Sam had finished up classes for the day and had just settled down, post-shower, to work on a paper that was due the next week. He was curled up on the couch in his baggiest comfiest sweats, laptop open and typing away when there was a knock on the door.

He wasn't expecting anyone, and it couldn't be Jess because she had a key. Begrudgingly, he set his computer on the coffee table and got up to open the door, immediately freezing when he saw who was on the other side. @frecklesndimples

[callmesammyagain]

Sam sighed, wiping a hand down his face before shoving them both through his hair in silent frustration. "You didn't corrupt me..." he argues, his voice soft and thin but full of conviction. He didn't want Dean to call what they had anything bad, he'd done that to himself too many times to count. But if it was so horrible, why did Dean say there wasn't anything wrong with him? And why didn't it feel wrong? No lightning struck the first time Dean kissed him, but his entire body sure was tingly and on fire.

What did he want Dean to do? Boy was that the million dollar question. "I don't know if I have an answer. But I know I don't want you to go..." he'd had a hard enough time surviving the past three and a half years without him, now that he was here he knew it would be ten times harder. "How could you make it better when I've already fucked everything up so badly?" he cried, fresh tears welling up in his eyes.

[callmesammyagain]

closed rp w/ frecklesndimples

Somewhere around two and a half years ago, or so, Sam had left his family behind to go to college. He'd ended things with Dean, feeling bad about just cutting and running, but he'd battled for so long with his feelings. He knew it was wrong, that he was probably going to Hell, and Dean care about him too much to just let things go if he told him all that...so a clean break was what he needed.

Of course he misses his brother, his dad...but he's doing this for himself, even if he found some sweet girl who doesn't know the darkest parts of his soul and for some reason will put up with him. He's moving on. He is.

--------------------------------------------

Sam had finished up classes for the day and had just settled down, post-shower, to work on a paper that was due the next week. He was curled up on the couch in his baggiest comfiest sweats, laptop open and typing away when there was a knock on the door.

He wasn't expecting anyone, and it couldn't be Jess because she had a key. Begrudgingly, he set his computer on the coffee table and got up to open the door, immediately freezing when he saw who was on the other side. @frecklesndimples

[callmesammyagain]

"You think any of this was easy for me? At least you had Dad with you, and you like hunting. It was never my thing, I wanted to do something else with my life. It doesn't mean I didn't still want you. But Dad....I couldn't stay after everything that happened." He couldn't have asked Dean to come with him, John wouldn't have ever let that happened, and he'd ask why probably. And Dean wouldn't have left hunting, that's his life. No, it had only made sense for him to have a fresh start.

[callmesammyagain]

closed rp w/ frecklesndimples

Somewhere around two and a half years ago, or so, Sam had left his family behind to go to college. He'd ended things with Dean, feeling bad about just cutting and running, but he'd battled for so long with his feelings. He knew it was wrong, that he was probably going to Hell, and Dean care about him too much to just let things go if he told him all that...so a clean break was what he needed.

Of course he misses his brother, his dad...but he's doing this for himself, even if he found some sweet girl who doesn't know the darkest parts of his soul and for some reason will put up with him. He's moving on. He is.

--------------------------------------------

Sam had finished up classes for the day and had just settled down, post-shower, to work on a paper that was due the next week. He was curled up on the couch in his baggiest comfiest sweats, laptop open and typing away when there was a knock on the door.

He wasn't expecting anyone, and it couldn't be Jess because she had a key. Begrudgingly, he set his computer on the coffee table and got up to open the door, immediately freezing when he saw who was on the other side. @frecklesndimples

[callmesammyagain]

"You think any of this was easy for me? At least you had Dad with you, and you like hunting. It was never my thing, I wanted to do something else with my life. It doesn't mean I didn't still want you. But Dad....I couldn't stay after everything that happened." He couldn't have asked Dean to come with him, John wouldn't have ever let that happened, and he'd ask why probably. And Dean wouldn't have left hunting, that's his life. No, it had only made sense for him to have a fresh start.

[callmesammyagain]

closed rp w/ frecklesndimples

Somewhere around two and a half years ago, or so, Sam had left his family behind to go to college. He'd ended things with Dean, feeling bad about just cutting and running, but he'd battled for so long with his feelings. He knew it was wrong, that he was probably going to Hell, and Dean care about him too much to just let things go if he told him all that...so a clean break was what he needed.

Of course he misses his brother, his dad...but he's doing this for himself, even if he found some sweet girl who doesn't know the darkest parts of his soul and for some reason will put up with him. He's moving on. He is.

--------------------------------------------

Sam had finished up classes for the day and had just settled down, post-shower, to work on a paper that was due the next week. He was curled up on the couch in his baggiest comfiest sweats, laptop open and typing away when there was a knock on the door.

He wasn't expecting anyone, and it couldn't be Jess because she had a key. Begrudgingly, he set his computer on the coffee table and got up to open the door, immediately freezing when he saw who was on the other side. @frecklesndimples

[callmesammyagain]

"So what's it like then? Please, enlighten me. Because I don't fucking know anymore" he hated how pitiful he sounded, how weak. Dean had always been the strong one, looking out for him when he was little, taking charge in their relationship. Ever since he could remember, Sam had looked to Dean for everything.

And now was no exception. He wanted to just let the walls completely down and ask him how to fix this convoluted mess he'd created for himself. He knew, as much as he loved her, he didn't want to marry Jess. And she didn't deserve that. And Dean didn't deserve this either.

[callmesammyagain]

closed rp w/ frecklesndimples

Somewhere around two and a half years ago, or so, Sam had left his family behind to go to college. He'd ended things with Dean, feeling bad about just cutting and running, but he'd battled for so long with his feelings. He knew it was wrong, that he was probably going to Hell, and Dean care about him too much to just let things go if he told him all that...so a clean break was what he needed.

Of course he misses his brother, his dad...but he's doing this for himself, even if he found some sweet girl who doesn't know the darkest parts of his soul and for some reason will put up with him. He's moving on. He is.

--------------------------------------------

Sam had finished up classes for the day and had just settled down, post-shower, to work on a paper that was due the next week. He was curled up on the couch in his baggiest comfiest sweats, laptop open and typing away when there was a knock on the door.

He wasn't expecting anyone, and it couldn't be Jess because she had a key. Begrudgingly, he set his computer on the coffee table and got up to open the door, immediately freezing when he saw who was on the other side. @frecklesndimples

[callmesammyagain]

"Is that how you truly, honestly feel? You waited three years to show up here, get drunk and let me kiss you, and then say you want to be just brothers?" Sam sat up a bit straighter, looking at Dean with a mix of frustration, confusion, and something else. Some fucking nerve he had. He shows up out of the blue and nearly shatters Sam's fragile, precarious existence, and then tries to act like everything is casual.

He knew he'd been an idiot. He had met Jess through a mutual friend and of course he thought she was pretty, and nice, and really sweet. And it was clear that she pretty much immediately liked him. They were compatible on paper, but how much of that was based on the lies he'd concocted about who he was and where he came from? They did actually get along, they matched each other pretty well intellectually, and it turned out that the sex is enjoyable enough - however boring.

But it's all a lie. He knows he doesn't feel the ways he should about her, he ended up proposing sort of on accident, and definitely only because he felt like it was what he was supposed to do. But now it was feeling like a lot of things he'd done had been mistakes.

[callmesammyagain]

closed rp w/ frecklesndimples

Somewhere around two and a half years ago, or so, Sam had left his family behind to go to college. He'd ended things with Dean, feeling bad about just cutting and running, but he'd battled for so long with his feelings. He knew it was wrong, that he was probably going to Hell, and Dean care about him too much to just let things go if he told him all that...so a clean break was what he needed.

Of course he misses his brother, his dad...but he's doing this for himself, even if he found some sweet girl who doesn't know the darkest parts of his soul and for some reason will put up with him. He's moving on. He is.

--------------------------------------------

Sam had finished up classes for the day and had just settled down, post-shower, to work on a paper that was due the next week. He was curled up on the couch in his baggiest comfiest sweats, laptop open and typing away when there was a knock on the door.

He wasn't expecting anyone, and it couldn't be Jess because she had a key. Begrudgingly, he set his computer on the coffee table and got up to open the door, immediately freezing when he saw who was on the other side. @frecklesndimples

[callmesammyagain]

Sam sighed heavily, weighing the options Dean had presented, while also grappling with what he'd just done. It wasn't anything he hadn't done hundreds of times, but that wasn't who he was anymore....right? No. No it wasn't, he'd made sure of it. So why did he want to cave to Dean's request? Why did he want Dean to come in and make him feel less like a freak?

He wiped his blotchy cheeks with his sleeve covered hands, trying to look less pathetic before scooting forward so he could unlock the door. He didn't open it, that felt too big of a step, but he clicked the lock open, leaving the metaphorical ball in Dean's court.

[frecklesndimples]

Dean listened carefully, just barely being able to hear his brother shuffling around through the door, his forehead still firmly planted against the wood grained material. After a moment, the movement ceased, as did the sniffles- at least for a minute or two.

As soon as he heard the click of the lock, Dean was twisting the handle and joining his brother on the inside and shutting it back behind himself just to muffle their conversation in case Jess did happen to wake up. The bathroom was small, even more so with the two of them, fully grown men sized people crammed in it together. Dean maneuvered himself around Sam’s folded up form and slid down the door, letting his back rest against it once his ass hit the floor. He stretched his legs out, nearly being able to rest his socked feet flat against the tub, but not quite- there was a little more room than a motel bathroom at least.

“You’re okay, Sammy. I won’t say a word about it. She won’t know a thing. It was an mis- accident.” He corrected himself, knowing good and well he didn’t believe it was a mistake nor an accident but the latter option was the better one in the moment. “We can pretend nothing ever happened. I’ll keep my distance, you don’t have to give up anything here-.” He trailed off, letting his head fall back against the door with his eyes shut. Zip it, Dean. Give him a chance to talk.

[callmesammyagain]

Sam kept his arms around himself while Dean came in and slid down to sit beside him. He sniffled again, hiding his face. He mostly was hiding out of embarrassment at this point, but he wasn't sure if that's what Dean would think.

He listened to him, fingers picking at a string on his sweatpants. Finally he lifted his head, looking at Dean sadly. "You....you think it was a mistake?"

[frecklesndimples]

“No, of course I don’t- but I know you do.” Dean answered honestly, lolling his head over to look at his brother with tired eyes. “I didn’t know you moved on… well settled down ? I don’t know how to say it- I wouldn’t have popped in if I knew I’d be interrupting you and your girlfriend.” He reasoned, still not even knowing they were engaged.

“I guess a tiny part of me just hoped you’d just be waitin’ around….” He added, shaking his head with a forced little chuckle. “I think I need another drink.” Why was he admitting this all ? Shut up Dean, shut up!

“You have all reason to be upset with me, I shouldn’t have even put you in that situation. Don’t beat yourself up about it, like I said.. I wouldn’t.. won’t say a word. We can be just brothers.” Yap, yap, yap- he just kept on rambling trying to spill anything to make his brother feel better even though the thought of them being just brothers made Dean want to vomit.

[callmesammyagain]

"Fiancee" he mumbled quietly, hoping maybe Dean wouldn't hear, or at least wouldn't comment on it. He felt like such a fool. Had he been trying to convince himself this would all actually work out? That his grand scheme of a lie wouldn't eventually catch up with him, come back to bite him in the ass? Of course he cares about Jess, he's not a total asshole. But so much of their entire relationship is a lie, or based on lies. How was he supposed to explain just how fucked he was to Dean?

He thought you'd be waiting for him. Why didn't you wait for him?

Sam let out a somewhat dark chuckle. "We've never been just brothers, Dean"

[callmesammyagain]

closed rp w/ frecklesndimples

Somewhere around two and a half years ago, or so, Sam had left his family behind to go to college. He'd ended things with Dean, feeling bad about just cutting and running, but he'd battled for so long with his feelings. He knew it was wrong, that he was probably going to Hell, and Dean care about him too much to just let things go if he told him all that...so a clean break was what he needed.

Of course he misses his brother, his dad...but he's doing this for himself, even if he found some sweet girl who doesn't know the darkest parts of his soul and for some reason will put up with him. He's moving on. He is.

--------------------------------------------

Sam had finished up classes for the day and had just settled down, post-shower, to work on a paper that was due the next week. He was curled up on the couch in his baggiest comfiest sweats, laptop open and typing away when there was a knock on the door.

He wasn't expecting anyone, and it couldn't be Jess because she had a key. Begrudgingly, he set his computer on the coffee table and got up to open the door, immediately freezing when he saw who was on the other side. @frecklesndimples

[callmesammyagain]

Sam sighed heavily, weighing the options Dean had presented, while also grappling with what he'd just done. It wasn't anything he hadn't done hundreds of times, but that wasn't who he was anymore....right? No. No it wasn't, he'd made sure of it. So why did he want to cave to Dean's request? Why did he want Dean to come in and make him feel less like a freak?

He wiped his blotchy cheeks with his sleeve covered hands, trying to look less pathetic before scooting forward so he could unlock the door. He didn't open it, that felt too big of a step, but he clicked the lock open, leaving the metaphorical ball in Dean's court.

[frecklesndimples]

Dean listened carefully, just barely being able to hear his brother shuffling around through the door, his forehead still firmly planted against the wood grained material. After a moment, the movement ceased, as did the sniffles- at least for a minute or two.

As soon as he heard the click of the lock, Dean was twisting the handle and joining his brother on the inside and shutting it back behind himself just to muffle their conversation in case Jess did happen to wake up. The bathroom was small, even more so with the two of them, fully grown men sized people crammed in it together. Dean maneuvered himself around Sam’s folded up form and slid down the door, letting his back rest against it once his ass hit the floor. He stretched his legs out, nearly being able to rest his socked feet flat against the tub, but not quite- there was a little more room than a motel bathroom at least.

“You’re okay, Sammy. I won’t say a word about it. She won’t know a thing. It was an mis- accident.” He corrected himself, knowing good and well he didn’t believe it was a mistake nor an accident but the latter option was the better one in the moment. “We can pretend nothing ever happened. I’ll keep my distance, you don’t have to give up anything here-.” He trailed off, letting his head fall back against the door with his eyes shut. Zip it, Dean. Give him a chance to talk.

[callmesammyagain]

Sam kept his arms around himself while Dean came in and slid down to sit beside him. He sniffled again, hiding his face. He mostly was hiding out of embarrassment at this point, but he wasn't sure if that's what Dean would think.

He listened to him, fingers picking at a string on his sweatpants. Finally he lifted his head, looking at Dean sadly. "You....you think it was a mistake?"

[callmesammyagain]

closed rp w/ frecklesndimples

Somewhere around two and a half years ago, or so, Sam had left his family behind to go to college. He'd ended things with Dean, feeling bad about just cutting and running, but he'd battled for so long with his feelings. He knew it was wrong, that he was probably going to Hell, and Dean care about him too much to just let things go if he told him all that...so a clean break was what he needed.

Of course he misses his brother, his dad...but he's doing this for himself, even if he found some sweet girl who doesn't know the darkest parts of his soul and for some reason will put up with him. He's moving on. He is.

--------------------------------------------

Sam had finished up classes for the day and had just settled down, post-shower, to work on a paper that was due the next week. He was curled up on the couch in his baggiest comfiest sweats, laptop open and typing away when there was a knock on the door.

He wasn't expecting anyone, and it couldn't be Jess because she had a key. Begrudgingly, he set his computer on the coffee table and got up to open the door, immediately freezing when he saw who was on the other side. @frecklesndimples

[callmesammyagain]

Sam sighed heavily, weighing the options Dean had presented, while also grappling with what he'd just done. It wasn't anything he hadn't done hundreds of times, but that wasn't who he was anymore....right? No. No it wasn't, he'd made sure of it. So why did he want to cave to Dean's request? Why did he want Dean to come in and make him feel less like a freak?

He wiped his blotchy cheeks with his sleeve covered hands, trying to look less pathetic before scooting forward so he could unlock the door. He didn't open it, that felt too big of a step, but he clicked the lock open, leaving the metaphorical ball in Dean's court.

[callmesammyagain]

closed rp w/ frecklesndimples

Somewhere around two and a half years ago, or so, Sam had left his family behind to go to college. He'd ended things with Dean, feeling bad about just cutting and running, but he'd battled for so long with his feelings. He knew it was wrong, that he was probably going to Hell, and Dean care about him too much to just let things go if he told him all that...so a clean break was what he needed.

Of course he misses his brother, his dad...but he's doing this for himself, even if he found some sweet girl who doesn't know the darkest parts of his soul and for some reason will put up with him. He's moving on. He is.

--------------------------------------------

Sam had finished up classes for the day and had just settled down, post-shower, to work on a paper that was due the next week. He was curled up on the couch in his baggiest comfiest sweats, laptop open and typing away when there was a knock on the door.

He wasn't expecting anyone, and it couldn't be Jess because she had a key. Begrudgingly, he set his computer on the coffee table and got up to open the door, immediately freezing when he saw who was on the other side. @frecklesndimples

[callmesammyagain]

He didn't want to talk, but he didn't know how much longer he could keep in everything he was thinking and feeling before he exploded. The entire last three years of his life, he had committed every moment not spent on school on carefully crafting this life. Every last ounce of expendable energy was used on maintaining the mask of being a smart, capable, put-together person...when in reality, inside he was still that same teenager who bumped heads with his father, and ran to his protective big brother anytime he was hurt, scared, angry, or needed someone to hold him.

"What's wrong with me?" he asked quietly, afraid to speak up any louder. Maybe Dean wouldn't hear him, or maybe if only Dean heard him it wouldn't be as real. It could just be between them, and the rest of the world wouldn't have to know how fucked up he was.

[frecklesndimples]

Sam’s tiny question of himself had Dean’s heart fluttering in his chest. He couldn’t help himself, Sam was his baby- he had to hold him tight enough to make all that hurt go away. “Nothing, you- Sammy.. you’re okay.” He cooed.

He wasn’t sure if it was the buzz or his pent up feelings acting on his behalf but before he even knew it he was pulling Sam to sit completely in his lap, adjusting him so that his knees were buried in the meeting seam of the couch cushions on either side of Dean’s hips- he was practically there on his own, so Dean didn’t see a problem with innocently assisting him the rest of the way.

“Why do you think something is wrong with you?” He asked, using his fingers to tip Sam’s chin up to force him to look him in the face- except he wasn’t prepared for just how close they were. He could see every single swirl of color in Sam’s glistening eyes, the quiver of his pink little lower lip, every little stray freckle scattered over the expanse of his face- he could feel Sam’s breath fan out over his own face for fucks sake.

[callmesammyagain]

He didn’t fight Dean maneuvering him closer, at this point he didn’t have so much fight left in him. Plus, he couldn’t deny that it felt nice to be in his arms again. The closeness was comforting, and he had been able to drop his mask a bit, let his guard down. It had taken so much work to maintain that being able to put it down for even just a moment was a reprieve. 

Dean told him there was nothing wrong - so he had heard the question - but he knew that couldn’t be true. He gave a small shake of his head, keeping his eyes down at his lap. But then Dean was touching him even more, and he tilted his chin up so he would have to meet his eyes, and Dean was just so close. He was right there. He knew his big brother had asked him a question, but once his eyes met those perfect green irises, he couldn’t think. 

He would say what was he thinking, but he wasn’t. Without any thought, he closed the minute gap between them, pressing his lips softly to Dean’s. He relished it for approximately one second until his brain caught up with his mouth and he was off Dean’s lap, down the hall, and locked in the bathroom in a flash.

[frecklesndimples]

Dean was a little caught off guard, but he relished in it as soon as he registered what was happening. He returned the kiss with gentle passion, feeling as if he could melt into his brother. Just as quickly as it started, it was over.

Dean’s lap was empty, his lips were parted and his heart was pounding. “fuck.” He grumbled, lifting his hand to pinch at the bridge of his nose to regain his composure. He had to fix this now.

Dean heaved himself off the couch, quietly walking down the hall, pausing to peer into the bedroom where Jess was still soundly sleeping before continuing over to the bathroom. “Sam.” Dean spoke quietly, rapping his knuckles against the door. “You didn’t do anything wrong, it was my bad.” He reasoned, being fully prepared to take the entire blame just to ease Sam’s guilt. It kinda was his fault, he put Sam in that position.

[callmesammyagain]

Sam was curled up, sitting with his back against the bathroom door. He heard Dean's footsteps, knowing he would probably follow which was why he'd locked the door. Dean was strong enough to kick it down, but with him on the other side he knew he wouldn't. He sniffled, unburying his face from between his knees.

"Yes I did" he murmured, voice obviously a bit wobbly. What else could he say? Of course this wasn't Dean's fault. He was the one who couldn't control himself, who had all of these thoughts and feelings that he knew were wrong, that he shouldn't be feeling. Right? Wasn't that what he'd been taught?

[callmesammyagain]

closed rp w/ frecklesndimples

Somewhere around two and a half years ago, or so, Sam had left his family behind to go to college. He'd ended things with Dean, feeling bad about just cutting and running, but he'd battled for so long with his feelings. He knew it was wrong, that he was probably going to Hell, and Dean care about him too much to just let things go if he told him all that...so a clean break was what he needed.

Of course he misses his brother, his dad...but he's doing this for himself, even if he found some sweet girl who doesn't know the darkest parts of his soul and for some reason will put up with him. He's moving on. He is.

--------------------------------------------

Sam had finished up classes for the day and had just settled down, post-shower, to work on a paper that was due the next week. He was curled up on the couch in his baggiest comfiest sweats, laptop open and typing away when there was a knock on the door.

He wasn't expecting anyone, and it couldn't be Jess because she had a key. Begrudgingly, he set his computer on the coffee table and got up to open the door, immediately freezing when he saw who was on the other side. @frecklesndimples

[callmesammyagain]

He didn't want to talk, but he didn't know how much longer he could keep in everything he was thinking and feeling before he exploded. The entire last three years of his life, he had committed every moment not spent on school on carefully crafting this life. Every last ounce of expendable energy was used on maintaining the mask of being a smart, capable, put-together person...when in reality, inside he was still that same teenager who bumped heads with his father, and ran to his protective big brother anytime he was hurt, scared, angry, or needed someone to hold him.

"What's wrong with me?" he asked quietly, afraid to speak up any louder. Maybe Dean wouldn't hear him, or maybe if only Dean heard him it wouldn't be as real. It could just be between them, and the rest of the world wouldn't have to know how fucked up he was.

[frecklesndimples]

Sam’s tiny question of himself had Dean’s heart fluttering in his chest. He couldn’t help himself, Sam was his baby- he had to hold him tight enough to make all that hurt go away. “Nothing, you- Sammy.. you’re okay.” He cooed.

He wasn’t sure if it was the buzz or his pent up feelings acting on his behalf but before he even knew it he was pulling Sam to sit completely in his lap, adjusting him so that his knees were buried in the meeting seam of the couch cushions on either side of Dean’s hips- he was practically there on his own, so Dean didn’t see a problem with innocently assisting him the rest of the way.

“Why do you think something is wrong with you?” He asked, using his fingers to tip Sam’s chin up to force him to look him in the face- except he wasn’t prepared for just how close they were. He could see every single swirl of color in Sam’s glistening eyes, the quiver of his pink little lower lip, every little stray freckle scattered over the expanse of his face- he could feel Sam’s breath fan out over his own face for fucks sake.

[callmesammyagain]

He didn’t fight Dean maneuvering him closer, at this point he didn’t have so much fight left in him. Plus, he couldn’t deny that it felt nice to be in his arms again. The closeness was comforting, and he had been able to drop his mask a bit, let his guard down. It had taken so much work to maintain that being able to put it down for even just a moment was a reprieve. 

Dean told him there was nothing wrong - so he had heard the question - but he knew that couldn’t be true. He gave a small shake of his head, keeping his eyes down at his lap. But then Dean was touching him even more, and he tilted his chin up so he would have to meet his eyes, and Dean was just so close. He was right there. He knew his big brother had asked him a question, but once his eyes met those perfect green irises, he couldn’t think. 

He would say what was he thinking, but he wasn’t. Without any thought, he closed the minute gap between them, pressing his lips softly to Dean’s. He relished it for approximately one second until his brain caught up with his mouth and he was off Dean’s lap, down the hall, and locked in the bathroom in a flash.