enpoisoner
It’s easy enough to see that the younger isn’t his usual energetic self and the sight of that alone is enough to turn Jinyoung’s already disheartened expression to sadness. He watches the others unusually downcast demeanor; watches as his gaze stays locked in place and he picks at his cloths. Even just the way the younger needs to clear his throat before continuing to speak a clear indication of his dejection. And knowing, at least in part, the things the younger had already gone through in the past only made the scene before Jinyoung all the more upsetting. He absolutely hated that he’d just inadvertently contributed to Jordan’s multitude of bad experiences in this world.
“Jordan…” he tries when he’s told he doesn’t have to apologize but his voice quickly trails off over sheer lack of words. Jordan was wrong. In fact, sorry wasn’t even enough but there were no words he could think of that could convey just how truly repentant he was. Sorry that his good intentions had backfired so spectacularly and sorry that he couldn’t be of more help to the younger. It was times like these he wished he had superpowers. Whether the power to erase Jordan’s memories of the past half hour or a time machine where he could go back and prevent the whole scene from ever unfolding.
The worst part of it all was Jinyoung’s lack of understanding of why his parents even cared so much. This apartment was too big for just him anyway and he was starting to think the isolation of living alone would soon drive him to insanity. Having Jordan around, if nothing else, had been a glimmer of light in his metaphorical darkness. The bright and chatty nature of his friend a nice variation from the eternal silence that had previously reigned supreme. And just the thought of going back to a time when Jordan wasn’t here; to think of having to wallow in his solitude once more. Well he didn’t even want to consider the possibility.
Jinyoung’s brow furrows as he watches the other bounce to his feet. His body straightening from it’s previous leaning position almost in reaction. Even with Jordan’s reassuring words the aforementioned apprehension still tugs at Jinyoung’s mind the same way fear continues to linger after waking up from a nightmare. That thought has him approaching the younger almost cautiously as if afraid that taking even a single step forward would send the other running. Jinyoung lifts an arm to rest his hand on Jordan’s shoulder before giving it, what he hopes is, a reassuring squeeze.
“And I’ll do more for you.” He insists; cocking his head to the side in an attempt to look Jordan in the eyes. “Because whether my parents like it or not I can make my own decisions.” A quiet sigh expels as he takes the hand he’d placed on the others shoulder to run his fingers through his hair. “You’ve done a lot for me too, you know?” Jinyoung remarks his eye’s drifting to look down at the floor now. “It’s torture always being here alone with my own thoughts and having you here has been really nice.” Jinyoung gulps at the lump in his throat before continuing. “Why don’t you stay in tonight?” he suggests because he couldn’t bear for Jordan to go out not after what had just happened. He knew he would just be worrying for him until he came back. “We can watch movies all night and eat anything you want.”
breath catches in chest in an inaudible noise, bitten back before it can escape, when jinyoung suddenly strides forward ; for an irrational moment, fear paralyzes shoulders, seizing body and tensing already taut muscles, and he has to berate himself for the reaction - this is jinyoung, someone who opened his home to jordan, someone he considers a close friend ; jinyoung wouldn’t do that. still, it takes one too many seconds for the pyro to ease up, to give the other what he knows and can feel is a shaky smile. but jordan is nothing if not a pro at hiding when something is hurting him, and it takes a few more seconds for shoulders to loosen and hand to lift, patting over the other’s hand upon shoulder in equal parts acceptance of the reassurance and in a reassurance of itself.
he remains silent as the older speaks, takes in his words and the way they’re drenched in what sounds too much like futile insistence ; he appreciates it, appreciates jinyoung unwilling to let argumentative parents stop him from hosting jordan, but jordan doesn’t want his friend to get in trouble for him ; he’s not worth vitrolic words and unkind intonations, not worth this much discomfort and hassle, even if the older says otherwise. he should leave, he’s ready to come up with some excuse, something about how his favorite spot to do sleight of hand might get stolen if he lingers any longer, but he wants to be selfish. he wants to spend another few hours with his friend, eating junk food and watching crappy movies, and forget about the past half hour. so he will, just until he knows jinyoung is asleep and he has some semblance of a plan as to where to go.
a huff of a chuckle, half-hearted and weighed down by the hissed words still rattling in mind, escapes at the other’s words, head shaking once. “really ?? a lot of people don’t like how much i talk, y’know ? but if you’re giving me permission to keep talking, i won’t say no to that.” a pause, grin widening imperceptibly upon features, in genuine teasing and amusement, “you’re gonna regret it, but no take backs !!” he chooses to ignore his friend’s words, ignore the way they come out stilted, halted, as if he’s forcing them out and forcing a casualness to their conversation. but he appreciates it, even as he knows it won’t last for much longer. he shouldn’t be here, should leave as soon as jinyoung falls asleep, and that thought makes a permanent home in crowded thoughts, rooting itself to forefront of mind ; he just hopes it’s not obvious in bared features or bright gaze.
head bobs in an enthusiastic nod and it seems jordan is as close to his usual happy-go-lucky self as possible, shifting forward to throw an arm over jinyoung’s shoulder and lead the way out into the living room. “can we order some pizza ? i’ve been absolutely dying for a good slice of pizza. i’ll even let you order that gross topping you love so much,” teasing words from smiling lips, jordan playfully hip-checking jinyoung ; it’s easy to play pretend, to hide the hurt that is raw in throat and that burns fire and ice up spine, especially when it’s something already achingly familiar.
“what movie should we watch, though ? something funny and action-packed maybe ?” it’s even easier to play pretend that everything is okay when jordan is as talkative as he normally is, wildfire personality a match to constant stream of conscious ( and sometimes unconscious ) thought, not allowing jinyoung a chance to check to see if he’s actually okay, not when he’s jumped ten topics in the span of a breath. “ooh, should we also order chicken ? you can’t not have pizza without chicken, right ?” though perhaps such rapidfire comments are indicative of jordan’s mind, but the pyro hopes his friend doesn’t pick up on it and, if he does, he doesn’t comment.
