~ Requested by @hopes-and-dreamons - go check out her super aesthetic blog! ~
A bell chimes softly above your head as you pass through the front door of the shop, greeted by the faint scents of lavender and bergamot.
Your eyes dance around the boutique, dainty dresses and tops hanging from the walls like artwork. The hues of nude and soft pastel are broken up by the rich green of ivy plants, wrapping around clothing racks with their leaves turned toward the expansive windows at the front of the shop.
Your manager emerges from the back room and complements your outfit: a loose-fitting cloth romper in olive with a white short-sleeve top underneath, both from the boutique. The sleeves of the undershirt hug your thin arms, and the romper leaves a few inches of space around each thigh, drawing attention to your toned quads.
During your first shift a few days ago, your manager let you pick out a handful of free outfits to wear to work, and you floated around like a kid in a candy store, knowing you would look perfect in everything. When you habitually dug to the bottom of a pile to find your size, you stifled a smile and instead took the small from the top.
You place your cold brew coffee - black, of course - next to the cash register and begin your tasks to open at 9 AM. You count the cash drawer, tidy the dressing rooms, and snap a few photos of new pieces for the store's Instagram.
At 9:15 AM, your first customers arrive: two younger girls, likely freshmen or sophomores in college, home for summer vacation. They are effortlessly pretty with big doe eyes and tiny waists.
You welcome them in, and they thank you, examining you with admiration. You passed.
You organize a row of dresses, sorting the sizes into their proper order, while the girls shop around. After a moment, one approaches you with two olive rompers in hand - the same one you have on.
"Can I help you?" you ask sweetly.
"I love your romper and wanted to buy it, but I'm not sure which size to get." She looks down at the extra small and small in her hands. "I think we're about the same size... which did you get?"
Her words nearly knock you off your feet, and your first reaction is that she's making fun of your size.
But then it hits you - you have the exact same figure as her. Long, slender arms, a petite chest, narrow hips, and legs for days.
"I got a small so it would be little loose," you beam. You can't believe you would ever use the words "small" and "loose" in the same sentence.
"Perfect. Thanks!" She holds the small tighter to her body and pads over to the romper's home to return the extra small.
A smile lingers on your face as you turn away from the girls, a trivial interaction validating months of hard work. Months of focus, patience, and unfulfilled cravings.
This is your reality now: you finally look the part.
Your phone vibrates beside you, the sound muffled by your covers, and you reach for it, dropping your pen into the open spine of your textbook. Your phone shows a text from one of your roommates to your house group chat, reading, "should we start getting ready?"
You glance at the time, 7:04 PM, and type out, "yeah, come to my room," before pressing send. You gracefully slide off of your bed, gather your notebook, and stack it atop your textbook on your neatly organized desk. You hear two of your roommates talking gaily as they climb the stairs to your room. A third roommate responds to the group chat, "be up soon".
Full of excitement for the night ahead, your roommates enter your room, one plopping down on your bed with a partial case of White Claws in hand, and the other searching for an outlet for her hair straightener.
The first roommate hands you a can, and you think back to when it would take three or four White Claws to make you feel anything. Now-a-days, one will get you buzzed, and three will get you drunk.
You connect your phone to your speaker and start playing music as you make your way to your closet. One of your roommates says she doesn't know what to wear, and asks if she can borrow something.
Last year, there's no way you could have shared clothes with your roommates. All of them were smaller than you, so your clothes would have hung off of them like trash bags.
She picks out one of the numerous cute tops, and you reach for a light blue tank top that just arrived in the mail yesterday. It came from a boutique you always used to hear YouTubers mention, but you could never fit into their sizes. Once hitting your goal weight, you treated yourself to several new tops, skirts, and a pair of jeans or two from the boutique, all in sizes small and extra small. For the first time in years, every single piece fit and looked amazing.
You match the top with a high-waisted skirt that shows off the flatness of your stomach and the slight indentation of your upper abs. You get dressed and walk over to the full-length mirror on the back of your door.
The top falls flush against your skin, sloping over your perky boobs and drawing attention to the dainty necklace hanging around your neck. The skirt hugs your thin waist, and your toned legs remain separated by a small thigh gap saving you from miserable chub-rub-filled walks to the bars, with which you are all too familiar.
You laugh at one of your roommate's jokes and catch her eye, immediately recognizing the way you used to stare at girls you were jealous of. You remember watching so-and-so's tiny friend sip a vodka-soda at a pregame, or a group of skinny sorority girls chatting in the bar bathroom, and wondering if they felt the way you feel now: perfect.
You loosely curl your hair, apply some light makeup, and finish your outfit with a pair of booties that don't suffocate your ankles like they used to. As your roommates head downstairs to continue drinking, you remember to grab a light jacket to combat your new-found tendency to get cold at warmer-than-average temperatures.
You take photos with your roommates under the twinkly lights on your porch and don't have to worry about sucking in your stomach or being on your "good side." You look perfect in every single picture and effortlessly choose one to post, notifications of likes and comments rolling in immediately.
After just two drinks, you're buzzed enough to head out for the night, and you pile into an Uber with your roommates, happily squeezing four to the backseat.
You look out the window as the car pulls away and silently congratulate yourself for all of the unhealthy food you denied, all of the days you wanted to skip the gym but didn't, and all of the mornings you spent convincing yourself not to give up after seeing the same number on the scale multiple days in a row.
You awake slowly, light pouring through the window at the foot of your bed and dancing across your eyelids. You stretch your legs under the covers, and the fabric floats across your smooth, freshly-shaven shins like butter. Taking a deep breath in, you extend a slender arm toward your nightstand and disconnect the charger from your phone, letting it drop to the floor.
Your phone displays 7:28 AM, two minutes before your alarm was set to go off. You don't have class until 9 AM, but you like the extra time to enjoy your coffee and make a to-do list for the day before your roommates wake up. You're used to waking up early since your body now requires less sleep, no longer overburdened with excess food to digest.
You grin, having beat the startling sound of your alarm, and slide your thin legs out from under the covers and over the side of your bed, nestling your toes into the carpet beneath. You habitually reach for your water bottle and take a few big sips, which sends a chill down your throat to your empty stomach.
You suddenly realize how cold your now-exposed skin feels, despite the late August weather. You think back to the previous summer, when you always woke up drenched in sweat, no matter what you wore to sleep.
You pad over to your dresser, which is nearly overflowing with new pieces you never thought you would be able to wear: crop tops, skirts, and workout sets, all in smaller sizes than you have worn since middle school. You elect a basic cropped white tank, which would have looked like a sausage casing on you 6 months ago, and a pair of ripped, light-wash jeans that leave a gap around your slim ankles.
Before changing, you pause in front of the mirror on the back of your door and can't help but smile at your reflection - pronounced collar bones, toned muscles, smooth skin; nothing bulging out or jiggling. You turn from side to side and fail to find an unattractive angle.
You slip off your pajamas and pull your scale out from under your bed. You take a breath, settling the butterflies in your stomach, which you know are pointless. You reached your ultimate goal weight weeks ago and haven't fluctuated more than two pounds in either direction since.
You step onto the scale, and it displays your ultimate goal weight, plus just .3 lb. You exhale and smile, your confidence instantly restored.
In the bathroom, you wash your face, which has been perfectly clear since you started eating healthier, and brush your teeth, pearly white from the past week's whitening strips. You apply moisturizer and simple makeup - mascara to your top lashes and a bit of powder to maintain your glow - and even in the bathroom's harsh lighting, your slender face looks full of life. After deodorant and a spritz of your new perfume, you collect a pair of Birkenstocks and your backpack from your room and head downstairs.
You scroll through Tumblr while your Keurig spits out steaming hot coffee, which you now prefer black, and like a recipe for soy-and-ginger-glazed salmon. Since reaching your goal weight, you've enjoyed trying out new recipes while working on eating intuitively. You constantly fear that you'll regain all the weight, but each day that goes by makes you feel more and more self-assured.
You sit down at the table in the living room with your coffee mug and your planner, gently crossing one leg over another - a gesture so simple you that you weren't able to do comfortably for years. Now you cross your legs all the time, as if to show off to yourself. You work on your to-do list and listen to the Spotify playlist you spent the plane ride back to campus crafting.
Your roommates gradually emerge from their rooms one by one, shuffling to and from the shared bathroom, while you make yourself a parfait - plain low-fat yogurt, fresh strawberries, and your favorite dark chocolate granola. You know exactly how many calories are in an exact measurement of each ingredient, but you instead eyeball the portion size and remind yourself that the protein and nutrients are necessary to fuel your body.
When you've eaten almost the whole bowl and put your rinsed dishes in the dishwasher, you check your Apple watch, ensuring you are on schedule to walk to your first class of the semester with some time to spare. You say goodbye to your roommates and step out onto the porch, looping a slender arm through the strap of your backpack.
You wonder if your classmates will look at you differently - if people will notice how much weight you've lost, or if they'll think you're someone else entirely. You think about what it will be like to arrive to class without being winded from carrying so much extra weight up the hill to campus; to sit in the lecture hall without your thighs pressing against the underside of the flip-down desk; to catch the eye of a stranger who finds your attractive.
You've always imagined these things, but now you don't have to. Now, they're real.
