For You, From Me

Lauren .21. I am 100% pure Calum trash and that's all you need to know about me.

[gothboigucci]

[randomdeinonychus]

I’m somehow both sides of this conversation.

[gothicgoose]

[theabigailthorn]

4/20 praise it

[unbotheredmuse]

[lovingrot]

all the love in my stupid little heart is for u

[enlightenedsilverking]

Can you die from eating too many vitamin gummies?

[navigaero]

Me entering heaven after overdosing on vitamin gummies

[flowerais-deactivated20211031]

you are far lovelier and lovable than you make yourself out to be

[dalbirdy-deactivated20200626]

to be honest, my ass deserves to be slapped 

[filmnoirsbian]

Being a fire sign is just thinking whenever ur bored or sad that maybe u should start a bar fight or spend $500 on specialty glassware or burn every relationship u have or fuck off to a different country for a year

[alwaysabeautifullife]

So I’ve been ruining my kids lives by saying “weird flex but ok” to everything and when I do it they scream no and tell me they’re running away and I made this lovely photo lemme get it

[alwaysabeautifullife]

[alwaysabeautifullife]

Ok so I need some help coming up with the absolute worst “to flex on” live memes ever to pretend I’m an even more really lame parent. they don’t have to make sense but they need to be absolutely awful yet believable enough that it isn’t obvious I’m intentionally trying to be more lame

Here’s the ones I came up with so far

“You ever just eat a well balanced diet and exercise daily to flex on heart disease?”

“You ever just boil chilies to flex on your eyes?”

“You ever just be cool to flex on your kids?”

“You ever just use sanitizer to flex on 99.9% of all bacteria and viruses?”

“You ever just turn all the lights and up the heater to flex on Dad?”

Catholic edition:

“You ever just like receive the sacraments frequently to flex on Satan?”

“You ever just like love your Mom to flex on Protestants?”

[alwaysabeautifullife]

So I executed the first one in the kitchen then I dabbed and my son didn’t say anything he just set down his pomegranate and walked out the front door with no shoes on and now he’s walking down the street

[alwaysabeautifullife]

Ok so I walked down the block and I found him

[alwaysabeautifullife]

Update

[squirtle-daddy-deactivated20250]

Your son is named Egg.

[hamburgeroisie]

Every part of this is hilarious

[bob-belcher]

Me: is this job really worth it????

My bills:

[fruitvendor]

hearing someone you love laugh is? easily one of the best things on earth

[mondobrains]

[snowhitespimp]

*adjusts my titties* anyways…

[sheholdsyoucaptivated]

So many men would be so much more tolerable if they’d just go to therapy already

[betterthankanyebitch]

how can you not love kids lmao

[kidkendoll-deactivated20240714]

I love her

[jaeswavy]

Omg my nerves are too bad for this shit. Lol

[lowkey-personified-deactivated2]

Can’t tell you many times I caught my son at the playground. Trust fall on 💯. He just knew I’d always catch him, like it was part of the experience. “I jump” “Daddy catches me”.

[firstoffletmesayi]

“WHEEEEEE”

[itzyaboy-dame]

Brruuuhhhh 😂

[bluefigs]

Why is it that you always feel ur prettiest on the most accidental and insignificant days? It’s never on the day of ur birthday, or graduation, or some big party. It’s always a random Sunday or a Tuesday evening where u look at urself and think wow I look ? beautiful ? today. And then u go to bed or watch tv or do homework and the ‘good day’ is just wasted

[pussylipgloss]

depression meal: standing in the kitchen for 15 minutes debating if i have the energy to cook then leaving after eating raw bread