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Random trashy re-telling: Aphrodite never wanted children

Myth Aphrodite in her most calm day the moment she sees Ares passing by:

Ares to Phobos, Deimos, Eros II, Harmonia, Anteros (and at least half of the other Erotes): And that's how I met your mother.

themetalhiro

Im soooo excited to finally share my comic for @sanji-zine ! Been sitting on it since 2024 😳 If you missed your chance to scoop some goodies up, nows your chance- leftovers are open! Thank you again for your hard work guys ✨💚

When I started this, I was just starting to fall in love with cooking. I wanted to take a break from my typical gag comic format and focus on the process, which is deeply important to a fella deeply important to me! :]

just-alex-iguess

Og by @sillygoose-xp ty for the banger meme

agapidraws

Redraw of THAT shot of Ares from Blood of Zeus but with my design of him 👀

Ares when angry >>>>>

alisalikestodraw

Hehe

Silly thing i made bc its been trending.

Here the base for it

This is when Ares was born lol.

I know some people would think that Hephaestus would be better but according to the mythology, Hephaestus was Hera's own child while Ares is Hera and Zeus' son. And also bc often time Zeus doesnt like Ares too.

So yea

davidluongart

A bit too late for this, but here is my submission for @agapidraws dtiys+ some of her additional design for her modern-day Ares and Aphrodite .

Somehow my dream always have them serenely lounging in the soft sandy beaches, with the peaceful rolling waves splashing over and dripping wet all of their clothes; and I feeling like that mood is never too old and outdated. Scattering some flowers in the sea too, adding some spices to the romantic mood. With the sea being all glassy clear, all bubbly and refreshingly cool, while Ares’ and Aphrodite’s faces are looking directly towards the endless Mediterranean blue sky.

agapidraws

ABSOLUTELY SCREAMING WITH HOW BEAUTIFUL THIS IS 🥰💞

You never fail to amaze me with your amazing attention to detail and your unique style!

Thank you so much for participating, David! 💖

fedini

he is.

superscrub323

And now we know why he’s called He Who Entertain’s Women

superscrub323

It's funny how Athena and Ares represent the stylized ideal of war and the brutal reality of war respectively, even while the nuances of their characters have been hotly debated on every level of Greek Mythological study and interest.

Athena, for example, represents the idealized strategy of war and was the patron Goddess of Greek Heroes from Perseus to the Legends of the Trojan War. She is often found leading heroes to glory, was the apple of Zeus's eye, and was everything one could want as a patron war Goddess. But you kind of have to ignore that she decreed a city to be burned to ash for not winning a beauty contest with ontological beauty.

Ares meanwhile was the God of the brutal side of war, and was often followed by the Kerses, Eris, his children Phobos and Deimos (literally fear and dread), and half the children of Nyx and he's a God of the sheer reality of War where violence rules, people die in fear and dread, and plans give way to the sheer raw need to survive, and wasn't nearly as favored by Zeus as Athena was. But strangely enough he also keeps the ugly side of war off the battle field and tends to meet his opponents directly rather than with trickery and isn't much of a grudge holder unless his children are involved.

It's super interesting how we got two War Gods so different from each other yet so similar to each other.

bcowlick

Younger me: Yeah, Hades has the best marriage out of the three siblings. I mean, sure, he kidnapped Persephone but... He also respected her!... Except for the kidnapping and marriage against her will... But they were best couple!!!

Me now, older, wiser: Bruh, it was so based of Poseidon to send a dolphin to woo Amphitrite, that sounds so cute. Also there is no record of them having a big fight or something, they are truly the most chill couple.

Abduction of Persephone VS Marriage of Amphitrite btw

amadryada

Penthesilea was the queen of the Amazons, a people of warrior women who inhabited modern-day Pontus during the period of the Ilium War. She was the daughter of Ares and Otrera and sister of three other amazon queens, all daughters of Ares: Hippolyta, Antiope and Melanippe, who according to some myths are actually all three the same person.

g1giw3b

AFRODITA, EROS AND ARES!!!!

deathlessathanasia

I'm really impressed that this random guy managed something that no god, Giant or any other kind of opponent of Athena ever has (as far as I know).

„Adjoining the land of Theisoa is a village called Teuthis, which in old days was a town. In the Trojan war the inhabitants supplied a general of their own. His name according to some was Teuthis, according to others Ornytus. When the Greeks failed to secure favorable winds to take them from Aulis, but were shut in for a long time by a violent gale, Teuthis quarrelled with Agamemnon and was about to lead the Arcadians under his command back home again. Whereupon, they say, Athena in the guise of Melas, the son of Ops, tried to turn Teuthis aside from his journey home. But Teuthis, his wrath swelling within him, struck with his spear the thigh of the goddess, and actually did lead his army back from Aulis. On his return to his native land the goddess appeared to him in a vision with a wound in her thigh. After this a wasting disease fell on Teuthis, and its people, alone of the Arcadians, suffered from famine. Later, oracles were delivered to them from Dodona, telling them what to do to appease the goddess, and in particular they had an image of Athena made with a wound in the thigh. This image I have myself seen, with its thigh swathed in a purple bandage.” (Pausanias, Description of Greece 8.28.4-6)

superscrub323

...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

I mean I shouldn't laugh but it is nice to know that Ares is evened up with being stabbed by mortals...actually Ares's stabbing was mostly Athena and Athena got stabbed with no help so...1-0

aliciavance4228

I just know Demeter can do the most insane version of The Aristocrats joke lol

This woman literally laughed because a woman pulled up her skirt and showed her genitalia to make her feel better, she's definitely into dirty humor and I'm tired of people headcanoning her as this prudish mother who would slutshame Persephone for her sex life as if she isn't more sexually active than her.

sarafangirlart

Ppl who say that Ares is an unproblematic feminist just reek of privilege, they don’t see war as horrific mass destruction and death, (especially back then where it included the mass rape and enslavment of women) war is a distant thing they ignore. Ppl who actually experience war or at least have surface level understanding of history and politics understand that an entity that represents war is probably not some cutie patootie just bc he doesn’t have any myths that explicitly state he assaulted women.

superscrub323

While I have in the past called Ares's modern epithet "Protector of Women" cringy and something he just wasn't called and a bastardization of something he was called. I feel like as someone who has a blog that glazes Ares should probably sit down and address the elephant in the room.

I don't want Ares to be an unproblematic good guy who protects women, I also don't want Ares to be the big bad God of Evil that needs to be stop by his noble war goddess sister Athena. I want the Ares that exists outside of the Iliad.

I want the Ares that was there by the bedside of a lover as she passed away giving birth to their son and willed it so that she could still produce breastmilk so that she could give their child one last gift before she died.

I want the Ares that stopped Hermes from amputating the limbs of his granddaughter and great grandsons just because Aphrodite was petty at her because she chose Artemis over her.

I want the Ares that saved Thanatos from the hands of Sisyphus when the other primary Olympians, the entire house of Hades, and the children of Nyx did not.

I want the Ares that danced with his daughter Harmonia at her wedding to a man that killed his sacred Drake and got punished with indentured servitude rather than death...

I also want the Ares that willfully got busy and freaky with Enyo in the blood and gore of 49 men slain by their brides.

I want the Ares that is the father of Fear and Dread and friend to Chaos and Destruction.

I want the Ares that dances in the destruction of cities.

I want the Ares that sired a son that would kill his brother, rape the sister of his wife and cut out her tongue, an act so barbaric he punished him by turning him into a falcon.

I want the Ares that is the favorite consort/husband to one of the most terrifying Goddesses in Greek Mythology.

I want the Ares that spent his childhood working out his divine aggression by being a violent menace.

I want the Ares that was the father/patron saint of women warriors that were on chronic demon time.

And...I want an Ares that was sacred to Thrace, not Sparta.

Point is, I want Ares to be depicted as something he actually was not what certain online groups think he his (one way or the other).

superscrub323

Glad to know my thoughts still hold true...

superscrub323

I got asked this question on Reddit and it was so good I'm also answering it here!

"Is it true that Ares killed a son of Poseidon for raping his daughter and that's why he's called "Protector of Women"?

Hmm...yes and yes but no respectively.

Ares did in fact respond a son of Poseidon named Halirrhothius raping his daughter Alcippe with brutually murdering him, we don't get details on the specifics but considering a trial was involved it's difficult to imagine it being pretty or dignified but the trial did end with Ares being innocent and having a hill called Aeropagus named after him so that worked out for him.

That particular moment however, nor any moment in Ares's mythology and cult worship, did not give him the cultic epithet of "Protector of Women". That is something invented by modern Neo-Pagans and online tumblr fans (sorry but...you know who you are) of Ares. The closest thing to it however is "Ares Gynaecothoenas" which goes by many translations but the widely accepted on is "Feasted by Women" though a compelling argument could be made for "He Who Entertains Women" which was awarded after the women of Tegea, Arcadia, lead by a woman named Marpessa, successfully fought of Sparta and celebrated with a feast where the only man allowed was Ares.

bcowlick

This is what it means to be a writer. Having to do investigation for worldbuilding lol

incorrectsmashbrosquotes

Ares in Mythology:

Kills the guy who tried to assault his daughter and refused to apologize for it when he got put on trial (it was ruled justifiable homicide by Athena btw).

The only time he’d been captured in battle was when he was protecting his mom from being captured by giants who wanted to forcibly marry her.

Found and Freed Thanatos when he was imprisoned by Sisyphus when no other Gods could

Helps found the Amazons by helping their founder escape her abusive husband and becomes their patron God.

Genuinely loves and respects Aphrodite as her own person

One of his epithets is “feasted by women”.

Ares in Modern Media:

Meatheaded sexist asshole out of an eighties teen movie.

Conclusion: My boy is getting done dirtier than Hades in modern representation. Ares is one of the least problematic Gods in the pantheon (except for the murders, I will grant you) and ya’ll are sleeping on him.