i am getting admitted into a CAMHS home place idk what i'm supposed to call it basically it's a hospital and i don't wanna go into details as u can probs understand but the point is i'm gonna be really spotty until next wednesday or so yA bare w me pls
I have been working on this for a far shorter time than I expected, yet longer than I want to admit, and the only reason I’m adding this bit in is because well, I don’t know. Just understand that this isn’t something out of the blue, and you don’t even have to read any of this. Bare with and my stupid awkwardness when it comes to words such as these, and.. okay. I’m just gonna let you read the rest.
I’ve tried to explain how I feel towards you a couple of times and each time I read over it and think wow, no, that doesn’t even cover a slight amount of the way I think about you. I’ve never been into a relationship such as this one, with such overwhelming feelings going on. I’m not used to this. This is way out of my comfort zone. That sounds so bad on my part, but please acknowledge the fact that I would never change any of this for anything, and there is no one whom I would rather spend my life with, and I plan on doing that. No matter how things go, I’ll fight to keep you in my life. The idea of losing you and the impact it has on me is like getting a brick and smashing myself in the face with it. Honestly. You’re the one stable thing in my life and I’ve never relied on someone so much. Although it may not seem like it, you’re the one person who I’m comfortable with. And if I have a problem, you’re the one person I know that I can rely on if I need a hug or someone to talk to. I’d also like to add here that I feel really safe when you’re hugging me. I actually love hugging you and I love being around you and I love everything about. From the colour of your eyes down to your toes, from your mood swings to the way you look when you wake up. The way you smile and even the way when you look sad. I love it all. And it’s not even the way you look, you know. Your personality and your laugh and I’m trying not to ramble too much, but, as I have said previously, to put it short, I love every single thing about you. And you are my definition of perfect. When I look at you I get that little flip in my stomach every fucking time, and even when I’m sad, I always have a smile on my face after spending time with you. You are honestly the best thing that has happened to me. I grew up not believing in soulmates or falling in love or any of this. I was surrounded in an area where everyone wanted to fall in love, and I had no idea what that exactly meant. I had no idea what was the big deal about something like that, until I met you, and noticed the way your fingers slotted into the spaces between mine, and how nice and comforting it is waking up beside you.
I’m so stupidly awkward with this relationship business, and I know you notice that too. Asking you on dates is hard no matter how much I want to do it, though I promise I’m working on it. I promise we’ll go on more dates, and we’ll do more couple stuff. I think the weirdest part of all of this is despite everything, there’s nothing more I want than to do all that cliche stuff you see on TV or on books. The kind of stuff like I don’t know, baking and hugging the other from behind, and throwing flour at each other and I’m sitting here writing this like wow, seriously? Me, having this side to me? I’ve never seen this before. I wanna do all that stuff like watching the sunset on the beach, taking photo booths. All of that kind of stuff. Those few days where I didn’t see you because you were at home and I was still on tour, I had such a terrible feeling of emptiness and it isn’t something I wish to experience again. And although I know that it’s impossible to spend every single moment together - which, let’s be honest, is better for the relationship seeing as I don’t want you to get bored of me - I know I’ll always fall asleep and wake up with you beside me.
Loving you comes to me so easily it’s like a fifth sense. I know people say sixth sense but I only have 4, so screw that. It’s like fireworks set off every time you touch me in the simplest ways, not even sexually. A warm feeling that stretches out the whole way through my skin, right deep down into bones. Things haven’t been easy lately and I’m thankful that we’ve both acknowledged that fact. I have no idea what caused the problem, but I will stop at no end to fix it. You are my world favorite. You are the glue that keeps me from falling apart whenever I let myself get upset over the stupidest things. You are without a doubt my other half. You’re the most beautiful person I have ever met, both inside and out. I have no idea when it’ll happen, but I sure do have every intention of marrying you one day. In case this didn’t cover it, I’m in love with you, idiot. 100% in love. I’m never going to be able to thank you enough for sticking with me and letting you love me. I also know that you’ll fight if I say thank you, but I’ll say it anyway. Thank you, so, so much. I love you
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