I love your Benji art so much, I was just curious if you would ever draw dinostar or yasammy because I would love to see them in your style too!!
Iâm so glad you asked. Iâve been itching to draw yasammy for a while. Iâm one of the Gyrosphere shippers so these pairs make sense to me.
I will say I do love the take on Darius being Ace in the show. However I do believe Dinostar is up to the viewerâs interpretation. Whether it is just platonic or romantic.
I also have been wanting to draw Brooklynnâs hair from the epilogue! Her natural hair is so cute!
We also finally have confirmed residences of where everyone is from, we all knew about Darius and Sammy, but now we know the specifics of where they live in California and Texas
Also, Sammyâs full name is Samantha (not that shocking, but I like that it was confirmed) and we still donât have Brooklynnâs last name, and at this point, itâs just hilarious đ
Completely forgot I drew this. Benji fans, eat your hearts out.
On a more serious note, @neunhofferart did some beautiful boards of this deeply emotional and vulnerable moment between Ben and Kenji in episode 7 of the last season.
i don't really give a damn about the way you touch me when we're alone
After his injury, Kenji helps Ben shower.
Ben hates â really hates â to admit it, but sometimes, he still gets scared.
He swears up and down heâs over his fear of everything but â sometimes, he finds himself stuck in a cage, be it real or imagined, and all he wants is his family. His safety. The people heâd die and burn hell for.
He just never wouldâve thought â of all the things to be scared of â a shower would be one of them.
Itâs a week after he moved into Dariusâs cabin that he thinks of it. All the essential tasks slip past him in his efforts to simply make it to the end of each day. He puts on a smile, but heâs exhausted, in pain all the time, and everything he does is slow and wobbly, even his arms and legs, which doesnât even make sense. He really thought heâd get away with stitches and orders to be careful for a few weeks. But when heâd spent a week in the hospital without the doctors even letting him out of bed, he was more sceptical. He could barely stomach using a wheelchair the first time, feeling so... restricted. But it was worth it to see the outside air for the first time in what felt like forever. It got slightly easier every time, and now itâs just part of his life, like waking up in the morning.
Even though heâs mostly accepted it now, the physical symptoms follow him every day, and underneath it all thereâs a growing sense of impending fear. Itâs a concern he hasnât voiced to anyone, but with all the time he has to sit around doing nothing, he wallows in it day in, day out. Maybe thatâs why he needs a shower.
Heâs not scared of the water, he knows that much. Thereâs an invisible demon on the horizon, he just doesnât know what it is, and it wonât let him forget its presence.
But he knows he canât go on like this forever. Wet wipes and changing his clothes can only do so much.
So, he swallows his pride, and types out a text to Kenji, staring at it for half an hour, his heart pounding, before he presses send.
Can you help me shower? Iâm in the living room
Kenji replies almost instantly: sure thing Benny boy đđ omw
He shows up, dramatically announcing âYour chauffeur is here,â and Ben canât help but laugh.
âEase up, Ben, Iâm not that funny. Wouldnât want you pulling a stitch,â Kenji teases, as he helps Ben transfer from the sofa into his wheelchair.
âOh please, you wish you were that funny.â
âOi!â Kenji smacks the side of Benâs head. âIâll have you know Iâm hilarious. Did my sick rapping skills not cheer you up in Biosyn?â
A smile cracks across Benâs face as he remembers how Kenji did his absolute best to cheer him up, literally shaking his ass and acting like an utter fool just to see Ben smile. Heâs always been like that, keeping up a casual, âchillaxed vibeâ (his words, not Benâs) to keep the camp fam happy.
Heâs like that now, rambling about nothing as he wheels Ben into the bathroom and parks his wheelchair by the shower.
Which is where Ben realises the problem.
âUh, Kenji? Iâm not sure how Iâm supposed to stand in there.â
He expects Kenji to go âAh, fuck,â and if heâs lucky, string together some way of washing Ben while he sits on the toilet seat or something.
Instead, Kenji grins, whisks the shower curtain to one side, and goes âTa da!â
Sitting there, parked in the middle of the cubicle like the star of the show, is a shower chair.
âOh... oh.â Ben doesnât know what to say. âYou guys got this for me?â
âUh, duh. We were gonna get those railing thingies installed but weâre moving to Texas soon anyway, so weâre getting them done there.â
Benâs choked up when he says, âThanks.â
âDonât even thank us, man. Gia told us to take care of you, so we made good on that.â
The mention of Gia twists Benâs stomach, and he doesnât know why. Sheâs his girlfriend. He loves her. Theyâre devoted to each other.
Is that why it feels so wrong when Kenjiâs fingers curl around his stomach and begin to ease his top off?
Ben flushes bright red, and Kenji immediately hesitates. Theyâre way too close together, and the residual warmth of the bathroom sticks to their skin.
Kenji rolls Benâs top back down his front. âSorry, man. I shouldâve asked before I did that. I just assumedââ
âNoâ no, itâs fine. I need this, I stink.â
Kenji nods. âYeah, you kinda do.â
âHey, you werenât supposed to agree with me!â Ben teases.
âWhat, you want me to tell you that you smell like roses?â Kenji says, taking a deep, long sniff of Benâs hair that freezes every cell in Benâs body for a whole second. âYeah, I wouldnât say that. Sorry Benny boy. Now letâs get you into the shower chair.â
With a lot of bumping, and swearing, and a lot of Kenji touching him, Ben gets situated in the shower chair, his body squished against the hard plastic. He feels heavier than he used to be. Before, his muscles were rockets, ready to fire off at the nearest threat. Now, they hang off his bones like dead things, weighing on him like a guilty conscience, reminding him that, no matter what, he might never be the same.
âShall I take your top off now?â Kenji asks, snapping Ben out of his spiral.
âYes. Please.â
Kenji is slow and careful, wriggling the fabric off one arm, then the other, before tossing it on the floor behind him. Ben suddenly feels very exposed. The warm air turns cold, as if his skin was scraped off and glistening flesh was left in its wake. His wound dressing conceals what Ben knows to be an ugly, twisted scar.
Yet the way Kenji looks at him, like Ben has the body of a warrior... if he were so bold, he would call the look admiring. But he isnât bold. He isnât brave.
Heâs so fucking scared.
âYour sweatpants next?â Kenji asks.
Ben braces himself, and the ordeal is just as awkward and humiliating as his top. He hasnât even been able to comfortably wear jeans â theyâre a nightmare to put on sitting down, and he misses them. Joggers just donât feel the same. (He doesnât feel the same.)
Benâs toes curl against the cold shower floor. He jams his legs together, his shoulders hunching, his broken body doing anything he can to make itself smaller. All heâs wearing are boxers, and Kenji is so fucking beautiful andâ where did that come from? Ben shakes the thought off before it can plant roots in his head.
âOkay, big Ben,â Kenji says, whipping off his hoodie, and, to Benâs shock, his shirt, and dumps them on the floor with Benâs things. âLetâs get you clean.â
Kenji is surprisingly gentle. Ben doesnât know what he expected of the man who took care of him from the hyperloop to the hospital. His memory, fuzzy and warped as it is, is steeped in warm hands cupping his face, and zipping his hoodie, and cradling his head on Kenjiâs shoulder. But Kenjiâs hands are just as gentle as he remembers, and Ben stares at the ceiling, relaxing into the shower chair, and...
His eyelids are fluttering shut before he realises. He never shuts his eyes. Not when heâs this vulnerable. Not unless it was between getting a few hours of sleep or being too incoherent to function.
And Ben doesnât usually trust so blindingly, but this is Kenji. He held Benâs life in his hands â literally â and after that, Ben canât help but trust him.
Kenji turns the shower off, pushes the tilted shower chair to a sitting position, and looks back at Ben. âShall I wash your body now?â
âYeahâ yeah.â Ben opens his eyes. âTilt me back up?â
Kenji looks a little confused, but says, âOkay,â and lathers shower gel on his hands. âIâll start on your neck and shoulders, then Iâll do your arms, okay?â
Kenji carries on talking as he moves through the motions, his voice and the shower swirling into a soothing background noise. Ben comes to trust Kenjiâs hands, his skin melting into the motions as Kenji washes his body. The steam surrounds them with a warm, soft layer of oblivion, and Ben couldnât beâ
Kenjiâs fingers brush the skin near his scar and â before Ben can stop himself â he screams.
âFuck! Iâm so sorry,â Kenji immediately exclaims. âOhâ fuck, are you okay?â
Panting raggedly, Ben pushes out, âYeah, Iâmâ Iâm okay. Sorry.â
Kenji waits, his hands suspended a few inches above Benâs stomach. âI wonât touch you there if you donât want me to. You can do that part yourself.â
âItâs fine, itâs just... tender.â Ben tries not to wince.
âI can imagine.â
Kenji is even slower and gentler on Benâs abdomen. His fingers hardly touch Benâs skin at all, and his face is screwed up with concentration, though his words are softer than feathers. âEasy, easy... itâs okay. Iâve got you, Iâve got you...â
After several minutes of silence, Ben says, âYouâre a good nurse, Kenj.â
âThanks.â Ben can almost hear him grinning behind his back. âI must get it from mom.â
âYou know nursing skill isnât a genetic trait, right?â
âYeah,â Kenji says, grinning. âI know.â
The shower is at minimum pressure, but the water still assaults his skin like a hundred tiny needles. He couldnât ask Kenji to be any more gentle, but somehow, his skin still prickles, his heart still hammers (he could be in the hyperloop again, half awake and seeing stars around his Kenji like a halo), and he canât swallow the inevitable sense that something bad will happen. Maybe itâs the memory. Maybe itâs watching five faces fade to darkness and taking what he thought was his last final breath, cradled in this position by arms that love him.
Maybe itâs the part of him that never left Biosyn, that remains there forever like the traces of his blood along the corridors, spilling oxygen and DNA and personality across the vinyl floor.
But Ben is breathing, and then he isnât, and heâs dying, heâs dying, and itâs happening all over again, and he can barely choke out âTurnâ turn it off,â before the struggle swallows him whole.
The water vanishes, and the shower chair tilts him upright. Someone bends down in front of him, a hand tilting his head upright. Blood roars through his ears, and thereâs a voice speaking. âEasy, easy... itâs okay.â (And it is okay.) âIâve got you, Iâve got you...â (And he has got him. He trusts him. Without question.)
Ben breathes again. He blinks, and the someone materialises into Kenji.
âYou okay there, dude?â
âHm? Yeahâ yeah, âm fine.â
Heâs mostly honest, but that doesnât chase the worry off Kenjiâs face. âShall I stop?â
âNoâ actually... yeah, Iâ I think you should for now. Iâm sorry.â
âDonât be,â Kenji smiles softly, and steps out of the shower to grab a towel, and begins drying him off. âItâs okay to be scared.â
âIâmâ not,â Ben snaps on instinct, but his words are spineless, betrayed by the solid core of evidence to the contrary. His defense is weak. Like him.
Kenji stays silent. Ben knows this tactic. Yaz taught him that tactic, too. Stay silent and wait for the other person to fill the conversation.
Ben wonât fall for it. Benâs smarter than that.
Ben caves within a minute. âI am scared. I donât even know why, and I hate it,â he says crossly like a petulant toddler.
âItâs enough to feel the feeling. You donât have to know why.â
âSheesh, since when did you talk about feelings?â
âUh, like I told Darius, Iâve grown. Matured. Like a fine wine,â Kenji says lightly, injecting his own flourish into every word. âIâm done hiding my feelings. I nourish them. Let them grow. Like...â
âFlowers?â
For some reason, Kenjiâs entire demeanor goes cold. âNo. Not those. More like... trees. Yeah. trees. Little saplings. And I did not spend a month living exclusively with Yaz, Sammy and Brooklynn, getting bullied into talking about my feelings, not to use that now. So.â Kenjiâs wet hands land on his hips with a soft smack. âYouâre scared. Tell me more.â
âIâm...â Every word in the English language, and a few more in others, lodge in Benâs throat. âWrap me in the towel. Please.â He says eventually.
âOkay.â Kenji does so, carefully lifting Ben off the seat so heâs entirely leaning against Kenji, wrapping the towel around his back, and gently lowering Ben back onto the shower chair before folding it over his front, tucking the corners in.
âIs it being exposed?â Kenji asks, almost in a rush, like the words were boiling on the edge of his tongue. âThe feeling of needing someone to wash you? Doâ do you think thatâs what youâre scared of? Being so...â vulnerable is the word he doesnât say.
âIn the jungle, I was invincible,â the words tumble out of him. âNothing could hurt me that I couldnât spring back from. Nothing was too big for me to defeat.â
âNot even Toro,â Kenji says nostalgically.
Ben tries a smile, but it fades away with the bitter reminder that now, Toro would eat him in a second.
âYeah. But now, Iâm...â Ben lets out a bitter sigh that carries the weight of everything the camp fam do for him.
Kenjiâs hands pause in Benâs hair. âWaitwaitwait, you think youâre not invincible?â Kenji sounds genuinely surprised.
âYouâre literally washing my hair because I canât do it myself.â
âYeahâ butâ but you... your heart literally stopped, and youâre still here.â Itâs then, Ben notices the sadness hitching in Kenjiâs voice. The tremble of his sigh. The way his fingertips tighten around Benâs shoulder like heâs trying to save him from something.
Kenjiâs chin settles on top of Benâs head, and his arms slide around Benâs body, holding him close. âRemember what I said in the hyperloop? About you being the strongest of all of us?â
âHow could I forget?â
âThat still stands. Kay?â Kenjiâs fingers gently squish Benâs cheeks. âDonât forget that shit. Okay? Youâre strong, but you donât have to do everything alone. Weâre here now. Itâs okay to let your guard down.â
Ben canât help but smile, leaning into the warmth of the steam-clouded room and Kenjiâs skin. âOkay.â
Gonna try sharing more of the Boards and Revisions I worked on for Season 4 of Chaos Theory. This shot I think actually was cut from ep 31, but here's our little tomato lad bumping around in the car :]
God the cut scene where Kenji raps and shakes his butt at dying Ben to try and cheer him up.... (We are not joking-- I drew that part and it got understandably got cut for tonal reasons andjjdjdnd)
But oh man did everybody draw so many dying Ben memes sjdjfjfjf
Is there any particular episode you enjoyed writing in s4?
I mean, I literally only write two of the nine final episodes. Of the two, I have a soft spot for 407, âHow Strong We Are.â While the show had always been pretty serialized, those last 4/5 episodes are where it REALLY becomes plainly, like, smaller parts of a larger story and the lines between them are very blurry. So it was a particular challenge to fight the urge to wrap up stuff much more each episode as we would have in the rest of the show. I really liked the challenge, though, so Iâm happy we did it. And I loved getting to write all those scenes between Kenji and Ben, because it really helps us see how those two characters in particular have grown over the course of both shows.
Also, the board artists/animators were COOKING with this episode, let me tell you. The âStay safe, Benny boy?â Ben putting his head on Kenjiâs shoulder? Iâm in awe.
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