- they hate my friends, and want me to spend less time with them, or completely cut them out of my life
- they get angry if I enjoy my time out with friends/family, and call my socializing derogatory names, as if hanging out with people was a luxury Iām not supposed to enjoy
- their behaviour towards me changes drastically based on who weāre with, theyāre completely different when weāre alone compared to when we are in someone elseās company
- they make decisions for me and relay them to others without my permission, making sure I look selfish/rude/inconsistent/cruel if I donāt follow through
- they mock my talk, walk, behaviour, opinions and features in front of others
- they use my reactions to prove to others how Iām overemotional, too sensitive, hysterical or crazy
- they make me feel as if no matter how much I try, Iām never good enough
- they call me lazy/worthless/toxic, and act like theyāre allowed to because itās the ātruthā
- they make me feel guilty and ashamed if Iām not there for them at any moment, and accuse me of caring too much about other people and activities, when I should make it all about them
- they use every opportunity to talk about themselves and ignore whatever I say as if I only said it to offer them a chance to talk about their own issues, even if their issues are much smaller
- they get angry if I donāt readily quit my own activities for the sake of accompanying them on theirs
- itās always assumed Iāll sacrifice my goals and needs for the sake of theirs
- they seem to forget I have need for attention, affection and support, and no matter how much of it I give to them, I rarely or never get any in return
- they frequently remind me of how much I am to deal with, and how much they have to sacrifice because of me
- I always have to be reminded of how tough they had it and all the reasons they have for acting hurtful the way they do
- I always have to focus on their problems, and push mine under the surface, theirs just seem to be more important
- I always have to be considerate and hide my pain in order to not make them feel guilty
- I always have to forgive them and keep acting like nothing bad happened when they hurt me
- Iām sometimes scared of them, but I push it down and remind myself of the nice things they did
- Iām sometimes worried theyāre going to hurt me, but I remind myself of their potential to love me
- I always have to focus on their problems, and push mine under the surface, theirs just seem to be more important
- I feel if I leave them Iāll be doing the same thing everyone else has done to them, and I donāt want to be that person.
- I feel like Iām here to prove to them that not everyone is awful, and that they can get what they need in life, and to restore their faith in humanity, and for this Iāve been enduring everything they did to me.
- Iām scared theyāll hurt themselves if I leave
- they humiliate and blame me for having problems and struggling with life
- they insist my problems are āmade upā or just me dramatizing my situation
- they make me responsible for their feelings and actions towards me (if they do something itās because āI made them do itā, if they feel angry itās because I āprovokedā them, if they feel unsatisfied itās because I havenāt done enough for them)
- they use my past trauma/past experiences to explain why Iām distrustful and why I perceive them the way I do (implying that my perception is wrong and itās my fault I donāt trust them)
- they minimize and dismiss my feelings, concern, worry, anxiety, fear (youāre exaggerating, youāre dramatizing, get over it, get over yourself, people have it worse, youāre lucky, you should be grateful)
- I canāt openly tell them when theyāve hurt me, I know it will make them angry/sad/upset
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