Time to talk about my boy Zanka , WILL TALK ABOUT SPOILERS!!! Proceed with caution.
Also this is completelly for fun, please don't crucify me.
I will talk a lot about my own issues, that feels similar to Zanka's, and my analysis to how I think he is feeling, but thats not canon, its just me projecting, and talking about crap.
I put my own BG in to parentheses, so if yall don't gaf about me, you can ignore that lmao anyways have fun
I had a previous post talking slightly about my headcanons, but i'm going to delve deeper in to my thoughts, so it's probably going to be a long post, it will have headcanons, and observations about his character, wich is how i eventually wanna do a post about all my faves.
Some are gonna be based off of my own experiences btw so ye, hope yall enjoy.
I'm probably not going in a chronological order, but we'll see
Let's start with Zanka's childhood
He uses honorifics towards his father, wich even if his family is supposed to represent traditional japanese households, seems a bit "off". Obviously honorifics are important, but you wouldn't call your father "sir" or mother "ma'am", if you held high esteem towards them but are still close, so it rather safe to assume that his relationship with his father is just as strained as it is with his elder siblings.
(Although i can only speak from my own experiences, as someone who also has a strange, strained relationship with his parents, who still loves them dearly, but i don't think they love me like they do my elder siblings, i can see Zanka's determination to prove himself to his parental figure, and his siblings, as a way to show that he's worthy of that love. Studying and working endlessly to showcase his progress, so he can be noticed as well. )
Obviously, the little twerp also used to like the attention that came with being the top student, wich makes sense, when you don't get attention at home, you seek it elsewhere.
He showcases a calm and collected person on the outside, but clearly there was a lot of pride inside that he masked, and how good it felt to be the center of attention, to be told he is the best.
Basically bro has a praise kink, fight me on this.
But as we all know, eventually it all came crumbling down, when in his own words "a natural talent came along".
All that pride he had, all the strengths he built up over the years, the hard work he put in to it all, was for nothing.
He was humbled, and it shattered his own self image, i'm fairly certain that once he was no longer on the top, his already cold family became even more distant, and he developed a pretty nasty inferiority complex, calling himself "Mediocre" and an "Avarge Joe"
It did not help, that when he talked about his goal to Hyo, she dismissed it, like it meant nothing.
"Just a throne to sit in, so people can look at you and think you are superior".
It isn't about superiority, honestly it probably isn't even about acknowledgement from his peers, he brought up that Kyoka wasn't on the "throne" when she was in the school, so he probably seen that as a way to prove that, he's worthy, just like his elder siblings, but when your goal is seen as nothing but a "dick measuring contest", by someone who shows up and wipes the floor with you (either actually or metaphorically), especially, when you have put endless hours of hard work in to said dream, that tends to make one feel rather stupid, like your goal meant nothing, your dreams mean nothing, it's worthless.
Just because it's not important to you, don't mean it ain't important to them.
(As a washed up prodigy kid myself, who had put his entire childhood in to proving that i was just as special as everyone else in my family.
That i was talented, and i deserved my parents approval, and their attention, i used to win violin competitions, i used to be the lead soprano, i would do everything just so that my parents would look at me or just show up to see me, but eventually i became a perpetual second place holder, once a natural born talent shown up, i went from first to second, and eventually dead fucking last. And no amount of my hard work meant anything, i relate.
Especially the eventual realisation that, no matter what i'll always just be a failure. And now i'm not good at anything lol.
(Context my entire family are filled with artists, doctors and lawyers, i'm the only one who dropped out of highscool, with one year left he had to do before graduation, because i became so suicidal from bullying, i couldn't take it anymore)
And i'll be 100% transparent, Hyo is the character i hate, not cause she's badly written but, because she reminds me of my bully, the always perfect always above me, superior girl, who'd spread lies about me, physically abuse me, and turn everyone against me, including my teachers who always tok her side, till i became so suicidal i dropped out.
That is not Hyo's fault btw, i'm sure we gonna get to know her more, and it's gonna expand on her character and Urana is a phenomenal story teller, but when i see her i get irrationally angry, because she's exactly like that girl that still haunts my dreams. So no.. i will not like her ever, even if she gets her story expanded, sorry... now back to my boy)
We eventually get to Zanka choosing Lovely Assistaff, as his partner.
His thought process of choosing the most plain looking weapon, to show that even the most ordinary unsuspecting things can become gold, is so important to me.
Even if in reality that wasn't his thought process, it speaks loudly, to choose something that reflects yourself within it, even if it was subconcious, he gravitated towards Aibo, i think in a strange sense, he saw himself in her, and thoughts if even an ordinary stick can become something extraordinary, then so can he. Thats why even at the bottom of that well, he kept holding on to Lovely Assistaff.
But the thought that he was in that hole, for 3 days, and noone came looking for him, not even his own family, that he was dispensable, forgettable that hurts, because what is worse than realising that, even if you died, noone would miss you? Would they even notice you're gone?
Or would their lives go on like it always has, the only change is, that you're no longer there, but were you ever?
Back then, when Enjin found him, he was very clearly suicidal. He didn't see any worth in himself, and if he had nothing to offer, nothing to show, then what was he good for?
Although he has gotten much better since joining the cleaners, and i don't think he's activelly suicidal anymore, i think he is passively still that. He doesn't seek death, nor is he activelly working towards it, but he's going a day at time, only having one goal currently in mind.
"Get stronger, to prove myself" - To show that he's worth more than the dirt that his family thinks he is.
(Also metaphorically, and obviously this is just a me thing, Zanka wanting to fit in, and be seen is so important, working hard to show the "best version of yourself", so that noone can see how bruised and damaged you are, i feel that.
There is the obvious metaphor for hiding your true self
Wich can mean Sexuality or Gender Identity (for me its both), wich is why for me specifically, Zanka is a closeted Gay boy, who hates himself because its just one more "blemish" that he has to hide, one more scrach upon that perfect porcelain skin, he worked so hard to maintain.
"How could i ever love myself, when every part of me is damaged?")
On to.... kisses to him btw, Enjin pulling him out from the bottom of that well.
Basically telling him, what is so wrong about being "ordinary", when you can just prove that with hard work, you can become better than those with natural born talent.
Your worth is not defined by your failures, but the achievements you reach along the way, Zanka works harder than anyone else, and no matter how many times he gets beaten down, he will always get back up.
He reminds me of the art of Kintsugi, where instead of throwing away broken pottery, you mend it over and over again, a beautiful doll filled with invisible golden lines, getting stronger each time he shatters and puts himself back together.
(Its what makes Zanka so important to me, as someone who had struggled for years and years now, with self loathing, disgust and self image issues... holding on to your broken parts, despite wanting nothing more than for the pain to end.)
And obviously i did not yet reach the parts with more info about Zanka's siblings, but i know quite a few things.
How little faith they have in him, how they see him as a failure for becoming a giver, wich also honestly is such a good metaphor for being queer, and your family rejecting you.
(Speaking from my own experience, my family being rather, horrid about my identity and sexuality, and constantly finding ways to put me down, or make me feel like i'm not worthy, unless i align with what they see as "the right way". )
Zanka finding a found family in the cleaners, a place where he can finally feel comfortable, where he can be himself, but still holding himself back, despite knowing fully well, that the Cleaners care deeply for him, old habbits of burrying who you truly are die hard don't they?
Even in a safe space, you must always question yourself.
"How will they react, if they saw the real me?"
Wich leads toooo, bam bam baaaaam
More specifically my favorite fight so far, inside the trash beast, and Jabbers inate desire to bring out Zanka's "ugly" parts, wich imma bite them i love them.
First of all, love the fact that Zanka after their very first meeting, learned Jabber's name, like straight away (gay away), but Jabber just refers to Zanka as "Mr. Bad Attitude" still, but clearly he was looking forward to seeing him, being rather excited for their fight. And although i'm not gonna talk a lot about Jabber, NOT YET, it's a Zanka post after all, i want to say just how much i adore the fact that, from the very beginning, Jabber seen something in Zanka, perhaps it was his "brutality" that he talked about, his potential, and grasped on to it.
Wanting to yank the darkness from Zanka, and show it to him directly, show him how divine he truly is. (Jabber my beloved)
Their fight is soooo beautiful, locked in to a deadly dance, that noone could break, seeing just how far they can push each others limits, drawing a side of Zanka out we haven't seen yet. Breath taking blood thirst, that makes Jabber excited to his core.
With them continuing on, you can see the two different fighting styles, and yet they are so in sync, the way Zanka elegantly spins Lovely Assistaff around, and how Jabber meets his precision with fevered excitement, metal meets metal, Jabber doesn't hold himself back, going in close and personal, while Zanka keeps him at arms length, someone who's sure of themselves, and someone who doesn't see their own potential.
And as Mankira clashes with Assistaff, enveloping her, grabbing tight nearly snapping the ropes that hold her back, you can feel the tension.
Zanka fighting with all he got, against "one of those born naturals", but i think there is more to it, i don't think Jabber is a born natural, more than he is just in it for the thrill, finding someone equally as unhinged and freaky as he is, scraching that itch thats been there for too long, he wants Zanka to beat the shit out of him. He wants him to envelop him in that crazed desire, that need to hurt and be hurt, in their dance for dominance.
Jabber shows Zanka what he could be, if he let all his doubts go.
Wich BTW, When Jabber unlocks Mankira's "awakened" form (and same with Rudo later with 3R), you can see his name on Mankira, and people say that the writing upon Zanka's weapon is his name, but i don't think so?
When you look at Mankira and 3R you can clearly make out Rudo and Jabber's names, but not upon Lovely Assistaff i might just be insane (idk i don't care), but i think Zanka COULD still awaken Lovely Assistaff, once he finally lets go of his self doubt and hatred, wich are the only things holding him back.
Once he allows himself to feel his rage, the pain and everything he's been holding on to, he can finally be free, he can let out that brutality, and truly show Jabber just what he's capable of.
Man... Gay people can't just say "i love you", they gotta fight each other to death.
And on to (for now) the last part, since i haven't reached the doll festival yet, although i probably will later today, so i'll update it, or make a part 2
Zanka's recovery and how he sees himself
This is where i'mma talk about his crazy determination, and against all odds still staying true to himself.
In his fight with Jabber, we as the audiance are able to see that he's NOT, an Avarge Joe, his speed keeping up with Jabber, his quick thinking and INSANE strength to flip the fucking earth btw, he's done some crazy feats, he's taken out gigantic trash beats by himself, and time and time again proven the fact that he is more than what he thinks he is, he is capable, and relieable, and yet when he is recovering from his battle with Jabber, he says he's not strong enough yet, that he has to get stronger.
Wich is realistic towards people with perfectionism, but also those who desire to earn someone's approval.
Let it be parents, siblings, friends or even a partner, we all do crazy things to show that we are worth it.
He meditates, and thinks deeply of his failure, what he needs to do to get stronger, in his head its to train more, wich i don't think thats necesarily what he needs?
Don't get me wrong, if the cleaners started training amongst themselves to fight person to person instead of only being good at hunting trash beasts, Zanka would become an actual beast, but what he needs is to allow himself room to breathe, room to accept his failure and learn from it, instead of thinking that he was weak.
Because the only reason he lost is because Jabber has his poisons, wich are insanely potent, and honestly it's a miracle that Zanka is alive.
His poison tolerance is insane? Wich makes me think that growing up he may have been poisoned... a lot, and his body just naturally started to build up tolerance over time, anyways thats just a headcanon cause i can see his siblings doing that... assholes.
I think what Zanka needs is, training WITH other people (not the hell guard, fuck em all, kill em all, xoxo)
If he started training with Enjin for example, or Gris even who we know is really good with hand to hand, he could get some really good training in, so he can fight more efficently against humans (Raiders specifically)
Also, probably he has to work on his self worth, because baby boy you are worth it.
Anyways, thats it for now!
Sorry this tok me half the day to write, ADHD be kicking my ass.
Here is me being a dumbass again to my friend enjoy!
