i am burning

Brenda, 27. “And though she be but little, she is fierce.” I also write. ✍🏻

[lord-save-me]

People with no childhood trauma is so confusing like what do you mean you cried to your mum and she helped you?

[staltheoneandonly]

i feel like there's a point being the oldest sibling where you stop being your parents' child and start being just some person who happens to live in the house

[b0ttl3d-up-st4rs]

I just feel such an incredible sense of grief when I look at people who have a good relationship with their parents.

[furiousgoldfish]

Parents will go 'I did the best I could', 'I'm not perfect', 'You can't blame me, I've been through worse', 'I didn't mean it that way', 'You're too sensitive', 'I did it out of love' and 'Sometimes people make mistakes', and pretend like they're too dumb to understand that they hurt you, like they just didn't realize you were in extreme amounts of pain, neglected, feeling despised, condemned, irredeemable and suicidal, but for you there was never a moment of your life when you were allowed to 'simply not realize what you were doing.'

You have been punished every single time your intentions were right and you didn't notice you were annoying someone or testing someone's patience. You were held responsible not only for what you did but for how it affected everyone else, until you learned to be hyper vigilant of the effect of your every action, to the point where you'd get paralyzed because any action could end up in someone taking offense. You were never allowed to be dumb about your actions, you were not even allowed to learn! Even just not knowing everyone's reactions in advance could get you hurt.

You learned that they are allowed to be dumb, ignorant, walk over everyone else's feelings, demand attention, demand sympathy, consideration, leeway, compassion, understanding, and space to learn (even when they outright refused to learn), but you were not allowed any of these things. Even as they were the adults, they could play dumb and cause havoc, while you, a child, were responsible for being, in every situation, absolutely perfect, or condemned to hell for imperfection.

Why was this necessary? Why is the world still fighting for everyone to take it easy on the parents, but condemn the children? Do we need children to emotionally and psychologically serve their parent's needs, to the point where they grow up neglected and traumatized? Do parents have children in order to have easily broken and controlled servants? Someone they could burden with all of their emotional baggage and then demand compassion and love from? While neglecting that same child, and pretending the child doesn't need any attention or help growing up? Punishing them for showing pain?

We don't need that kind of world, and we don't need that kind of parents.

[vampireink]

I will have a home one day. It will be warm, and it will be safe. It will have large windows so that it never feels like a prison. It will have comfort and light and colours, and there will be joy echoing off of each of the walls. There will be no shouting in my home. There will be no violence, no harsh words, no abuse ... it will be safe, and it will be my home.

[copingwithmemes]

[bathroomcube]

spending money while unemployed makes every purchase over 5 dollars feel like 9/11

[pain-is-my-game]

Parents really do traumatize you and then force you to reparent yourself instead of being a capable human being who can contribute to society like a normal person. Sorry I can't get a well paying job right now I'm trying to learn coping mechanisms.

[pain-is-my-game]

One of the worst realizations that I have ever made is realizing that all I ever wanted was to be loved by my parents. I never would've turned out like this if they just loved me unconditionally.

[lefluoritesys]

Healing is also realizing you're going to have trauma reactions even after you decided to be healthy. That even after saying: "I want to heal, and rest, and I'm going to try to get better," you still let yourself reject help, struggle with trauma reactions, and unhealthy habits. That it's okay, and it's a part of healing. As long as you try to get better.

It's not going to happen immediately. If anything, at first, it's going to get way worse, horrible, even. And then better, and then bad again, and then you'll start getting relapses. And that's okay.

Relapse is a part of healing. Feeling all the bad stuff is a part of healing. Allowing yourself to be traumatized is a part of healing.

-host

[x3nshit]

doesn't it suck? how pain is passed down from generations? how my pain is my mother's pain, and her mother's pain, and her mother's? it sucks.

[x3nshit]

your child had to learn to love themself after years of hating themself because of constant criticism, they had to learn to love every part of themself, their “flaws” and who they are. if the only love they ever got was from themself, then maybe you didn’t do such a good job as a mother

[melangedmess]

toxic parents will traumatize you and act surprised when you act like you've been traumatized

[sa-dnesss]

My home will be a home with no loud anger, no explosive rage, no slamming doors or breaking glass, no holes punched into the walls, no name calling, shaming or blackmail. My home will be gentle, it will be warm. No fear, no hurt and no worries. I may come from a broken and twisted place but I will build something whole and safe.

[familyline-deactivated20230920]

sick of platonic love being so underrated and platonic yearning not talked about enough and platonic heartbreak seen not as painful as romantic heartbreak. just sick of platonic relationships not being given enough value.

[untiloblivions]

thinking about “you haven’t met all the people who will love you” and like!!! you also haven’t found all the things that will make you happy!!!! there will always be new authors and musicians and artists whose work you will one day discover and love!!!! there will always be new hobbies and skills for you to learn and feel fulfilled by!!! there will always be new things around the corner that will bring sudden and unexpected happiness!!!!!!!!!!!

[forever]

i like staying up at unhumanly hours but i also like getting 12 hours of sleep do u see my problem