Neumer. Manu ended it, because he was afraid of the public finding out (until then he'd only ever had meaningless affairs that he could easily hide without any feelings lost.) Now he's heard about Chris and Leon and can't help feeling jealous. Manu and Chris come across each other in a situation they can't avoid each other.
I’m not really feeling this, but I hope you like it and it’s not a total disappointment! 😬😬😬
Manu regrets it. He regrets ending things the way he did, he regrets breaking Chris’ heart, but more so his own. He feels it everyday, feels the emptiness that Chris had filled in Brazil. He feels the loneliness that Chris warmed and stopped and he feels the pain of a love he lost because of his own fear.
He hates seeing them together. He hates the smiles that they share and the gentle touches that Manu recognises and feels on his own skin. He hates the look in their eyes as they smile and joke, the look that he once knew as the one saved for him.
But as much as he feels the pain and jealousy, he’s happy for Chris. Happy that Chris is happy with Leon, happy that Chris could move on and find his own way in love and life. Even though it’s a bitter pill to swallow that it could have been with him had he been stronger.
He sighs as he watches the green and white bus pull up to the gate below him. He wants to turn away from the window and go back to his team, wants to ignore the pull at his heart but he can’t, he stays locked in place, only moving away once he’s seen Chris emerge from the darkness.
It’s after, in the mix zone that he can’t escape it. For some twist of fate they’re the last two players left being interviewed and he feels his skin prickle throughout, knows it’s his body reacting to the closeness of Chris. He can’t help himself glancing over and snatching looks at Chris, snatching brief glimpses out of the corner of his eye of Chris’ smile and red cheeks. He can’t stop himself from losing focus.
He cuts the interview as short as he can, he needs to get out of there, away from Chris, away from his feelings of jealousy and longing. But-
He stops in his tracks, hands clutching the hem of his undershirt, but doesn’t turn. He just waits for Chris to catch up as he takes deep breath after deep breath, settling himself.
“It’s good to see you.” Chris says happily, oblivious to the minefield in Manu’s mind and body.
“It-its good to see you too Christoph.” It’s quiet and he knows it’s disingenuous, the use of Chris’ full name will give it away.
“Is it really? You wouldn’t even look at me earlier and you still won’t. Have I done something to you?”
Manu flinches because no, no he hasn’t really. Chris’ happiness is no reason for Manu to treat him this way and act like Chris has scorned him somehow. He turns to face Chris for the first time since - he can’t really remember. “Really Chris, I’m fine, we’re fine.”
“Good, because I wanted to-”
“Actually Chris,” Manu interrupts, “I should apologise. I owe you an apology and an explanation for what I did to you.” He watches Chris’ face for a reaction, anything, but nothing. Chris waits quietly. “I’m sorry, sorry for just throwing you away like I did. I was scared of how I felt about you, scared of what you brought out in me and that I was falling for you, falling in love for the first time in my life. I didn’t know how to handle it and how to react to myself, so I did the only thing that I’ve ever done, and put distance between us. I know I hurt you, and I know that I was wrong to act that way, and I’m genuinely sorry. But I’m happy for you and Leon, happy that you found someone who could love you the way you deserve, and someone that could be loved by you in the way that I wasn’t ready to be.”
Chris swallows and nods. “Thank you Manu. That means a lot.”
Manu sighs and feels his body tremble. He’s never been so open and honest before and he’s not sure what to do, how to move on from this. So he offers Chris a smile and cups his cheek gently before pressing a soft kiss to the skin and heading towards the changing room, swallowing back the tears that were welling.
He stops before he gets there and looks back to see Chris still standing there. “What did you want to say before?”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. Just be happy Manu. Please.”
Manu nods and slips inside to safety.
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