imaginary people are so hot

Alexa - 24 - Canada - Fanfic connoisseur - NSFW content ahead

[ripe]

i am but an old man and tumblr is my porch

[oodlyenough]

a thing about me is i basically never notice a wig or other kind of hairpiece in tv/movies. it has to be party city territory for me to even twig it. people will complain about characters' wigs looking bad and i will nod along but there is like a 90% chance i did not notice for a second while watching. i consider this mostly a blessing.

[mortalityplays]

there a lot of details of american macroculture that have caused what I'd describe as a reality fracturing mental reset when I learned about them. one was learning that children do literally swear their allegiance to the american flag every morning before school and that's not a quaint comedic exaggeration left over from the 1950s like rabbit ears on a TV. one was learning that Americans have to pay for ambulance transportation. one was learning that Americans are taught the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki were tough brave necessities that made the world safer and not horrific war crimes on a footing with the nazi holocaust.

and one was learning that the cultural cachet of veggietales is completely unironic and a lot of you watched the parables of God from the bible and his son jesus christ the cgi vegetable for real real and thought it was good, no goofing, not a bit

[mortalityplays]

thank you small americans in my phone for correcting me: beloved cgi bible show did not portray the son of god as a vegetable, because that would have been sacrilegious

[victusinveritas]

[manu-script]

I think it's insane that even in the most leftist and "progressive" spaces the idea of equating morality with looks is alive and present and no one fucking bats an eye at it. like racists and mysoginysts are always portrayed as fat and hairy and generally unkept, as a contrast to the morally good and attractive leftists of course; people will have no problem being genuinely fucking awful about someone's appearance if they're deemed to be a "bad person". and the worst part is you point all of this out and people act like you're reading too much into things like no dude you gotta start using your brain more

[fishpondfish]

it is impossible to watch a movie. every night i think i want to watch a movie. no movie gets watched. because it's not possible

[mousidy]

and yet they keep making movies with the hopes that one day humanity will discover a way to watch them. it's so inspiring

[sayorithot]

hm yes the mysterious handy tool for unusual home adventures with a twist my favorite device

[gyarutau]

Haha yeah man thats- youre gonna call who?

[fellator]

this fetish stuff is getting out of hand what the fuck is word play

[meatdiaz]

absolutely hate it when the pleasurable activity procrastination hits. i’m going to do something fun that brings me joy but not yet. yeah, not yet. not yet. maybe i shouldn’t do it at all, it’s not that fun

[tnosprey]

Turkey vulture

[calvinandhobbescomic]

[under-the-arch]

No, Calvin was right

[distributing-direwolves]

Calvin was 100% right.

[turtletotem]

You’ll notice Miss Wormwood didn’t disagree, just gave him advice on how to handle the pain.

[taydivorce]

*scrolling tumblr* hmmm. i agree with the sentiment of this post, but the phrasing feels off to me. it doesn’t really have that Reblog factor, you know? *scrolls* oh good, a post that just says “i jerk off till my penis scrweam” . i better reblog this

[catchyvideos]

[ruinedchildhood]

[pukicho]

I express contempt by getting to know you and getting close to you and then marrying you

[santana-cruz]

you think this is funny but straight men are genuinely like this

[depsidase]

[apollos-boyfriend]

children are so fucking funny man. i just overheard a kid go “i just learned a new way to pinch, wanna see it? it hurts a lot more!” followed by a loud, notably pained scream

[sickdogs]

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.