Adventures of Captain Tie Dye

Documenting the strange yet humorous interactions with my boss, Captain Tie Dye

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Me: "hey man do you have salad dressing in fridge?" Cptn Tiedye: No.. But if you give me 4 mins and a penthouse I can give you something that can be mistaken as ranch dressing."

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play fighting

Just caught both of my bosses in the production room play fighting with PVC pipes, acting out Star Wars scenes.

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common phrase

"lick sack" is a common phrase around this office.

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Liquid shit

"Be right back. I gotta take a liquid shit." Constant updates with Captain Tie Dye

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Crunchy Ramen

Yesterday I got to witness Cpt TieDye crunch his way through a dry cup of Ramen noodles. He peeled off the styrofoam cup and bit into to it like a rice krispy treat then continue to eat the whole thing without a drop of water. That is all.

[captaintiedye]

Email

Me: "Hey boss I sent you an email." Cpt tie-dye: "oh wow really? you get a gold star." Me: "And you get one for being a dick" Cpt tie-dye: "I'll just add them to the trunk load I already have." Me: "Just check your in-box." Cpt tie-dye: "oh really is that where emails go?" Me: "You must have a merit badge in being a dick." Cpt tie-dye: "yes, yes I do."

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Messages

Me on the phone "My boss is busy in the production room, Can I take a message?" Customer " I was hoping to talk to him, I can hold the line." Me "Okay, but I know he's pretty busy putting out some fires before the weekend, so let me take a message and he'll get back to you right away." Customer "Oh really is everyone all right did anyone get burned!?" Me "um no sorry, he"s just helping to finish some last minute rush orders. sorry to confuse you." Customer "Okay have him call me back, i hope everyone is okay."

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Sun Shield

Earlier today before all the rain. Cptn Tie Dye: "Check out my new sun shield on my car." I take a look it's a Star Wars sun screen to made it look like you're looking into the Millennium Falcon at Luke, Han, Chewie and OBI wan. Cptn Tie Dye: "BAD ASS RIGHT!?" Me: "If you didn't have two daughters, I'd question your virginity." Cptn Tie Dye: "Yeah good one, but you've seen my browser history so we both know there's no question."

[captaintiedye]

Sprechen Sie auch Deutsch

Capt. TieDye has been yelling complete German nonsense/gibberish at the Serena Williams tennis match. I asked him he even knows how to speak German  and is now only talking to me in German....this gone one for an hour.

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New Coworker

So now we have another office tarantula this one has a lockable cage, wonder how this is gonna turn out.

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Sports

Captn TieDye "You never watched sports with your Dad?" Me "Nah he couldn't care less, although when Italy won the World Cup a few years back he got pretty excited." Captn TieDye " Did he cry? I cried when the Saints won the Superbowl." Me "No my dads a real man."

[captaintiedye]

Pizza Time

Cpt Tie-dye brought in pizza, and offered me a slice at that exact moment one the bearded dragons shat on his on his desk. While still holding a slice (which he topped with half a can of sardines) in one hand, he cleaned the shit up with the other. I had to leave room out nausea.

[captaintiedye]

Tarantula

And my boss's tarantula is MIA. It'll be cool when it pops up in a few months 6 times it's size.

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Cher

Boss "Hey when was the last time you listen to Cher."

Me "on purpose?" as I walk out of the room.

He Starts singing badly. "How do you walk out on Cher!"

I yell back "Ask Sonny Bono!"

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Speaker Phone

Boss answers the phone with speaker phone. "Hey." it's his wife on the line.

"Hey babe." Not knowing she on speaker phone "It still smells like piss in here from last night." He frantically picks up the line, and continues the conversation in a whisper.

He hangs up looks at me and say "Before you ask, it's totally what you think I'm German I get off by having my wife piss all over me."

ten minutes of silence later he say " You know I was kidding right, it was one my cats. It keeps pissing in my closet."

[captaintiedye]

Quote of the week

Press Guy "I won't eat any of that nasty seafood shit! it's gross."

While holding a bag of mcdonalds.

[captaintiedye]

Overtime

Best part of finding out your boss took the day off to go fishing, after you worked half a day on Sunday. That it's been raining all morning.