TW: mentions of various kinds of abuse
For those that don't know me, which many do not, my name is G, I'm 25 years old, and I am from New York. I have been on tumblr for well over 10 years and this blog has been through many fandoms.
I am posting here because there are not many people in real life that know about this account, so it feels like a safe place for me to finally share my thoughts, feelings, and story.
I haven't posted online in 4 years, and there is a reason for that: at the ripe age of 20 years old, I found myself in what I now recognize as an abusive relationship. I didn't know I was in one until it was too late, and never do you think that it would happen to you; I always thought that if I was in a situation I would be able to just get out of it, but it turns out it wasn't that easy.
Over the course of 4 years I was abused mentally, emotionally, financially, physically, and sexually. It took me two years to realize what happened to me because never in a million years did I think my first boyfriend, first love, first everything would do these things to me. I would tell myself that my actions warranted his reactions and therefore what happened was all my fault, and he would reinforce these thoughts by using my actions as excuses for his reactions. Thankfully I woke up 2 years in...it just took me 2 more to finally leave.
I didn't realize what he was back then, but now I realize that he is a textbook narcissistic manipulator.
I don't want to get into too much detail in this post, but I think sharing my full story would be part of healing for me. I was making this post because the first thing he did was isolate me from all my family and friends and I am now left with nothing since leaving him, so I'm here to reconnect with anyone and everyone that would be willing.
I found escape through reading while also throwing myself into my work. I have an incredible soft spot for the ACOTAR series because reading Feyre's story helped me realize that I shouldn't settle for anything, and that sometimes you need to find the strength to save yourself. I have recently gotten into the Fourth Wing series as well since leaving my ex completely which has continued to help me heal.
I also found immense support through music like Taylor Swift (whom I've always been a big fan of, but damn do her words hit different once you've experienced heartbreak), and I've always turned to my boys, One Direction, whenever I'm going through it (although it has been difficult to listen to them ever since Liam passed).
I doubt anyone will even see this but on the chance someone does, my messages are open, the comments are on; if you've made it this far and wanted to chat about literally anything please feel free.
Thank you for taking a minute to read this.