~Cardigan Confessions~

[cardiganconfessions]

I'm currently rewatching Degrassi (don't start) and I'm watching "Extraordinary Machine Pt. 2" (s11e21) and I'm realizing something (this might be a hot take AGAIN DON'T START)

Eli Goldsworthy is the original founder of the Tortured Poet's Department.

THERE I SAID IT!

[cardiganconfessions]

Been a minute since I posted on here (but don't worry I've been lurking as usual).

Thank you to all who sent kind words and support; this journey back to myself has been...freeing.

I've been spending time with family and friends as well as myself. I went to my brother's wedding which my ex did not want me going to let alone partake in the bridal party, but I did exactly that - all of that - and it was great. A little disheartening, maybe even slightly annoying, that my family was constantly telling me how nice it was to have me "back" whether it was to my face at the wedding, or through text message. There's a lot that goes into those feelings, but I don't need to focus on it; I'm just happy to be allowed to enjoy my family again.

Like I said, I've also been hanging out with friends. I only have two of them since I lost a lot due to my situation, but they're the two that clung onto me (for dear life). I've been out a few time and each time I haven't felt pressured or anxious or constantly checking my phone! Who would've guessed life could be this good...

I've been doing lots of work in therapy, and my therapist has even said I am a completely different person than I was when I first starting seeing her, but I know there's a long journey of healing ahead. I'm reminding myself to be kind and easygoing to myself, and celebrating my small wins (like striking up a conversation with a stranger at a bar while I waited for my friends - literally who am I?!).

I've been reading like crazy and I'm even thinking of trying to get back into writing. I'm excited to continue this journey of self-discovery, and I'm not too sure how to end this update so enjoy this photo of me throwing it down on the dance floor at my brother's wedding.

Talk soon x

[cardiganconfessions]

TW: mentions of various kinds of abuse

Hello all~

For those that don't know me, which many do not, my name is G, I'm 25 years old, and I am from New York. I have been on tumblr for well over 10 years and this blog has been through many fandoms.

I am posting here because there are not many people in real life that know about this account, so it feels like a safe place for me to finally share my thoughts, feelings, and story.

I haven't posted online in 4 years, and there is a reason for that: at the ripe age of 20 years old, I found myself in what I now recognize as an abusive relationship. I didn't know I was in one until it was too late, and never do you think that it would happen to you; I always thought that if I was in a situation I would be able to just get out of it, but it turns out it wasn't that easy.

Over the course of 4 years I was abused mentally, emotionally, financially, physically, and sexually. It took me two years to realize what happened to me because never in a million years did I think my first boyfriend, first love, first everything would do these things to me. I would tell myself that my actions warranted his reactions and therefore what happened was all my fault, and he would reinforce these thoughts by using my actions as excuses for his reactions. Thankfully I woke up 2 years in...it just took me 2 more to finally leave.

I didn't realize what he was back then, but now I realize that he is a textbook narcissistic manipulator.

I don't want to get into too much detail in this post, but I think sharing my full story would be part of healing for me. I was making this post because the first thing he did was isolate me from all my family and friends and I am now left with nothing since leaving him, so I'm here to reconnect with anyone and everyone that would be willing.

I found escape through reading while also throwing myself into my work. I have an incredible soft spot for the ACOTAR series because reading Feyre's story helped me realize that I shouldn't settle for anything, and that sometimes you need to find the strength to save yourself. I have recently gotten into the Fourth Wing series as well since leaving my ex completely which has continued to help me heal.

I also found immense support through music like Taylor Swift (whom I've always been a big fan of, but damn do her words hit different once you've experienced heartbreak), and I've always turned to my boys, One Direction, whenever I'm going through it (although it has been difficult to listen to them ever since Liam passed).

I doubt anyone will even see this but on the chance someone does, my messages are open, the comments are on; if you've made it this far and wanted to chat about literally anything please feel free.

Thank you for taking a minute to read this.

[cardiganconfessions]

#firstpicture #throwback #iloveyou #missthis #us @emgannon text me!!