24 pieces of fish side by side

medically recognized BPD , suspected NPD

[carp-24]

content warnings—

lots of venting

codependency

mentions of sexual content

self-harm / suicide (may include mentions, descriptions, or art)

disordered eating (specifically binge-restrict)

abuse / trauma

negative stuff in general

minor

bpd (diagnosed) + npd (suspected) + gad (diagnosed) + asd (suspected)

he/she,, i identify as cis female if that’s ok

—- ……. —-

BYF:

- i cant feel platonic love

- i am horrible with social cues and tone please tell me if i come off weird

DNI:

- basic DNI

- radqueers and pro-contact paras

- antishippers who harass others

- zionists

- ai art supporters

- people who post gore

- anti-recovery

- puritans

- <13yo

alsoalso hard block me, i won’t know if you soft block

[carp-24]

my entire left forearm is screwed

[carp-24]

the only person i feel emotional empathy for is FP and when i do it’s so fucking intense it hurts

[carp-24]

uh oh that was too deep

[carp-24]

why does everything hurt so much

[carp-24]

i’m going without long sleeves tomorrow so i’ll regret cutting so much but idgaf

[dinkingmyoiter6]

I feel rather intensely but I can’t tell what I’m feeling

[ct-lambykins]

I have the emotional regulation skills of a toddler

[avbpd-muffin]

Growing up, two words have been used to describe me:

Lazy. I was always too lazy. Even though it turned out to be depression, for my family it was always laziness. Even though I hated that 'laziness', even though that 'laziness' was and still is holding me back from doing things I wanna do. Even though it's taken any pleasure in anything from me. Any joy I could have about most things.

Lazy.

And growing up, it imprinted on me; I started catching myself calling other people 'lazy' (in my mind) for the smallest things. That's how I grew up, that's what I know.

.

Wild. That's another word for me. I hated it; made me feel like a creature to be studied. Turns out I've got BPD + AvPD, so I guess that's my wildness.

But living in a household where nobody understands mental illness (even though I suspect they might have one to a degree too), that's how you're seen. And the support system you have, you are still grateful for... Yet, emotionally, mentally, they drain you every talk with them you have.

You start not interacting with them unless it's necessary. It's always an argument. It doesn't matter how much you try to explain your mental illness to them (I tried). As long as you have all your limbs and you don't have cancer or anything like that, you'll always be a lazy, wild, useless child (even if you're an adult)...

But hey, at least I still have a roof over my head.

[mricarus]

My default assumption is that I'm always in the way and nobody actually wants to be around me

[dearie-me]

i fucking wish i had proper parents man i see my friends calling their parents when things get too much or they can't remember how to do something or just to hear the sound of their voice and it's just a reminder that i don't have that. im sick of having to figure out how to be an adult all by myself it's scary and confusing and exhausting and i just want to go home.

[daikaiju-arts]

[kriosv]

[brightstarrymoon]

how to stop feeling like Theyre gonna kill you everytime you make a mistake no glue no fucking borax

[carp-24]

people with normal personalities live completely different lives from us i swear to god. what do you mean you can vent to your parents?? what do you mean you dont feel like shit when someone ignores you?? what do you mean you don’t constantly make up fictional daydreams in your head?? what do you mean you don’t have suicidal thoughts?? what the hell man

[rylandgraces]

there’s a friday ass vibe about this wednesday boys keep your wits about you

[bpdmutt]

being self-aware but still unable to change your own reactions is such a uniquely miserable experience