each doctor has a special power

31/male androgyne yet somehow also an evil and intimidating lesbian/he+they+it/content not safe for minors

[cartoonscientist]

the man of your dreams, the man from your dreams… why does any of it matter when all I want is to get out of your dreams and into your car? just go ahead, ask me to get out of your dreams and into your car. it would be such a funny bit.

[cartoonscientist]

au ragdoll who is a cute venetian castrati who kills people with a cunty little dagger

[cartoonscientist]

the “where do women get bit by rattlesnakes? in the foot. where do men get bit by rattlesnakes? that’s right; in the face.” youtube short is about finn and hw

[cartoonscientist]

new meme: which of your faves get bit in the face and which get bit on the foot by a rattlesnake

[cartoonscientist]

the “where do women get bit by rattlesnakes? in the foot. where do men get bit by rattlesnakes? that’s right; in the face.” youtube short is about finn and hw

[cartoonscientist]

I feel like I should mark my seedlings this year with tiny gadsden flag printouts so people don’t tread on them

[cartoonscientist]

I’m a Universalist Lutheran and I’m gonna be honest, when I hear Baptists or whoever talking about The Enemy this and The Enemy that when they pray all I’m thinking of is The Killer that stalks Wendy Williams

[cartoonscientist]

ellen referring dismissively to am as “drunk orson welles”

[cartoonscientist]

so if eldritch horror involves being driven to madness by concepts so alien and vast your brain is unable to perceive them, does that mean you’re experiencing eldritch euphoria when you have a positive meditative or psychedelic experience

[cartoonscientist]

glasses are just a scam to get you to remember one more thing in the morning, man. I mean, they already got us on phone, wallet, keys, right, you know, like the classic phone-wallet-keys, then all of of sudden some eye doctor wants you to add glasses to that list? seems too convenient to me. and what’s an eye doctor, anyway? why can’t they just be a regular doctor?

the trick is you just have to get closer to stuff to see it better, but the car companies don’t want you to use your legs.

[cartoonscientist]

of course, as we all know, jesters are some of the most rewarding and straightforward clowns to keep and the oldest officially recognized fancy breed, having self-domesticated thousands of years ago. this is not to say that jesters are easy companions to accommodate or don’t require specialized care; much like goldfish or parrots, they are often mistakenly recommended or gifted to beginners. but jesters are perhaps the single most social variety of clown, and uniquely form close one on one bonds with their “favorite person”. they thrive on being included in your discussions and daily routine, and being dismissed repeatedly as “distracting” or “annoying” is one of the worst things you can do for their mental and physical health. similar to a siamese cat, you should only adopt a jester if you’re prepared to give them the attention they need.

[cartoonscientist]

new mweor breed like

[cartoonscientist]

[cartoonscientist]

horror game npc based on overcontrol disorders whom you can hear screaming, crying, and injuring themselves at a distance but who immediately snaps into a normal, extremely polite person when you enter their perception radius

[cartoonscientist]

scientists discover that different planes of reality are real but are unsure of how to tactfully break the news that our universe is in the hell basement and there aren’t that many floors under us

[cartoonscientist]

I bring a distinct “humans are small gods who ideally have ultimate control over their internal realities, but the physical universe is set up in such a way that older and more established gods are able to disempower younger, lesser gods before they’re even born to prevent them from using their self-influence abilities (structural inequality and oppression)” vibe to chaos magic that prosperity gospel people don’t like

[cartoonscientist]

so apparently if you talk to your cat and they respond with different sounds, you are actually talking to them and they understand what you mean through tone and inflection rather than the actual words you’re saying (unless they can pick out specific phonemes with associations, like “food” or “carrier”)

[cartoonscientist]

where on the hierarchy of needs is having a cat long enough to spoon like a person