each doctor has a special power

31/male androgyne yet somehow also an evil and intimidating lesbian/he+they+it/content not safe for minors

[cartoonscientist]

I had the weirdest fucking experience today where I suddenly remembered a fictional character I found really intriguing in an indie game LP that was either a 90s 3D point and click adventure or a modern game that was designed to emulate that style. I remembered the player waking up in a residential garage disoriented, implied to have undergone some kind of neurological procedure. they’re being interviewed by a white theatrical mask hooked up to a cluster of television monitors that alternately show static, glitching faces, and stock footage. they call themselves Doctor and claim to be a superintelligence, and they give the player an unlabeled colorful “mood wheel” that they can spin to interact with the environment and communicate with other characters, making it clear that the player is unable to communicate verbally and that they are “forcing” us to use the mood wheel. the opening interview is a tutorial segment where you can figure out what the different “slices” on the wheel signify, but there are no obvious actions or dialogue options mapped out for you, it’s kind of just vibes. do you want to react angrily? calmly? etc. soon the main character finds out that Doctor used to be a human man who converted his wife and children into machines. he claims that this was out of a desire for perfection, but really it was because he feared abandonment. you also start getting psychic communications where you learn that you were specifically sent to Doctor’s home to investigate the premises, try to rescue any of his test subjects that you can, and possibly psychologically profile or even negotiate with him.

at first I was 100% convinced it was the PC game Obsidian, but it wasn’t. the evil AI in that game is called Series, and the tone is much less overtly dark. the game I’m thinking of is known for being genuinely disturbing. so I typed a few keywords into the google search bar to see if maybe a video or a forum thread came up, and Gemini FUCKING HALLUCINATED THAT DOCTOR WAS A CHARACTER IN THE STANLEY PARABLE. but I didn’t realize that yet and I was like, shit, really? I’m pretty sure I would have remembered that it wasn’t the entire premise of the game. so I looked up the character they told me about and obviously they don’t exist. and I hit the back arrow to screenshot the hallucination and it was gone.

anyway. all of this is to say that if this character and this game are in fact an organic AI hallucination of the human brain, I think my unconscious mind mashed together elements of Fallout, IHNMAIMS, various analog horror series, Discover My Body and Obsidian and created a new, terrifying, pathetic sexyman.

[cartoonscientist]

can we start calling people who are 5’6” Regular Size Rudies after the Bob’s Burgers character since that’s like the exact average human height

[cartoonscientist]

no but social media sucks because a post will come up on someone’s dash saying “really sick of seeing men wearing pink shirts” and they’ll be like “what’s wrong with men wearing pink? I think we should normalize it!” and then it turns out the OP was vaguing about a local hate group only in their county that wears pink as a group signifier but the first person had no way of knowing that because it got recirculated out of context and like, neither of these people did anything wrong but now they’re fighting

[cartoonscientist]

“no pants and no shoes? damn girl did you just break out of a root cellar and run here as fast as you could haha”

“ha. haha. [an uncomfortable level of eye contact]”

[cartoonscientist]

I like to mention that I’m in elite physical shape a lot on here because it distracts from my lack of a traditional job or social life

[cartoonscientist]

no but I hate having asthma so much because by all metrics I’m in a state of elite athletic conditioning but I can’t run for any kind of extended duration, but like, my body wants to run and sometimes my muscles get away from me like a poorly leashed sled dog at a public park and I give myself a life-threatening asthma attack on the sidewalk

[thememedaddy]

[cartoonscientist]

if your physical health is better than your mental health you can just keep running until you fall over from exhaustion which works too

[cartoonscientist]

What the fuck, Bane?! That’s my sister! And he’s disabled!!

[cartoonscientist]

people with no concept of who alex merkel is are going to have a different visceral reaction to this photo i feel

[cartoonscientist]

in my syncretic worldview, Eris tossing the golden apple and Eve picking the fruit of knowledge are both human interpretations of when the creating force’s trickster counterpart allowed organic life to have a level of sentience and free will that would make it no longer just an extension of the cosmic body but its own distinct entities with their own egos, and this event had multiple “echoes” across time in the third dimension including the Cambrian explosion and the advent of hominid sapience. all of the body plans that organic life has ever had have been based on the forms of various gods and cosmic entities that already existed. somewhere in the astral plane there is a flock of anomalocaris gliding through space.

[cartoonscientist]

organic universes are most likely in the minority of reality types because they’re relatively fragile and short-lived. physical matter is constantly being battered by the forces of entropy because spiritual energy resists being bound to corporeal atoms and will always seek to exit the bounds of the physical universe and return to the astral plane.

[cartoonscientist]

in my syncretic worldview, Eris tossing the golden apple and Eve picking the fruit of knowledge are both human interpretations of when the creating force’s trickster counterpart allowed organic life to have a level of sentience and free will that would make it no longer just an extension of the cosmic body but its own distinct entities with their own egos, and this event had multiple “echoes” across time in the third dimension including the Cambrian explosion and the advent of hominid sapience. all of the body plans that organic life has ever had have been based on the forms of various gods and cosmic entities that already existed. somewhere in the astral plane there is a flock of anomalocaris gliding through space.

[cartoonscientist]

the Baader-Meinhoff Goddess these past few days: okay well have you considered reading The 48 Laws of Power

[cartoonscientist]

we need to clone dinosaurs so I can get thwumped on the leg by a feathery theropod tail

[cartoonscientist]

the thing about men in black cryptids is that they definitely don’t actually work for the cia, but they think they work for the cia

[cartoonscientist]

yeah i don’t think you can call it a weekend at bernies situation in good conscience if you reanimated a corpse i mean at that point it’s just a full blown frankenstein scenario

[cartoonscientist]

you think the ocean is scary because you’re a mammal but like just be aware that sharks think we live crushed by gravity against a two dimensional burning hellscape

[cartoonscientist]

absolutely delighted by the de-cursing tutorial. I wasn’t really sure how “Lovecraftian comedy” was going to play out in this specific game, but pseudo-old-englyshe folk horror where all the mutant trees are wearing multiple fedoras definitely fits the bill. the vvoodcutter.

[cartoonscientist]

overcome by a strange kinship for the amphibious, cold-blooded creature, asenath rescued a turtle that would soon become her ally. a suitable name surfaces somewhere from the depths of her unconscious.

still instinctually eager to fulfill the orders of an older male authority figure, she presented her 200% full gas can to the bus driver.

well, our asenath is just a special gal who casually violates the laws of physics like that. …azzy?

wait. holy shit.

WAS TUMBLR FABLE AUNT ASSIE FUCKING NAMED ASENATH