I met my husband on-line. That’s not really news anymore. Let’s try this: I met my husband on Tinder.
A year ago today, I “swiped right” on a big-grin blonde who had used his one fancy “Super Like” on me. And now, I have a message for my amazing single friends.
Before I get to that, here’s a little context. I’m a Christian. But, not a “Christian” in cultural name, political leaning, and convenience only. I am a Jesus-lovin’ fool. I once was blind, but now I see. I once was dead in my sin, but I have been redeemed and given life that is truly life. I believe and build my entire life upon the Gospel revealed to us through God’s Word.
Got that? Let me reiterate this point: I met my husband on Tinder.
I’m 26 years young. In my 8 single years, I dated conventionally - a lot:
I have been asked out at coffee shops, grocery stores, & Barnes and Noble
I have met some great men at ~Church Singles Retreats~ ~Small groups~ ~Serving at Church~ ~Mission trips~
I’ve unwittingly gone on Facebook Messenger-induced sneak-a-dates
I have been set up by friends & family #mutualfriends
The afore list is not included to brag about my man-trapping prowess. Trust me, I would much rather continue grading my endless stack of Freshman research papers than talk to you at Starbucks. The afore list is to prove that I am a normal human lady person who was O P E N to love and be loved. I was W I L L I N G to meet and be met in conventional ways.
I didn’t see a date (or mate) around every corner, but if a nice man had the guts to ask me out, odds are I would give him a chance with a date or two. OPEN. WILLING.
Last summer, after my cousin set me up with one of his disastrous friends --- I mean, after a disastrous set-up --- I realized with great joy that I was unaffected by the occasion. My identity was not attached to being pursued or wanted by a man (*ancient struggle for another day*). I was enjoying my life and trusting God’s plan in my singleness. An idea began growing in my heart:
I DON’T NEED A HUSBAND, BUT I WANT ONE.
This is where some of my Christian sisters may throw a flag on the play. See, we’ve been taught that marriage is a gift from God (it is) and that God is sovereign over all aspects of life (also true) and that when it’s His timing, the perfect man for us will stroll up to us in a parking lot somewhere and proclaim his undying love and desire to marry us...............UM, WHAT?
Here’s the thing, you know a defined group of people: Church community, work friends, high school mates, old college pals, and that’s probably IT.
Once you know everyone in those circles and lovingly decide that none of them is your soulmate, you probably should meet some new people.
There are a few ways to do that, and frankly, I was just not satisfied with any of them:
Rely on your friends to set you up with people they know
CHURCH HOP until you have encountered every single-of-faith in your area
Wait anxiously for the perfect “meet cute” E V E R Y W H E R E you go.
Those options represent a spectrum that can be healthily explored, but at their extreme, they breed the specific kind of toxic discontentment that stems from inaction.
Imagine a basketball player who breaks her ankle. She probably aches to be back on the court, but she has a choice for how she spends her wait time: She could sit at home missing her team, wondering if she will be left behind, and cursing the circumstances leading to her broken ankle. OR. she could attend practice with her team to stay on top of new plays, exercise her healthy muscles, and jump in as soon as the doctor gives her the go-ahead. She may STILL mourn her circumstances, but she is giving herself the best chance to see her desires become a reality.
So, here’s my ~unpopular~ opinion: When done wisely, online dating can limit discontentment through inaction, and be an I N S T R U M E N T of God’s plan to bring you a mate (or not).
So, Jesus-follower, try these statements on for size. Let them roll around your tongue and heart for a while (and use them against combatants if you need to)!
My satisfaction, hope, and identity are found in Jesus, not in my relationship status
My desire to be married is a good desire
I believe God can use any means He chooses to order the events of my life
I will not act out of discontentment, but I will not be discontent due to INACTION
I am not trying to take matters into my own hands; I am tuning a new instrument that God will use in one way or another to make me more like Him
I will find my value ONLY in who Jesus says I am
The short of it is this, don’t let anyone shame you for opening yourself up to new pathways for God to work in your life. MOVE with wise counselors behind you, the Spirit awake within you, belief in God’s good purpose before you, and a few new cuties beside you.
WHO KNOWS, you just might be celebrating your #tinderversary with your soulmate!
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*Do your research: Tinder was free and took me 5 minutes; know the risks - avoid balconies and bathtubs; prepare for hilarious rehearsal dinner speeches if you meet your hubs on Tinder; be super clear about your faith on your profile to weed out (most of) the crazies; be very picky with ‘swipe rights’ to avoid awkward match convos; don’t ghost people -- be honest if you don’t want to go out, be honest if you don’t intend to go out again; what do I know, I was on Tinder for 2 weeks.*
