How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive
An anonymous reader recently asked me for tips on performing cunnilingus. In my eagerness to respond, my oversized thumbs fumbled across my delicate iPhone keyboard, and I deleted the message. To atone for my clumsiness, Iâm writing this post.
I assume the reader was a fellow Dom, so Iâm writing from that perspective. I also assume the Dom is a man, but allow me to disclaim: I love the gays, the breeders, the bisexuals, the transexuals, the transgenders, and all forms of lovers, as long as theyâre consenting adults. However, for the purposes of this article, Iâm going to simplify by using male Dom/female sub. If thatâs not you, feel free to translate.
First of all, there is an abhorrent misconception circulating in our community that a Dom should not go down on his sub because it somehow diminishes his power. This is flat fucking ridiculous. A submissiveâs pussy is a control panel hard-wired directly into her central nervous system; if you donât use it, youâre an idiot. Then again, Iâm heavily biased. girlâs pussy is like an exotic fruit, and I canât get enough. Sometimes I forget who I am when Iâm down there. Itâs like the bermuda triangle â one day I may go down and never come back. But I digress.
For the sake of Doms out there that may need a little guidance in the oral sex department, and as a service to all the subs that arenât being properly owned and controlled, Iâm going to issue some general principles on cunnilingus, D/s style.
1. Donât go stampeding toward the clitoris!
Make out with her for a while. A long while. When she starts getting all squirmy, thatâs when shethinks sheâs ready. Sheâs not. Just because she wants something doesnât mean itâs time yet. Sheâs eager. She wants pleasure. Youâre going to make her wait. So, when she starts to squirm, modify the make out. Alter your kissing so itâs a tease of whatâs to come. One long, slow lick, and a few gentle short ones. Imagine that little apple at the point of her lips is her clitoris. When she finally gets the analogy, sheâll get REALLY squirmy.
2. Use your hands (and your words)
Start touching her. Neck, collarbone, breasts, nipples. Apply appropriate pressure. If you pinch, do so lightly. Go out of order. Keep her guessing. Youâll know youâre doing it right when she gets goosebumps. Make your way south at about a quarter the speed that feels natural; for girls, foreplay is about anticipation. Anticipation=precipitation. Start whispering. Tell her whatâs about to happen. One of my favorites:
âIâm very, very thirsty. So Iâm going to wait until youâre very, very wet, and then Iâm going to take whatâs mine.â
âIâm going to lick your pussy right now.â
Now, reach down and gently stroke outside her panties. If you feel moisture, youâre doing it right. If youâre not, continue a combination of steps one and two â and take it slow.
Most of the time during D/s sex, you just need to take action, to use your girl the way you want. Part of the thrill of submission for some girls is that they donât have to take responsibility for the fulfillment of their fantasies â the big mean Dom is âforcingâ them into it, so how can they be ashamed? So, if your girl is shy about receiving oral sex, feel free to skip this part. But probably, sheâs not.
Donât just go down on her as a gift â sheâs your property. Make her ask for it. Make her beg for it, really. Oral sex should be the ultimate pleasure for your submissive â but itâs not all about reward for her. Youâre going to get something for giving her that pleasure -more control. More submission.
Oral sex is a perfect opportunity for you to powerfully reinforce your Dominance. You know the old story about Pavlovâs dogs? Each day, Pavlov would ring a bell and then feed his dogs. Eventually, all he would have to do is ring the bell, and the dogs would salivate. The point here is that the dogâs bodies betrayed them â they began to associate the bell directly with the involuntary behavior of salivating, even when no food was present.
In the case of submissives and oral sex, the desired behavior is begging, and the âbellâ is you prompting her to beg. In our example, oral sex is the food she craves. So, by telling your sub to beg, and then having her beg, and then producing mind-blowing orgasms, youâre training your sub to associate begging and obeying with amazing, orgasmic pleasure â even when that pleasure isnât present! You heard me. After a while, the act of begging itself will light her up as though sheâs just had (or is about to have) an amazing orgasm. This, my fellow Doms, is the very essence of control â when you can short circuit your submissiveâs conscious thought and force her body to respond to your commands. This is the loophole in the mutual consent crucial to any D/s relationship. Sure, your submissive has given her consent for you to do these things to her â but she has no defense once youâve possessed her mind in this way. This isnât crazy Svengali make-believe either â itâs classical conditioning, and itâs a staple of behavioral psychology.
So. Make her beg. I suggest asking questions like these, once her panties are soaking and sheâs getting very squirmy.
âWhat do you want, girl?â Make her say it.
âYou want me to lick that tight little pussy, donât you?â Make her beg for it.
âTell me how bad you want it. Tell me who owns that pussy. Tell me who you belong to.*â
âTell me who owns this girl.â
Generally speaking, if your girl is capable of answering using entire words, sheâs not ready yet. Wait until her responses consist mostly of little squeaks and moans.Â
Part of what youâre expecting from this article are tips on the actual mechanics of performing oral sex â and Iâll offer some. Please be warned, however, that there are very few âmagic tips.â Every girl is different â literally. The structure of a girlâs vagina, the thickness of her clitoral hood, the exact location of her g-spot â all of these crucial elements vary from individual to individual. Youâre going to have to go on an exploratory mission. So.
Explore with your tongue. Soft, slow licks. Donât spend too much time (if any) on the outside of the labia majora. One or two strokes with the tongue are plenty. Once youâve introduced yourself, put the tip of your tongue at the very back of her pussy, near the perineum. Now run it all the way up â applying moderate pressure â until you reach the top: this is where youâll encounter the clitoris. Hello there. Use this first pass to evaluate how aroused she is. If sheâs already very hot, her clit will be engorged and exposed. If she gives a shudder/twitch/yelp when you hit the top of her pussy â thatâs a sign sheâs very aroused. If not, donât despair; repeat the introductory stroke from perineum to clit.
Use your hands. Both of them. Again â it varies girl to girl. At this point, I like to reach up and pinch a nipple or two. Maybe a little harder than before, until I get a squeal. I want to cause a little pain; Iâm not a sadist, but I need girl to know that Iâm in control and that she doesnât know what Iâm going to do. This needs to be a little dangerous for her.
Once her clitoris is engorged and exposed, I start working on it. Sensitivity varies WILDLY from individual to individual. Some girls can barely stand any attention on their clitoris â in which case youâre going to focus on teasing the area around with the tip of your tongue. On the other extreme, if your girl has an ex named Hitachi, youâll need to apply a lot of pressure. I recommend two techniques at this stage:
The first one I call the circle. Form your tongue into a rigid member and circle the clitoris twice, then bisect it once. Like youâre circling the clock twice, then drawing a line from six to twelve. Vary the angle. Six to twelve, Three to nine, etc. Vary the pressure and duration based on her bodyâs response. If she pushes her pelvis into your face, apply more pressure. If she backs off or tries to get out of the way, ease up.
The second technique Iâll highlight here is the draw. Perform this by sticking your tongue all the way out. Make contact with the clitoris as far back as you can on your tongue, then draw it upward along the clit until you reach the tip of your tongue. End the move with a strong stroke of pressure from the tip of your tongue. Donât use this too much â two, maybe three times a session. Leave her wanting more.
Vary these techniques according to how your girl responds. Listen to her moans. Repeat what she likes. Focus on the areas where you get the most response. Then, when sheâs really, really wet, itâs time to:
Insert one finger first â I prefer the middle because mine is longer than my other fingers. If you experience dryness or friction, one of two things is happening. Either a.) sheâs not aroused enough or b.) she just runs dry â in this case you will want to use a lubricant. (NOT VASELINE EVER) Be careful and talk to your partner. Some girls are allergic to glycerin, others to water-based lubes. Talk to her.
If she is wet, your finger should go in fairly easily. Ease it in anyway. Tease. She wants your finger in her, trust me.
Did I tell you to stop with the tongue? Focus here. Multi-task. Youâre still doing draw (minus the finishing move) and circle â although, Iâll be honest, at this point in the game, Iâm already on autopilot, so Iâm not sure what the fuck Iâm doing up in clit-land. A girl once asked me later if I was tracing the alphabet. Really? The greek alphabet maybe. In cursive.
So tongue is still working and now your finger is too. Once youâve got middle in there, start to bend your finger into the âcome hereâ beckoning gesture. The tip of your finger is going to brush up against the spongey tissue just inside the vagina. If you drew a line from her navel to her clit, youâre now rubbing the part about an inch above her clit. YOUâRE LOOKING FOR THE G-SPOT, gentlemen. Again, there is no standard equipment here. On some girls itâs literally right inside the vagina; on others itâs farther up inside, maybe half way to her navel. Youâre going to have to explore (gently) and locate by moans and squirms and grunts. Once you find it, stroke it. Put upward pressure on it. Keep circling and drawing. Insert another finger; now youâre beckoning with both.
She should be responding very actively at this point; you want to get her riding on the edge. For my girl, that means constant pressure on her g-spot with two fingers and drawing very rapidly along her clit, up and down, increasing in speed.
About this time, girl usually starts asking if she can cum, so this is when I like to:
Gentlemen, if you donât have orgasm control over your sub, I strongly suggest you correct that situation. I wonât reiterate my views on the subject in detail here; letâs just say Iâm a believer. And, if youâre interested in such control, now is the perfect opportunity to take it.
When a sub is in this state of arousal, sheâs very suggestible. I donât recommend negotiating important terms of your D/s relationship at this point (orgasm control being one exception), but I DO recommend you make little changes. For example; years ago when we first got together, I established a protocol with girl around orgasm control. When she felt herself reaching climax, she would say,
âDoes Master want this girl to cum?â
Almost invariably, I would say yes (I really canât resist girl when she asks nicely) and fireworks would ensue. This worked GREAT for about six years. Recently, I COMPLETELY STOLE the idea of an orgasm mantra from a friend of mine (thereâs her anonymous shout-out). I introduced it in the heat of the moment. In other words:
âDoes Master want this girl to cum?â
[moan of frustration and disappointment.]
âDoes girl want to cum?â
âYes, Master, please let this girl cum.â
âI have a new rule for you.â
âYes, Master. Please tell this girl the rule.â
âFrom now on, when I give you permission to cum, you will recite a mantra until youâre finished cumming. Would you like to know what the mantra is?â
âYes, please, Master. Please tell this girl.â
âThis girl belongs to Master. She is his possession. Say it.â
âPlease, Master, may this girl cum?â
At this point, my technique consists of three things: consistent, high-pressure strokes on the g-spot, high-pressure, fast-pace drawing on the clitoris with my tongue, and humming. Yes, you heard me. Iâm humming nice and low, to create a low-frequency vibration. Iâll call this the âHitachi.â So Iâm stroking, drawing, and executing a low-frequency Hitachi. Meanwhile girl is desperately trying to remember, let alone articulate, her mantra. And I feel like the king of the world.
[Advanced sidebar: At this point, I like to reach up and partially restrict girlâs air flow with my free hand right as sheâs cumming â but this is DANGEROUS and I do not recommend it for beginners, or even for experts if youâre a new relationship. Breath play is not casual and it is not something you âdabbleâ in.]
âThis girl belongs to⌠possession⌠IâmnacumâŚ. Master⌠this girl⌠possessâŚâ
7. Make the ending happy.
I like to keep going until girl gives me two dramatic hip thrusts â that signals sheâs had all the sensation she can take. Your girlâs cue will likely be different - youâll just have to learn it. I like to take girl just past the edge and keep her there for a while. Then, usually, Iâll slide up until my lips are on her ear. Iâll do some basic reinforcement.
âYou belong to me, girl, do you understand me?â
âYes, Ma-â I usually interrupt her response with a slap right on her pussy to 1.) Let her know Iâll decide when sheâs had enough sensation and 2.) To remind her that her responses are less important than my control. Of course, if she doesnât finish the response, Iâll usually say,
âDid I tell you to stop speaking?â
âNo Ma-â Thwap. One more slap. The idea here again is confusion and reinforcement. Keep changing the rules. She needs to obey the rules, yes, but really, the rules are whatever you say they are, and she needs to constantly be anticipating your needs.
Once she settles down and the fervor of orgasm is over, I like to do one last round of reinforcement. Sheâs calm now, out of the throes of ecstasy, and her rational mind is returning. Itâs a good time to say things like:
âYouâre a very good girl when you cum for your Master.â
âYouâre hot when you do what youâre told.â
âI love owning this pussy. You are a very special girl.â
It is natural, correct, and deeply satisfying to have direct control over your submissiveâs body. Gentlemen, go forth and get more control over your sub.
Now, if youâll excuse me, I have some work to do.
Š 2012 DomWithPen. Tumblr followers have the limited right to reblog without alerting the original text. All other rights reserved.
*WHOM. I know, grammar nazis. Iâve tried using whom, but itâs like Charles Dickens bursts into the room naked, holding a quill, and then I go flaccid. So stick to who.
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