Cass

Solace.

[cassidygrace89]

Spill my heart,

Skin too thin.

Wish the blood would just go back in.

But that doesn’t work.

We don’t work in reverse unless it’s been rehearsed.

Hope belongs to the sky, and I think you were right.

I’m unwell in the head.

But it’s okay, gain the way ahead and hang your head, and sink farther down than anyone has been before.

For my darling, the dawn looks bleak,

Shout to the heavens and ask,

“Why me?”

-cass/ash Tuesday

[cassidygrace89]

Blue eyes find me in the chill of winter.

And I run away some more.

Every fiber of me warns me, I should stay, and help her.

But then she spirals down out of the snow storm into the belly of an upside down triangle.

I couldn’t have helped her anyways, right?

The fox behind me continues to scream, until I stumble too. But I don’t find a triangle.

I find a bed, pink and carpet tan.

I find her voice yelling at nothing again.

Why don’t help her? Why don’t you save her?

Oh right.

I’m 10.

-cass/unsettling memories of my mother

[cassidygrace89]

Do the tides tie us to something?

Are we here just to find peace in such mundane things?

Like plain houses and plain jobs.

The inescapable fear of “never giving up” but you really want to.

If the water was crystal blue then maybe I am blue to.

Or maybe I am a woman, with thirst for what haunts people daily.

A woman with a price she wishes to pay, but no money to show for any sin.

The sun does not kiss us, anymore.

It scowls, dismissing us along with everything else.

When does sacrifice become the price?

Maybe I can finally pay that debt.

Wish me well? Oh sure.

Everyone does, to be so loved, is such blessing and a curse.

If I can just crawl back into my mothers womb, and just start again, where would I start?

-cass/figuring it out

[cassidygrace89]

The time ticks back,

And the sun no longer shines.

You cannot cut silence with a knife, but maybe an axe will do.

Hopefully the dark will leave soon.

If not, don’t fret,

Bathe us in wine and hope we forget.

Tear into ourselves and hope we come out nice.

Maybe get too honest and split the dice.

Maybe we just become two hole halves from two different plains of existence.

I find the river does not negotiate with strangers.

-cass/10

[cassidygrace89]

Dare I venture to say,

Healing does not happen this way.

May our times fall onto prettier pastures, and maybe find kinder past times to seek.

Yet we seem to get lost within each others eyes in this summer heat.

I do apologize for the disguise I presented, in order to attract your kind eyes.

But, here, I have broom and you take the mop, and maybe we clean me up?

-cass/oops

[cassidygrace89]

The bones within this house are cursed.

The three sisters sunk there teeth-skin deep, to avenge their divinity.

And now this house is haunted with their cries and echoes.

Ruin the lives of those who wish to cross into this wretched threshold; and become apart of our family.

Pain claws up the walls, trying to escape this hell.

Despair will always accompany you in bed.

Fear of the morning is what you are greeted with.

And to be born, is to cross into this threshold of our families curse.

Now please, sit. Dig in.

Don’t mind the jack or the cigarettes,

Grin, everyone here has an addiction.

Bathe in the false light of hope, and hope for the fucking best, cause that’s all we have here.

-cass/family trauma

[cassidygrace89]

The parasite within me demands payment on the first Thursday of every month.

In the form of finger tips, she accepts nothing less.

If a payment is missed, she sheds her dress of bliss and decides my fate.

I can no longer bare the consequences of my own actions, and the fact I can’t seem to give her enough of my own fingertips.

Dress laced in black, she’s at the door.

-Cass/waiting til Thursday

[cassidygrace89]

Smash and dashed your dreams,

And spit your luck, and fucked my knuckles,

At least you came.

-cass/thought?

[cassidygrace89]

I’ve been terrible at love poems before I met you.

Heart broken, forlorn and longing? I nailed that.

But every time I found myself in a relationship of which I hoped I was in love, to summon the words of joy and love was forced and misapplied.

With you?

The three freckles under your eyes is the sign of the holy trinity, and I am not religious.

Your soft brown eyes fill the room with light on the days you grace my world with your presence.

I hear your voice, and it reminds me of Sunday mornings and sunrise painting the valleys.

Your embrace is strong enough to kill me, but I’m thrilled it is done is such a way to love me.

I can kiss every freckle of the galaxy of you, and I would still kiss you for lifetimes after.

I would follow you, blindly, in the dark so I can be bind to you for 3 centuries and a day, to which the sun no longer touches our skin, and breathing becomes dreadful. Sweat may drench our skins and hold tight to our clothes, but, as long as I touch your skin, breath your air, and hold you tightly, I can never ask of more heaven in the life I’ve already lived.

Love is such a small word for how much I feel of you.

[cassidygrace89]

I wish the voice inside my chest would take a moment to breathe.

I feel suffocated the moment it speaks.

Of the things I need to do, or the body I must intend to keep living,

The voice will not stop going. Shouting the to do list at me daily.

I would kindly tell it to shut the fuck up, but I think they would send me away again.

-cass/I call the voice Margaret

[cassidygrace89]

Flame of a candle, whisk of the fall,

Where do we end up after all?

Green of a leaf, feather of a sparrow.

May your alleys never narrow.

Chip of a bone, skin of a lover,

Oh what have we discovered?

Through the woods, and out the door.

Look at your palms and follow.

Find the first rock that shouts at the sky, and carry it with you.

Find your way back, and hold your breath.

And then-

cass/the very beginning of a very vague spell

[cassidygrace89]

Just like the days where the sun soaked you up and showed the world how much you are loved.

Now the sun hides from you and would rather explode before showing you light again.

-cass/how things have changed

[cassidygrace89]

Cracks unearth the surrounding castle built on sin.

Find yourself in where you want to be destroyed,

Your final battle is as quick as the bite of an unsuspecting apple.

We merge only to find more of us of emerged from the shadows looking for a lost thought.

I wonder when we shall finally give up the earths crust to the gods who conquered us long ago.

Wish upon the bones that break underneath your feet that quake.

Voice, shakes,

Hands tremble,

Skin pricks,

And the clock ticks dawn,

Nothing but victory, overshadowed by the thought of dread of becoming king of an unwanted castle.

-cass/normal thoughts at 11pm

[cassidygrace89]

Find me in crack between your broken ribs.

I’ve been waiting for quite sometime now.

I listened to your breaths, your gasps and laughs.

I even listened to the pain of the break.

But don’t you worry, I am here now, carefully gluing your ribs back together with the body of me.

So I can be nestled between your heart and skin for eternity.

-cass/everything good thing begins with A

[herhurlyburly]

[beguines]

Nick Flynn, from "Horse Thief", I Will Destroy You

[geryone]

I Will Destroy You, Nick Flynn