who i used to be

cassie doyle.

[augustjackson-blog]

It was on the tip of his tongue–we still have a lot to do, Cassie, try and concentrate. How much damage would it do to any hard-won authoritarian presence? Gus sighed. His headache hadn’t gotten better. God. “Fine,” Gus said, trying not to sound too desperate for caffeine. ‘Let’s go. We can pick it back up there.”

[cassiedxyle-blog]

It was clear that studying was definitely not Cassie’s strong suit. She’d try and she’d get too distracted, nothing ever made enough sense to her. Gus was good, but sometimes she thought no one would get through to her. She gave the boy a flirty smile. “You’re the best.” Her long lashes fluttered when she blinked. “I’m sure we’ll do much better after some caffeine.”

[jameslyonsii-deactivated2019040]

Crash could feel Cassie’s eyes on him and it terrified him a little. Not because she was scary, but because maybe down deep he was afraid of losing whatever the two of them had. Spending time with Cassie made him feel normal, even if it also made him feel like he wasn’t good enough for her anymore after his accident. “Oh yeah?” Crash replied with a laugh, raising an eyebrow over at her. “Either that’s a first or this is some kind of test.”

[cassiedxyle-blog]

There was a part of Cassie that longed deeply for the feelings that she’d felt for Crash before. There was still something there, but it always felt like there was some kind of space between them, especially after his accident. Her distance from him stemmed from a small fear of getting too close. “Could be either,” she shot him a flirty wink. “But for now, no test. It’s just that anything would have to be better than sitting here, so you can’t really go that wrong.”

[halflunar]

But there’s this space between us, always this space between us.

Richard Siken, Love from a Distance (via halflunar)

[delpheels]

Girls like girls like boys do

Nothing new

[dailymeredithgrey]

[jameslyonsii-deactivated2019040]

“Yeah, me too,” Crash replied, looking at anything other than Cassie’s eyes. He knew what she was probably referring to, but he certainly didn’t want to acknowledge it. That would mean owning up to what he did and the fact that he only stopped dealing to her to cover his own ass. “Any place in particular you want to go? I’d pick, but I don’t want to risk choosing wrong.”

[cassiedxyle-blog]

A small sigh fell from Cassie’s lips. She was well aware of the fact that he was avoiding eye contact with her, but she was never aware why. She looked towards him with a hard gaze, probably trying to analyze the situation far too much. “Wherever,” Cassie decided, much out of the ordinary for her. She always knew exactly what she wanted. “I don’t really mind, not today.” Her shoulders raised in a shrug.

[theo-squad-blog]

JJ made a mental note of the shop - If Cassie thought it was cool, or even just good, she should remember. Often, when she was with people, she was taking notes, on how to be cool, or how to seem cool, playing a constant game of catch up on a game to which the rules were not even clear. She realized her silence might have been a little too long, as they walked to the coffee shop, and dipped into her bag, pulling out a tube of lipgloss, and quickly touching up her own makeup, however little it was. “So, do you come here a lot, or..?” It was an open ended question, but honestly, JJ had no idea where it was going. She would let Cassie decide that.

[cassiedxyle-blog]

Cassie didn’t feel awkward with people, that was her number one thing. She knew that some people felt that way with her, but she always made it a point to prove that she was completely comfortable. That was part of what kept her a good image. Glancing at June as the girl applied lipgloss, she smiled only slightly. Sometimes she wondered why it was that JJ tried so hard to fit in with everybody else. At times, Cassie would give anything to not be poster perfect. It was exhausting, didn’t June realize that? “It’s my go-to coffee place, so yeah,” she nodded, a smile resting on her features. “I usually get coffee here before school.”

[cassiedxyle-blog]

✆⁇✉♀&

Send “✆” for a MORNING text. 

[text]: sukiiii[text]: i will love you forever if you bring a coffee to class with my name on it

Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text.

[text]: suk i dont rlly kno where i am[text]: but i thnk u shld come get m

Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT. 

[text]: i feel so fucking bad, i know i shouldn’t have ratted you out because you trust me more than anyone. you know i never handle things the right way. i’m never going to not feel guilty about it

Send “♀” for a HEARTBREAKING text. 

[text]: why are you friends with me?[text]: honestly if you thought about me like anyone else does you’d hate me, so what’s so different?

Send “&” for a LOVING text.

[text]: i’m so glad i have you, suk[text]: you’re a good person, i don’t care what anyone says

[cassiedxyle-blog]

% ツ #

Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.

[text]: so are you actually into the stuff that you say you are?[text]: lying about it’s just gonna come back to bite you in the ass

Send “ツ” for an EXCITED text.

[text]: suki and i are throwing a party tonight!!! better be there

Send “#” for a RANDOM text.

[text]: i found this tube of lipgloss with my stuff and i didn’t know if it was yours[text]: i don’t wear lipgloss so i mean it’s not mine

[queenhelenas]

[jackievonnegut-blog]

          “What?” Jackie mumbled from where she lying with her back to Cassie on (not even in) the covers of someone’s bed, eyes shut. There’d been a … get together last night so, of course, that was there the two of them ended up: together. If only they were on the same page about mornings, too. Why drink coffee when you could sleep? Still, Jackie turned over, eyelids lifting ever-so-slightly to look at her. “What kind of coffee?”

[cassiedxyle-blog]

Cassie had grown used to waking up in beds that were not hers, but most of the time she just left without ever saying a word. With Jackie, she often found herself laying there for quite some time, even making conversation. It was strangely comfortable, more than she’d ever meant for it to be. A soft smile played on her lips. “Hm, whatever kind of coffee you want.” 

[jameslyonsii-deactivated2019040]

Hearing Cassie’s voice next to him, Crash waited a second and finished typing a quick text before turning to face her. “Yeah, sure whatever you want, babe,” he replied, nonchalantly. He wasn’t exactly in the best mood today, but then against when was he ever anymore? Besides, he figured the least he could do after stealing her dad’s prescription pad and cutting her off was buy her a coffee.

[cassiedxyle-blog]

Sometimes Cassie felt like she could say just about anything when she was with Crash and at times it would be like they weren’t even in the same room, so she was surprised at his agreement. Lately they were never quite on the same page. “Great. I need some caffeine to make it through the day.” No, she definitely needed something stronger. But she was pretty certain Crash wasn’t going to be of any help with that.

[annielions-blog]

“coffee? uh…right now?” a wide-eyed annie replied, glancing over her shoulder. “i, uh, i was gonna get picked up pretty soon. but, uh, i mean, i guess i could.”

[cassiedxyle-blog]

“There’s never a bad time for coffee, Annie,” Cassie commented with a clean smile. “If you’d rather go home, no worries. But if you want to come, I can make sure you get home alright.”

[sukijxnes-blog]

A genuine smile grew and brightened her features the instance she felt Cassie’s arm pushing through her locked and crossed arms. A soft chuckle escaped her lips as she continued to beam; her face turned to look at Cassie with her chin lifted. She hovered a hand over the blonde’s and began walking, only to raise a brow, questioning Cassie’s choice of a fun time. “And here i thought we were going solely for a cup of coffee.” She rolled her eyes lightly in a joking manner, a grin still present on her face. “Maybe,” she murmured, entertaining the blonde; her brows cocked and her smile faltering. “If he’s got a friend, lets see how well he does in impressing me. Then, i’ll decide if i’ll have anything to do tonight.”

[cassiedxyle-blog]

Though Cassandra was always very confident, she felt even more so when she was with Suki. They balanced each other, like any duo of polar opposites should. Cassie loved that about Suki though. She couldn’t have been best friends with someone just like her, there was too much likeliness that she’d clash with someone similar. “I always have an ulterior motive,” Cassie remarked, smirking all the while. It was true. Cassie rarely ever did anything without an underlying reason. “If the friend isn’t impressive then we move on. But I have high hopes,” she grinned widely still. “We can strike up conversation when he gets us our drinks and figure out if he’s even normal enough to have interesting friends.”

[cassiedxyle-blog]

✉⁇$

Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT. 

[unsent text]: i didn’t mean for it to get this far. it was supposed to be just experimenting but now i can’t figure out why i think about you more than i think about crash

Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text.

[text]: ur so pretty, u knw?[text]: i’m so glad[text]: glad ur prety and i get to see u

Send “$” for an ACCIDENTAL text.

[text]: i don’t know i kinda just hooked up with someone else and i don’t even know if i should tell him[text]: fuck, wrong person[text]: that was for suki

[cassiedxyle-blog]

☎ø%

Send “☎” for a RUSHED text.

[text]: i know you probably won’t because you like hate me or something but i’m running late to class please stall for me

Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT text.

[text]: i’m having a party and i really think you should be here[text]: you’re missing out, gus

Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.

[text]: i just don’t understand you[text]: why are you so different than everyone else?[text]: it’s annoying yet oddly inviting

[cassiedxyle-blog]

✆✿♀

Send “✆” for a MORNING text. 

[text]: good morning sunshine[text]: in other words, it’s too damn early and i need you to pretty please come drag me out of bed[text]: or just get into bed with me and we can skip today

Send “✿” for a SUGGESTIVE text. 

[text]: if you’ve got plans tonight you should cancel them[text]: i can promise my plan for you is better ;)

Send “♀” for a HEARTBREAKING text. 

[text]: i swear you only like me when we’re high[text]: i guess for me it was just more and i don’t know if it is anymore