The Life and Times of a Perpetually Confused Angel
Rating: General Audiences
Pairings: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Tags: Character study, friendship, established relationship, angst, humour
Summary: Angels were never omniscient, nor invincible. They were powerful, yes ā radiant, formidable, capable of reshaping worlds ā but they were also bound. Born fully formed, denied free will, denied the right to question, they existed in a state of eternal servitude.Ā Ā
Castiel was no exception.Ā
He was meant to love only the divine glory. Yet somewhere along the endless stretch of his existence, he learned to love something else entirely.Ā
His choices made his siblings despise him. They punished him repeatedly, stripping away memories, feelings, and thoughts that strayed from the collective. Each time he returned as if newly born ā obedient, perfect.Ā
With every mission, every order, the questions inevitably came.Ā Ā
When he was ordered to raise the Righteous Man from Hell, every angel in Heaven knew it would end in disaster. But Castiel had been chosen by God Himself to lead the invasion, and no one dared question His will.
No one ā not even God āĀ anticipatedĀ the strength of Castielās attachment to the man destined to be Michaelās vessel.Ā
Sneak Peek: The six weeks he spent alone in the bunker, unable to locate Sam and Dean, nearly broke him. Without their presence, he was bereft. The pain of their absence was constant and bewildering. He couldnāt concentrate. He couldnāt compartmentalise ā something he had once excelled at.
Because for all that he had fallen, for all his friends assumed, Castiel still didnāt have a soul. He didnāt have the āequipment to care,ā as Dean once said, to manage emotions the way humans did.
So when he finally found them again ā and learned the relief would be temporary, that their deal with Billie would strip away the calm heād rebuilt ā he couldnāt bear it.
āCas, what have you done?ā
Shaking inside and out, angel blade trembling in his hand, he answered, āWhat had to be done.ā
It was his purpose: to do what was needed, regardless of the consequences. In this case, it meant Mary Winchester lived. She had another chance to know her sons ā something sheād never had before. Whether that was good for her wasnāt his concern. It mattered to Dean. And to Castiel, Dean was the one who mattered.
āYou mean too much to me.ā He would not allow everything he had sacrificed ā the destruction heād caused in Heaven and on Earth ā to be for nothing.
They stared at each other for a long, heavy moment. When Dean didnāt respond, Castiel lowered his blade, walked past all three Winchesters, and got into the car. Dean was the last to join him, retaking his place in the back seat as Mary started the engine.
No one spoke. The rest of the journey passed in silence. But Deanās hand rested, palm open, on the seat between them the entire way home.
