Casual Thoughts

Casually depressing and sometimes beautiful. Like a lone park bench in the middle of nowhere.

[casualdepression]

Every moment ends so quickly and you're only left with the memory. Even the moments you try to grasp onto... sometimes that makes them slip by even faster.

[casualdepression]

I saw two versions of the world today just by watching a couple of TikTok lives.

One, was a succesful father and son TikTok duo who were cohosting another popular female TikToker. Both had hundreds of thousands of followers. They received tens of thousands worth of TikTok coins on Live. Which equates to a few hundred to several hundred dollars. If not more.

Thats per live.

Then, as I scrolled, I came across these poor people. Also a father and son. They were from Pakistan. They had far fewer viewers. Their home showed more struggle. And they received much smaller gifts. The big level gifters passed.

Instead they got mocked by false generosity with comments like 1000usd send etc. Because somehow, if they'd believed it, people might be entertained and laugh at them.

I saw a world where wealth attracts wealth. Because somehow, it feels more comfortable for people to give to those who already have it and dont really need it.

[casualdepression]

I can't be the only one who hugs my pillow to help me fall asleep.

[casualdepression]

We're all trapped.

Some people are just more happy than others to be trapped.

[casualdepression]

You dont need to wish for it to end.

It will.

Time will destroy everything.

[casualdepression]

You remind me of a summers dusk; a golden hour. Beautiful and fleeting.

[casualdepression]

I adore you.

[casualdepression]

I fear our consciousness is just a design flaw that makes us think we're the lucky ones while also making us think we're the centre of the universe.

[casualdepression]

Sometimes, you've got to practice self-aware delusions. It helps you cope. It's those maladaptive daydreams; they're absurd, even pathetic, but sometimes they're the only things that keep you sane.

I watched this person at a live music event. I felt in awe and envy at their energy. The way they moved so freely. Completely liberated as if they've never learned shame.

Meanwhile, I sit in a far corner with my arms crossed. That's how I've come to enjoy things. With stiffness and being withdrawn. Like a jaded man who is a decade older than me. Way past his prime and feeling left behind.

Still, each moment seamlessly passes and leaves us in oblivion. We don't realize it's happening, and then it hits like a train. And all you can think about is how much you've lost and how little you've truly lived.

[casualdepression]

A letter to my mother:

I saw a mother with her son. They were out together having fun. It was a convention for video games. She smiled as he played, even as he messed up and struggled on a racing simulator. I caught myself smile as well.

Then she sits at the side and waits. She has some bags with things they've bought through the day. She seems so patient and content watching him. I wonder to myself if she's a single parent like you were.

Either way, I thought - perhaps in another life, that could have been us. A life where you were already as steady and strong as you are now, where our weekends might have been filled with moments like these.

I can't shake the feeling, wondering what life could have been. And knowing this is the only one we get; that hurts.

[casualdepression]

Some people fail to achieve their average dreams. That's a painful reality.

[casualdepression]

When you wait long for something and it finally comes along, it feels depressing more than satisfying.

[casualdepression]

It's annoying when we envy the ones we dislike.

It hurts deeply to envy the ones you love.

[casualdepression]

We're jaded because we don't get twinkly eyes anymore.

We no longer have crushes.

We don't hope as much.

We don't sit back and daydream.

Instead we scroll endlessly and see everything that's out there. Experiences that we can never replicate.

And we feel depressed and down because of oversaturated ideals we cannot live up to. We see beauty and we feel annoyance or resentment.

Or maybe we've just grown into the cynical, realistic adults that told us the world wasn't sunshine and rainbows.

[casualdepression]

Politics is the subject everyone can argue over with no end in sight. Because politics is built on opinion and not facts.

[casualdepression]

[casualdepression]

In high school, there was this kid I didn't like. He once told me I laugh at silly things that aren't funny.

I didn't really respond, or if I did, I can't remember.

But the important takeaway is too many people stop laughing at silly things because they feel they need to be mature.

Laugh more often.

Forgot to mention, he was kind of a moron.