if you love me, let me go

these words are knives and often leave scars, the fear of falling apart. truth be told, i never was yours. catherine james | 38 | actress

[cathyjames-blog1]

teaganharper‌:

teagan was excited about the project as a whole, though more than a little nervous about meeting their co-star. starring in a romantic comedy with a cis woman was kinda intimidating, having no idea how this stranger would handle the situation. catherine james had signed onto the project and had yet to back out, so the woman had to have some idea of what she was getting into by now… walking into the conference room the two had agreed to meet in and go through some lines, teagan offered an awkward smile to the blonde. “hi hi.” they could feel their own smile digging into their cheeks, plopping down into the seat catherine motioned to. “i guess if we want this movie to happen.” they said jokingly, adding, “–which i do, christ, believe me when i say i need this.”

It had been ages since Catherine had done anything with romance involved. Her go-to projects these days were dramas and thrillers. It had been... Gosh, at least eight years since she’d done a romance movie. But that was where she’d gotten her start and she figured going back to her roots would be fun. A part of her had some disdain toward Teagan after hearing about what they had said to her daughter, but she wasn’t going to let that ruin their time together. Besides, why should she care about what happened between them and Ruby? Ruby didn’t like her, so the incident wasn’t going to shape the chemistry between herself and Teagan. “How are you?” She smiled, leaning forward and offering a hand for them to shake. “Oh, me too. It’s been ages since I’ve done anything with romance involved, so this is totally different for me. I’m excited, though.”

[cathyjames-blog1]

swooncheyenne‌:

Cheyenne placed her glass back onto the bar, still half full of liquid as it was. She wasn’t a big drinker but more interested in the company she often found in bars than anything else. “That sounds so great! Will it be a RomCom then? I haven’t heard about that one yet.” Chey herself hadn’t done too many romantic movies but the idea had always intrigued her. 

Catherine herself was a drinker, and had been since her divorce, but she wasn’t an alcoholic by any means. She just enjoyed a drink, enjoyed getting fucked up from time to time, and that was what she felt like doing right now. “Oh, yes, it’s a romcom! It’s been a long, long while since I’ve done a romance movie. I was probably... In my twenties the last time I did one, honestly, so it’ll be something different.” She usually did action, drama, and thriller movies this days, but going back to her roots was going to be fun.

[cathyjames-blog1]

swooncheyenne‌:

Cheyenne accepted her drink from the bartender happily, raising her glass to the woman next to her. “That’s no small victory! Sounds like you’ve had an amazing day and that needs to be celebrated. Congrats on your interview.” She took a drink from her glass before placing it back on the counter in front of her. Someone would have to be blind not to know who this actress was. “So, tell me. What is this new movie that you’ve been cast in?” 

“Thank you, I appreciate it.” Catherine said with a smile. She was so excited about her upcoming picture - but a small part of her was excited for her daughter, too. She’d been cast in Hairspray, an upcoming musical, and she knew that Ruby must be excited about that. It made her feel good to know that her daughter was successful. “When Harry Met Sally. The script is great, honestly, it’s gonna be a laugh and a half.”

[cathyjames-blog1]

love-levitt‌:

“Interviewers are hardly ever original,” Eila said, disdain apparent in her voice. A bunch of talk show hosts had asked her the same questions, over and over and over again, and sometimes, the only originality to be had were from the audiences. Not that audience questions weren’t ever hostile or invasive or holding the potential to throw her off. But, sometimes they were a welcome break.

“You’d think they know when to stop beating a dead horse, but nope.” Forgetting that Catherine had offered her a drink, she momentarily wondered why the bartender had brought her a gin and tonic out of nowhere. Oh, right, Eila thought, because you ordered it. She took a sip. “I take it you don’t give them the truth, either. Not that they’re owed it. They never understand exactly when they cross a line.”

“It’s a pain in the ass. And now they’re all over me because of my new project.” Catherine had, had a break for a little while during the break between her last film and this one, but it never seemed to be enough. A part of her wished she could retire, but it was far too early for her to do that. Besides, what fun would it be to retire now while Ruby was at her prime? 

“And what, exactly, do you think is the truth?” The blonde asked, raising her brows. She gave the truth as often as she could, even if it was like a slap in the face each and every time she had to repeat it. Catherine and Ruby didn’t get along, that was all there was to it. Well, on her side, anyway. Ruby had other ideas that her father had implanted in her mind. She picked up her drink and took a long swig, shrugging her shoulders. “They just keep on about the same old thing. Like, Jesus, talk about something more interesting.”

[cathyjames-blog1]

swooncheyenne‌:

Cheyenne needed a break and a nice, stiff drink in the late afternoon had sounded like just the thing she needed. The particular bar she walked into was one that she happened to know got quite a few visits from the people in her line of work. Sliding up to the bar and onto a stool next to the blonde, They was immediately caught off guard by the familiar voice. “Oh. Oh. Really? Sure, I’m having a whiskey sour, thank you.” A nod to the bartender and he was off to make her drink. “I hadn’t expected to see you here, let alone offering to buy me a drink. To what to I owe this great pleasure?” After all, it wasn’t every day that Catherine James bought you a drink.

Catherine had always been the generous type and didn’t mind spreading that generosity every now and then. Buying someone else a drink was no big deal, something she did fairly often, but today was different. There was something good to be celebrated, at least in the small sense, since she’d had her first interview about her new project coming up. “Of course,” She said with a smile, nodding her head. “Oh, just celebrating a small victory. I had an interview today that had to do with the new film I’m going to be in. Super excited about it, honestly, it’s great.”

[cathyjames-blog1]

neither-then-naor-now‌:

“If she does, she’s certainly not admitting it to me.” So this is what he was getting into today. One conversation with Catherine James about how much she ( supposedly ) cares about her daughter, and if Ruby had anything to say about it, yet another session of Ruby yelling at Joseph for things she thought he did wrong. But, perhaps he’d at least get another perspective on the whole divorce thing. 

Joseph crossed his arms. “You’re both unreliable narrators for all I care.” No need to reply that yes, Russell Torrance was absolutely a fucking prick; Joseph knew him to be a leech, and the thought of this woman screwing him in the divorce was laughable. Unless, by screwed, Mr. Torrance met she didn’t give me enough money to leave her entirely destitute, she’s too successful and happy. 

“I know what it’s like to be a kid in a divorce. When one parent’s gone, the other feeds you as much bullshit as they can.” It’s the most Joseph is willing to confess to Catherine. After his mother’s cancellation, there was some media speculation about where Joseph would end up. Foster care? Relatives’ homes? Does he have a living father? No, and according to divorce records, he split when Joseph was two, getting into a car crash as he was high-tailing it out of his mother’s house. Supposedly. 

“If you want to give me your side of the story, you can, just make it quick. You seem pretty desperate to tell it, anyway.”

“Why would she admit anything to you?” Catherine asked, brows raised. As far as she knew, Joseph wasn’t a friend to Ruby, he was just her errand boy and nothing more. They played nice for the press, she saw it, and she knew when her daughter was faking. A mother’s instinct is almost always right. “She doesn’t talk to anyone, she keeps all that shit bottled in, I know how she is. I see it in her.”

She didn’t like this boy’s attitude and a part of her wanted to walk away, leave him standing there with nothing better to do than wait for Ruby to reappear by his side, but she wouldn’t give away that small victory. So instead she stayed, deciding to put up with this conversation. “He’s painted me to be the devil, because that’s what he does with everybody. Everyone but him is a heathen and will hurt his poor, precious Ruby,” She shook her head, reaching up to push some hair back from her face. “I’m not desperate for anything, kid, I’m just telling you that I care about my daughter. You can pass that message along or leave it be.”

[cathyjames-blog1]

ludaxmae‌:

she nodded in response to the news. lu had only glanced at most of the projects, knowing that her age limited what roles she could audition for. most of these scripts were written with adults in mind, and lu hardly considered herself one of those. “what’s your daughter’s name?” strange to think lu could know this stranger’s daughter, but then again, la had grown awfully small these past few decades. “right now i guess i’m aiming for heart and soul, some new tv show about soulmates and drama and happy endings.” 

“Ruby - Ruby Torrance.” Catherine figured that some of these younger kids wouldn’t know that she was Ruby’s mother. Ruby, after all, would be more than happy to erase her from her entire life if she could. But she just couldn’t allow that to happen - they may not get along, and her daughter may hate her, but Catherine was going to stick around and keep a watch on the girl. “Oooh, sounds like a fun time. Happy endings are always good, that’ll probably go over well. Everyone loves a happy ending.”

[cathyjames-blog1]

@teaganharper

Catherine had been reading over her script for the film, trying to get some of her lines together so she wouldn’t have so much work to do later on. She’d yet to meet her costar, but it seemed like that was going to change when the other was coming toward her. The blonde looked up and smiled, shifting in her seat and motioning at the seat across from her, hoping that Teagan would sit down. “Hey! I guess we’d have to meet eventually, right?”

[cathyjames-blog1]

ludaxmae‌:

“that’s good. what project?” with cora herself signing off on five new projects earlier in the week, there’d been a rush of excitement throughout prometheus. lu had even done an audition of her own, and while she wasn’t exactly what the producer had in mind for the character she’d done more than enough to prove she could pull it off. lu didn’t keep up with tabloids or la drama, and despite the physical similarities, she never would have fingered this woman as ruby’s mother. “i hope that with auditions coming to an end things will calm down around here.” 

“I got signed on for When Harry Met Sally.” Catherine, of course, would be playing Sally. She’d yet to meet her costar, which was unfortunate, but she figured the time would come soon enough. She always liked to talk to her coworkers and feel out how their chemistry would be together. She’d been excited upon hearing her daughter had gotten a role in Hairspray as well, but she had no way to convey that to her except through the public interviews - it’s not as if Ruby would speak to her. “Oh, god, me too. My daughter got a role, too - Hairspray. I know she’s got to be so excited about that, she’s always loved dancing and music. What projects are you wanting in on?”

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love-levitt‌:

Eila nodded, but said little. What was there to say now? Eila was busy thinking about what her next project would be, and Catherine? Very likely trying to skirt around questions interviewers had posed about Ruby. Eila knew how invasive some interview hosts could be. What was the inspiration behind your performance? Was it informed by some past experience? A trauma, was it? Please, tell us on national television about your most painful life experiences. 

“What brings you here?” Eila asked out of politeness. Maybe Catherine would say I needed the day off, to which Eila could say I can relate, and their conversation would be full of empty niceties. Maybe not.

Catherine didn’t care to talk about her daughter in interviews. She loved it, because she hoped that the young girl would realize that her mother loved her, but it just didn’t seem to go as planned. But at least if she spoke on the issue, it made it seem like she was trying to solve the problem and Ruby was the one keeping a distance between them. That was the truth, after all. 

“I needed a stiff drink. I get so tired of answering the same questions ever single fucking day,” She picked up her glass and took a sip, pausing for a moment before continuing. “They all want to talk about my daughter, they all want to know why she doesn’t like me, that’s their main line of questioning. It’s insane.”

[cathyjames-blog1]

neither-then-naor-now‌:

God, I hate her! Ruby had said of her own mother, countless times. My father’s innocent, you know! My mother screwed him over in the divorce. She hates me for no reason! Something along those lines. And yet, every time Joseph had watched one of Catherine’s interviews, the woman had simply made it about them not getting along, about personalities simply clashing. Nothing else.

Joseph wished he didn’t understand this situation more than he did. His stage mother had been neurotic, paranoid, unpredictable and controlling. She would switch from loving him dearly to angrily asking why he was dropping in points. She would demonize her family, create negative stories that no one was around to refute. But, unlike Joseph’s late father, whom his mother had painted contradictory stories about, Catherine James was at least alive to defend herself.

“Does she know that?” Joseph asked, arms crossed. He knew the answer – it was a firm, solid no. Ruby wouldn’t be at all pleased that Catherine was speaking with him now. But, how she would rationalize the situation itself, Joseph wasn’t sure. “Not getting along is a weak way to put it. There’s not much I can do for you, even if I do believe that you care about her.”

Catherine loved Ruby, she really did, but they just... Didn’t mesh well together. For fucks sake, the girl came out of her womb, but they couldn’t get along? What bullshit. But that was the way it was and she couldn’t change it on her own, and Ruby certainly didn’t want to change the way their relationship was, so there was no real point in trying anymore. They just couldn’t get their shit together enough to like each other, no matter how hard she tried to make it known to her daughter that she cared.

“She knows I care about her. She just doesn’t want to admit it.” Catherine shook her head, reaching up to push some blonde locks back from her face. She knew that her daughter would be pissed that she was talking to anyone that was even associated with her, but she didn’t care what the fate of Ruby and Russell’s errand boy was - she just wanted to check in on her kid without having to speak to her face to face. “Her father is a prick, I’m sure you know that. Don’t tell me they’ve poisoned you, too.”

[cathyjames-blog1]

ludaxmae‌:

she wasn’t sure what drove her out and to the bar tonight. maybe lu just needed to do something different–to be someone different. an older man had bought her a drink, something blue and fruity. lu was hardly in the mood to talk, and once he realized she wasn’t going to be good company he’d abandoned her to find another pretty girl. that was fine with her. lu lifted her head in surprise at the blonde’s offer, stumbling over her words as she searched for a reply. “oh–it’s okay. i probably won’t even finish this one.” a moment of awkward silence settled over them before lu turned to the stranger once more, getting up the courage to ask what the occasion was. “did something good happen today? or are you just feeling friendly?”

Catherine just liked to drink. She picked up that habit from Russell over their time together during Ruby’s younger years. She wasn’t an alcoholic by any means, certainly not, but it was a habit she’d yet to shake. When the other sat down next to her, the blonde flashed her a grin but it soon faded as the awkward silence fell between the two of them. However, she was thankful that the young woman spoke up again, and she turned her attention back to her and nodded. “Oh, both, I guess. I had a good interview today, so that’s made me feel good. I always feel friendly, though, honestly. I like to make new friends.”

[cathyjames-blog1]

neither-then-naor-now‌:

Joseph pursed his lips and drew in a deep breath. Ruby’s mother. Greeeaaat. If Ruby was to be believed, she was an avoidant personality and an absolute cunt, and if Catherine was to be believed, their personalities “simply clashed.” Good thing Joseph believed neither of them.

If Ruby asks, Joseph would tell her Catherine had simply approached him, and he had given her one worded answers. Which he would. Kind of. If he wanted to.

“I am,” Joseph said. “I’m babysitting.” Believe it or not, Ruby didn’t want to use Joseph in her entourage all the time, only when it made her look good. Right now, she was apparently doing just fine on her own. “What do you care? I thought you weren’t involved in her life.”

Catherine had heard all about how Ruby and Russell had taken this kid in. She knew his story, though she didn’t really care that much - she just knew that he was now her daughter’s errand boy and would probably never get any further than that. It was no big deal to her, she didn’t care, she simply found it interesting that he’d fallen into such a life.

“Babysitting.” She repeated, looking at him and raising her brows. And where was Russell in all of this? It was strange to her to see Ruby alone, the two of them were usually attached at the hip. Maybe she was just growing up and needed some alone time. Well, supervised alone time, of course. “I’m not. But she is my daughter, and I do care, believe it or not. We simply don’t get along, that’s all. She’s still mine, though, I just like to check in on her every now and then.”

[cathyjames-blog1]

neither-then-naor-now‌:

“I certainly don’t miss that,” Joseph said, referring to the onslaught of paparazzi currently harassing some big-name just across the street. He wasn’t sure if everyone who met him recognized him from his early years on that kid’s TV show he starred in. Sometimes they did, sometimes not. Today, it seemed the paps ignored him entirely, thank G-d. “Day after day. Paps are relentless.”

Catherine had been watching from a distance as her daughter talked to the paparazzi, posing for pictures and chatting it up. She had a way with words, that one, but she was certain that the trait had come from Russell. He was a conniving son of a bitch, Russell Torrance. “She loves it,” The blonde turned her attention to Joseph, shaking her head. “You’d love it to if it made you a living. Shouldn’t you be working?”

[cathyjames-blog1]

love-levitt‌:

Eila submitted her bids, and now it was time to wait.

Her day went like this: 7 a.m., she had breakfast. 9 a.m., she practiced her lines with a friend from NY over Skype. Noon, lunch. 2 p.m., finish a mystery novel. 4 p.m., contact her agent about the role, get reassured that everything went swimmingly, still get nervous anyway. 4:45 p.m. google various therapists, since she had quit her last one over a fight.

6 p.m. head out to a bar, just because she can.

She took a seat, not realizing until the woman spoke to her that she was Ruby’s mother. Well. This should be interesting.

“Gin and tonic,” Eila said with a wry smile. She couldn’t help but wonder if Catherine thought much of Eila. Maybe she liked Eila just to spite her daughter. Maybe she didn’t. She’d find out soon. “I’m Eila,” she extended a hand across the bar, “Eila Levitt.”

Catherine loved her life, she really did, but she was glad for times like these when she could settle down and have a drink. Gin on the rocks, something to sip on. She wondered if Ruby had ever had a drink, or even thought about it. She kept up with her daughter through publications and interviews, always keeping an eye on her youngest spawn even though they hadn’t talked in ages.

And, of course, she knew all about Ruby’s dislike of Eila. She knew who the other young woman was, of course, and recognized her immediately when she slid into the bar stool next to her. She didn’t think much of the other, not paying much attention to her career, disinterested. But she could play nice. She ordered the girl’s drink before speaking to her, turning her full attention to the other. “I’m aware,” She took her hand and shook it. “Catherine James. Ruby’s mother, though I’m sure you know that already.”

[cathyjames-blog1]

Catherine sat in a bar after an afternoon interview, drink in hand. It had gone over well, of course, her charm rubbing off on others as it usually did. She and her daughter were too much alike, even fighting for the attention of the public, which felt strange to her. She’d discussed Ruby during the interview, going on about how she and her daughter simply didn’t get along and had their fair share of differences, but in all honesty she knew that the girl hated her. She thought about this as she sat, drinking her screwdriver, distracted. That was, however, under someone took the place next to her at the bar. “What’re you drinking?” She turned, looking at them with a smile. “My treat.”

[cathyjames-blog1]