Dirty Paws. @catsonabridge - Tumblr Blog

On People Who Probably Don't Deserve Your Time

So there was this summer. And this person I once knew.

He meant something because he was the first person I trusted enough to have sex with who I wasn't in a relationship with; to me, this action was freeing and modern, contradictory to the behavior I'd practiced in the past, and in conjunction, marked a new chapter in my life.

Funny thing, because this person, he wasn't..material. Of any sort.

Nothing relationship-worthy. Or even friendship-worthy, it turned out.

Just a good actor.

A frightened, sad, manipulative someone, living in a small town.

He'd been through hell and hadn't handled it appropriately.

But for some reason, I hung on to the concept that this person could break free from this.

That I could help him to break free from this because, to be callous for a minute, everyone's been through various stages of hell. Your character is based upon how you handle the hell in question.

In retrospect, I imagine that I wasn't the only person to believe that I could be of help but then, I also had no clue he was the city ho at the time.

To my credit, I'd been out of country.

Anyway. When I realized that I couldn't help this person I moved on. With a few humiliating (and weak) falterings myself, but I eventually came to the point that I failed to see him in the light that had initially drawn me to him; he was less an intelligent, capable, wonderful person and more the weak, manipulative, insecure man I learned he had the capability to be.

And I was crushed.

When I look back, I'm still shocked by how crushed I was.

Because I believed in him.

Truth is, I would have believed in him whether we'd become intimate or not.

And who's to say. Maybe he's the type that if we hadn't, he'd have been more receptive to my help.

But again, I'm still shocked by how crushed I was.

Because now, I don't feel a thing.

With one simmering exception.

I feel embarrassed that I put what I put into it in the first place, comprising my own dignity at times in the hope that this injured person would deign to let me help him.

At any rate, learn from my blunders:

Do not attempt to help someone who does not want your help.

1. Chances are that you will one day discover that they were, at the same time as behaving intimately with you, being intimate with the county klepto. And some. (Your situation may be slightly different, but you understand the gist.)

2. This person was not receptive for a reason. Let this person do their thing. Do not try to alter anyone's present state of mind. There's probably a lot that you don't know.

3. Consider your current state.

If you had more going on in your own life, would you have allowed this person to consume so much of your free thinking?

One day, even if some of you have never even once come close to the situation that I have described, you will experience someone similar.

And I hope that you will remember, in some way, this anecdote.

And that the first sentiment that will occur to you is:

"Nope."

Alright. I'm not going to pretend like the following events either surprise or disturb me. They are, however, quite fascinating, which is why I've decided to draw attention to them.

It seems that there are distinct patterns of women (along with a few men) creating thinspo, or inspiration to get thin, accounts that encourage an incredibly unhealthy lifstyle.

Girls age 13-19 have taken to creating these "secret" accounts; ostensibly in order to “recover” from anorexia or bulimia but whose biographies read descriptions akin to, “5’6. SW: 130, CW: 120, UGW: 100. Attempting recovery.”

Here’s the thing: You’re not attempting recovery at all if you’ve still got an UGW (Ultimate Goal Weight) that you’re restricting, exercising or purging in order to reach.

I can’t imagine how many young women just like these girls look at the pictures posted every single day and think, “Well, she’s doing it, maybe I should too.”

As the nature of IG allows followers to comment on pictures posted, it is pertinent to include here that although the general public seems to be kind and encouraging toward the account holder, i.e. assuring them that they’re already thin, telling them they’re beautiful, etc., sometimes followers are not so nice. And of the maybe 15 thinspo accounts I’ve taken to following, a good 12 of them have experienced negative comments that have triggered them to the point that they threaten to delete their accounts/claim not to eat for days as the result.

I personally cannot even conceive of what it would have been like if I’d had IG when I was 16-17. It would have been an absolute triggering nightmare.

It would appear that the majority of these thinspo accounts come from the UK, Australia and the U.S., all westernized regions. Go figure.

It was my intention at this point to post a couple pictures of the more severe accounts on topic, however, ironically enough, it seems that most of the more disturbing images have been deleted.

Instagram has “banned” all images seen as promoting eating disorders and self harm, without my knowledge, evidently.

The images still exist as do the not-so-secret online communities..so, yeah. Foiled again.

And this is where I hit an impasse: Although the point of this passage is to point out and discourage thinspo, I cannot help but take issue with the fact that IG is now an entirely censored outlet.

I wonder, what will be blocked next? Sexually appealing images, news articles, politics..? If seeing images of thin women encourages other young women to restrict, would seeing images of angry men with guns encourage other young men to acquire firearms?

All I can say for sure is that Instagram did not create the eds. The eds existed, and accounts were created in order to fuel them.

So instead of demonizing IG, Tumblr and Pinterest as the media seems to have done, I'm just going to reiterate what I've said all along:

Guns will always exist, but if we make the right moves, the people with the propensity to hurt innocents, will not; The internet will always exist, but if we make the right moves, the people who suffer through anorexia and self harm, will not.