On Approaching Dominant Parties
So, I hear you ask. I want to RP but I have no idea who to start with…all my friends are normal. Well then, intrepid example I just created, in that case you need to find yourself an RP partner!
I covered Where To Find People in the first post on this site, but that’s the easy part, creating profiles and learning the ends and outs of how to use them. The hard part is finding someone who’s into what you’re into, who wants to play with you.
The first few days of this can be a lonely experience, faced with quite a few rejections, or even unanswered messages to people who draw your interest. With any luck, this guide will limit those, by outlining the best way to approach and interact with new people in a way that you’ll both enjoy so you can let your freak flags fly.
First and foremost, before you approach a dominant party, remember that there’s a person on the other end of the character. Some people like an In-Character approach from the outset, but most would just like you to say hello like an ordinary run of the mill fellow or fell-ette. Few good RP’s I’ve been a part of have started with someone bursting into my inbox guns blazing. For one you probably have common interests even outside of your kinks. Try to make a human connection before you make a love connection. Or if you do start In Character, give them room to shape the experience as much as you do.
Most Doms and Switches are Inundated With Requests
It is a simple fact of RPing that subs will always outnumber doms. Because of this, Doms and Switches are often beset with request from subordinate parties to fulfill thier whims and scenarios. This can quickly burn out even someone who loves RPing, and quickly grows tiresome. Because of this, many great RPers limit themselves to a number of close friends. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t try reaching out if you feel you do have a lot in common with someone, but if you do, keep this in mind. They do not owe you anything simply because you like thier character, entitlement is the quickest way to kill interest.
I find that one of the BEST ways to make friends with people who do play dominant characters, is actually to flip the script. If you’re a pure sub that’s fine, but always being the dominant party in an RP can grow samey and tiresome, there’s a million+ people who can fill that role. However, if you offer to switch it up and let them play sub on the first outing, this can often be such a pleasant surprise that it begs future play. This is why I often advocate getting comfortable with the role of Switch, as it opens up new avenues that both you and your partner can enjoy.
Okay! You’ve set up a nicely worded request for an RP that you’re sure will work! You’ve followed every step I’ve laid out and things are looking go-
O-oh…oh they said no. NO WAIT STOP.
Don’t send another message pleading with them to say yes. Don’t ply your case. As with any mutual activity, consent is key. You cannot force someone to RP with you no matter how much of a crush you might have on who they are playing. If someone doesn’t want to play, don’t pester. If in the middle of an RP someone points out that they don’t like where it’s going, don’t get angry. Do your best to read your partner, and know when they’re uncomfortable, or uninterested. Nothing ruins your chances with a potential partner like being that guy. Your partner will likely sometimes just want to talk about things, regular things. RPing is fun, but if you want to have a partner for the long term, you’re going to have to be friends outside of that as well. You don’t have to RP every time you see that person. Ask them how their day is going, connect with them. I’ve seen it many times where dominant parties tend to feel a bit like RP vending machines. People come up, expect to have thier wishes catered to, and little else. When it comes down to it, a little compassion goes a long way. It can be incredibly lonely to be a person lots of people are interested in when you get down to it. Even the folks who like ropes and whips want the occasional hug and a kind ear.
Keep all this in mind when approaching those who interest you and though you might still be rejected a few times, you’re sure to find someone to enjoy what you like with if you keep at it.