cayla

łëmmë šmåšh

[deactvated-09052020-deactivated]

[danhowellgifs]

[brendonuriesource]

Panic! At The SNHU Arena | Kyle

[bittersweetjenna]

the physical manifestation of my soul

-

An au where Dan is a Instagram Ballerina.

Please don’t repost.

[caylahenry]

THIS IS MY FAVORITE THING

[thefeelofavideogame]

[thesimpsonswayoflife]

[caylahenry]

ive got a basket full of sunshine #kitty #catsofinstagram https://www.instagram.com/p/BnR5iPwHnYi/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=16ynmlmm8iqlm

[caylahenry]

if you arent your true self people wont love you for you

[balletroyale]

Olesya Novikova in The Awakening of Flora (Mariinsky Ballet)

[relenafanel]

(x)

cool cool cool cool

[caylahenry]

i panicked at panic! and i was feelin lit @panicatthedisco . (my last concert that id been planning for 9+ months rip) (at Staples Center)

[caylahenry]

my newest song i wrote-

“i am my father’s daughter”

i dont wanna walk right in your footsteps

you pull me in but i know i cant

your destiny is misery - i wont be taken down-not again

boy, you get just what you pay for

your love is cheap and i know i paid more

i want to see how sad you’ll be without someone to beat

but i cant cover all your secrets

i cant mend all of your fences

or burn all of your bridges

we’re drifting to different places

it pains my heart that we are familiar faces

[but i am my fathers daughter

i cant change it if i wanna

a piece of me i cant be free from

it’s history but i believe i can move on

and sing this song

i am my fathers daughter

i am who i am through hell and high water

but i cant deny that through my eyes

i am my fathers daughter]

i wont pave my way with nails

i can leave a different trail

it’s okay to let you fail- because youre lost

i wanna change the world- but not for me

i dont care about money

all i want is to be happy

and ive found my way to who i wanna be

i can see

i cant cover all your secrets

or mend all of your fences

or burn all of your bridges

we’re drifting to different places

it pains my heart that we’re familiar faces

*chorus*

i wish you well in your endeavors

my dna is your gift i treasure

i brace my heart and nod my head

the father i thought i knew - i never knew he was dead

[caylahenry]

“im angry but im still hot” look. literally. hot. i was sweating like a mf in this lordy #climatechange #mua (at Santa Barbara, California)

[caylahenry]

i just want to put this out there...

I know literally nobody cares except for me, but I feel like I need to talk about this in order to feel better about myself as a 20-year-old soon to be 21-year-old that’s still really cares about Dan and Phil.

First of all, I’m well aware that nobody in this fandom is perfect/not guilty of saying something cringey or possibly out of line, but I feel the need to face my portion of it.

I didn’t actively invade their privacy/want to at all or had any intention of doing so, but as a 17-year-old I had especially strong feelings for dan and I did some things that I regret very deeply in my adulthood. One of them was making a really dumb change. org petition (i know wtf what was i doing that is a serious platform im sorry) and I can’t take it down. I also made a few pieces of fanart that I’m not exactly proud of but I know ultimately I can’t take it back. (some crazy shit with them in it that makes me want to cringe so hard I wanna throw myself into the Grand Canyon)

Admitting wrongdoing doesn’t make room for excuses, but I want to explain that I was in a very toxic and abusive situation at home and Dan and Phil were the only ones I felt I could turn to and I got sucked in headfirst to try to cope with my unbearable reality. I also suffer from five mental illnesses, but I was only aware of one and even that I hadn’t discovered during that time frame.

The reason I even bring this up in the first place is in hope that if more people saw my content than I originally anticipated that they understand that I am nowhere near the person I used to be- even 3 weeks ago, yet alone 4 years.

both Dan and Phil mean the absolute world to me, and I’ve made the biggest ass of myself being lost in overwhelming emotion in the highs of my rampant bipolar disorder, and I want to be taken seriously/not be seen as this crazy-ass kid who is obsessed with strangers. all I know is that they mean the world to me, and all I want is for them to know that and to not be afraid of me, basically.

Overall, I am a pretty sensitive person and, once again, I know probably nobody cares, but I do. The person who was @/slaymedanhowell does not exist anymore. She’s getting her brain back but still loves her favorite creators, but in a more appropriate light.

All I want is to laugh with them and make artsy-fartsy paintings of them without this hanging over my head. If you’ve read this far, thank you.

RANT OVER whewph I needed that.

[caylahenry]

heRE WE GOooo @danielhowell @amazingphil #interactiveintroverts #interactiveintrovertsla (at Microsoft Theater)

[caylahenry]

i didnt plan to be this extra but nothing better for da boys #interactiveintroverts @danielhowell @amazingphil (at Microsoft Theater)

[caylahenry]

rest easy, my little sunshine✨i love my little ollie💜 (at Santa Barbara, California)