TW: Suicide, suicidal ideation, plans of suicide, Robby's situation as a whole
There are a lot of really great and intense moments in S2x10. But, I think one of the biggest but much more subtle moments of storytelling about Robbyâs state is this:
It tells us that Robby has taken up this motorbike four months after season 1. That this is an active decision made after weâve clearly seen him in an unwell and suicidal place.Â
It solidifies that Robbyâs not taken up repairing this motorbike as a midlife crisis or for the love of the game, but rather in the hopes itâll give him a fast death heâs not in control of. He has worked in the ED for seemingly forever; he has seen countless motorbike deaths, countless riders who were already dead before they could even get them into the trauma room, and countless sad tales of wrong place, wrong time.Â
But for a man who wants to take his own life, itâs the perfect story, the perfect solution. He doesnât have to step off the ledge if itâs done for him. If another car hits him while heâs on his motorbike, itâs not a choice heâs made; he is just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Itâs a tragic story, but one that maybe will be easier for his friends and colleagues to digest than if Robby stepped off the literal ledge on top of PTMC.Â
There is also no one there to talk him down off the metaphorical ledge. No Abbot to convince him not to do it, because what would Abbot say? Don't ride motorbikes, they're dangerous? Maybe he thinks the bike is good for Robby, heâs got a new hobby, theyâve spent time fixing it together, and now Robby has another friend in Duke the motorbike engineer. Abbot, of course, would know the risks of motorbikes, but who is he to judge? He might be in therapy, but heâs still taking voluntary positions with SWAT as their medic, and itâs just a tragic story if he gets caught in the crossfire.
This is a very informed choice, a choice informed by all those tragic tales, all the motorbike patients who never even had a chance, especially the ones without helmets. Robby takes that PennDot motorcycle safety course not because he cares about safety, quite the opposite. It gives him the legal right to ride without a helmet in Pennsylvania, so he can increase the risk of his death, and a very instant one, upon crashing. So that when he does get hit, he has a higher chance of a brain injury if his brain isnât already splattered across the road, which is probably his ideal scenario. The scenario where he doesnât get brought into the Pitt, where heâs declared dead at the scene, and his colleagues donât have to see him. They will just have to pass his picture on the wall next to Dr Adamson, where Robby can rest, and if they hear about him not wearing a helmet when he got hit, well, he mustâve just forgotten that day because he was always carrying one when he walked into work.Â
But it hasnât worked. Heâs been riding for 6 months in and out of work, even after long 12-hour shifts, and nothing has happened. So, heâll book that sabbatical, a very extended one that requires pre-planning and making sure he has a âtemporaryâ replacement. Then, when all his affairs are in order, when heâs said his goodbyes, when heâs burnt enough bridges that the group of people that will grieve him has shrunk, heâll start a very long trip, after a very long shift, and keep driving till it happens. Till heâs another tragic tale, another remembrance, another memory, another colleague, another friend, another mentor laid to rest.
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jacobvanloon
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