Worry not, I did this too. It happens sometimes and that’s okay. It can be fixed.
Because depression literally attacks your brain and forces changes to it, the things you have to do to fix it are material. Actionable (in my personal experience). (I would lump fear of failure into this as well. I have that also, and the steps are the same.)
And there’s growing pains to it. It’s important to emphasize here that your struggle is hard. It’s real, it’s a real challenge. But also that you are stronger than you think. And you might not feel that but it’s the truth.
The aim is to fall in love with drawing again by reforming the habit. Because I’m the person I am, I picked out a journal and decided it was magic. And that anything I drew inside of it was impossible to be a failure because the magic of the journal prevented me from judging my own work. Which is to say: make a safe space for you to do art. A place as free of judgement as you can muster. Save your mistakes. They’re yours, they inevitably show growth, and your brain is likely tricking you into thinking you’ve made a mistake when in truth, that’s a pretty rad drawing. And it’s okay if it’s tricking you. It’s okay to hate your drawings. It’s not permanent.
When trying to improve self image, we’re encouraged to look at ourselves naked in the mirror and become accustomed to what we see. Not to immediately love who we see, simply to get used to it. And then next to exercise compassion for that person in the mirror once we can stand to appreciate what we see. We want to do the same with our art, failures and successes.
Part two is to make it a habit once again.
Aim to draw a little everyday. Do your best not to punish yourself for missing days (I missed months on my road to recovery, and I still made it back) but figure out a time and a place where you’re able to draw and try to do it every day.
Depression-brain literally makes you not enjoy things you once liked. Drawing might feel empty. But it’s more like a balloon filled with air instead of helium. You think it’s filled with nothing because it’s not floating, but there’s still something there. It’s going to feel like a chore at first. And it might feel that way for a bit. Remember that this is a struggle and that it’s not easy, but you can do it. You have the strength.
Eventually it won’t feel quite so much like a chore.
And then eventually after that you’ll feel a little lift inside when you’re working on something. And that’s when you know you’ve made it through the roughest patch safely. Still maintain the habit. The best coping is something you do despite how you’re feeling.
I’m so sorry for the things that have happened to put you in this place. It can feel hopeless and from every angle look hopeless. There is a string leading to the exit, and though one might drop it at times, and progress made is not wasted, it’s putting you one closer to the exit.
I love you, and you can make it out.
areudirty
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kaledo-art
