Ooo! A self aware Subaru for the dating pro/con ask game, please.
content warnings: unhealthy relationship dynamics, extensive discussion of death and dying (nothing super descriptive, but like. it’s re:zero.), honestly outside of regular re:zero warnings this is pretty tame, vaguely implied spoilers for season 2
characters included: subaru natsuki (self aware)
a/n: it didn’t occur to me until i was half done with this already that you may, perhaps, have meant subaru akehoshi from enstars and not subaru natsuki. um. i hope this was the right subaru
pros:
enjoyable to be around — subaru is fun to be around. he thinks he’s funnier than he is, but even if you’re laughing at him rather than at his jokes that’s fine with him. he’s just happy to make you laugh and lighten up (and have your attention wholly on him, but you don’t need to know that). he doesn’t mind being a clown if he’s your clown. but even then, he’s overall a good friend. even when you’re together, he’s more like a best friend you can always confide in and feel at ease around who you also happen to kiss and sleep together with. it’s very different from how his relationship with emilia went, but it’s indefinitely more comfortable for both of you and he’s glad it went this way. in a way, it’s because he can afford to be this comfortable around you. he couldn’t tell emilia about his return by death, but even if he couldn’t tell you directly you’re already well aware. it feels a bit uncanny at times, but you know him well enough that sometimes it feels like you can actually read his thoughts. he’d like to be able to return the favour, even if there’s still so much he’s learning about you. he wouldn’t change the relationship the two of you have for the world, not now and not ever. even if you seem even more hesitant to the idea of him protecting you like your loyal knight than emilia was.
genuine — well, for the most part. he’ll try to bury the more unsightly parts of himself, and show you more of his good, fun, and chill side. but he doesn’t try to pretend to be someone he’s not just to gain your affection, or at least not someone entirely different. he is perceptive to what you like about him, even if he can sometimes get stubborn and convince himself that you wouldn’t like his lowest points no matter how much you assure him that just like he loves all of you, you love all of him. but while he might play up the parts (he thinks) you like of him, he won’t outright fake being someone else entirely. he doesn’t mind being honest and pointing out your faults, either, but it’s clear even that’s endearing to him. he loves you not despite your flaws, but because of them. there’s a raw edge to how he talks about you that sounds both unbearably in love, and like there’s something close to bursting at the seams deep down. it’s hard to overlook how much fondness seeps through when he talks to and about you, even when it starts to sound almost concerning.
your personal hype squad — from cutsey (if cringy) nicknames, to hyping you up whenever you’re introduced, to being able to talk about how wonderful you are for hours, you’ll never have to second guess just how much he adores you. anyone can see how in love he is with you, and even if he can get a little overbearing sometimes, you’ll never doubt it. it’s not just to others, either. he’s very upfront about how much he loves you to your face, too. if you’re ever not feeling to great about yourself, he’ll immediately start telling you all the great things about you, and his list is hardly short. he loves you, and he wants you to know he loves you. in fact, it’s essential to him that you’re aware of it. he knows what it’s like to hate yourself, and he absolutely don’t want you to have to feel the same way if you don’t have to. it’s thanks to you that he started tolerating himself more and more, so now it’s his turn to return the favour. but even outside of that, he’s just the type of guy to loudly proclaim how much he loves his partner, because he just has a lot of love and excitement about you. and he’s almost painfully genuine, too—none of what he says, however extravagant, is at all exaggerated. he really just cares for you that much. it’s cute and uplifting, if nothing else.
cons:
self-sacrificial — he’s already lost everything he died so many times working for once, so he’s not about to let you slip through his fingers this time, and if that means putting your safety above his no matter what, he’ll do so. there’s probably many dead ends he could’ve avoided had he just been thinking a bit more clearly, but that’s fine. you haven’t died once yet, and while both of you would like to keep it that way, subaru is a lot more insistent on it. if he has to take on more pain for you to get off free, he’ll do so without thinking twice about it. he’ll make any sacrifice, so long as it gets you out of trouble. whether you remember it or not doesn’t matter, as long as you’re safe and sound. he’ll insist you stay out of the way in a secure location when he knows something bad is about to happen, and this is the one thing he won’t ever budge on. when you try to talk to him about how you’re starting to get worried about him and he should let you shoulder some of the burden he carries, he insists you’ve already done more than enough for him and that all he needs is for you to stay safe. safe and out of the way and by his side—he’ll take care of everything, okay? don’t worry about it. don’t worry about him, even if he can’t lie and say he doesn’t like it when you fuss over him afterwards. he’s… not entirely above just locking you up for a while if he needs to, even if it’ll make you mad at him later. and if you wake up several days prior the next time, well, he’ll know that at least you were safe.
projects… a lot — he sees you for you—he doesn’t see you as someone you’re not, or at least not exactly. instead, the problem lies in that he’s constantly putting you on a pedestal. you’re the only one who truly understands him, he’ll say, and he’s right. you’re special and amazing and he could go on for hours about how amazing you are, but ultimately you’re almost filling a role for him more than anything else. he needs someone to anchor him, to save him, for him to rely on when he’s all alone in life, and he won’t accept anyone else but you anymore. he doesn’t need anyone else anymore; as long as he has you, he can keep going. he’ll be your loyal knight, so won’t you allow him to stay by your side? he’ll take care of everything dangerous for you, so you can rely on him more. unlike emilia, you’re not from this world, just like him, and you can’t hold your own in the same way she could. so rely on him. be there for him. don’t abandon him. save him over and over again.
desperate — his desperate side doesn’t shine through too often, but it’s visibly there if you know where to look. it especially starts to slip during tenser moments, however much he tries to hide it. if it’s for you, it doesn’t matter how many times he has to die. it doesn’t matter how many times he has to go through this hell if it’s for your sake. you’re the only one who knows everything, the only one he can really confide in, and the only one who’s truly accepted him for who he is. it doesn’t matter if echidna has also seen it all, you’re the one who was by his side and hasn’t tried to take advantage of him yet. if he’s being honest, he’s not entirely sure he’d mind if you did try to at this point. as long as you let him stay by your side, he’ll keep trying and aiming for that happy ending, no matter what it takes. for you, the one who supported him when he had nobody else, who’ll always understand him, who’ll never abandon him… he’ll do anything it takes to ensure you’re safe. no matter the cost to himself. won’t you stay by his side… please?
Oh, I finally found a delicious fanfic for my Subaru ❤, and this headcanon is just perfect!
Now... this makes me wonder what it would be like if the isekai reader from Rezero also had a curse where, instead of dying several times, she manages to survive everything, but she will have eternal life where she will watch everyone close to her die of old age or worse, she will have to watch everyone have tragic endings while she survives alone? This idea would be very similar to the character Frieren from the anime Soso no Frieren, and it could be more interesting if the reader were as powerful as Frieren but needed to control herself so as not to attract enemies and cause tragic endings.
I really want to think about what this relationship with the isekai reader with this curse (I'll call it Frieren's curse) with Subaru would be like, and what would happen if they both discovered each other's secret? Bonus if we're talking about the reaction of a Yandere Subaru☺...
Well, I'll leave more of these thoughts for later...
Okay, I need a Yandere Erwin Controller who kidnaps myself after being disappointed with my rebellion and now I will have to teach me a rigorous and loving lesson to make me totally dependent on him to show how weak and naive I am compared to such a dangerous and manipulative man as him.
Be controlling my needs, feeding me, changing, combing my hair, taking me to the bathroom and bathing me, and teaching me what Erwin thinks I was not properly taught with your sermons about how dangerous and unfair is the world to think I can be independent of it through everything Erwin was forced to pass and sacrifice. All this while I'm tied or too anesthetized to oppose me.
Be also controlling my time isolated in my room/basement completely tied, blindfolded and gagged while he is busy with his next plans and attacks, when he comes back, caressing me lovingly and packing in his arms to show that he is the only human contact I need and how I should beggard by excuses and snuggle more, if he will make me more time in my immobilized room until I get more vulnerable.
Of course, he will not fail to control my sexual needs, overseeing me with his fingers or toys to reach my peak slowly as I ask me who I belong to and who I must obey ... And finally the kisses on the face and forehead with the long -awaited "this is my good girl" at the end.
If you can't be my obedient bird, then I will have to arrest you in my golden cage ...
I imagine yandere Zeus becoming more and more obsessed with a Darling divinity/human who despises him so much that, despite having been taken by him against your will, darling is still cold and disgusted by his tricks that hurt him hungry ego, but at the same time feels o attracted on by the challenge of not being able to seduce or possess her completely.
No, he won't give up, either she will become his or he will play this game forever...
We all know about Mark Sinistro and his terrible cannibalism fetish... but, what if I told you that instead of wanting to eat the reader, he actually forces them to feed on his flesh during sex as a twisted way of showing devotion?
"Don't be afraid, sweetheart, the best way for me to mark what is mine is to make you consume me until your blood pumps my name. Now go, bite me here, it's softer."
From the moment I laid eyes on Johan's mother, I thought “damn, that woman is hot”. And to top it all off, I couldn't help but notice her vain and angry expressions when she was furious or displeased to see Anna Liebert herself mirrored in the Monster version (it gave me chills and a hard-on).
I might be scared to death of Anna, but if Mama Vera asks me to look at her with the same scary look as Anna, I will.
Now, imagine young Mommy Vera and Monster version Anna teaming up to arrest me and punish me. Help, that's a sin to imagine.
Mommy Suguru reminds me of Mommy Johan by @suusoh , my favorite kind of yandere x reader 。They would so run mommy blogs & share recipes together 。You write so scrumptiously
Anon im honestly so happy you made tjis ask bcuz i really do wanna watch Monster, I've seen enough edits to know I'll fw him. I may be super wrong and plz don't be mad at me for saying this but i think he's a tiny bit similar to ryo from devilman crybaby? I think it's just the demeanor maybe (although johan does seem soooo much more composed)
I'll definitely be checking that blog out!!! If it's a mommy man then I'm a 1000000000000% invested.
And omfg anon me tooooo 🥹 a yandere mommy is just so so so so yum, the suffocation and coddling and forced care taking, it just awakens something in me that i never knew i had 😭😭
Omg anon imagine them talking about their babies to each other, that's honestly so fucking precious the. Judging each other's care taking decisions behind the other's back 😭😭😭 although i don't think they're petty lmaooooo, i think suguru has respect for anyone who tends to their partner like a mother tbh, and they definitely share recipes and even home cooked food, they will get along anon i believe in your cause 🫶🫶
Apparently, I wasn't the only one to notice how similar these devoted mothers are in their love for their darlings. Both share the same passion for smotheringly pampering their darlings and casting their charms like a mother with a child she's always dreamed of, bragging about how intimate they can be with their babies on a level that even real mothers wouldn't reach.
I can imagine Mama Johan and Mama Suguru having tea together as they share their wonderful experiences of becoming mothers (symbolically, of course, but it makes no difference to them) and how they look after their darlings so that they are loved intensely and don't become rebellious and try to escape.
As for their Darlings... well, I don't know for sure, but I imagine Suguru's darling in beautiful clothes, tights and an almost childish hat, and Johan's darling
dressed only in light, youthful clothes at a slightly smaller tea table on the other side, sharing their experiences of having been involved in strange relationships like these maybe they'll get together to come up with an escape plan.
also you're his best friend :^(((( of course Johan's gonna fantasize about you. he has no choice. do you really want him to fantasize about random people? strangers? that's out of the question. you're the only one who he actually sees himself being with realistically. so excuse him and just don't mind the fact that you're the face in all his fantasies okay? it doesn't have to be weird. he's still your friend, yeah?
I firmly believe that our boy had his puberty repressed throughout his adolescence, and that he certainly had to discipline himself hard to be able to put all his emotions and carnal desires aside and let his "monster" dominate him.
Well, now that he's finally found his humanity, his hormones are going to come out in full force. (Good luck for u dealing with that)
Now expect to see Johan standing behind you acting like a bitch in heat and just saying it's all right when you ask him about it, and even worse dropping a few thoughts about fantasies about you that have crossed his mind and trying to undo what he said in the worst way if you question him about it.
"You'd look like an angel if you were wearing a wedding dress"
I was thinking about this post…. You know, the one about how he hurts you (as he does, thoroughly and often). Necessary stuff. Emotionally cleansing. We processed.
But then I started thinking… okay. What about the inverse? What about the hurt you cause him? Not out of cruelty, but out of fear. Or just being human.
So here it is: the quiet ways you break his heart.
Let’s call it balance haha.
When You Flinch, He Sees Her Pull the Trigger Again
It’s not rational.
You’re not holding a gun.
You’re just stepping back.
But for a moment, he’s a boy again, watching his sister’s eyes harden with something like resolve.
And it cuts him, because she had to shoot him to save herself.
And you’re doing the same, aren’t you?
Pulling away to survive him.
You Reaffirm He’s The Problem
Not directly.
But he hears it.
You say things like:
“I seem to attract broken people.”
Or
“Maybe I only know how to love things that are difficult.”
You don’t mean it cruelly.
You’re just trying to understand yourself.
But he hears what you won’t say out loud:
You’re the burden.
And it burns more than any accusation ever could.
You Don’t Hate Him. And That Hurts Most of All
Because he knows you should.
You should run.
Slam the door.
Scream at him for all the ways he’s hurt you.
But instead—you sit beside him, your hands trembling, your voice raw with conflicted care.
And he can’t bear it.
Your forgiveness is unbearable.
Because it means he has no excuse.
You Pull Away When He’s Gentle, Not When He’s Cruel
When he says something cutting, you meet it with fire.
When he needles you, you shove back.
But when he strokes your hair without speaking, or leaves your favorite book open to the page you stopped on—that’s when you recoil.
He doesn’t understand why.
Or maybe he does.
Maybe he just hates that his tenderness frightens you more than his cruelty ever could.
You Think the Worst Parts of Him Are a Phase
You say things like:
“You’re not hopeless.”
Or
“You’ve just been hurt too much.”
You mean it lovingly.
But he hears the subtext: This isn’t really you.
And it is.
It is him.
The way he sees the world.
The things he’s done.
You keep looking for a version of him that doesn’t exist and call it love.
You Keep Your Past From Him
He tells you things—terrible things—like they’re flowers laid at your feet.
Pieces of the labyrinth inside him.
But you keep your stories locked in your throat.
Or worse—you laugh them off.
“It’s not important.”
It makes him feel truly monstrous.
Like he’s handed you his worst sins, and you won’t even give him a scar in return.
You Say ‘You Scare Me’ Like It’s a Compliment
And it is. In your own way.
But he hears it like a prophecy. Something inevitable and true.
He never tells you that you scare him too.
Because what would you do with that?
You Ask If He’s Okay Like He’s Not Real
“Are you… alright?” you’ll ask, your voice hesitant, eyes too careful.
Not because you don’t care—but because you’re unsure if he’s even built like that. Like you’re asking out of obligation. Like it’s a script.
And he realizes:
You don’t see him as someone who can break.
Only as someone who breaks others.
That hurts in a place he didn’t know was soft.
You Talk About the Future Like He’s Not In It
You make offhanded plans.
“When I graduate—maybe I’ll move somewhere quieter.”
“Someday I want a little garden, maybe a cat…”
And you never say we.
Never include him. Not even hypothetically.
He smiles. Nods.
But something inside him goes very still.
Because you don’t even realize you’re writing him out.
And he doesn’t blame you.
He’s certainly never been sure of his own permanence either.
You Laugh With Your Friends in a Way You Never Laugh With Him
He watches it happen—how your shoulders relax, how your voice lifts, how you lean into them.
With him, it’s more careful. More tense. Even when you are happy.
It confirms what he fears:
He makes you less yourself. Not more.
Leaving the Light On When He Sleeps Over
It’s a small thing.
But it guts him.
He’s the one who sleeps with the light on.
But now he wonders if you prefer it too—not because you’re afraid of the dark, but because something in your subconscious still whispers danger.
Even when you’re lying next to him.
The First Time You Hummed Without Realizing
You hum absentmindedly while organizing your bag.
Johan isn’t even listening—until the cadence shifts.
Soft.
Low.
Repetitive.
Something slams into his chest.
It’s not the melody.
It’s the feeling:
Being lulled to sleep in the dark.
A hand on his forehead.
A voice just out of memory.
He looks at you too long.
You don’t notice.
The Smell of Soap
Dish soap or bleach on your hands after cleaning reminds him of the back rooms of The Three Frogs.
His mother’s hands.
Worn from long shifts.
Cracked skin, a faint scent of citrus and exhaustion.
Once, he gripped your wrist absentmindedly and pressed his nose to your palm.
You flinched.
He let go—slowly.
Murmured an apology.
But his mind didn’t return to you right away.
It lingered somewhere far off.
You Ask Him About Her
He doesn’t talk about the lullabies.
Or the dresses.
He tells you how cold her hands were the last time she touched his face.
How her eyes wouldn’t meet his when she said goodbye.
You think he’s being cruel.
Detached.
But that’s the only version of her he can stand to remember.
Because the loving one still gave him away.
Resemblance
You find the photo by accident, tucked between the pages of one of his books.
Probably forgotten.
Or maybe not.
A girl, maybe eight—if that.
Standing still in front of some concrete building.
Pale. Solemn. Blue eyes.
You study it curiously, then glance at him with a faint smile.
“She does look like you.”
He doesn’t speak.
You have no idea what you’ve just touched.
How easily those words press into something that never closed right.
His face doesn’t shift.
But something in him recoils.
She looks like you.
The words loop—sharp, reflexive.
And with them, the question returns:
If she could have told us apart.. would it still have been me?
Or did I only get saved wearing my sister’s clothes?
He nods, just once. Enough to end it.
And you, still unaware, hand the photo back.
Never realizing what your fingers brushed against.
Not the scar on his head.
The one underneath it.
The Wrong Hand
He doesn’t want you to see it.
The part of him that never grew past that moment.
Not the man beside you now, sharp-eyed and still—but the child.
Small. Silent.
Clinging to a woman’s hand, whispering, “Don’t let go.”
And she did.
So he learned not to ask.
Not to reach.
He taught himself how to disappear first—or worse, how to be remembered in ways no one could ignore.
Because if no one stays, then being unforgettable is the only way to prove he was ever really there.
Not a shadow.
Not a mistake.
Not the wrong child pulled by the wrong hand.
So when you touch him like he’s worth staying for—when your eyes say you see him—something fractures.
He wants to hold on.
Tight. Tighter than he ever dared.
But he doesn’t.
Because if he does, and you still let go…. then what does he become?
"Johan, despite everything, you are human, not just a human, but someone who has always had a name, an identity, a soul. However, the child that hasn't yet grown up inside you is still hiding under the covers of your bed, afraid to face the monster in your closet and whispering things from his imagination to distract himself from his fear, and he hasn't yet realized that the monster he's hiding is just an illusion. I can't touch you or feel you if you're still inside the receptacle of your inner monster." You got up, left the small flower you'd picked in the corner of the lawn you'd found on the bench you'd sat next to, and walked off into the distance.
And that's when the monster that had been covering your identity completely broke down, and your frozen heart finally broke.
a short excerpt I wrote in admiration of this headcanon, just
I have this inside joke with myself about how I practically scammed into y’all by thinking I’ve been writing for Johan this whole time, when I’m actually just writing for a completely different guy, and slapping johan liebert’s name on it after (coping with ooc characterization thingsz oops!)
that being said, I have this scammer/fake genius au Johan living rent free in my head.
Partially inspired from the top students in my school and my freaking genius valedictorian cousin, who when you ask them about how they do it, they tell you that 99% of the time... They have no idea what tf they're doing and just playing along
But also this vision of scammer/con genius johan exists mainly because I went feral over this one headcanon someone posted that said “what if this whole time Johan actually pushed Richard Braun off the roof, but the audience filled in the blanks FOR Johan and assumed that Johan just pspsppssped manipulated Richard into jumping.” Or something along those lines HDHFFF
If this joke is true, it could make a lot of sense.
For a moment, it makes me wonder, if this "False Johan" is actually the cryptid Johan, a formless entity that absorbed Johan's identity when he met his true end (whose end is unknown)?
I don't know, my schizophrenia has kicked in, and I'll be thinking about it all night.
ya girl is ovulatinggg! Which means something something pre-rurenhein bastard johan and post-rurenheim loser johan tag teaming you.
something something about hiccuping and sobbing to post-rurenheim loser johan about how pre-rurenheim johan is so mean, and you don't like him, and he's nothing like the caring best friend you have right now. and something something about post-rurenheim johan saying he knows, he knows angel, he doesn't like how he used to be too :(( he didn't want you to see this version of him ever if he could help it.
And something about pre-rurenheim johan rolling his eyes at how soft his future self has gotten, but also knowing that he couldn't have changed that much did he? there's no way he's gotten a change of heart out of nowhere and gotten all squeaky clean with morals.
To which pre-rurenheim johan gets his suspicions confirmed, because even as you hiccup and writhe out of his hold and keep looking to your "friend" to help you... post-rurenhein johan can't do anything but just mutter apologies as he starts to kiss the inner of your thighs, promising that he'll make this feel as good for you as possible... Okay?
this would be even funnier to me if the reader had already met him, or even befriended johan in his nameless monster era, (based on a relationship similar to this headcanon), but now that he thought his life was going to be easier dealing with the former delusional sociopathic killer who hates humanity in a human in need of obsessions, he now has to deal with the two of them sharing the same idea of keeping the reader on their toes in different ways, lol.
I'm imagining that nameless sociopath holding me in an embrace from behind, encouraging his needy loser self to overstimulate me with his head between my legs all night long while he watches with that devilish smile, his fingers caressing my tear-soaked cheeks. he pays me.
just a random idea in my mind,with no authorship on my part.
Imagining mustache viltrum Mark demanding the reader call him daddy every time he overstimulates her while she involuntarily whimpers with pleasure for hours.
so embarrassing when i forget im checking someone's blog and i start scrolling through and liking and reblogging shit as if it's just my dash. it feels like wandering into someone else's apartment and not noticing and making myself lunch
When I finally post the fanfic of a character I've been looking forward to writing for weeks and I reblog other fanfics by other authors of the same character that I liked because their ideas would fit perfectly in my fanfics, but I can't plagiarize (lol).
Imagine Sung Jinwoo falling in love with the reader's best friend who has been helping and looking after him and Jinah since he was a loser, and now, he finds himself almost obsessed with her to the point where he feels obliged to do the same for the reader by staying by their side as if they still depended on her help. Until then, when you discover that Sung Jinah, who considered the reader her lovely nonna, is also secretly in love with the reader, and therefore always has the opportunity to cling to the reader as if he were almost dependent on her when Jinwoo isn't with us, but as soon as the three of them are together in the same house, (in their house, but you're almost living there because they “need” you so much) Jinah is trying to get the reader's attention with Jinwoo, pulling him to do something he likes or to her room.
How funny or scary would they see these two fighting indirectly? Could that be ... hot?
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