The Official* Certifier of Autosexual Moments

*not actually official by any standard. Just kinda here. FYI the blog may be a bit dirty at times but just in the comedic sense and nothing too crazy. Enjoy. Or don't.

[cryptotheism]

Autogynophilosopher

[certified-auto-moment]

this is me if you even care

[lilsammy89]

Self love? Selfcest?? Both???

[certified-auto-moment]

certified

[bunniope]

when the pussy's so wet you get a headache and have to take an ibuprofin!

THIS POST SPONSORED BY IBUPROFIN

[certified-auto-moment]

this post is going on the blog because it is horny and I have a headache

by that logic it is certifiable because it made me think of me

[forgondor]

i have a friend who has kinda bad eczema on their right hand but their left hand is fine and thats because acidity makes eczema worse and that includes vaginal acidity and my friend is both a lesbian and a slut so they finger a lot of people and that fucks up the hand they use (their right hand). Anyways do you think BBC sherlock would deduce that by looking at my friend’s hands

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[certified-auto-moment]

personal story but one time I decided to invent a sort of “28 days of fingering” challenge. now unfortunately I am one stubborn motherfucker and would not quit for anything and anyway my cuticles peeled off completely. so maybe I don’t recommend that.

[whirlipedal]

nothing is more freeing than making a ship between yourself and yourself. ive never understood why selfcest was controversial its literally the same guy. its not incest thats the same exact guy. is it cause it has cest in the name. be honest is it cause of the onceler. did the onceler make you lame and cruel. take my hand. sans undertale au shipping as a preteen will make you a freer person

[certified-auto-moment]

certified. be free.

[mrsterlingeverything]

Now that im my own boss im gonna have sex with my boss

[certified-auto-moment]

certified.

[bigbosscangotohell]

years ago i watched this p/orn and the girl was screaming ‘oh god!! oh god!!!’ and the dude was like ‘there are no gods here’ and to this day it haunts me wtf was he talking about

[certified-auto-moment]

Confession: I also do this

[certified-auto-moment]

was gonna fuck tonight but it seems I have thrown my back out at work and for reasons unknown to me it is so bad that it hurts to lie down. and sit up. and stand. and walk. pray for me because I already have a hella cool date planned for vday tomorrow and I will not stand myself up

[certified-auto-moment]

I WOKE UP WITH A MIGRAINE?!?!?!?

[certified-auto-moment]

was gonna fuck tonight but it seems I have thrown my back out at work and for reasons unknown to me it is so bad that it hurts to lie down. and sit up. and stand. and walk. pray for me because I already have a hella cool date planned for vday tomorrow and I will not stand myself up

[depsidase]

[certified-auto-moment]

I can only think of one reason anyone would do such a thing.

Certified.

[cheaphalloweencostume]

hiiii sorry to be on anon in your inbox but i just wanted to check if you were aware that OP of that last post you reblogged has done some Yikes stuff. like… OP wants to fuck. OP likes it rough. and OP got a big oily butt. a big round wet mcmuffin

[cheaphalloweencostume]

friendly reminder that OP

-has sexual techniques

-and a big round oily butt

-goosebumps on their booty cheeks

-they wanna bust a nut

[certified-auto-moment]

feel like this belongs here

[sabertoothwalrus]

hello male protagonist. your clone is a girl but dont worry about it

[certified-auto-moment]

don’t worry about it at all

[certified-auto-moment]

finally decided to cough up the $19.99 and order a TakeALook online. I wear glasses so it should be ready easy to put on. Will update with my experience when it arrives.

[certified-auto-moment]

ITS SO FUCKING TINY

I have adjusted it so that the center of focus is on the right side of my nose and both eyes are in view. Also my roommate opened my boxes by accident AGAIN and he knows I am not an avid enough cyclist to purchase this for any non-sexual reason. I don’t think he actually saw what this is though. Will continue to update.

[certified-auto-moment]

“And more!”

[certified-auto-moment]

FULL REVIEW

When I actually saw it out of the box and put it on my glasses and wore them for a bit I was very unsure. However, all doubt has left my mind now. This product is a window to God. While using this device for the first time I wept. I wept tears of joy. I began whispering my wedding vows under my breath without realizing it. I can see the reflection of my irises from the mirror back into my eyes. I could see my pupils dilate from the energy of the love that is amplified hundredfold by this device. This is the biggest game changer since waterproof vibrators.

pros: everything, highly adjustable, designed to absorb vibration so it doesn’t shake if your legs start shaking, can probably also attach to costume glasses if you have 20/20 vision (unlike me), incredibly discreet thing to own if you also are a cyclist

cons: doesn’t give a wide field of view (just both eyes and some nose), gets a little wonky to look at if you have binocular vision problems, also is causing my a mild amount of eye strain

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[certified-auto-moment]

finally decided to cough up the $19.99 and order a TakeALook online. I wear glasses so it should be ready easy to put on. Will update with my experience when it arrives.

[certified-auto-moment]

ITS SO FUCKING TINY

I have adjusted it so that the center of focus is on the right side of my nose and both eyes are in view. Also my roommate opened my boxes by accident AGAIN and he knows I am not an avid enough cyclist to purchase this for any non-sexual reason. I don’t think he actually saw what this is though. Will continue to update.

[certified-auto-moment]

“And more!”

[certified-auto-moment]

finally decided to cough up the $19.99 and order a TakeALook online. I wear glasses so it should be ready easy to put on. Will update with my experience when it arrives.

[certified-auto-moment]

ITS SO FUCKING TINY

I have adjusted it so that the center of focus is on the right side of my nose and both eyes are in view. Also my roommate opened my boxes by accident AGAIN and he knows I am not an avid enough cyclist to purchase this for any non-sexual reason. I don’t think he actually saw what this is though. Will continue to update.

[certified-auto-moment]

finally decided to cough up the $19.99 and order a TakeALook online. I wear glasses so it should be ready easy to put on. Will update with my experience when it arrives.

[mello-makes-stuff]

Autosexual userboxes

Anyone can use! Please give credit, likes and reblogs are appreciated but not necessary <3