do you Smell that?

is something Burning?

[ceruleanhands]

i can’t get a fucking break

i feel like this year has been terrible

and terrible for so many others

i want to break down, but i can’t

i pick up all my things and

just

keep

going

and i’m over it

i deserve better

[ceruleanhands]

no one tells you the blood from your abortion will stink

no one tells you how lonely the nights get even if She was only around for two weeks I miss being able to hold my stomach and know something inside of me loved me the highs have been high and every low has been Devastating. no one tells you that you feel like everyone is far away, no matter how many times they tell you they’re by your side no one knows because they may have moved on, or carrying around like business as usual maybe if I drown myself in what seems normal, I’ll feel normal again But I’m tired of seeing Blood

[ceruleanhands]

I sat in your car today

And it wasn’t a big deal, we were smoking a joint, you know, as the kids do

But my hands were aggressively clammy and I accidentally ashed it onto your jacket

Your work shirt was tighter than normal, it looked good on you, you’ve looked good all week

And the way you were sitting, I don’t know, it was attractive

Everytime we interact, I have to laugh at myself, look at myself in the mirror and say, “He’s just being nice, he’s not flirting with you”

And I wish it were that easy

But you look at my lips when we speak, you text me back immediately (half the time), you sit too close and you’re always too close

It might be the 40 hour work week that makes me so goddamn attracted to you

But have mercy

I wonder if you know

I’ve been trying to shake off this crush for months now

And it’s only getting worse

[ceruleanhands]

I feel like spiraling

Into a whole other place

I feel like shaving my hair off and ripping my skin off and starting fresh

I feel like batting my eyes at boys at the bar and making them cum with just a lick

I want to snort vapid amounts of cocaine to the point I can’t breathe

I want to pass out in a ditch and wake up to the police asking me if I’m okay

I want to live recklessly

I’m so tired of being a goody goody

[wordrummager]

Missed

He kissed her and she knew he only saw a ghost. She murmured, “I’m not her,” and he only fumbled his way through her to the other side. It was too late to turn back so she kept moving, feeling his reach brushing past her again and again. There is an All and a Nothing that meet where fingers touch but their hands only cupped the space where They could have been.

[ceruleanhands]

do you ever ever ever ever look at me that way

do you ever look at me the way that i look at you

you probably don’t think of me in that way but boy, your eyes on my lips they stay when we talk real real real close

10 minutes til’ we close 15 after we close 30 after we close

i wonder if you know, cause everybody knows

[ceruleanhands]

a faux sonnet of the modern day poly girl stuck in a monogamous relationship

so maybe this feeling’s not right i’m not an idiot i would never cross that line over into you and i

maybe in another life it could go that way but i don’t think you’d exist in that world of mine

sometimes i cannot stop thinking of you in that way it kind of makes me sick every night and day

she says you makes makelaugh so i guess i see why and besides this lil’ tune is not about my guy

so maybe this feeling’s not right i’m not an idiot you’d never cross that line

into you and i

[ceruleanhands]

(it’s been awhile)

my jaw feels heavy

like that medication numbness you get from marijuana or going under when you get your wisdom teeth pulled out

it’s like i’m constantly making decisions

being a respective adult, being a good person, waking up to go to work to go home to die

and I’m nauseated with myself,

wasn’t it just easier to bottle everything in? isn’t it better when other people aren’t seeing me struggle?

i’m tired and i feel like i am floating away into outer space without having a chance

when will I shake this off

When Will It Become Easier

[hgk477]

How to date your guardian angel

Find out if you have a guardian angel.

Look for signs. White feathers, flashes of light, or symbols in the clouds. 

If you find a white feather, do not keep it or you will scare her. 

Do not play hard to get. Play easy to catch. Jump off a building 

Your guardian angel usually disappears immediately after saving you. 

Never wear perfume.

Gradually make your activities more dangerous. She loves danger. Start off slow. Keep her coming back for more.

After a few times, she will linger around a little longer to rebuke you. Catch her off-guard. Ask her out. 

There is also a possibility she is very annoyed and filed the necessary paperwork to be assigned to someone else. Carefully assess if you still have a guardian angel before doing anything dangerous.

If she wants to go on a date with you, go do something dangerous. She will most likely tell you she will not be protecting you to test your courage. Do not worry. She will always protect you. I suggest you go cloud jumping.

Ask her out on a second date.

Avoid danger for some time. Let her wonder.

Smell your pillow. If it smells heavenly, she was definitely there last night.

As time goes by, and you have avoided danger for long enough, she will start appearing for things that are not dangerous at all. ‘Food poisoning’ or 'the road is slippery’ are often used excuses. In such cases, ask her out for dinner, or let her ride shotgun.

Ask if you may hold her hand. Feel how your heart grows warmer almost instantly.

Tell her about yourself. Ask her questions. Have fun.

Lean in for a kiss. When you close your eyes and touch her lips, a million stars will fall inside your head. You can now make a wish. She knows this. Wish to see her again. She will smile and give you another kiss. 

Note: this guide applies to all guardian angels - Bob

More guides

Surviving a snowstorm

When at the bowling alley

[hgk477]

Walking along the shore

Always walk barefoot. Take off your shoes. The beach wants to read your soul.

If you come across a starfish, tell him about your deepest desire. He will point you in the right direction.

A dog might run up to you when you are all alone on the beach. Let him walk with you for a while. 

Sand is the combination of sea and land. In ancient times, the sea gods and land gods used to meet here. Sometimes they still do.

Mermaids are real. You might not see them but they see you.

If you see baby sea turtles hatch, keep your distance and keep an eye out for predators. Help them make it to the sea. You will receive a favor. 

If something is calling you from far out at sea, ignore it. Keep walking.

The waves wash away bad feelings. Place both hands over your heart and put the feeling inside your hands. Carefully place it on the sand, close enough to the sea so the waves can reach it. The waves will grow stronger for a few minutes. Thank the waves.

Pick up a shell and hold it close to your ear. Shell spirits love telling stories. Especially about Charles, a fisherman who has been living on his rowboat for over 70 years and has not set foot on land ever since. They love him.

An island might appear out of nowhere and slowly grow closer. You are not imagining it.

Heed the seagulls’ warning. 

Pick up some seaweed and bring it back home. It is a key ingredient in many potions. 

I am currently rowing toward the island but the waves are growing more and more violent. Something does not want me near. - Bob

More guides

How to date your guardian angel

Surviving a snowstorm

[ceruleanhands]

/secret messages

the way that you looked in your new dress

made me so fucking

wet

i didn’t mean to look, swear i didn’t stare

but i’ll remember the way your hair fell ‘cross the skin of your shoulder

oh woah

baby please just keep this secret

baby please stop crying over her

please just keep this secret

bring it to the

grave

[ceruleanhands]

No it didn’t mean anything

No baby I don’t feel a thing

Sorry to sound a bit calloused

But maybe this was just a dream

No it didn’t mean anything

No baby I don’t feel a thing

No it didn’t mean anything, yeah

It was all just fever dream

No it didn’t mean anything

No baby I don’t feel a thing

Sorry to sound a bit calloused, yeah

No baby I don’t feel anything

[ceruleanhands]

you knew that I was hiding from you

and, fuck it—I guess.

there is no point in being in love with the idea of you anymore.

so why does it still Burn?

[ceruleanhands]

we were only lovers for about two months?

why are you still on my bones, then

you’re stuck to my brain like insanity; i can’t breathe whenever i get high because it’s you you you You always you

and it probably didn’t mean anything to you

i’m sorry that i keep making it about you, because it was me that was spinning around to start seeing the other LOML

me me me always me—i am a

victim? always? Even though I have a mean streak, mean mean—like an evil in onyx and reds and a sliver of royal blue sapphires

it was never you

But why am I still heartbroken? Why am I still angry? What the hell, what the fuck, I can’t do anything without

breathing

[wilmcabee]

You would’ve probably never treated me like this

And I think that’s unbelievably frustrating

What do you call a missed connection but you definitely were around each other for more than a couple of months and then you just vanish from each others’ lives like you never fell asleep in each other’s arms or you never went to Sonic and blew money on family sized tater tots on accident or driving to work together holding hands or big hugs after an even spent in jail

and I was so in love with you, and you knew that

And I’m sorry I used Luke as a bandaid because sometimes that’s really kicking me in the ass, today is our “four month anniversary” and he just abandoned me all day and his phone is dead

Before you would text me back, now? Maybe I’m not so sure

I’m sorry I’m fucking psycho

I’m sorry that I still fucking miss you somehow

I’m sorry that I think it was deeper than it ever was

[wordrummager]

I just want

to be wrapped

in plaid

without

malice.

[ceruleanhands]

and sometimes, it wasn’t a choice--

you grabbed me by my knees and you dragged me across fields, bridges, streets, oceans, and threw me over the cliff, making me fall hopeless and unbearably in love with you--

i’d wake up in the mornings to you spooning me with your mouth close to my ear, breathing heavy hot dragon’s breath on my skin--and you’d pull me closer into your home of a body; and i’d smile real big-- 

and sometimes--i don’t know--

maybe i’m looking at you sluggishly grab your shit and put it in a backpack and running away, angry over food? boringly passing cards back and forth for each other, hoping for a good hand or a good play to come along, and it’s nonsense, it’s like watching my life pass by and i cannot keep up--

at those moments--

it feel like i have to choose--and how unfortunate, it is--that maybe, i’m choosing more often than i don’t--?

EFFORTLESSLY FALLING