I don't really post on here often anymore, but I need some way to get what I'm feeling out, and this is probably the best way I can express it right now.
This weekend was a big reality check for me. For those who don't know, Trevor Zarvian, along with two others, were killed in a car accident on Saturday. I wasn't particularly close with Trevor, but I know he was a good guy. Last month I was at his house for a party. The whole time he was walking around making conversation with people, asking how everyone was. His goofiness has always been really apparent and I know he was a fun guy to be around. There is no doubt in my mind that his absence from the world will leave a void that can not be filled.
I have many close friends that were close with Trevor. That's been the worst part of this whole situation. Trying to comfort and be there for people when I can barely comprehend what happened myself. The guy was loved. It was so apparent at the candle-lighting memorial last night--so many people came and payed their respects, and shared memories. I haven't seen some of the people that I saw last night for years, but we all had a mutual understanding that we had each others backs, no matter what. I hate seeing my friends hurt. It is the worst feeling, and just knowing that you can't do anything to fix it is the worst part. I started to put myself into other people's shoes--i.e. Trevor's best friend, Trevor's sister--and I could not even imagine the pain that they could be feeling. Because if I lost my best friend, or brother, or sister, I know I would feel like there is no way I could go on. Just thinking about it broke me down. And trying to comfort them and literally feeling their pain broke me down even more. These people do not deserve his kind of pain. They are all such good people. It's all been in the back of my mind ever since I found out, and I know I have inadvertently been acting a little different. All I want is to know why, but I know I'll get no answer. Because their really isn't one. We are not invincible. Things that we never thought would happen to us, really can happen to us. We need to prevent the possibility of these accidents happening as much as we can. I left with the comfort of knowing that although time may not necessarily heal all wounds, it can slowly start to chip away at the pain that is there, and these people will no longer think about what happened every minute of every day like they are now. They don't deserve what happened, but life will go on and they can still be successful and happy people.
So I left. And then I started thinking some more. Trevor had so many people that loved and cared for him. I know I am lucky enough to have people that love and care for me too. I don't think I can thank enough the people that are in my life. Each and every one of my friends has made such an impact on me. I love every single one of you so much. For different reasons, and some more than others, but nonetheless, I love you all. I would do anything for any of you, and I am always here for any of you in a time of need. There are some memories that I will never forget, and in the end I know that's really all we have left; memories...but I know I will have some really good ones. From my best friends, to my wolf pack, to my old friends and my new ones...thank you all so much for making an effort to be a part of my life at some point or another.
Life goes on, life goes on, life goes on. And that's it really. Everyone will face challenges and struggles, but we all just need to keep pushing forward toward happiness. Be careful with everything you do, and every decision you make, because you may not realize it, but there are people out there that care for you. If you are reading this, I am probably one of them. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, keep those that you love close to you, because you never know when the day can come where they aren't there anymore.
RIP Trevor and Johnny. Trevor, you have made such an impact down here, and now I know you're up there in heaven hanging out with Jesus and looking over all of us.
"For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's." Romans 14:8.