the itsy bitsy chyerepaha

Cadence Stark, 30, autistic, oldest daughter of Tony Stark. I live with/am adopted by Natasha Romanoff and I speak Russian badly. (Mama posts a lot here too.) Misbehaving type 2 diabetic. Niece of @therealantoniastark, can often be found borrowing her kids. Happily married to Dr. Stephen Strange :) [AU post Endgame OC] ao3: thesanctumautistic

[cgstark27]

[cgstark27]

Oh hi. Long time no see.

I have covid. It sucks.

I really just want to go chase a train with Natasha.

[cgstark27]

Melina found a copy of Schubert’s Ave Maria in the piano bench tonight and Cady actually came downstairs, in pajamas, and sang along.

It’s been a minute since we’ve heard her sing.

-Natasha

[cgstark27]

I just realized one reason why Cady has been seeking out Melina lately.

They’re both autistic. They both reach a point of overwhelm during the day when they don’t want to deal with anyone and retreat from people. When they do that, they seek something low stimulus to relax.

So they’ll snuggle and watch a tutoring video on Russian language. Or Melina will read to her. Or Cady will show her videos of train engines.

Like she used to come to me when she didn’t feel safe by herself, when she felt angry or depressed. Now she goes and finds her aunt/grandmother when she knows her brain needs some chill time.

-Natasha

[cgstark27]

Cady is… dealing with a lot right now.

Pepper wants her to come back to the office. Cady has said “not no but hell no” and wants to pursue a technical certificate to work in a completely different field. (I think this has been a long time coming.) Tony supports her decision. So she’s studying on her own for this whenever she gets a chance.

Antonia and I think she’s fighting either worsening depression or late onset post partum depression. On the weekends, she stays in bed and can hardly function. Sophia hangs out with us while Cady sleeps. Today was better, but some days are just hard. Some nights they both eat baby food for dinner.

Melina and Alexei are still here (we have chickens at the compound now). When Melina found out that Cady isn’t feeling like herself, she went into mom mode with her, just loving on her and talking to her, letting Cady stay the night with her. They’ve decided to work more on Russian so Sophia can pick up on it too.

It takes a village.

-Natasha

[thealogie]

Imagine in 2023 having the exchange “oh do you have a girlfriend?” “No I’d never have one” “oh what about bf? it’s fine if you do” “I know it’s fine. I don’t have one. also I’m flattered by your interest but not currently looking for anyone” and then having it mean nothing. You can literally go to prison for that sort of behavior now

[polarcell]

fandom wide mandate that everyone has to re-watch the source material in steady intervals to minimize intense fandomization of tropes and characterizations that happens when people go without new source material for too long

[taiey]

#like renewing a license to practice every few years

[the-cimmerians]

CFE, continuing fannish education

[cgstark27]

Cady had a down day on Saturday, still recovering from bronchitis and worn out from running a couple errands Friday. She and Sophi spent the night with Natasha last night.

I just heard Sophi giggle down the hall. She and Cady are awake and in the kitchen with Frank. I just peeked in on them and Cady and Frank are at the kitchen table coloring while Sophi plays in her high chair. It’s 5:30 in the morning.

-Stephen

[therealantoniastark]

I guess that's what happens when your uncle was a marine and sleeps like 3 hours a day naps with the kids not included

[cgstark27]

I’m getting them legos for Christmas.

[cgstark27]

Cady had a down day on Saturday, still recovering from bronchitis and worn out from running a couple errands Friday. She and Sophi spent the night with Natasha last night.

I just heard Sophi giggle down the hall. She and Cady are awake and in the kitchen with Frank. I just peeked in on them and Cady and Frank are at the kitchen table coloring while Sophi plays in her high chair. It’s 5:30 in the morning.

-Stephen

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

People are like “these animals have exoskeletons and these ones have endoskeletons” but no. It’s all exoskeletons, your exoskeleton is protecting your bone marrow which is where your soul (which is you) is. The rest of the stuff is extraneous decoration that Big Pharma wants you to think is important/

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Why do you think there’s so few ghosts around? Why are most ghosts people who died violently? You gotta crack the bones to let the soul out. Most souls are trapped alone in the dark and silent ground (or teaching hospitals) for hundreds or thousands of years until the bones eventually start to break. People who are cremated get their whole soul released and it can reincarnate. But if someone dies violently then maybe only a couple of their bones are cracked and a little scrap of the soul escapes but it’s incomplete and confused. Can’t figure out how to leave, gets obsessed with its own circumstances, repeats actions, CANNOT be reasoned with. PROOF that the soul is in the marrow.

See I know what I’m talking about.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Sin is stored in the teeth btw which is why young children are innocent (they’ll get a do-over with replacement teeth) and the elderly are shameless (once you have no teeth to remember your sins, you have nothing to fear).

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Upon review I think that maybe vodka isn’t for me.

[cgstark27]

Me on a day when I very reluctantly went into the office to clean up an absolute clusterfuck made by some idiot in middle management (yet Pepper refuses to subject these job candidates to an intelligence test as I keep telling her we should), baby in tow, as Cohen the Village Idiot walks through the door and tries to open his big mouth:

“You’re exhausting.”

He stares at me, confused, gobsmacked, I can’t tell.

“Go away.”

Turns and walks out.

I think I earned my iced coffee for that.

@therealantoniastark

[cgstark27]

Sophia farted.

Stephen laughed.

Sophia giggled for the first time.

My kid’s a hoot.

[cgstark27]

How to correctly care for a Cady:

1) no means no

2) yes is allowed to mean maybe

3) the change of mind is to be respected at all times

4) signs of being triggered, overstimulated, unwell are seen and heard and addressed

5) take care of the brain

6) happy blood sugar

7) blankets

8) trains

-Stephen

[justsomeclintasha]

The bell chimes as he enters the coffee shop, but he doesn’t hear it. He clears his throat, eyes darting quickly to scope out the room. Twelve adults, three children, and three.. no, four people behind the counter. The brunette walks to the register to take his order.

“Hey, can I have a black coffee?”

The man says something, but the background noise is loud, and he was too busy reaching in his wallet to catch it.

“Sorry, what?”

“I asked what size.”

“Biggest ya got. And an oatmeal raisin cookie please.”

“Out.. else?”

“I.. I didn’t catch that, sorry.” The man stares at him like he’s dumb and another woman sets a cup next to him. Cheeks flushed, he tosses a five on the counter, grabs his coffee, and rushes out the door.

XXXXX

He’s several blocks away before he takes a sip and immediately throws it in the nearest garbage. Stupid. Stupid. He must have grabbed someone else’s drink. Who puts pumpkin in coffee anyway?

“Fuck,” he mumbles miserably. The walk back to his apartment is claustrophobic, busy with the lunch crowd.

“Watch it!” A man pushes past him angrily, and he takes the shoulder shove with a sigh, not even sure of what he did wrong this time. He swallows a lump in his throat.

It’s getting worse.

His hands are shaking as he opens the door to his apartment, trying to focus on the lock, on his breathing, on-

A hand on his arm makes him jump.

Natasha holds out her hand wordlessly and he gives her the key.

XXXXX

She’s seen him cry before.

Not often.

Not like this.

And it’s fucking horrible. He’s glad to be in the comfort of his bed, the blinds drawn to hide the snot on his face and the tears on his pillow. It’s better that she can’t see him in the dark.

Her hand rubs soothing circles over his back.

“It’s getting worse, Nat, I can’t, I can’t-“

She squeezes his arm sharply and flicks on the bedside lamp.

You can, she signs. He tries to roll over but she doesn’t let him. They’re not going to judge you.

XXXXX

“What’s up birdbrain?”

The words appear in front of him as holographic text, and he swallows down a lump in his throat. Jarvis knows. Of course he knows.

Something smells like burning wires, and the metal in Tony’s hand is smoking. This was a mistake. He never should have come here.

“I just.. nevermind.”

He spins to walk away and runs straight into Natasha. She’s not impressed.

“He needs hearing aids,” she says, stepping around him. A flush creeps up into his cheeks as Tony meets his eyes.

“Subtle or loud and proud?”

“I.. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter?”

“I’ll make both,” he decides, as if it’s no big deal at all.

XXXXX

“Here. You can adjust them through the app on your phone. You might have to mess with the settings a little. And if they need tuning let me know. This is just a prototype. Well, it’s the sixth version.”

Clint turns over the tiny device in his hand. He looks to Natasha for confirmation and she nods, urging him to slip it over his ear. At first, there’s nothing, and then…

He slides the bar on the app and looks around the room. The tv is playing a baseball game in the next room. Steve boos, apparently not happy with it.

“Clint?”

Startled, he looks back at her. Her voice. It’s so clear. It’s so different, so much better than it has been in a long time. Just like he remembers. His eyes well with tears and he blinks them back.

“I can hear you.”

XXXXX

“Nice hearing aids,” Bucky comments as they step into the jet. Clint flinches, ready to defend himself. “I like the purple. Mine is all metal. Maybe I should add some color.”

He flexes his arm with a wry smile. Clint stares at him, with the sudden realization that maybe his disability isn’t a weakness, that it doesn’t define him. That he can still be useful. Bucky sees this all play out on his face. He drops in the seat next to him and motions toward the cockpit.

“Do you think she’s finally gunna let him fly?”

“Not a chance. He has no sense of direction.”

“Never did,” Bucky says with a quiet laugh. “After this I’m ordering Thai and watching bad sci-fi movies. You’re welcome to join me.”

Clint sees the invitation for what it is. A chance to talk about it if he wants to, or if he doesn’t. The jet starts to move. Natasha yells something to Steve, and after a moment the plane starts to rise. They can hear arguing from the cockpit. Bucky rolls his eyes.

“He’s such a punk.”

“And she’s just as stubborn.” He waits for a moment, then adds. “You know.. after this, a movie does sounds good.” Bucky grins, holsters his gun, and passes Clint his bow.

“Then let’s make this quick.”

[therealantoniastark]

Frank is out on Shield business, Tony is away on actual business, so I've decided to bother the resident museum exhibit to keep me company.

Steve has been showing the kids how to draw.

[cgstark27]

I have a refracting projector that could be a lot of fun. I think it’s at my dad’s house, I’ll run by after church and grab it (and probably Morgan too).

[cgstark27]

Seven AM snuggles with a hungry baby who knows exactly what she wants.

She eats, mama naps, it’s lovely.

[creature-wizard]

Folks have got to understand that they probably aren't messed up by some Secret Big Trauma that they just can't remember; but rather by a million tiny microtraumas that they do mostly remember but don't even register as traumatic because nobody actually understood that these things would cause trauma, much less stack on each other over the years.

[xpxssxm]

Whether you're carrying one big rock or a big ol' bucket of sand, it's going to weigh on you just as much.

[ramshacklefey]

This is why psychologists have started taking more of an interest in CPTSD in the last 10-15 years. What most people know as PTSD is a response to a single, intensely traumatic event (or even a series of events). However, CPTSD (chronic post-traumatic stress disorder) is caused by living for years in a situation where your nervous system cannot catch a break. Even if nothing huge ever happened to you, you always had to be on guard for a thousand little things that could and did happen.

After years and years of this, your nervous system gets "stuck" in an activated threat response. It never really lets you rest, and if this started when you were a kid, you may not develop a lot of neural pathways that you should have, because your brain was too focused on keeping you safe to bother with little things like "genuine human connection" and "interpersonal attachment."