Stipulations

I'm convinced no one uses this app, so i guess i can spill my guts here 👀👀 Venmo: @reachpeak

[chaerai]

Another late night. Kinda full of tho~ugh~ts.

I can't wait to keep writing music. Idk. I fell like I wanna shout it out somewhere. Alsooooo. I fell like certain music has been asking me feel a lot lately. And for no reason smh. *inner voive-cut it out*.

I've been appreciating my body more. I've been appreciating skin that's soft and moisturized. Boobs that are larger and move way to much. I've also been appreciating my Height? Idk but i feel like things make sense somehow

Another thought is a [name_redacted], and how they told me they were bi. I wanna text them out of the.blue to.ask why he.told me that.? But I think that might be weird lol.

Ooooo. One more.

I was also thinking about [name_redacted], and how weird our convos were. And how much I wish I told him to shut up more.

Speaking offff. I think I wanna tell more guys to shut up. The last guy said he liked it. I think I just wanna talk more, a lot of people say they like my voice.

Someone is yet to tell me a bedtime story✨✨✨

[chaerai]

Likeee drop everything. Let's chat 😗

"What about ?"

Don't give a fuck. I'm sure u can come up with something

[chaerai]

I have DECIDED... that I am now obsessed with a few shows. A few anime to be exact. I don't know how to explain it.... like when you finish an exam on Friday and know you'll be going to your friends dorm. That feeling of anxiety, relief, and happiness.

Everything has been so Grey and boring? So now I feel like I just saw a sparkler.

[chaerai]

🎶🎶Living on the edgeeee all my friends are deaddd🎶🎶

Or however that song goes. Kisses to Sir Uzi 😗.

The randomness and the feeling you just got is the feeling I got when I randomly spoke to this guy from a past internship. I wanted to ask him about life. And school. And for the record. I Hate Doing that. I hate bringing up school. But I had to. I was having another existencccceetial crisis.

For what its worth, he gave some soothing advice. *muah* to you 😚😘 . I want to also chat with him about music but ill wait lol. Lemme give it 3 weeks. I dont really know how this works.

Fuck... I knew i blew it lolol. I know what you're thinking lolol.

He'll never read this of course... In fact, I must ensure nobody actually reads these lol. Because the day I blow up. Babayyy. This ting is going straight down fi chute.

Lets keep these a secret until then. 🤫🤐

[chaerai]

Its 2, I'm up, and I can't fall asleep. Someone please tell me a bedtime story 😴.

[chaerai]

It is 9am in the morning. Currently on the floor, in my friday fit 🧦👚🩱👗🧤🥽. I'm wondering why and how this week ended up being so busy? It feels like I have class?

Like does that make sense? The rush you have when 'you have back to back classes on a Friday, but you also have to print something in the library' type of feeling.

I think its a little exciting, the is the most busy I think I've been when it comes to talking and seeing people *virtually* in months.

Hmmmm. I also want to buy a cupcake 🧁 , but I don't know if I can today. But I feel like something sweet always feels sweeter on either a Friday or certain Wednesdays lol. Also, the sun's out 🌞 .

*muah* left side of your cheek, *muah* right side of your cheek

Happy Friday???? Hahahaha

[chaerai]

Had a really great convo with a member of the fam bam. Talking about new ideas. Idk. Lately I see my life being swayed by all these ideas that I'm having. Once next year rolls around, I hope I have something to show for them 😩.

[chaerai]

I stay off of LinkedIn, but other people's accomplishments are still finding ways to haunt me.

*cue dramatic music 🎶 *

Thought dump:

Sometimes when I want to talk about my woes *Drake Voice*, I feel scared talking abouthem because of internal propaganda we have around wealth and meritocracy.

And then I am reminded that they way people float to the top isn't just because of their talents or skills, they have a lot of advantages, luck money etc. And sometimes I just feel depressed about it.

Why put of all of my friends was I constantly worried about money, rent, or working multiple jobs? While also trying to study? And then , when one would slip for the other, I would blame me. As though there was something inherently wrong with me?

I hope nobody every reads these so I can keep spilling my guts lol.

Wait wait wait .... im not done. So usually I don't even sound this sad in real life. In real life, im able to speak on things normally, usually without the feeling at the back of your throat befor you wanna cry. I feel like that makes people uncomfortable mainly because I think they just haven't experienced failure in that way.

They aren't poor, or sitting at the bottom of the system ladders. Which means that even if their life combusted, they aren't thinking there will never be a way out? It's hard to explain typing like this, but I hope that makes sense?

*sigh*

[chaerai]

So many thoughts about all the art coming out lately. I'm starting to conclude that Black is king should have been the only release in terms of Lion King.

[chaerai]

So apparently tiktok isn't actually able to get banned? I'm wondering if I'm gonna have food if I don't want to use the platform anymore? I'm wondering where we're gonna go next? 😭🤔😩

Idk if its quarantine but I either something could shake shit up. Somethin new for the summertime.

[chaerai]

Its 10:55am and I'm alreADY annoyed at the chacoonery of people. I payed for something and now this instagram person is trying to change it to be something else.

That would mean there has now been an unauthorized payment for this change of product. Because thats not what I paid original for. What is up with people right now.