Ken(dra) 🌼

Queer, 2S, genderqueer. They/she. Somehow survived to the age of 30. Sometimes I write fan fiction. Pen account for @cucumber-sandwich 🖋️ so I can have somewhere for anything fic related. Currently writing: Buffy the Vampire Slayer fic. “Occasionally, I am callous and strange.”

[writing-prompt-s]

You prick your finger and go to sign the contract of the demon, however as soon as they see your blood they try to call off the deal.

[kelilohu]

Just a thought: I would LOVE to hear Giles ranting about AI like he did about computers.

[chaosandken]

Descriptions of ideas/snippets/concepts in my Buffy fic master doc. (Part 2)

Note: Some of them are AUs, some of them fit within canon, and some are pwp…there are a few I’m actually trying to develop into something coherent enough to publish on ao3, and some may literally never see the light of day, but I just figured I’d share these little seeds that I’ve planted for funsies. Let me know if there is anything that piques your interest and maybe it’ll give me encouragement to actually flesh these ideas out!!!!!!

[chaosandken]

I have a massive master doc of Buffy fic ideas, scene ideas, snippets, lines, etc. and I put little descriptors at the top of each idea so I can easier when I’m trying to find a specific one…these are some of the descriptions lmaoooooo. (Part 1)

Note: Some of them are AUs, some of them fit within canon, and some are pwp…there are a few I’m actually trying to develop into something coherent enough to publish on ao3, and some may literally never see the light of day, but I just figured I’d share these little seeds that I’ve planted for funsies. More incoming. Let me know if there is anything that piques your interest and maybe it’ll give me encouragement to actually flesh these ideas out!!!!!!

[chaosandken]

Oh hi, I wrote a Buffy fanfic about Giles and Jenny. It’s bi4bi in the sappiest, most emotional way possible.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/81057526

[chaosandken]

…the way I’ve written and posted several thousands of words of pure smut and I still get embarrassed abt the fact that I like to fantasize spicy situations for my ships…

[sentientsky]

repeating this to myself forever and ever

[queenangst]

idk if this is a young fan thing or new fandom culture but some of yall think fics are abandoned way too quickly. a few months or a year or two is not unusual to go without a fic update. sometimes fics take longer to write, other times writers have rl events, or maybe there's multiple fics and one gets more priority. there are tons of reasons for fics not to be updated every week or every month. it also isn't uncommon for people to come back and update fics after a number of years—ive read updates that took five, or ten years. people's lives change, but they still want to tell their stories. personally, i never consider a fic abandoned unless the author has said so; though if it's been a few years i manage my expectations. but a last update being a year ago is... generally not a sign that a writer has abandoned their fic

[liladiurne]

That! Exactly that!!! Writers have lives and writing is hard! It takes time. Stop assuming fics are abandoned!

[heywriters]

Original fic usually goes through this same process before being commercially published. Readers just don't know that bc they aren't receiving it in bite-size chunks online. Large periods of stagnant writing are historically just another Monday for most writers.

[holylulusworld]

This☝️.

[luna-azzurra]

Good Traits Gone Bad

Exploring good traits gone bad in a novel can add depth and complexity to your characters. Here are a few examples of good traits that can take a negative turn:

1. Empathy turning into manipulation: A character with a strong sense of empathy may use it to manipulate others' emotions and gain an advantage.

2. Confidence becoming arrogance: Excessive confidence can lead to arrogance, where a character belittles others and dismisses their opinions.

3. Ambition turning into obsession: A character's ambition can transform into an unhealthy obsession, causing them to prioritize success at any cost, including sacrificing relationships and moral values.

4. Loyalty becoming blind devotion: Initially loyal, a character may become blindly devoted to a cause or person, disregarding their own well-being and critical thinking.

5. Courage turning into recklessness: A character's courage can morph into reckless behavior, endangering themselves and others due to an overestimation of their abilities.

6. Determination becoming stubbornness: Excessive determination can lead to stubbornness, where a character refuses to consider alternative perspectives or change their course of action, even when it's detrimental.

7. Optimism becoming naivety: Unwavering optimism can transform into naivety, causing a character to overlook dangers or be easily deceived.

8. Protectiveness turning into possessiveness: A character's protective nature can evolve into possessiveness, where they become overly controlling and jealous in relationships.

9. Altruism becoming self-neglect: A character's selflessness may lead to neglecting their own needs and well-being, to the point of self-sacrifice and burnout.

10. Honesty becoming brutal bluntness: A character's commitment to honesty can turn into brutal bluntness, hurting others with harsh and tactless remarks.

These examples demonstrate how even admirable traits can have negative consequences when taken to extremes or used improperly. By exploring the complexities of these traits, you can create compelling and multi-dimensional characters in your novel.

Happy writing!

[novlr]

The symbolism of flowers

Flowers have a long history of symbolism that you can incorporate into your writing to give subtext.

Symbolism varies between cultures and customs, and these particular examples come from Victorian Era Britain. You'll find examples of this symbolism in many well-known novels of the era!

Amaryllis: Pride

Black-eyed Susan: Justice

Bluebell: Humility

Calla Lily: Beauty

Pink Camellia: Longing

Carnations: Female love

Yellow Carnation: Rejection

Clematis: Mental beauty

Columbine: Foolishness

Cyclamen: Resignation

Daffodil: Unrivalled love

Daisy: Innocence, loyalty

Forget-me-not: True love

Gardenia: Secret love

Geranium: Folly, stupidity

Gladiolus: Integrity, strength

Hibiscus: Delicate beauty

Honeysuckle: Bonds of love

Blue Hyacinth: Constancy

Hydrangea: Frigid, heartless

Iris: Faith, trust, wisdom

White Jasmine: Amiability

Lavender: Distrust

Lilac: Joy of youth

White Lily: Purity

Orange Lily: Hatred

Tiger Lily: Wealth, pride

Lily-of-the-valley: Sweetness, humility

Lotus: Enlightenment, rebirth

Magnolia: Nobility

Marigold: Grief, jealousy

Morning Glory: Affection

Nasturtium: Patriotism, conquest

Pansy: Thoughtfulness

Peony: Bashfulness, shame

Poppy: Consolation

Red Rose: Love

Yellow Rose: Jealously, infidelity

Snapdragon: Deception, grace

Sunflower: Adoration

Sweet Willian: Gallantry

Red Tulip: Passion

Violet: Watchfulness, modesty

Yarrow: Everlasting love

Zinnia: Absent, affection

[your-average-bibliophile]

Always loved flower language

[kaimelia]

Kaimelia + workout

kaimelia + workout

"There you are," Amelia smiled, sitting up in bed as Kai walked towards her and holding out her arms. "I'm not a big fan of waking up without you."

"Sometimes I work out in the morning." They leaned into Amelia's embrace and kissed her cheek.

"I can smell." She scrunched her nose as she dropped her arms around them and pulled back. "I do think you're a little insane for going to the gym at five in the morning."

"Well, I'm working for most of the day, and then my night is occupied by you, so I've gotta fit it in somewhere." They walked over to their dresser, dropping their gym bag and pulling open a drawer.

"You know, if you wanted to go after work, I would happily come watch."

"Yeah?" Kai grinned, turning to Amelia after slinging a shirt over their shoulder.

"You think I'd pass up on an opportunity to watch you work out?" She tsked. "I get to still wake up with you next to me, I get to watch you work out, and I get to shower with you afterwards."

"Yeah, but then you have to deal with me sweaty on the way home. I'm not a fan of showering at the gym."

"We'll stick your cologne in your bag." She hopped out of bed, trailing her hand across their back as she walked past them. "Just get me some coffee and stick me in a corner with my computer, and I'll be all set."

"Sounds like a plan." They shut their drawer, holding their hand out to Amelia after she gathered clothes from her bag. "How about that shower now?"

[kaimelia]

Flower

kaimelia + flower

this is so awkward I wrote this without realizing I wrote a diff version but uh enjoy<3

"I'm gonna have to wash my hair tonight," Amelia chuckled, shutting her eyes as Kai brushed the front strand of her hair behind her ear. "Unless you want to be sneezing from pollen all night."

"I'll help you wash it." They kissed her forehead and set another flower in her hair. "Stay still, because these are gonna start falling out."

"Here!" Scout shouted, running over with a fistful of dandelions.

"Thank you," Kai grinned, turning to Scout and holding their hands out for the flowers. "You wanna get some of those pink flowers?" They pointed towards a tree, and Scout ran back into the grass.

"Please don't put those in my hair," Amelia muttered, taking one of the dandelions.

"Yeah, we just gotta get rid of them before he gets back." They held out their arm, shaking the flowers until all the seeds blew away in the wind. "We're not about to have these spread throughout the house for the next month."

Kai tossed the stems into a nearby patch of taller grass, brushing off their hands before returning to Amelia on the picnic blanket.

"Make a wish," she smiled, holding up the dandelion she'd taken from them.

"You better turn because the wind is going to blow these right into your face." She leaned to the side, and Kai blew onto the flower.

"What'd you wish for?"

"I'm pretty sure telling you would go against the rules of dandelion wishes."

[kaimelia]

Kaimelia + suit

kaimelia + suit

“If I had known you would look this good in that suit, I would’ve kept us way more on track in the lab,” Amelia muttered, walking up behind Kai in the mirror and wrapping her arms around their waist. They chuckled, fiddling with the buttons on the cuffs of their sleeves.

“You still aren’t ready.”

“I don’t wanna put on a dress and heels yet,” she spoke against the fabric of their suit jacket. “Once I put them on, we have to go and be social and listen to a bunch of men tell us how they were just about to do the same exact thing we did, but we happened to beat them to it.”

“I know, but we do that,” they turned to face her, “you get a big, fancy award, and then we come home to celebrate.”

“I appreciate your optimism, but,”

“No buts, Shepherd.” Kai placed their hand under her chin, gently guiding her face upwards. “We both know that you’re going to be on that stage in a few hours accepting a Harper Avery award, and I’m not going to let you be humble about this.”

“You deserve it just as much as I do.”

“This is an award for a surgeon. It’s specifically for the incredible things you did, things that I and 99.9% of this population cannot do. My name’s in all the research, and anyone who matters will find it there.” They placed their hands on her hips. “This is your day, Amelia Shepherd, and you better enjoy every minute of it.”

“Fine,” she whispered, biting her bottom lip and doing up the buttons of their shirt. “Will you at least help me get ready?”

“Oh, absolutely.” They pushed down the waistband of her sweatpants.

“I thought you said no butts, Bartley.”

“I guess I’m a hypocrite.”

[kaimelia]

Birthday

kaimelia + birthday

Happy Birthday 🩷

Kai smiled down at their phone screen as balloons obscured Amelia's text message.

Thank you ❤️

Although, I don't think it's my birthday yet back in Seattle...

There are many things I would do for you, Kai Bartley, but staying up until midnight when I'm working at 8 AM is not one of them.

They opened their camera roll and swiped through their favorited photos, photo after photo of Amelia they couldn't bring themself to get rid of.

Things between them had ended mostly amicably, and Kai would be lying if they said they hadn't wanted to ask her to come visit for their birthday. But, a nearly 10-hour flight for someone you were no longer in a relationship with seemed a bit much to ask, and they knew Amelia being in their London apartment would make everything that much more difficult.

She would see the dozen photo frames holding pictures of their time together and know that Kai hadn't been able to let go as much as they liked to pretend. Amelia exploring their new space would just be a painful reminder of the new distance and changed relationship between the two of them.

But, still, they wanted nothing more than to relive the last twenty-four hours they'd spent with Amelia, visiting her one last time in Seattle before saying goodbye indefinitely.

Their phone buzzed with a text, and Kai grinned widely as they opened it.

You can absolutely say no, but I've been thinking about taking a vacation sometime next month...

I'd love nothing more.

[chaosandken]

Kaimelia + (kitchen) dancing

Kaimelia + (kitchen) dancing

"Hey Google, play my 'romantic kitchen songs' playlist on Spotify!" "Romantic kitchen songs?" Amelia questioned, raising a brow. "...I may have made it when I was a little tipsy...and you were in surgery...and I was missing you..." they admitted, smoothly wrapping their left arm around her waist and grabbing her hand with their right. Slow, sensual instrumental music began to play from the little speaker. They quickly dipped her down, causing Amelia to yelp. "Sorry." The surgeon started giggling as they swooped her back to a standing position, then twirled her around, and pulled her in close to their body. "It's like the movies," they murmured, grinning down at the brunette in their arms. The couple began to sway gently to the seductive music, and Amelia let Kai's hand go, moving to wrap her arms around their neck. In response, the tall scientist snaked their newly freed hand around her waist and down her back. As the music continued, Kai's hands gradually moved lower, landing on their partner's ass and squeezing as they danced their hips against her in time with the music. Their foreheads were together, breaths mingling as they began grinding against one another. Their lips finally met as they rolled their hips in tandem, breaths heavy as they kissed.

When their lips parted, a smile broke on Kai's lips as Amelia cleared her throat.

"I think this movie is going to be rated R," she breathed, jumping up into their arms, Kai gripping under her ass and kissing her as they carried her to their bed.

[chaosandken]

Kaimelia + crayons

Kaimelia + crayons

"Did you ever eat crayons when you were a kid?" Amelia asked. Kai eyed her skeptically, eyes wide, clearly horrified. They were cleaning up the kitchen after having supper, Scout in his high chair, scribbling happily with a new box of crayons. "No, did you?!" they responded, scraping some crumbs into the garbage can. "...more times than I would like to admit," Amelia murmured.

"Why does that make so many things about you make sense?" they teased, grabbing a towel and flicking it toward Amelia's ass. She gave them a warning look, trying to contain a grin, then glanced behind her shoulder at her son, who was oblivious to anything else but his drawing. "I'm just teasing," they offered. Kai reached out and pulled Amelia into a hug and the couple held each other as they observed the blonde boy, who dropped a blue crayon, then picked up a yellow one, inspecting it. He began to move the crayon toward his mouth, and his mother yelled out in a panic, quickly moving to take it from him. "Scout, no, baby," she told him. "We only put food, drinks, and medicine in our mouths."

"I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree," Kai chuckled. If looks could kill, they would have dropped dead from the glare their partner sent across the room.

[kaimelia]

Bruise

kaimelia + bruise

"Shit."

"What?" Amelia flipped over in bed to face Kai; concern spread across her face as she met their eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine; it's just-" They scrunched their nose. "Your back, it's," they sighed.

"What is it?" She hopped out of bed, taking the knitted blanket covering their feet and wrapping it around her body before turning around in front of the mirror. "Oh my god." She watched as Kai got up and pulled on their shirt and boxers that'd been discarded on the floor the previous night.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." They bit their lip and walked up behind her. "Did I hurt you?"

"Kai," Amelia chuckled, making eye contact with them in the mirror and leaning back against them, "I'm fine. I think we can agree that this is a little funny."

"Your entire back is practically covered in bruises; I think this needs a bit more attention than a laugh."

Kai brought their hand up to her spine, gently tracing the red spots on her back.

"Luckily, no one besides you is going to be seeing my back because that would definitely be something to explain." Kai chuckled. "But, for the record, I think it's kind of hot."

"Really?"

"Really."