I periodically feel so fucking sad for women in history. I feel like birth control in countries where it is widely used has made women forget an aspect of male cruelty and sociopathy that is now less apparent (giving the illusion that men have improved when only womenās defences against men have)āthe fact that for most of history men could live with a woman for decades and not care that they were slowly killing her with endless back-to-back pregnancies which not only resulted in early death more often than not, but also in a total smothering of the womanās spirit and talents. I saw a quote by Anne Boyer the other day that called straight relationships for women ānot only deadly, but deadeningāāas I was reading Jill Leporeās Book of Ages, a biography of Benjamin Franklinās sister Jane, who was bright and loved reading and wrote some poetry, but had little time to make anything of her life in between her 12 pregnancies. Benjamin Franklinās mother had 10 sons and 7 daughters. What could they possibly accomplish when their husbands kept impregnating them year after year after year throughout their entire adult life?Ā
Charlotte BrontĆ« eschewed marriage longer than most (writing to Ellen Nussey that she wished they could just set up a little cottage and live together) but she finally married at 38, became pregnant, and died before her 39th birthday. If she had married younger would Jane Eyre exist?Ā I was reading that biography of Charity & SylviaĀ last month and comparing their life together in their little cottage to the life of their married female relatives, which was honestly hell on earth. One of Charityās sisters had 18 children. Charityās mother had 10 living ones, and probably some additional stillbirths. She gave birth to her first child age 19, in 1758, then to a pair of twins in 1760, then another child in 1761, another in 1763, another in 1765, another in 1767, another in 1769, another in 1771, another in 1774, another in 1777. Charity was the last child and her mother had been sick with tuberculosis for months when she became pregnant with her, and she died soon after giving birth.
I wish people would call this murderāthis woman was murdered by her husband, like countless other women who do notĀ ācountā as victims of male violence because straight sex is natural, pregnancy is natural, childbirth is natural. But when after 20 years of nonstop pregnancies this woman had tuberculosis and suffered from severe respiratory distress, severe weight loss, fever and exhaustion, and her husband impregnated her again, her death was expected. He must have known; he just didnāt care. This womanās sisterāCharityās auntāremained a spinster and outlived all of her married sisters by several decades, living well into her eighties. (Ironically, male doctors in her century asserted that sex with men was necessary for womenās health. The biographer quoted from a popular home health guide which said that old maids incurred grievous physical harm from a lack of sex with men.) And this aunt had the time and liberty to develop her skill for embroidery to such an extent that two museums still preserve her embroidered bed drapes. She accomplished something, she nurtured her talent and self. Her name was also Charity, and I find it interesting that Charityās mother named her last daughter, whose pregnancy & birth killed her, after her childless, unmarried sister.
When I see women reblog my post about Sophia Tolstoyās misery with her 13 children, adding comments likeĀ āthank god marriage is no longer synonymous with thisā, I wonder if they realise that men have not magically become any kinder or more concerned about their female partnerās health and fulfillment, itās just that women now have access to better ways of protecting themselves from their male partnerās indifference to their health and fulfillment.
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