Bakery

Maureena - 23 This is a disaster!!

[ewaneneollav]

*sleeps, but in a really fucked up and evil way*

[keroa]

[larcenygrand-deactivated2025042]

But seriously, can you imagine coming from a nice date with your girlfriend, you’ve been dating for a couple of months, it’s going pretty well, and her ex is lurking outside her apartment and talking to her cat, which, while annoying is not that weird, and he seems like an ok guy, so you forget about it, and a couple of days later, you’re on a date in a nice restaurant, and the ex turns up looking like absolute shit, dunks himself into a lobster tank, eats a live lobster, and you end up having to carry him out to the hospital where he has a seizure in the MRI and so you send him home but then you get his tests back and it turns out his fucking heart and internal organs are atrophying because of a sentient parasite which your girlfriend manages to separate only the ex runs away and the parasite ends up in your girlfriend who goes to give it back to her ex and then you end up in a weird four way relationship with your girlfriend, her ex, and a symbiote that finds the word parasite offensive

[incorrect-into-the-spiderverse]

Miles, meeting Ham for the first time: Ok, but why do you sound like John Mulaney?

Ham: *Small chuckle as he moves towards Miles*

Ham: *Whispering into Miles’ ear* You shut your fucking mouth.

[fortunaveraluz]

[black-nata]

whoever said scooby doo isn’t intellectual: explain this then

[andrewlloydwebber]

some woman on the street below just hit an operatic high c and then screamed “i’ll fucking kick your ass”

[syd-the-avenger]

That was the wardrobe from Beauty and the Beast

[andrewlloydwebber]

hey syd-the-avenger, this post has over 50 thousand notes. people have added on that the woman on the street below was brendon urie, christine daae, kristin chenoweth, roger taylor, starkid, “literally me”, and “literally you”. and this is the only valid addition. 

[googifs]

[professorsparklepants]

Role swap au where Zuko was the Avatar who got frozen for a hundred years, so when he’s rescued from the ice instead of a goofy twelve year old Katara catches this mysterious teenager with long hair and a cool scar and a fucking DRAGON

Katara: BOY???? HOT BOY?????? HOT TEENAGE BOY?????????

Zuko: *speaks*

Katara: nevermind I hate him

[brawltogethernow]

How does Aang factor into this? I ask because the more I think about it the more I want him to somehow be trying to capture the Avatar.

[professorsparklepants]

Aang is 112 years old, decided he was going to be Zuko’s airbending teacher, and refuses to take no for an answer

[brawltogethernow]

Aang: Aw, the new Avatar doesn’t want me. Aang: *gets out a weighted net* Time for Plan B then.

[professorsparklepants]

JDJSHJABDBFJSH

[brawltogethernow]

Look, you know how you keep a net from falling on you? YOU AIRBEND IT, SUCKA. Air comes right after fire in the cycle so it’s not like the guy has any other options. Do you want a flaming net falling on you? No? Then learn to airbend. Or this tiny old man will cart you away like a trussed turkey and lecture you about the power of laughter, going with the flow, opening your chakras, and other hippie shit.

[brawltogethernow]

Sokka, slouching against a fence, not moving: Oh nooooooo, that creepy old man stole the Avataaaaaaaaaar. Sokka, sitting down on the ground: We should dooooo something. Sokka, pulling out his lunch: Otherwise he might actually learn something. That would be teeeerrible. Katara, indignant rage coursing through her body: Sokka!!!!!!!! We have to go look for him!!!! Sokka: Might! Actually! Learn! Something! Katara! Katara: *wavers* Katara, also sitting down: We have to go look for him…. *gets out her own sandwich* But, maybe after lunch.

[professorsparklepants]

I love that this transforms Aang’s role in the full Team Avatar familial situation from the baby of the family to the Grandpa with weird hobbies

[everydaylouie]

cassowary

[probablybadrpgideas]

At the end of character creation, have every player roll a d100 for “plot reasons”. When the game begins, reveal that the result is how many miles in the air the characters start the campaign at.

[probablybadrpgideas]

I have been informed that the edge of space is 50-62 miles off the ground, depending on which measurement you use. In light of this new information, I will not be amending the post in any way.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

So today this kid yelled Nani the fuck?!? in the middle of a test and I felt compelled to share this to the world.

teachers, share the weird crap your kids have done!

[ralsalot]

I’m not a teacher (yet) but I do work with students and one of them had the nerve to look me dead in the eye and ask me “why would it be a bad idea for me to eat this entire marker?” They’re 11

[official-lyzzystardust]

An 4th grader asked for a high five by saying, “A little slappy to make daddy happy?”

I did not give him a high five.

[myathesleepyoctopus]

A student during break had her head in her arms and was shaking a bit, so i asked the kid next to her whether she was laughing or crying and this 8 year old stared me in the eye deadpan and said “im crying on the inside”

[myathesleepyoctopus]

Wait i take that back, I cant believe i forgot about the time i brought in a small stuffed octopus as a class mascot because why tf not. It was a class of high schoolers and i didnt imagine theyd actually care much, but one student snuck in a snack and gave it to the octopus as a tribute. Which led to other students doing the same thing, until every day there was a pile of of offerings to Fweej the Overseer, mostly consisting of things like string cheeses and small bags of chips, but sometimes there wouldd be a couple bucks in quarters, one kid brought in some giant pocky i think, and at one point there was a cold stone gift card. This stuffed octopus gained a cult following.

Later i brought in another stuffed octopus that looked exactly the same but bigger and told the class that Fweej the Overseer accepted their offerings and became stronger. These highschoolers lost their goddamn minds.

[shieldmaiden19]

Oh my god I love this. Thank you for letting those kids be the dorks all high schoolers are.

[laachi]

not to be fake deep but….men who are kind are not the same as men who are kind to you bc they like you

[thetrekkiehasthephonebox]

kind men vs nice guys

[life-at-work]

[ironmaidenhead]

[mulukhiyah-deactivated20200604]

[00807x]

[cabou]

I made a thing, in the form of an annoyingly long post in your feed 

[benepla-deactivated20200506]

i hate airpods dude id rather be broke than have two lil tiny things to keep track of. “oh there’s like a carrier” muh muh muh like i’ll remember the carrier when im barreling out of my door with the bus coming in 2 minutes. an airpod falls out and falls into a storm drain. i fling my head around to watch it fall and the other one flies out into the street and my bus crushes it. i scream in agony and run up to it and the bus just barrels straight over me bc bus drivers in chicago have 3 kill allowances a year

[maruti-bitamin]

bee