For a lot of you the next year is going to be one of the hardest; with it will come a lot of change, stress, and uncertainty. Personally, the year since I walked across the stage and accepted my diploma has made me a completely different person.
When I graduated I was excited, nervous, relatively innocent, naive to the weight of the world, not knowing what I wanted to do, and just wanting to have fun. And I did have fun, that summer was full of drunken memories and adventures with people I love(d). But a lot of shit was headed my way come September. I decided, like many do, to take a semester off and work before I went to university. This seemed like a good idea, and it was financially, but once I was in it I was plagued with anxiety and stress. To see everyone on a path, knowing what they wanted to do and doing it, made me feel even worse about where I was. I didn’t know what I wanted to be and I felt lost in every aspect of my life. I knew, logically, that I wasn’t the only one feeling this way. I knew, logically, that most 18 year-olds fresh out of high school had similar feelings. However, knowing these things couldn’t shake the heavy cloud of self-doubt and confusion that was cast over me. To put it simply, I was terrified of the future and the uncertainty it held.
Since then, I have become a little less innocent and a little less naive to the weight of the world, I’ve had my heart broken, I survived my first semester of university and am about to complete my second, I was fired from my job, and I still have no fucking clue where I’m going. Sure my path is slightly more defined than when I first graduated, but I still don’t know what I want to do. I think the biggest difference is that I can accept that. I can accept that I have these feelings of self-doubt and confusion and fear and, because of that acceptance, I can work towards ways to cope with them.
It’s strange realizing how different of a person I am after only one year of life but I like to think I’ve changed for the better. This past year has been a rough one and I’m sure for plenty of you the coming one will be too. But know that your feelings are temporary and you are right where you should be. You don’t need all the answers, no one has them and no one ever will.
You’ll figure out what you’re meant to do in time, and so will I.
Wishing you luck,
Graduate of 2015.
(thanks for allowing me to be so self-reflective, photo is from Rockaway Beach, Oregon & I just thought it fit the mood of the post)
2087
stormborns
tangentwithtanner
pixelskylines
snowghoul