MADEMOISELLE BELLE

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[chasing-galaxy]

JOURNAL PROMP 012: What do You Believe are Your Biggest Anxiety Triggers?

Let’s face it - we don’t feel good about ourselves every single day. We always have these bad days when our anxieties weigh us down and we just couldn’t help but give in with the feeling. 

As for me, my biggest anxiety trigger is whenever I see people of my age having the best time of their lives, pursuing the job they love and good at, excelling in life and achieving a lot already. I tend to compare myself only to end up feeling like a failure. I’d question my decisions in the past, my plans in the future and my present choices.  “Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right track? Why does it seem like life is so easy on them, and not with me?” and then all other sorts of destructive thoughts will come rushing in my head. 

Some of those who are close to me will ask “How do you overcome that anxiety?” Honestly, I just let myself feel what I need to feel. I already know that there’s nothing I can do to stop the anxieties but to let it be. I can only embrace that ‘lost’ feeling and after that I’d be okay. I know I’d be okay, I just remind myself to always allow the bad days ‘cause there will always be an end to it. 

No matter how bad my anxiety gets, I can only embrace it for a time but I won’t let it settle in. At the end of the day, we need to rise up from our fears and keep on trying. 

---

[chasing-galaxy]

02.01.2021

The universe had just given me the sign I've been asking for 💫

Thank you, God. This is just the beginning.

[chasing-galaxy]

01.31.21

The holidays only seems like yesterday but how is it the end of January already? 2021 had been good so far though - steady yet compelling. The start of this year was way better, for me, compared to last year and I hope it would be this way for the rest of the year.  The previous one had indeed brought a lot of realizations in almost every aspect of life and personally, 2020 taught me the importance of preparation. We never know what life would throw us at anytime, so we got to be prepared not just financially but intellectually to better handle the unexpected situations and transitions. I genuinely hope and pray that may this be a year of recovery for all of us <3

[chasing-galaxy]

I hope you have a good new year <3

Thank you :) Same with you!

[chasing-galaxy]

JOURNAL PROMPT 011: What are the Lessons I learned this Week?

1. Good things happen when you don’t postpone plans. I realized this just recently when I finally decided to have my braces, after contemplating for 3 years. It would take me 2 years before I can see the results I want, but as early as now I’ve felt more confident and happy about myself. And now I wish I had it done sooner. 

2. Simple words or affirmation from relevant people makes wonders. I don’t usually feel motivated with my current job maybe because it’s something I don’t really feel confident doing but when I was commended and appreciated by my boss personally, I feel so moved and thought, “Oh, I’m finally doing something right" and the best part was that it’s indeed motivating to do even much better. 

3. Christmas will never be the same without a complete family. This year’s Christmas felt a little less happier compared to last year because we’re not complete. My father is back abroad, my brother moved with his own family, my sister was on her work, and it was basically just three of us in the house during Christmas eve. I really wish next year would be a better year for my family. 

4. Broken things shouldn’t be kept, dispose them immediately. This is kinda out of context but seriously, throw away things that already has cracks on it and is at the verge of breaking before it can harm you or the people around you. I just had a deep cut in my left middle finger because of a cracked glass of water. If only I had disposed it for good right away, I wouldn’t be crying for nights and take painkillers to manage the cut’s pain :(

5. A lot can change within a year. No matter how bad the situation is, it will get better eventually. Not in an instant, but definitely when we look back, we can see the changes and progress that happened in just a span of a year and realized how blessed we still are to be in a better situation now, compared to the previous year. 

[chasing-galaxy]

[chasing-galaxy]

JOURNAL PROMPT 010: What Advice Would I Give to my Younger self?

23 is still a young age and yet as I look back on my younger years, I thought, I could’ve done better. I could have started sooner. And if there’s one ultimate advice I’d give my younger self, it’s this - don’t wait for life’s opportunities to come, create opportunities for yourself. 

The world outside is indeed intimidating, but don’t let the fear stop you from learning, trying and living. It’s totally normal to worry and think about the what if’s and it’s certainly okay to be a coward for some time, but don’t settle there. Take a chance in life instead of waiting for life’s chances. 

[chasing-galaxy]

JOURNAL PROMPT 009: What are my Priorities at the Moment?

It’s been months since I last did a journal prompt and I badly needed to do this again and perhaps make it a consistent habit. Writing has been my saving grace over and over.  With the end of 2020 coming close, my priorities has literally shifted from one thing to another. At the start of the year, I planned it in a way that is goal-oriented. But as soon as the pandemic hits, it has been a series of cancelled plans with multiple re-planning in between. 

This crisis gave me a different kind of perspective and realization in life and one of it is the importance of financial freedom. That having a regular job and savings is not enough. I need to have more than one income stream to support my goals and sustain my family’s needs, that’s why my priorities at the moment are all focused on finding multiple income streams through side hustle/sideline, investing and building a portfolio to monetize my skills. 

To be honest, I’m having a hard time. But at the end of the day, nothing really comes easy as one, two, three. I just keep telling myself that these hard work will payoff and I need to do this, not just for myself but for the family that relies on me. I wake up everyday inspired with the idea that my future self will thank me for working hard now and I don’t ever want to have regrets one day for not pushing myself to give out the best. 

[chasing-galaxy]

10.18.20

It's been a while, and the outdoors never felt this good.

[chasing-galaxy]

21 Day Challenge

I don’t know what’s gotten into me but all of a sudden I decided to start a 21 day challenge, lol. I was having a hard time sticking to routines these past few days and then I came across this podcast that says, it takes 21 days for a person to develop a habit or routine. And since I’ve been wanting to challenge myself also, here are the things I dare myself to develop in the next 21 days:

Exercise every morning before work.

Journaling. 

Social media detox (deactivate)

No sodas, milkteas and other sugary drinks. Water and Coffee only.

Work on my personal passion project. 

The challenges are very simple but as they say, a little effort goes a long way :) Sooo, here I am at my Day 1! 

[chasing-galaxy]

09.28.20

I've been pretty inactive with my journaling for about two months now for I was having a hard time putting my shits together. And the last two months were by far the most intense months of my 2020.

Today, I cried over my father's departure. He had to go back to his work abroad and I just realized if there's one thing about the pandemic which I am thankful for, is when my family got to be complete for 9 long months. My father's flight was supposed to be last March but due to covid and all, it was postponed, and today was his flight back abroad.

I thought I was ready for this day. But the truth is, I would never be ready to see my father go miles away for another 2 years. It hurts so much to realize how a parent can be so sacrificial and selfless for the sake of their children. I'm a young adult now and it pains me to see my father work tirelessly cause he doesn't want to pass the "burden" of providing for the family to us, his children.

I hope I grow up to be as strong and selfless as my Papa is.

[chasing-galaxy]

I just realized I made a Birthday letter for @rhainebows​ last April but never got to send it to her, so let me post it here :P --- (04/16/2020)

Happy 22nd Birthday to the most badass bitch I’ve personally met. How do I event start? I mean it’s your birthday, yes you’re getting old, we are and that’s great. Lol, no. 

You know both of us are not the kind of gal who’s fond of long, cringe messages and you’d probably feel uncomfortable reading this, but please bear with it until the end because I clearly made an effort here, you-- *flips my hair*

So yeah, days prior to your birthday I’ve been reminiscing how we even started out being friends and wonder why are we still friends today, hahaha (pls know that I’m laughing hard right now) ‘cause you see, were the kind of friends that are the opposite of one another. I won’t elaborate why because if I do, this might really become the end of our friendship, lol. 

Kidding aside, we started out being mere HS classmates with totally different personalities, interests, and group of friends. But I remember that summer after 3rd year when we got to text each other on several days. It started pretty boring haha, you know, like the typical getting-to-know-each-other kind of talks until one day, I just found myself sharing my deep wearies and insecurities in life. You said you were surprised that I was carrying such heavy thoughts ‘cause you don’t see me that way. And then, you told me some advises I never expected that totally changed the way I see myself that time. You told me that I should look past those insecurities and instead, look at my strengths and appreciate myself for who and what I am. You mentioned the good things you saw in me like how you even admire me for being smart, how I shouldn’t equate myself to my friends whom I think have progressed far ahead of me, and that I should focus on the things that I can do instead of those that I can’t. And I’m sure as hell have never imagined hearing those words of encouragement from someone like you. When I say ‘someone like you’ well it’s because that time I thought you were the cold, mean, self -centered kind of classmate hahaha. But it turned out, you were the kind of friend I needed not just that time, but the friend I need for the rest of my existence.  

(You probably don’t recall any of this anymore for you have a very very very short-term memory, my God. Why is that? HAHA) 

Moving forward to when we came 4th year HS. Things back then were pretty much intense, but we somehow managed to become even closer and shared a lot of common interests like watching anime, asian movies, writing and reading wattpad, dancing and how can I forget, our addiction to EXO! Kkaebsong~ And you were like the leader of the gang, lmao. You’ve even written a wattpad story about the Exo candies, where each one of us represents the characters you made out of that story. Gurrrl, the things we do for fangirling XD 

That story continued ‘til we entered College. Though we studied at different universities, we still managed to update your story and text each other over the weekends. It gives me a nostalgic feeling when I remember how we set weekend as our catch up days and we’d even save money from our school allowance to make sure we load our sim when weekend arrives. Wow. 

But then, some things really did change as we became more involved in our college years, separately. The wattpad updates stopped, as well as the weekend catch up session. But we were okay with it, no issues, no dramas. And I think it’s the best thing about us that I really like the most. We still get to catch up on some occasions, like when we attend BCE activities, YP, our former classmate’s birthday and our own birthdays. Feeling old yet? Hahahaha. 

College was tough for the both of us, especially when it comes to financial aspect. There were instances when we would meet and then we’ll simply buy snacks and drinks then stay at our favorite tambayan- Lianas. Lmao! (Chills) 

We were already happy with our simple act of catching up. We’ll sit there for hours, talk about our new friends, crushessss and pretty much all of our life shits that time. You were that kinda long-distance-friend I got to rely on at any time and you won’t get annoyed with my vague dramas in life but instead, you’d tell me things to make me feel good about myself. Just like always, and I want you to know that you’re so good at doing that. Uplifting other’s morale even with your blunt expressions. (Love yah, friend. Hahahaha)

Then now we entered adulthood, which we both kinda loath up until now, except for the fact that were already earning our own money and now we got to eat and hang out at malls, parks, and travel places. Time flies pretty fast for us when we started working. Have you noticed that? We ought to meet almost every weekend, eat out and do random things but mostly, shopping. Wow, gurl. We spend a lot when were together and we should stop. Hahahaha.  

So much for this long backstory, my point here is I want you to know that we may be aging, stressing so much about life, uncertain of the future and feel as though were not making any progress, but please know that we, you, have made it this far. I hope you realize that you’re doing great, and you’ll be fine. Don’t ever lose your sense of wonder, talent and confidence in you because you have so much potential more than you ever realize. I hope once again, you see the beauty of growing outside the comfort zones, of reaching for more and not settling for anything less.  

I hope you realize that we were just simple living brats when we still got nothing, and yet we managed to make the most of what we have. Now that you have resources, may you strive to do more of what you love, what you want or just simply do what you got to do. Bottom line is, live the most out of this life. I know there are times when you feel bad about yourself too. You feel not good enough, unappreciated and maybe you also feel left behind ‘cause I feel the same way, sometimes. But, please don’t let these thoughts ruin what you can do. As I said, you are the most badass bitch I’ve ever met not just simply because you’re “small but terrible” but also because you are stubborn yet a leader, blunt but reassuring, achiever yet humble, and most importantly, struggling yet always overcoming. So go out there and be the badass woman you were so lazy to be today! 

You got this, bits. And as far as you’ll go, I want you to know that you’d always have me even when you don’t feel like u need me anymore, hahaha.  

Happy birthday, partner! Time is passing by quickly and were not getting any younger (like what we always say to one another) so let’s make the most out of this life! We can always leave our anxieties behind and restart if we need to, so let’s do this. We still got plenty of time ;) So, see you after quarantine? Hahahaha. 

XoXo, Bits!  

P.S. Please also stop thinking that you’d get left behind when your friend gets a boyfriend or a girlfriend. It always depends (on who’s that friend, lolsss). And I hope you have you meet your jowa soon, hahaha.  

ctto of the photos  @pinterest 

[chasing-galaxy]

Hey there!! Hope you are doing well💕💕

Hi, thanks I'm doing well! I hope you're doing just fine too 😊

[chasing-galaxy]

JOURNAL PROMPT 008: What’s bothering me?

We are all familiar with this cycle - some days we’re okay, some days we’re not. Other days we feel enthusiastic and looking forward, but there are also days when we just don’t have the energy at all. As much as we want to maintain that positive vibes all day everyday, it’s pretty normal not to be on some days.  As for me, everyday I try to be focused - with work, side hustles, personal projects to keep myself busy and avoid overthinking because I can easily fall in that trap. And I think it’s common for most of us nowadays to worry about the current crisis. Each day I’ll wonder when is our life going back to normal or if it’s ever going back to the way it used to be, or is this really the new normal we’ll be living for the rest of our days.  This bothers me a lot.  I worry about so many things. What would happen now to my family and my future? What would happen to my plans, now that everything was adjusted and priorities were changed. Money matters is the obvious concern. With being the only family member left with job and income, I feel blessed yes but it’s just enough for a family of six.  It bothers me every night thinking about what will happen for the next months if were still in this situation or worst, if things become even more unfortunate. But what can I do? When these anxieties come, I’d just pray and have faith that all will be well in His perfect time. I keep convincing myself that this too shall pass and just do what I have to do using what I have at the moment. At the end of the day, it’s either you give up or keep moving forward. And everyday, I will keep choosing the latter.  I hope you do the same :)

[chasing-galaxy]

JOURNAL PROMPT 007: Small Victories and Successes

Recently I’ve read that one way to self discovery is by identifying the small achievements we make for it will show which areas we excel, and when we recognize that even small victories are still victories, we’ll develop self awareness and eagerness to do more. And then I reminded myself today that the journal prompts I’ve been writing lately are all intended for self- discovery.  So here goes the list of my little achievements over the past few months.  1. Pushed myself to finish a 30-day workout challenge. Changes aren’t really that visible though but I’m proud of myself for having done such exhausting routine. And for trying to finish another round of 30 days. Yay! 2. Made Instagram account for my Poetries. Yes! I’ve been wanting to do this a long time ago but I just didn’t have the time and guts to start this ‘Passion Project’. I’ve made this account together with my friend who also loves to write and we’ve been managing it for three months now.  3.Started writing again. Writing will always be my go to hobby and with the plenty of time this quarantine gives me, I want to make sure that it won’t go to waste so I’ve revamped myself into writing! 4. Studying Investments. I’m still in the process though. Currently I’m eyeing for 2 different kind of investments and I created schedules to study on those every week. It’s pretty hard to study investments knowing that my hard earned money is at risk but I guess I’ll just have to give it a try. And I know this is one thing I won’t ever regret doing. 5. Doing Online Classes. I discovered Skillshare last April and since it’s very affordable, I decided to indulge myself in to courses that sparks my interest including courses about writing and instagram poetry. After all, I missed studying right at the moment I landed a job.  Though these little ‘achievements’ are still a work on progress, it makes me proud of myself now - for pushing to be better and productive each day. Looking back, before being on a quarantine, I used to have this routine of being like a robot by working for weekdays, go home sleep early and plans to be productive on weekends only to end up sleeping and binge watching. I felt literally like a robot back then. Earn, sleep, earn. That’s it. I lost sight of the things I love to do and been wanting to pursue.  I guess this pandemic still has its perks. And though this is definitely not gonna last forever, it’s up to us how to make the most out of the resources and situation we have. We don’t have to be too hard on ourselves, let’s learn to celebrate even the smallest of the achievements we make. One step at a time. 

[chasing-galaxy]

[chasing-galaxy]

JOURNAL PROMPT 006: When did I experience Joy this week?

It’s Monday - probably the most dreadful day of the week for most of us. Just the thought of our long list of ‘To Dos’ for the rest of the week is already exhausting. 

As for me, Monday mornings are thrilling at first not until I open my emails, whatsapp and all other work stuff and boom! Without me realizing it, half of my day have already been consumed with answering all work concerns that were left unsettled over the weekend. 

In spite of that, I still find myself joyful for what happened late in this afternoon for I was able to catch up with two of my closest friend in College and I never thought I could ever relate to someone else in terms of current life dilemma. It was a quick catch up but also very uplifting! I was feeling down for the last few months because of the current pandemic where resources are undeniably scarce most especially the money aspect. Gladly I still have a job just like these two friends I got to talked to and they were on the same boat as I do by apparently being the only person left with job and income in the family. It’s extremely frustrating to be honest. The pandemic is really testing everyone’s resilience and there are days when I just want to break down and cry and wonder when is this ever going to end, or if there’s really an end to this. But I have no other choice but to carry on and do what I can do to help my family.  So when me and my college friends were talking and realized that we were all on the same situation, the heavy feeling suddenly lightened a bit. I don’t know but the mood really changed when we shared our current circumstances. We became quite emotional actually and I could tell that they also felt that ‘comfort’ feeling I had ‘cause isn’t that really warming and encouraging? When you realized that the burden you’ve been carrying is just normal. That it’s also experienced by many other individuals out there and it’s okay. You’re okay. You’re not alone - I’m not alone. 

I’m so glad I was able to talk to my friends today for it truly inspired and motivated me to keep going and be optimistic that no matter what, these too shall pass. I genuinely hope that you also find joy in the little things that you encounter in your every day business. Life’s not perfect but I guess we can make it at least a little lighter by choosing to find joy in the simplest of things around us :)