Chats with Ustey

[chatswithustey]

Old people fucking love me

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This isn’t a new story but still fascinates me that coincidently there was a murder mystery evening taking place at a real life death scene. And that our chap Frankie Poirot marched straight through it, like he genuinely believed a murder mystery company would go to these lengths.

[chatswithustey]

Date conversations #3

Date: I hope this date won't end up on your blog...!

Me: me too

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Okay

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Date conversation #2

Date: so what's your situation then?

Me: sorry?

Date: yeah I mean in terms of...

Me: erm I'm in a relationship *jokes*

Date: haha I mean what's your relationship history

Me: *blank face* have you been rehearsing questions? *checks time*

[chatswithustey]

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Date conversations #1

Date: so you live in Brixton? I went there recently for a Babyshambles gig. They're one my favourite bands.

Me: oh really? *gets out phone and orders taxi*

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This playlist is my little baby. I’ll be very upset if you don’t like it.

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Team meetings at work

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Pure evil

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That thing when you didn't realise someone was gone until they come back

Me: oh my god, Ash is back in the office, where's she been?!

A: she's been on maternity leave for 9 mths, just came back

Me: seriously? Well she just walked past me shaking her head at something

A: haha, that didn't take long

[chatswithustey]

Dickhead trend #4 - reading international newspapers

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True

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Still makes me angry

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True

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IM work rants

Me: Seriously cannot stand X, he's so rude and always tries to sabotage our fundraising projects. In a way more people are dying because of him...in a way he's a murderer haha

A: We should get X to shit in his locker

Me: If he got sacked i'd do a dance through the whole office

A: I'd go and do a cheers at his leaving do. He won't stay around long enough to get sacked, like at his two previous charities. He left once they realised he was a knob.

Me: Let's start leaving spoof notes in his locker made out of newspaper cuttings

A: Smeared with ketchup (blood) and mud (shit)

Me: and a picture of his house

S: with a missile heading towards it

Me: When the police interrogate us. We just show them his emails and they'll probably just say 'fair enough, what a knob'

S: Haha. They so would just let us off. They'd probably wonder what took us so long

Me: They'd say 'you have exercised patience like we've never seen before'

S: Maybe we'd get a public service award. National heroes

Me: That's what you get when you give to others.

[chatswithustey]

Just in case you were unsure.