As your favorite camper I thought it only fair to give you the news first. Charlie and I are officially off the market and happily monogamous (had to spell check to make sure I had that word right). I'm sure I can hear hearts breaking around camp. But if you insist on one of those silly 'ship' names I only approve of Chalas, like Chalice? The Holy Grail? Cute, no?
oh my GOD not ANOTHER announcement! silas, our favorite camper, has added another lucky victim to the haram, CONGRATULATIONS TO THE HAPPY COUPLE!! fans of witches, kings, masters, and puppies everywhere are rejoicing!! you're an inspiration, silas, you can have your cake and eat it too. enjoy!!
we're happy to offer you 50 drachmae for this post!
if you would like to send us exclusive photos of the wedding, we can offer 50 each for those, up to 2. or 100 for 1 of the wedding night.
What vile slander! Jordana was never in danger of my dick or on the radar. Do better source checking, darling. Otherwise keep up the good work <3 *donates 50 drachmae for an otherwise job well done*
we here at chbonews appreciate your candor and willingness to go on the record! normally, we would offer you some drach, but okay, we'll take the donation and find a good use for it; stay tuned on that!
you will find our statement to be factual, as jordana is in fact marked safe, no matter the reason. i am glad you spoke out and really gave us some good information in return, even by omission! we love to see it!
voting you gossip's favorite camper of the season, king!
"wait, what's wrong with wonder bread? and for the record, there's still people left in camp i haven't slept with! whore of babylon, my ass... oh! and the nymphs told me they saw silas proposing to holli. thanks bye xoxo"
sorry i should have gotten to this sooner but the MagiPap™ has taken me on some long and interesting adventures this week, i just got a chance to sit down. i personally think wonder bread is delicious, and i'm sure you'll get to them soon charlie boy, you got the juice to go far!
i do HIGHLY appreciate this little tidbit about silas and holli, it's putting some other info into place for me, and it's gonna be worth 25 drachmae to ya, another 25 for your patience, sir. now off to dig up some public records and see if they tied the knot! and maybe even why...now i'm not sayin she's a gold digger but...
ok listen, i'm a little disappointed in y'all! i only recieved half of the submissions as previous weeks, and so that means i had to go out and do some investigative work and a little digging of my own. now this is bad news for both me and you. me, because i'm lazy. you, because i'm a better investigator than you and you might have wanted to keep some of these things a secret! well nevermind now, nothing you can do at this point; there's always next week! remember to control the narrative before it controls you!
-xoxo GhostPheme
oh so we're starting off silly, huh? more misogyny, i guess, just to start the week off right. only men can sweat now? women don't have to make themselves small or clog their pores or take up less space for you to be comfortable.
well that story is from the bible, and i think was really just used to shame women...glad to see it be used for more creative purposes here! this does seem to be a theme with zeus's kids, though, and they come by it honestly; maybe if we do more slut shaming as a community they'll feel a little pressure to change, grow, be better. let's start a bible study here at camp.
uhhh alert? fbi? perhaps this should be reported to the proper authorities...but we all know they won't do shit. take this as your official PSA to close your windows before changing, in case jericho lurks in the dusk.
hmmm lemme go double check their ig real quick
ok yeah no ur right and it's hardly a blind item because, honey, everyone already knows!
oh and milk too, right? wonder if he's a real midwesterner or if he's just cosplaying. don't appropriate midwestern culture, charlie! i've seen cuter guys cancelled for less.
[editor's note: is this the slowest newsweek we've ever had? really about to go out digging myself if y'all don't turn up the heat]
and all around the cabins at that! who's got loki on speed dial for an intervention; we need to holster that war hammer STAT!
and that's a wrap on the submissions! i am disappointed, but i was gifted a new enhancing camera from a heph demi that owed me, and it fills in the blanks on whatever information you don't have and generates a photo. i'm excited to see how it works, so let's see what we can get.
MajiPap™ photo #001:
pointed my new toy toward nico's workshop just out of convenience and would ya look at that!! that's DEFINITELY lev with him, holding his face in a gentle caress while their lips touch... OUUUUU THEY DEFINITELY FUCKED Y'ALL!!
MajiPap™ photo #002:
next we seem to have miles trading off a coin to a slight blonde woman in an alley...what is he doing?? i really hope this isn't that one coin he found on that daughter of iris, has anyone seen it since? if you're having money problems, please let us help you set up an OF before you go selling us out to god knows who!! or feel free to send us a picture or two of your own and if it's good enough to print, we'll pay you. we can work this out, miles, we're here for you.
MajiPap™ photo #003:
now i can tell this camera has to charge some more because the likenesses are getting worse instead of better, but if i squint and use my filthy imagination, and context clues based on the location and time of the photo, i can tell for sure that this is silas and charlie, k-i-s-s-i-n-g in the bath!! and we all know they did not stop there! wishing you boys the best of luck and if you wanna shoot me an exclusive, there's some drach in it for ya.
MajiPap™ photo #004:
alright this camera is really whirring and clicking now, i think it's gonna need some repairs, but curiously, i got this picture of a window while pointing it into the woods. again, based on context clues, i think this is greyson and kit consumating their budding relationship, while all the other guys kit is hooking up with lurk all around them...
well that's all for this edition i guess! i hope you guys are really planning on filling my cup this week OR ELSE! if i have to shake things up a little and move away from the weekly newsletter, you're gonna have a lot more of your private affairs getting out, i do know that.
correction: it was 3 men; if you’re gonna put my body count out for the public, get it right scaredy cat 😘 also cursing whoever this is with misfortune 😉
who's scared? not me? i appreciate and welcome your correction, and am fully committed to the truth. if you have evidence to share, even better.
editor's note: in our previous edition of the chbobserver, we shared an item that alleged "can u believe that michele has fucked TWO men in the span of 24 hrs? tyche? more like hoochie!" and in light new information from michele, that item will be corrected to *"THREE men in the span of 24 hrs?" thank you for your understanding.
no one does this shit face to face anymore so here it goes: i fucked charlie and michele in public and can confirm they don't mind losing their eyesight when they're getting eaten out.
and here comes jericho, letting that chopper sing! literally braver than the marines. this is what we're looking for folks, when the newsletter asks for names and details, you send em in!!
jericho check your dms please, i think this is worth at least 50 drachmae.
and congrats on the endeavor, sounds like everyone had a real nice time.
well this week has been a real banger, and the people have been giving, honey. now it's their time to receive. behold, all the tea we're been able to accumulate over the last week. read at your own risk!
and as always: if you don't like how you're being talked about (or not being talked about enough) our ask line is alllllllllways open for your side of the story.
-xoxo GhostPheme
"Charlie’s milk addictions is creeping me tf out"
what is wrong with that man? missing mcpoyle brother? too into a clockwork orange? calcium deficiency? he makes my guts bubble
"somebody better thoroughly scrub the tables and chairs at the mess hall because apparently people are fucking on them."
okay, but who though? that's like, an important detail. certain people and they're gonna have to keep people from licking the tables. we'll send someone out to investigate, and 10 drach to the first person with information that leads to the identification of these individuals.
"I heard Dreas and Kitty hooked up after everyone else left the bonfire and Dreas had to dip because Kitty was crazy."
oooooooo!! this is juicy!! our official position is that kitty is weird but harmless..but maybe her victims just don't stick around to tell their tales.
"Harlan had to leave for the same reason, but because Holli was getting jealous."
you're telling me there's two girls running off all the hotties? first rule of the mack is you can't scare the hoes! everyone knows that! although, these two stacked together is starting to sound like a woman hating hit piece--a little too much "my ex gf was crazy" so maybe we should be asking what they did to those girls first...
"charlie is so strong, think he can fly me around paris?"
do you think he can point paris out on a map?
"jericho is/has the biggest dick at camp"
LMAO well ig that's the secret to getting away with being a dick: having one.
"can u believe that michele has fucked THREE* men in the span of 24 hrs? tyche? more like hoochie!"
i believe u just called their mother a whore so maybe say an extra prayer for luck tonight and stay away from mirrors for a while...but i'm actually not surprised, camp half blood has a tendency to turn into the olympic village in the sluttiest way. but maybe the olympic village was inspired by us in the first place...
"raise your hand if you've been hit by a tree by charlie's idiotic decisions! embarrassing that number isn't zero."
yeah like...i'm hearing that's his power? he can throw a tree? i thought zeus kids were more into like storms and seduction, but maybe he just likes hitting his own teammates with hard wood better...
"who is more annoying holli or kiara??"
okay see! here's the woman hating hit piece vibes again...girls, i would be very careful with who you're spending time or sharing things with--let me know if u wanna sus this rat out together, because i'm seeing a theme and it's not pretty. we don't pit women against women in this blog.
"lev gives me comfortable uncle vibes, like i'd tell him all of my secrets."
tell me your secrets instead, i bet lev doesn't pay for them.
"this camp is misogynistic..."
i knew it! i knew this was becoming an issue! we got your back, girl, go ahead and name some names and we'll shame their ass raw. it's 2023 and every man here is too old to not know better!
"miles has this sort of look in his ass that makes me wish i wasn't wearing any underwear."
a look...in his ass...? that's some phrasing i never heard before, but i think i get the sentiment and i hear you
"no one better sleep on holli because i need her to do my makeup and take me out dancing ASAP."
can't see her turning you down regardless--has holli ever turned anyone down? no guarantee she won't fuck up your face, i'm not sure if she has any skills past partying, but she can be counted on to dance. and if you promise to get her off at the end of the night she might not leave you stranded twenty minutes in.
"i'm sure nico's hands can feel as good as icy hot. has anyone tried?"
are you saying he's a geriatric or just has a good command of temperature? either way, i'll bet you only have to ask privately. his hands are most definitely rated e for everyone.
"now i wonder if corban is into choking because goddam those arms!"
choking?? y'all cannot be normal. last we heard, he was into morgan, who most definitely does not look into choking. you never know, though, you gotta watch those quiet ones--they can be real freaky.
"is it bad i want to make harry some tea and cuddle him by the fire?"
it's not bad, just a little boring, i guess. granted, it's more than we've gotten out of harry so far, so maybe it's a step in the right direction. harry, you got a potential connection here, come out of hiding and get to work before they come to their senses!
"delpho has those eyes you just can't say no to."
okay, and maybe he does. what have you said yes to so far? where are the goddamn details?? y'all don't describe your hookups in graphic detail like you used to.
"morgan gives me princess peach vibe and not just those dsl's, but he just looks adorable."
alright alright, someone's rolling or something, what is this string of gushy submissions? you know molly will rot your brain. like we get it, morgan is sweet and adorable, go defile him and give us something to talk about!
"do you think jericho spies on people in the night time? i heard he does, what a creep!"
ewwww, what a creep! i know there's people who would let him just off that earlier submission alone, so he better not be doing it to random people unawares! let the right demi wake up to that and it's a good way to get a psychic blast to the face.
"i overheard someone saying that lev only has the hots for nico"
see, this is the value of listening in public! it's my prediction right now that nico will be linked to someone different every week, and will still be claiming to be mature and grown and not a heathen.
"kit n greyson r fucccin (stupid!) HEHE"
oh whaaaaaaat--?! that's crazy!! i didn't even know grey was into people like that, what with being out in the woods all the time. i bet kit can do some really crazy shit with vines, and it was on and poppin from there.
"kiara is going from horse girl to horse girl and charmer, love this journey for her."
is she charming horses or people? based on earlier submissions, i do not think it's her fellow campers...
"does anyone ever notice how kit can take a big punch but he reminds me of a cute anime character? totes adorable, but also thick."
oh here we go with the sappy shit again! i am very happy for you that you've found someone to make you smile--but suck his dick or shut up already! we don't wanna hear all this, specially not with cuffing season still several months away.
"is it just me or is this new son of hades kinda hot when he's posessed?"
sick! sick and twisted and unlocking a new kink for 2-5 people right at this very moment. hello, christ? i'm bout to sin again....
"lev accidentally shook a genie's dick, so flustered omg. he needs to get laid asap."
SHOOK? shook. he shook it. yeah, this sounds like a bad case, nico must not be doin enough and i think it's time to put a stop to it. this is obviously a matter of camp security.
"greyson is so sweet when he's silent i want to squish his cute cheeks."
oooo that's so backhanded!! i love it. this is the compliments we need, people, if you're gonna be making them.
"michele is our good luck charm! we've won so many battles since they got to camp."
and you know we really needed one, cuz shit was lookin ROUGH for a minute. between that hot crop of romans and misshellie over here, we might be alive long enough for a 3rd edition!!
*editor's note: soon after this edition was published, we received a correction from michele and rushed to amend the record here. previously, this read: "can u believe that michele has fucked TWO men in the span of 24 hrs? tyche? more like hoochie!" thank you for your understanding.
within the following post, you will find drama, intrigue, betrayal, hookups, unrequited love, well-seasoned hate--anything you could want to know about your fellow campers.
this newsletter marks the first batch of asks sent since the blog was opened, and will be published on a regular basis. however, from this point on, asks may be published in-between newsletters, at the asker's request, or if the gossip is particularly piping.
this publication is the result of countless hours of investigation, footage capture and review, interviewing, and of course, the contributions of readers like YOU! i really couldn't have done any of this without you, remember that!
-xoxo GhostPheme
so many missions back to back with so many new players on the board, and people were bound to be paying close attention to their neighbors antics!! let's get into the first drop:
"a little birdie tells me that the son of aphrodite can spark a little love triangle, xoxo"
and i wonder which son of aphrodite they mean, first of all. morgan, perhaps? we did hear corban express interest in wanting to chat him up..but if so, who's the third? everyone keep an eye on this, let us know if we can narrow it down.
“i was told era’s body count is currently 56. not sure if he can count that high, but my professionally estimated guess is around 87.”
oh wow, i'm not even sure which part is more offensive, but i bet erasmo will clear that up for us.
"i heard that holli has a wonky boob."
there's certainly several people that could confirm or deny this one. any takers?
"i heard charlie would rather sleep his way to the top than work for it. fucking mythological creatures in the name of science."
omg the centaurs! i heard centaurs--you think he's really doing it like that? if so, i know it's not for science.
"after whatever calliope did to nico, some might think that he's been corrupted by the other side."
oh fuck, can she do this? is this a thing that can happen? someone better check, and quick, before he can sabotage anything! or anything else...
"avi doesn't seem like he has that much trust in himself. i've heard that he's not the same since he came back from the dead. my guess is that magnolia or hart took over his body."
you're saying we have TWO interlopers? right under our noses, jfc!
"is it just me or does andreas and nico seem to have a thing for each other?"
oh i've been thinking this! they definitely have a special connection. andreas should keep an eye out for selenur for us! that's the best persona for the job, keep close to nico, and they'll probably do it for free!
"i heard a satyr say that greyson fucks ghosts"
and it would be so easy and no one would know! he literally lives with them!
"i heard kitty making horse noises to herself, is she delusional?"
i don't have the dsm5 open in front of me, so i'm not entirely sure, but i wouldn't put it past her. kitty's just a little cuckoo; she's the horse girl your cool friends warned you about.
"avi smells like rotted day old pizza. he reeks!"
is it that bad? he's probably scared to wash between his cheeks, poor thing; a really terminal case of incel. actually...since he's constantly rejecting holli, does that make him volcel? brb going to get him kicked off his fav quarantined reddit subs.
"nico is always walking around like a stick in the mud. lighten up dude!!!!"
lighten up! you're not even that old! you don't have to lie to kick it, nico, you're just as messy and nasty as everyone else.
"biggest floozy?? bet it's our favorite nature-loving bark boy."
now we're getting somewhere! i bet there's some people out there with some real good stories and i want to hear them! i know kit isn't all doe eyed wonder and nature's harmony...or maybe his last shock wasn't a fluke and he just does whatever anyone asks all the time...
"why does greyson smell like hot topic? yiiiikes"
audience, i'll take the leap for all of us, and assume this contributor means he tries too hard to be edgy. you're welcome. if the earlier greyson entry was true, this one definitely isn't.
"is it just me or does ganymede look like a yassified version of andreas?"
i don't want this to come off like complaining, but you're not wrong. maybe they're related--pretty sure i've heard someone else say this too. couldn't hurt to assume.
"i bet if corban cut his hair he'd be a solid 9..."
corban, you got a date lined up if you want it! get a stylist and come getcha man!
"holli is short for hollandaise."
like real name? like her mom calls her that? no wonder she's fucked up.
and that's all folks! hope you enjoyed! i always want to hear feedback, and if you weren't mentioned but want to be: be less boring, do more crime, and a healthy dose of scandal.
