Embracing video games
Whenever I think about what kind of content I want to make for YouTube, I always envision it as something that revolved around video games. It just feels more fun for me that way and it gives me a reason to pour hours into a hobby that now drives me with unnecessary guilt now that I'm an adult that needs to earn money to survive. It's not always, but often enough I feel like I'm wasting time when I play a game or even just when I relax and watch a series on my own. I feel like this activity needs to be with other people, otherwise it's just me doing something by myself, not improving relationships with others or being productive with anything. It's a very toxic mindset, but it's one that unfortunately develops when you're too worried about making money, appearing competent, or gaining others' approval.
I do still try and give myself some time to unwind, but there's a struggle there that really shouldn't be there. I shouldn't have to feel like I don't deserve to relax after a hard day's work but I do. Since most of my work revolves around drawing, I find solace in having a video playing on the background while I draw. It puts me in my flow state and allows me to work while enjoying other people's content. I think nowadays, many people are the same. I like to watch videos about mental health, true crime, and video games I'm likely to never play. When I think about those times where my mind rebels and refuses to work, and only does after I put music or a video on, I think about how this experience is not uniquely my own. Lots of people are like that nowadays, especially since a lot of people work from home now. And I think about those people who may be curious about a game but has no interest or time to play them because they're busy working and being an adult. For most of these people, myself included, video games are vacations.
Many people like to make travel vlogs and people who watch them live vicariously through them. It gives them ideas of where they'd want to go to when live gives them a chance to, or just gives them the fantasy of travel when they can't. Despite my desire to make video game-related content, part of me feels like it's a childish to do so-- like I should make content that's more useful to other people. However, when I think about how it grants the audience a view of the experience through someone else's eyes like a travel vlog does, it really puts things into perspective. Not everyone has time to play video games, and some people also want to connect to others through video games. It's not a meaningless endeavor. It only becomes meaningless to those who aren't interested in the topic and to the those who refuse to embrace their love for video games.
This year, I want to stop trying to be a "proper adult" and just embrace what I want to do.