I Kept Swimming And Now Im Here... @chefguymike-blog - Tumblr Blog

This IS my fault.

I listened to them. "Why are you talking to her? She sleeps with everyone except you. She screwed you over." So I stopped texting her. Stopped making sure she knew I was there for her. After months of daily texts, asking her out, letting her vent I just stopped. I must have seemed like such a jerk. All of the times I thought I was pathetic for trying to go for the perfect girl were for nothing. A girl who was so out of my league and amazing. And just like that I lost her. Because ...we'll go with nah.

If only she came to me rather than just believe what other people say about her.

Every time I sit still my mind races and it is driving me crazy. There is nobody I can talk to about this. The one person I can talk to is also the person who believes I tried to play her. 🙃

I love my friends I thought I could.....her Now I have neither And now I'm more alone than I've ever been. I lost touch with my college friends for the "squad" "Squad" introduced me to the perfect girl I went nuts for the perfect girl and stopped talking to other girls "Squad" treated me like shit for putting this girl at the top of my priorities Things didn't entirely work out with girl "Squad" left me because I allegedly did something bad. "Squad" told perfect girl and now she hates me more than they do

Why did I ask that! I didn't want to know! Ugh now I'm wondering what that bad feeling was. I was always kind, always sweet, never once talked you down. I was always afraid I would screw things up somehow. As it turns out it wasn't me that screwed it up but my friends.

Why haven't I changed the way I feel about her? I see one picture of her and it's like all this feelings come right back to the way they were when we met. I don't understand why this keeps happening

Last night I said something about one group of people, (people I've come to despise) and a totally different group (people I openly love and care about) thought it was about them. Then they did something to intentionally hurt me. It wasn't about them nor do I think of them in that way. It's really sad to think that a group of people whom I've know for almost a decade would do something like that.