The ‘boyfriend’ you should forget about down below:
phahaha! fun fact: in this video (where I took the first shot from and where Mavuika meets Varka) the meeting with Capitano has less screen time, but more views!
this edit is made by me. I kindly ask not to steal it.
I think it’s the first edit I public… I’ll see if anyone sees it and if I should post more :)
My father used to listen to Rammstein when I was little. Recently I returned to the band myself, now that I’m older and somewhat speak German, and was stunned by the quality of lyrics. The album “Rammstein” was not only pleasant to listen to, but also interesting.
The chorus lines of “Deutschland” resonated with me when I saw the film of “Made in Abyss” anime, in which the antagonist captured both my attention and my heart.
mein Herz in Flammen - my heart’s on fire;
Will dich lieben und verdammen - want to love and to curse you;
dein Atem kalt - your breath is cold;
So jung und doch so alt - so young and yet so old.
Pairing: Maul x Reader (m!) (but it's only emphasised by a few sentences);
Summary: The reader is a member of Mandalore's army, a common soldier. He was in a relationship with Maul, but they had a big fight. They did not speak for a long time until a reader suggested that they stay friends.
Warnings: this is a SFW text, so I guess warnings aren't necessary. Nevertheless, this is my first text in english, please forgive me for mistakes in my text.
art credit: me, chelovechkin (я не человечкин)
I walked through the castle on my morning rounds again. I was wearing a full set of Mandalorian armour, all polished, like a member of the Royal Guard I am.
I walked through the sun-drenched corridors of Maul's palace. The windows stretched from the floor to the ceiling, and there was no glass in them. I was aching to reach out into the beautiful garden behind them and pick myself a fresh fruit. But my hands remained clasped behind my back as I continued to walk forward.
While you were walking, Maul was looking out into the garden through the window. As he saw you in the halls he started smiling to himself. He has to admit, you looked very good in the Royal Guard outfit. Eventually he got enough of just sitting there and watching, so he walked after you.
I heard footsteps behind me and instantly stopped and turned round. But I didn't reach for my weapon as I was supposed to, I wouldn't even think of firing within the sacred walls of the palace. When I saw Maul, I bowed in greeting. Formal, but polite. I spoke softly and quietly with a slight smile under my helmet.
“Good morning, my king.”
Maul chuckled a bit as he saw you bow, still calling him “my king” even after all this time...
“Good morning to you too.” He answered with a soft smile. Seeing you standing like this, in a perfect form was... well, almost hot for him.
“What are you doing out in the garden this early in the morning?” My voice was sleepy, I clearly didn't want to go further checking the corridors.
He smiled. Even without seeing your face he could tell that you were pretty much half asleep.
“I wanted to take a little walk. What about you?” He asked while slowly walking closer to you.
“I am doing my duty. What if someone sneaks into the castle and attacks my ruler, the trained Sith Lord?” I said sarcastically. The closer he got to me, the lower I had to look.
“Ah I see... a dutiful Royal Guard.” He said with affection mocking, finally stopping right in front of you. And indeed, his 180 centimetres of height was easily overshadowed by your 190. He tilted his head a bit as he looked at you.
“You look good in that armor.” He whispered, stating the fact.
“We all wear the same armour, my lord. But thank you, I’ll take this as a compliment.”
“Well you definitely wear it better than the others...” He answered with a smirk. His eyes slowly roaming all over your body. The armor fit you just perfectly. You didn't just look like a Royal Guardian, you looked like a true warrior.
“Thank you?” I didn't like what he was doing. I was just happy to be his friend. I was so happy when we ended on a good note, tickling each other, and now he was doing this...
“What, now I'm not even allowed to compliment my bodyguard?” He huffed and crossed his arms. You could hear the teasing behind his serious tone. Seems like he wanted to mess with you again.
I was just looking down. The helmet was hiding my face. I was no fun anymore and I knew it. And I didn’t like it.
“Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed...” Maul started walking a circle around you, looking up and down at you.
“What's wrong, don't like to be teased anymore? Where's your smartass attitude?”
“In the same place where I left my good sleep...”
He chuckled a bit and stopped right in front of you.
“Oh no, did the Royal Guard not sleep well today? Then how does he wants to protect his king if he can't properly stay awake?” He joked in a playful tone, raising his eyebrow at you.
“You know what, Mr "former Sith Lord," you can stand up for yourself.”
He laughed. He loved this kind of stuff. Having a small playful quarrel with you is all he needed sometimes.
“Oh, I'm very aware that I can protect myself, thank you very much… but it would be a shame to lose such a hardworking and handsome Royal Guard, dont you think?” He teased and poked your chest with his finger.
“Off, right in the heart…” I grabbed the spot where he'd poked me, playing defeat.
He huffed, shaking his head. You were such a dramatic idiot, and he loved it.
“Aww... did I really got you?” He asked playfully, smirking at you. He poked your chest again just to see how you will react.
“Oh, no! You're abusing your position! I'm not allowed to poke you back in public!”
“And who says that...” Maul rolled his eyes with a smile at the fact that you were just playing along with the fake drama. He poked you again.
“And why can't I abuse my position to mess with my bodyguard..?”
“I’m not your bodyguard, I’m not even a commander, I’m just a soldier. So you should show me some mercy and don’t poke me to death.” I said, leaning forward a little, gently pulling his hand away from me.
He smirked when your hand grabbed his to pull it away... he chuckled and didn't let go of your hand, slowly intertwining his fingers with yours and pulling it closer, looking up at you with a challenge.
“And shouldn’t a soldier accept his king’s attention with gratitude?”
“No, a soldier must do his duty and not indulge the king's every whim. He has his own responsibilities, doesn't he?” I spoke to him as if he were a child as I took my hand away from him behind my back.
Maul huffed and pouted a bit, letting you pull your hand back behind your back. He chuckled a bit when you spoke to him like a stubborn child…
“You're so boring sometimes.” He muttered and looked at you again. He raised an eyebrow as he looked you up and down, and slowly smirked again.
“Though I do remember a time when you didn't have a problem with indulging my every whim...”
“And you’re so childish sometimes.” I straighter my back. The sun was shining from the side of the flowering garden, and I cast a shadow over him.
He chuckled as you said that. He crossed his arms as he looked up at you again. You were casting a beautiful shadow over him, looking like a perfect Royal Guard… a true Mandalore warrior.
“Aww, are you calling your king childish...?” He said with fake hurt in his voice. He then smirked as an idea popped up in his head...
“Forgive me, my king, I mean no offence. I'm just calling it what it is.” The first part of the sentence sounded sincere, unlike the last part of it.
Maul rolled his eyes at you again. He was starting to get frustrated by how stubborn and serious you were now. Like you were trying so hard to shut him out.
“You're always so cheeky...” He muttered. He then stood there for a moment, looking into the garden from the window beside you, trying to think of a way to break that wall that you built up around yourself. Suddenly he had an idea. An evil, playful idea...
Maul slowly walked around you in a circle, examining every inch of your tall body. Before he would try out his little plan he wanted to make sure that there was no one around. He made one more round before stepping close to you, his face almost touching your chest. He slowly looked up at you, a smirk on his face.
“You know, it's quite funny how our roles changed... you used to like messing with me so much... now the tables have turned.” He whispered to you.
“Our relationship has changed. And with it, my behaviour towards you. Please take a step back, I'm not comfortable.”
Maul huffed. You were being so damn stubborn right now. Even a blind man could see that you were trying to push him away as far as possible... but he didn't want to give up so easily.
"Why don't you want me close to you..?" He whispered to you. He wanted to tease you. Press your buttons once again. He slowly reached out, gently touching your chest with his fingers...
“First you call me a minx, and now you're allowing yourself that?” I grabbed his wrists angrily. But I quickly remembered my position and let him go.
He chuckled in amazement as he felt you grab onto his wrists. You grabbed them so tightly... he almost winced at the force you were using.
“You're so easy to get worked up, my dear bodyguard...” He said mockingly and gently touched your chest. His fingers slowly slid along the armor on your chest, moving slowly as he leaned forward…
“Forget it, that was a mistake… how could I ever think we could be friends?” Instead of pulling his hands away from me I just turned and strode away from him, clenching fists at my sides.
Maul let out another frustrated huff as you started walking away. You were really pissing him off right now. He quickly walked after you, grabbing your wrist and pulling you back to him.
“You're such a stubborn idiot, you know that?” He almost growled at you. Despite your helmet hiding your respective face, he knew you were angry just by the way you clenched your hand into fists.
I didn't turn to him, I didn't react to his touch in any way. I looked down and clenched my fists tighter, trying to calm down without punching him.
Maul was looking up at your face, annoyed and frustrated by your behaviour. Why were you acting like this? It was so clear that you were trying to push him away. He could understand that there were some conflicts between you, but why the hell were you acting like a damn prick now...?
He started getting pretty annoyed as he saw that you didn't react. That you were refusing to even acknowledge his mere presence. Without thinking, he suddenly grabbed you by your shoulderplates.
“Turn to me.” He said with a tone that did not allow objections.
I turned my head to him.
“What is it? Don't like your arm candy running away? Do you have any idea what kind of situation you're putting me in?”
Maul huffed as he heard those words. 'Arm candy'? You were doing this on purpose.
“Don't bullshit me!” He growled at you again and suddenly stepped closer to you. He was so close that you two were almost touching each other. His eyes were burning with a spark of anger. Despite that he still spoke with a low, rather calm voice.
"You know damn well that I don't like when you start acting like this...”
“Like what? Respectful to myself? Oh, I'm so sorry I don't like being touched without permission.”
He almost rolled his eyes at your words. You were being insufferable right now.
“Oh, please, don't give me that 'self-respect' bullshit right now.” He replied, his voice getting angrier and angrier.
“You used to love it when I did this...” He whispered to you and slowly ran his fingers along your chest again…
“Stop it!” A scream burst out of me and I took a step back from him, ripping my arm out of his grip.
“The keyword is ‘used to’, we’re not a couple anymore!”
Maul huffed again as he heard the anger in your voice. He knew he pissed you off but he didn’t like it when you suddenly jerked away from him. And then he heard your words and his frustration got mixed with irritation. This conversation was starting to get pretty heated. He suddenly stepped closer to you again.
“And who's to blame for that?” He asked, his voice getting a bit louder. He was struggling to keep his calm facade.
“I don’t… you know what, your majesty? I’ll just go back to my job. We don't get to be friends.”
Maul signed, this conversation was going nowhere. But the fact that you were saying that you couldn't even be friends anymore was what pissed him off the most. He took a quick step forward and grabbed you by your shoulder again, this time making sure that you won't turn away to walk away from him.
"Oh, no, no, no, we're staying here and sorting this out right now." He said and grabbed your arm again to drag you into a small side room.
I went after him, but kept my distance.
“To sort what out? The fact that you allow yourself to touch me wherever you want and whenever you want? The fact that you have no respect or even compassion for me? You can make me lose the job I've worked my whole life for in a heartbeat!”
Maul almost grown. He couldn't stand how you were talking to him right now. You were acting distant and hostile. It angered him, but in the deep he was also hurt by your words.
"Don't act like I don't want to be compassionate with you." He cut off, while he started pacing around the room, clearly stressed by this situation.
"And don't talk to me like that. We both know that I never would fire you, come on."
“Come on? Come on?! My whole life hangs in the balance because of my romance with you! And apparently it wasn't enough for you to just end it. You’re going to make me pay for it for the rest of my life!”
"I'm not trying to make you 'pay' for anything!" He yelled back at you. He couldn't stand it any longer... it was like you were stabbing right into his heart with your words... he turned around and slowly started walking towards you again.
"Don't act like I'm intentionally doing this to you. You're the one who pulled back and pushed me away! You're the one that always tries to act like we're just strangers!"
“Yeah, I'm trying to act like that because you always get too close! I'm just trying not to lose my job! Do you have any idea how hard it is to become a member of a Royal Guard?”
"Yes, I do know how hard it is!" Maul growled as he got even closer. He stopped just a few steps in front of you, staring at you. It was very clear that he was getting really annoyed by this situation… but also hurt. You words were really hitting him deep.
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to love and be loved by you..? Especially when you act like this?!"
“You are not listening to me, Maul! We are not lovers anymore!!”
For the first time in a while, I addressed him by name. And for the first time in a while, I screamed so hard my throat hurt. Despite the helmet, he could hear the break in my voice.
Maul flinched a bit when he heard his own name coming from you. The tone of your voice, the crack... it sounded so broken... it tore at his insides and made his heart ache...
"I know we're not..." He whispered. His voice was quiet and broken as well. Despite the anger he was feeling towards you right now, he was hurting a lot. It felt like a cold, hard fist was squeezing his heart.
“No, apparently you don't! Two minutes ago you were publicly groping me against my will!” The anger in my voice was replaced by desperation and I gave in forward, trying to get through to him.
“I really wanted to be your friend. I approached you today just because I was happy to see you. But apparently you don't know how to be friends.”
“I…” Maul was about to answer and defend himself against your accusations, but your words... they caught him off guard. You talked to him, because you were happy to see him... that hit close to his heart. Especially since he missed you so badly and got so exited when he saw you.
“You can't expect me to act like just a 'friend' when seeing you is...” He was speechless for a moment, processing your words… before he finally spoke again. “When you're still so goddamn precious to me..."
“I'm not your thing. If you can't keep your hands to yourself, then I'd rather be a stranger to you.”
Maul felt like your words were twisting a knife into his heart again. Seeing you, having you within reach, but not being allowed to touch you... fuelled the flames of hatred in him, except he couldn't figure out who or what he hated.
“Don't say that...” He whispered and suddenly stepped closer again, slowly and carefully. He wanted to reach out for you, he wanted to hold your hand and pull you closer... but he didn’t.
“You're much more than just a thing to me and you know that.”
“No, I don't really know that. You call me names. You don't ask permission to touch me. I was just part of your collection, that's why I left.”
Maul huffed again and clenched his fists, frustrated by your words. He hated that you thought of yourself like this... like just a property to him... a possession.
“No... No. Stop saying that. You know that you're not just some sort of prize to me. You're so much more than that, you are… you are…” He trailed off, as if he was searching for the right words to describe how much you meant to him.
“It doesn’t matter now, Maul. We’re done. Today showed me that we can’t be even friends.”
Maul suddenly felt like his heart just got split in two when you said those words. He wasn't ready to give up just yet… he couldn't give up like that, he still wanted to be close to you.
“No, no, please, don’t say that...” He whispered and almost pleadingly reached out for you. He gently grabbed your shoulderplate, holding onto you as if he didn’t want you to slip away from him.
“I need to get back to work. I don't want to know how far your touch will go.”
Maul felt like he just got slapped across the face when he heard your words. A pang of sadness and pain flashed across his face for a fracture of a second before he was able to compose himself again. He gripped your shoulderplate a little tighter, refusing to let you go. He was so desperate to hold onto you, to keep you close to him.
“Please... Please don’t say that... it’s not like that... I can keep my hands to myself...” He pleaded and gently pulled you closer.
“Stop.” I spoke softer this time, and held my arm out in front of me so he'd stop pulling me.
Suddenly I reached my hands to my head and removed the helmet. Sad and tired blue eyes looked at him. My white hair was already mussed.
Maul stopped and froze as you suddenly removed your helmet. He stared at you, speechless for a moment. Seeing your face again after months had passed... you looked so beautiful, so peaceful, even though you looked exhausted. His heart immediately did a somersault in his chest... he really missed you.
“…” He couldn’t help himself. He slowly reached out and gently placed his hand against your cheek... his thumb slowly rubbing over your skin…
My voice was sweet as honey but tart as oak without a helmet on my head.
“‘I can keep my hands to myself’, huh?” I didn't take his hands off me, just raised an eyebrow and smirked slightly, holding my helmet with both hands on my left side.
A pang of guilt flashed across Maul’s face as you quoted his words. It hasn't even been a minute since he made you a broken promise...
He tried to say something, but then he noticed that you didn’t push his hand away... seeing your smile... it made his heart ache with a dumb hope. Without any more hesitation he gently cupped your jawline with his hands, his fingers gently trailing along your skin…
“Please... just a few more seconds...” He whispered, his voice sounding almost desperate... he's starved for that feeling.
“Alright. But Maul, you need to ask first. And only touch if you have permission.” My voice was soft, but languorous. I was talking to him as if he were a child again, looking at him appropriately. The kind of look he always melted under.
Maul swallowed deeply at your words and expression. The commanding tone in your voice, paired up with you looking at him like that... it felt so damn familiar, it hit right into his heart and sent shivers down his spine.
He missed you treating and talking to him like that, so he couldn't help but listen to your commands. He sighed, his shoulders dropping before he finally replied...
“May... may I...” He began, but then suddenly trailed off. Asking you for permission felt so weird.
I looked at him with sad and kind eyes, gently placed my hand on his and leaned my head forward a little, directing him to continue. Like a loving parent to a small child.
Seeing your eyes, that gentle look you were giving him... how you were guiding him... it was like you put him under a spell. He felt all his resistance vanish as he slowly continued to speak, his eyes not leaving yours.
“May I... touch you..? Please.” He whispered, but suddenly he found himself holding his breath, waiting for your permission... for your blessing…
“Yes, but only my face. And only for now.” I expelled, my warm breath pooling on Maul's face.
Maul felt like he was gonna melt as he felt your warm breath. He wanted to pull you closer to him, hug you and hold you... but you wouldn’t allow him to. You only allowed him to touch your face. And even though that hurt on the inside, he still obeyed.
“Thank you...” He whispered, and slowly started to gently brush his fingers over your jawline... your cheeks... your hair.
I stood still with my head lowered so he could reach it comfortably.
“Happy now?” My quiet, calm voice sounded like the surf of the sea.
Maul was carefully tracing every inch of your skin with his fingers. Every little line and detail... he loved having the feeling of your skin under his touch again. He suddenly realised how much he needed it... how much he needed you...
He closed his eyes and sighed quietly, as if he wanted to savour this moment to the fullest. But then he suddenly realised how his touch almost started to turn greedy. He carefully pulled away and opened his eyes...
“...no.” He whispered quietly and desperately.
I reached up and placed my palm on his cheek, asking him to look at me. My touch was light and warm. Like mittens on cold hands in winter.
“Maul, please understand everything comes to an end. That’s not bad.” I took my palm away from him and ran my knuckle along his cheek.
“I didn’t die, I’m still your warrior. I’m still here.”
Maul felt your palm against his cheek and immediately longed for more. He didn’t want you to just touch him... he wanted you to fully hold and caress him like you’ve done so many times before...
As you pulled your hand away again, he gently grabbed your wrist to hold you in place for a moment, not wanting to let you go.
“I know... but it’s not the same...” He whispered.
Though he was always grumbling about it, he missed your warm hands caressing him between his horns.
He missed the feel of your soft hair between his fingers when you were yawning loudly in the morning, clearly cursing the world for making you wake up. He missed the way you'd fall back into bed for a moment afterwards, hugging him as hard as you could. He remembered burying his nose in your cosy hair, not remembering your scent anymore.
I put my hand on his shoulder and frowned.
“Maul, I'm gonna say something brutal but true. Do you want me to be happy?”
Maul felt a pang of anxiety in his chest when you said that. Your words sounded as if his heart was about to be wiped out. But the mention of you being happy, made him pull himself together. His heart was worth your happiness.
”Yes.” He replied, he carefully concealed his nervousness by answering in a steady voice.
I clenched his shoulder as if I was trying to hold him if he would fell down from my words. My voice still sounded like a parent's one.
“Then you need to let me go.”
Maul felt your words tore his heart out of his chest. He knew you'd say that, but he kept hoping he was wrong. He stood there, completely frozen, staring at you with a panicked expression on his face.
“I can’t... I don’t want to...” He whispered, his voice began to break under the pressure of the situation.
I shook my head, still holding his shoulder. My ocean-blue eyes stared into him, asking to understand. It was as if a mermaid was trying to persuade a fisherman to let her go to the sea.
“You need to respect my decision. I've made priorities and now I need to be your soldier and you need to be my king.”
Maul continued to look at you with a scared eyes. You were so beautiful, so close, your fingers still holding his shoulder. And yet it felt like you were so, so far away from him. Your words rang in his ears... your decision... your priority... your job… not him.
He swallowed deeply and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, desperately trying to resist the urge to grab you and hold you tight as a bear trap.
“...and what if I can’t make that separation?” He finally whispered. His eyes frowned and the grip on your arm tightened.
“Then the mermaid will suffocate on the shore.” I whispered. I didn't flinch when his fingers clung to me, only stroked his shoulder tenderly.
He pictured you dead, washed ashore by the sea and his face twisted in disgust. And then he looked up at you with fear.
“No, I won’t let you…” He whispered, his voice pleading.
“Then you need to let me go.” I sighed and leaned my forehead against his. My whisper sounded like the evening breeze of waves leaving the cold sand.
Maul felt a tear run down his cheek. Down until it slipped off his chin and crashed to the floor. He knew you were right. Knew he was bringing you suffering. And in one moment this suffering would kill you.
He slowly closed his eyes and gently took your hand in his before whispering.
“...I’ll let you go...”
I gently squeezed his hand with mine and rubbed my forehead against his like a tooka before slowly pulling away.
Maul wanted to beg you for another second... and then another and another. But he closed his eyes and silently let you go, unwilling to break the second promise he'd made to you. Without your touch, even a small one, he felt cold again. He could feel another tear trickling down after the first one, and he opened his eyes.
In the wind, the leafs in the garden rustled like the quiet whisper of the ocean. I looked at him one last time and put on my helmet. Returned to my duty. And disappeared into the garden.
I think that’s my first finished art I’m enjoying looking at. That man totally deserves this special treatment from me, all choices of his inspiring me in some weird way. I don’t find his decisions right, but he makes me feel alive.
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