stan talent stan seventeen

cat, a very lost stan made of 3am caffeine fueled writing sprints masterlist [mobile] | AO3 please read the guidelines before requesting!

[cheriiots]

funeral suits; soonhoon

there’s a distance between them and their hearts that can’t be bridged, and it hurts. it hurts so bad.

lee jihoon doesn’t really remember what day of the week it is anymore. the way we count time is a social construct anyway, with nothing more than day and night being set in stone. the days blur into one another, body after body after body to handle.

yet, each corpse he sees still isn’t him, and with each passing day, jihoon’s starting to lose a bit more hope. the only reason why he’s helping junhui and wonwoo with managing the bodies is so that the moment that soonyoung’s corpse is delivered, he’ll see it.

by now, seeing a corpse is better than no news at all.

the war started not too long ago. maybe it has been half a year, maybe it’s been 3 months. jihoon doesn’t really remember, but the duration doesn’t change the fact that there’s been a war outbreak, citizens against citizens. how could someone be so cruel, to the extent that you’d split a country in half, the border separating families, friends, lovers; to the extent that you’d kill anyone indiscriminately, when they’re from your own country, when they’re people who speak the same language as you, when they’re just people . they’re people, and isn’t that reason enough to not hurt others?

everyone’s a victim in this situation. the country’s now on lockdown, so no one can escape. there’s been so many killed that the morgues have run out of room to house the bodies. now, they just chuck all the bodies in a truck and deliver it to pledis high, leaving any volunteers to help clean them up and set everything up for identification.

it’s how he met junhui and wonwoo. it used to be just the two of them, spending most of the morning hauling and cleaning bodies, and the rest of the day laying them out and tagging them. jihoon would visit pledis every single day. again, and again, and again, praying that soonyoung would show up. he never did, but junhui took pity on him and asked if he’d want to help.

it takes his mind off of things, at least. if he has to worry about so many other people, he can’t think of soonyoung as much. if his hands are always busy, they won’t miss the feeling of holding soonyoung. yet, his heart still aches by the end of the day, and all junhui and wonwoo can do is comfort him.

his heart used to sing; he remembers songs that were once theirs. he remembers listening to love songs and thinking of soonyoung because of each and every one of them. he remembers soft jazz playing in the background of their first kiss, remembers watching soonyoung dancing to house, and he tries so hard to carve the memories into his mind in case he forgets. now, his heart sings a song of its own: I’ll wait here, come back to me. come back, come back, come back home.

the feeling of a gun in his hands is so foreign. if jihoon was here, he’d never believe that kwon soonyoung would be tied down by accident, somehow becoming a medic even though all he has is basic first aid training and a little bit of knowledge from medical school. apparently, to the soldiers, watching him bandage himself up properly was enough of a reason to ask if he was willing to be a stand-in medic for them since they lacked manpower.

this whole situation is dumb. he should be home eating dinner with his parents and jihoon, not out here trying to patch up bleeding bodies of soldiers. he shouldn’t need to carry around a gun for self defense. he shouldn’t need to literally assist in operations to remove bullets from bodies. he’s only seventeen.

he’s only seventeen, and the cruel reality of war is hitting him across the face. everyone there feels sorry for him, actually. everyone drafted to fight is older than him, and they all know he shouldn’t be here. everyone remembers a time when they were young and free, when they only had to worry about their exams and getting into a good university. it’s a huge burden placed onto his shoulders, but soonyoung will carry it for as long as he has to.

one of the men gave him a notebook as a thank you for saving his life. soonyoung keeps writing letters in it, letters to jihoon that he knows will never be sent to him. but hopefully, he’ll be able to pass it to jihoon after the war ends. hopefully, he’ll be able to meet him again and kiss him, crying about how much he missed him. in his dreams, he gets to sweep jihoon off his feet fairytale style, they get to have another date, they get married and live a full life together. and hopefully, hopefully they can die together, in each other’s arms, or at least die happy.

in his seventeen-year-old mind, he’s only seventeen. he should be allowed to harbor a little bit of hope.

“hoon, aren’t you gonna go home today? you’ve been here for the whole week already. sleeping in the classroom can’t possibly be that comfortable, right?” junhui jokes as if he’s doing any better. jihoon isn’t easy to lie to, though. jun’s eyebags have been getting worse and worse, and he looks pale as a sheet now. he wouldn’t be surprised if the boy hasn’t eaten the whole day, honestly.

jihoon remembers junhui from dance classes back in middle school. how could he forget? as much as he liked to show off whenever someone asked him to, he also would help everyone learn. he’d take as long as needed to teach a single move, and jihoon respects him for it. he wishes they didn’t have to meet again under such circumstances.

when they met again for the first time in years, he was still all sunshine and rainbows, smiling softly and trying to comfort him. he knows, he knows how inseparable soonyoung and jihoon used to be. he knows how hard it is on jihoon to not be able to find him at all, and he’s trying his best. it’s not the same kind of comfort as what wonwoo provides, though.

as much as junhui knows it hurts, he doesn’t understand. he has his whole family safely waiting for him in china, but wonwoo had to identify mingyu’s body, had to see all the bullet wounds and his mutilated body festering in front of his face. as much as wonwoo doesn’t want jihoon to ever see his best friend’s corpse, the rationale is still rather reasonable: it’s better to bury him than let him be buried by militants and never get to see him again.

they’re all trying their best here, all trying to remain optimistic in a bleak world with no future. but there’s nothing left for them, not until the war ends. food will start to run low, civilians will start harming one another to get what they need to survive. soon, the power plants will stop working, and if things get too dire, they might as well be living in a post-apocalyptic world. yet, even with everything else, all jihoon can think about is how much easier it would be to tough everything out with soonyoung by his side.

back then, things were much simpler. it was sharing sodas and sticky kisses with soonyoung, holding hands and watching fireworks, studying together and sneaking glances at each other. back then, he took everything for granted, thought a lifetime with soonyoung was a given, and now he regrets it. now, he’d do anything to hear soonyoung nag at him again for smoking, to have soonyoung trying to kiss him while he’s doing work.

isn’t he pathetic? jihoon can’t stop listening to all of soonyoung’s voicemails, begging junhui and wonwoo to let him use the cable to charge his phone just so that he can replay them over and over again. an illusion of soonyoung being alive is better than nothing, forcing himself to keep believing that soonyoung’s out there, alive and trying his best to come back to his side.

and when soonyoung comes back, jihoon expects him to return weary, with deep eyebags and a bright smile. he wouldn’t be surprised if he loses his chubby cheeks, or if he comes back wounded. so long as soonyoung returns, anything’s fine with jihoon. so long as soonyoung’s back in his arms, there to comfort him and promise to never leave his side again, jihoon knows that they’ll be fine.

when soonyoung dreams, he dreams about jihoon. jihoon’s laughter rings in his ears and there he is, smiling right in front of him. when he reaches out to cup his face, he can feel jihoon’s skin under his hands, jihoon’s warmth under his skin. the difference is, when soonyoung wakes up, jihoon isn’t there. he wakes up in tentage, taking deep breaths and trying to ready himself for the new day. a new day brings new casualties. new casualties mean new wounds to patch, and new irreparable wounds mean more deaths.

all he is is a teenager. he can’t pull off miracles, can’t save people like the experienced medics do- all he’s good for is wasting resources. he knows that they would replace him with someone with any sort of experience and skills if they could, but until then, he’ll just have to prove his worth.

he’s learned a lot on the field from just watching the experienced medics. although a lot of them praise him for being able to learn so quickly, none of them really talk to him outside of that other than medic hong. he willingly listens to everything soonyoung says, from his childhood to jihoon to how he actually wanted to be a nurse. he’s solace in a nightmare, an angel from the heavens when the thing soonyoung needs the most is company and reassurance.

medic hong himself speaks fondly of his past too. he speaks of sunsets in los angeles, talks about how he grew up there ever since he was young, but came to korea on impulse and stayed ever since. even though he’s only a year older than soonyoung, he’s still so much more experienced. he talks about his rotations in hospitals and his wildest experiences in the emergency room, as if it was an adventure. and yet, he always ends with the sweetest smile, with a reminder that soonyoung should work hard in medical school after the war is over.

“you’ll make a good nurse,” medic hong said a few weeks back. it still sticks with him until now. it’s just so… unexpected. it’s encouraging to have someone as professional as medic hong have trust in him, as if it’s a form of reassurance. a way to tell soonyoung that he’s doing well. that… there’s a bright future waiting ahead of him, one where they’ll be alright.

“please accept it. i… you three need it more than i do,” the lady says, shoving a box of food into jihoon’s arms. “you’re doing god’s work here.”

“but, all we’re doing is taking care of the bodies,” junhui says with confusion.

“i would not want anyone else to take care of my son. you boys have done a lot for our community. you might not see it but… we all appreciate knowing that our family will be properly put to rest.”

with that, she turns and leaves, leaving the three boys to stare at her shrinking silhouette. perhaps none of them thought of it that way. they’re more used to hysterical mothers crying at them, begging for them to bring their children back to life, or having to keep children in the office because a sight of a dead body is never for a child.

jihoon always thought their reputation of being the grim reapers was a bad thing. but, the more he thinks about it, the role of the grim reaper is to guide souls from the human realm to the afterworld safely. that’s a good thing, right? is that what people think they’re doing? as long as he’s doing something good, that’s enough.

wonwoo turns to them, and smiles brightly. “well, we should get back to work. there’s someone waiting at the office for us. we’re doing a good job, i think.” they’re doing something , that’s for sure. whether they’re doing well is subjective, but something is better than nothing.

something is better than nothing, jihoon repeats in his head. doing something is better than nothing.

“sir, we need more medical supplies,” soonyoung says the moment he enters the section commander’s tent. “the previous battle drained too much of it, and we’re especially low on antiseptics. what do we do?”

commander choi looks up from his plans and stares intently at soonyoung. it must be uncomfortable, having the stress of leading a whole section at his age. rumors say that he’s only one or two years older than soonyoung, but his whole bloodline is full of militants. perhaps to him, this is an honor, but judging from the looks of it, commander choi would rather be anywhere but here. then again, who wouldn’t?

“... then, we’ll have to restock. i’ll try to call for a supply drop, maybe more skilled medics to join us. and… medic kwon, you’re from the city, right?”

“yes, sir.”

“hm, perhaps you were my junior in high school. once the new medics arrive, would you like to go back? you shouldn’t be here since you don’t have proper training, and…” it goes unspoken. commander choi knows that soonyoung wants to be home more than anything, and even if they need the manpower, they should let the kid go home.

it’s what he always wanted, wasn’t it? a chance to go back and tough everything out with jihoon instead of being out here and a part of the frontlines for the war, a chance to go back to his boyfriend and family. so why is he still reluctant? once actual medics arrive, he won’t be needed here anymore.

soonyoung looks straight at commander choi. his eyes are full of disappointment and sadness, as if just being under so much stress has taken too much of a toll on him. if he could, he would be here for him, but commander choi lets no one near him except for medic hong. there’s not much he can do here, but… everyone here has a form of unsettled business.

“commander, is there anything you want me to do for you if i go back?”

commander choi looks taken aback, considering that he didn’t expect soonyoung to bother with anything at all. his features eventually soften into a fond smile.

“look for yoon jeonghan, age 18, pledis high student. tell him that i miss him, and let me know if he’s still alive. please… help me look out for him while i can’t.”

today’s the day the helicopter arrives with people from the frontlines. after incessant begging on junhui’s part, wonwoo finally relented and agreed to go with them to welcome them back. the hospitals will be flooded with casualties, but who they’re looking for goes unspoken among the three boys. they can’t really blame jihoon for holding on to any glimmer of hope, even if they wish he didn’t. less hoping means less heartbreak, but it’s only human.

the helicopters will be flying from the safest part of the military camp to the nearest hospital, and although it’ll take the whole night to reach gidang hospital , it’s worth it if it’s for jihoon. apparently, foreign aid will be coming soon, with supply drops and more manpower for the war. after a year of waiting, things are finally looking up. maybe… maybe it’ll all end soon.

some of the staff on shift actually do recognize them as the grim reapers, and let them wait instead of chasing them away. “so… who is it that you’re looking for?” one of the nurses asks. he’s familiar. a choir senior, jihoon thinks, but that’s irrelevant.

wonwoo and junhui immediately look at jihoon. tired, ragged jihoon who’s been doing nothing but wishing on stars for soonyoung’s safety every single night. for jihoon, he doesn’t dare hope for soonyoung to return. he just wants him to be safe, and that’s enough.

“kwon soonyoung,” jihoon says so softly, like a prayer leaving his lips. “if you could… can you check the records for him?”

the nurse looks at him with a mix of sympathy and pity. “of course, hoon. you three should rest first, you all have been working very hard.” the moment the nurse mentions it, jihoon can feel his exhaustion wash over him, finally catching up with him.

when he wakes up again, kwon soonyoung is sitting in the chair opposite him, dozing off on his chair. is this a dream? “jihoon, you’re awake! i didn’t want to wake you up since you looked like you needed the rest.” warm arms wrap around him, and this is the feeling of home, something he sorely missed all this while. “i missed you. i missed you every single day.”

jihoon hugs him back, clinging on tighter than before. “i missed you too, you idiot. i was so worried about you since no one knew where you were- are you hurt?”

“i’m okay. no injuries, see?” soonyoung says, laughing. “i’m right here, aren’t i? hoonie, please don’t cry, i’m here.”

he didn’t even realize that he was crying, but soonyoung wipes his tears away for him like before, cupping his face in his hands before kissing him gently. he’s here, right in front of him. no more wishing. the kwon soonyoung in front of him is very much real and very much alive.

“you’re home.”

“i’m home.”

[jahehyung-deactivated20231124]

lovesong.mp3 - Jaehyungparkian

Summary: brian desperately needs someone to sing for him. too bad jae doesn’t like sad songs.

Warning: language only.

Read on Ao3 for better formatting!

“seriously, hyung. again?”

brian blinks awake. there’s a blur of pink hovering a few inches in front of him he thinks may be wonpil’s face. by the disappointed frown and exasperated sigh that follow seconds after brian guesses he’s just about right.

“time is it?” he mumbles back. his cheek is pressed against something plastic and uncomfortable, eyes sand-dry and itching like a motherfucker. brian looks up, takes a wary look around. he’s in his studio, which is pretty normal given the situation. but wonpil is also here, hands on his hips and a worried look on his face which is - pretty normal too, actually, now that brian thinks about it.

“you promised me you wouldn’t do this again,” wonpil sighs, nose wrinkling as he bends down to pick up the burger wrappers scattered across the studio floor. he tosses them in the trashcan, sighs again when he finds it filled to the brim with cheap noodle-cups brian buys in stock from the corner store down the street. “this has got to stop.”

Keep reading

[rinablet]

Bitcoin-kun and his fave maze runner for the most talented, kind-hearted, amazing person ever. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @valpal-n !!!!

Thankyou for being my friend, babe! You’ve effortlessly made my day everytime. May this year be meaningful for you and I wish you nothing but happiness.

[wonnhao]

are you sure this was legal

[volleystarzine]

hey you! are you an artist or a writer? are you a fan of shiho suzui? then mark the date! applications for a  not for profit fanzine dedicated to a wonderful girl begin April 3rd! We’re looking for both writers and artists! please give this a reblog and a like so we can gather support and excitement! thanks!

Questions, Comments, Concerns? Ask Away!

[gummymela]

its the national kiss ryuji day ya know

[hongslice]

happy holidays <3

[zephyrine-gale]

crime boys

[wonnhao]

you deserve this ♡

[bokdeongeori]

cold hands, warm heart 

[pabospoiler]

Q: When Hoshi is making choreography, is there a member that is like a muse?

[verngyu-moved]

[ W H A T ’ S  N E X T ? ] → the next era begins * : ･ﾟ✧ º 18•02•05 º ✧ﾟ･ : * … stay tuned …

click for HQ || cr || x, x || insp

[kalidels]

thanks to my darling @mhaikkun i recently realized that ryuji only seems to like coffee when akira makes it and if that isn’t the cutest shit ever i DON’T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU

[cheolshu]

Joshua with Monsta X’s Kihyun

[mydays]

sometimes, comforting words is all that one needs to feel a little bit better and breathe a little more comfortably and i think because day6 have such comforting and soothing lyrics, that when you listen to day6 songs it makes u feel so comfortable and safe…for example:

“brush off your all day stress, dont worry about tomorrow” from freely, which is a song about forgetting your stress for a while and smiling for today.

“just the way you are, i will accept you and understand you” from i’ll try which is a song wonpil directed at mydays whom he wants to love with all our flaws.

“i hope i can be a little helpful at least, i hope i can be your resting place, i’ll try to make you feel at ease, when you think of me during your busy days” from when you love someone, lyrics of this song are so beautiful and comforting and they really do succeed to make me feel at ease when im having a hard time.

there’s always something so warm and comforting about day6 lyrics which i think really reflects on the whole feel of their songs as a whole and it makes me feel so at peace and content as long as im listening to it…thank you for giving us the most comforting words when nobody else does day6.

[je0n]

Hey guys, 

So I never thought I’d be doing this and I’ve really tried to not to resort to it but the situation is really bad right now and I can’t avoid it anymore. My financial situation is extremely bad at the moment and we barely have any food in the house right now. We’ve been living on bread and bland pasta for days now, and due to the detrimental effects my eating disorder has had on my physical health, my immune system is extremely weak and I need proper food and vitamins to function at least somewhat normally. I’m trying to recover from my eating disorder, however, this is making relapses 10x more likely and the whole recovery that much harder. We’re supposed to get some money in two days but since my exams are coming up and I’m unable to concentrate on anything, my blood pressure is constantly low and I feel like collapsing all the time, I’m scared of what can happen until then. I feel extremely uneasy doing this as I know that there are people out there who have it way worse than me and I’m not really deserving of anyone’s help, but if you could spare at least $1-2, it would be enough for at least a somewhat proper meal until I can afford to buy groceries with my own money.

You can send your commissions via my ko-fi account (I feel uneasy sharing my paypal account as it’s been hacked into in the past, however the donations via ko-fi will go to my paypal): https://ko-fi.com/A8811J1V 

Thank you so much.

[je0n]

ko-fi doesn’t seem to be working so I’m going to add my paypal account after all.. a huge thank you to everyone who’s tried helping, it really means so much and please please don’t feel bad if you can’t donate, just knowing that you care means the world

http://paypal.me/annb96

[je0n]

since I’m having issues with my paypal account and my credit card as well, if you’re interested in helping, let me know and I’ll give you my information for moneygram or western union (both can be sent online).. again, thank you all so much 

[byeolks]

mhm as a depressed person i'd love to hear someone say that they dont understand me and make me feel like a fucking alien. he's SOOO sensitive for being ignorant right? how can you defend him even now, you really haven't changed from the past.

*warning, long*

you didn’t read the entire fanacct, that was the first half of the first sentence. it took op 2 pages to describe the entire encounter and 5 seconds for the translator to translate one sentence, maybe less for netizens who wanted something to fight about. obviously, more happened than what you and many people are aware of.

btw i don’t want to make this personal! but please don’t be condescending in my inbox when i’ve had severe depression for the past 7 years of my life. i’m a (small albeit active) donor to active mental health research and recognition charities and a very active participant in the fight to understand, fight against, and overcome mental illness so aside from this baekhyun situation, this message is inflammatory to me as a person :/ but i digress bc those two things aren’t related so dw about it too much. i’m here to talk about baekhyun’s “situation,” not my own feelings.

don’t you think op, who was clinically depressed, would have also been offended by his words, had that been all he said? damn if he stopped right there then i agree!! but she shared the fanaccount bc it touched her, comforted her, and made her feel a bit more cheerful in that moment.

HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED:

netizens who berate him for breathing took like 10 of his words out of context. it was a forum issue that people shut down. imagine if i said “i hate baekhyun, he’s so wonderful and perfect in every single way.” two opposing ideas spliced in two make for very very different situations. imagine if a netizen took the first half, translated it, and made everyone think that i literally hate baekhyun? i’m not sensationalizing this situation at all, this is…exactly what happened,.

the international translator who did this was being ignorant of her mistake, and the NETIZENS she used as “”proof””” were picking apart everything for the sake of being mean (as usual.) also, it’s not her fault alone, but i admit she had quite a big hand in blowing it up. did anyone who was supposedly offended read the entire thing? besides…i wouldn’t coin netizens as the ultimate supervisors of sensitive comments regarding mental health if you look at their track record. i’d look at OP instead.

btw this was a fansign with a very limited amount of time allotted for each person so he said as much as he could while having very little time to sort through his words. but he was sincere and heartfelt.

HE SAID:

“i don’t fully understand depression BUT i hope i can be a comfort to you. i HOPE you can find strength.” the misconstrued first half of the sentence is actually a really important clause. why?

if he omitted the first half of the sentence it would seem like he’s evading the real topic. he used it as a disclaimer. doesn’t the internet only listen to ppl who have personal experiences with things anyway?? lmao what changed?? he said, “i may not understand it but i want to listen and i want to understand this better. just because i don’t personally experience it does not mean i can’t try my best to be a source of comfort and happiness for you.” BTW we do this all the time in english to avoid sounding insensitive…think about it for a moment. yeah.

is it not a good thing for someone to not understand the feeling of or have depression? contrary to what the internet thinks, not everyone knows everything about everything. depression is an abstract concept that’s very difficult to describe if you’ve never had it. you and i should know that firsthand. what makes this GOOD is that he handled the convo elegantly. he tried his best to convey his more sincere thoughts and tried hard to be sensitive of her situation. in this world, we’re going to encounter things that we don’t understand and it’s important that we approach it intelligently and carefully, even if we stumble around our words. THAT’S what makes it a good thing. there are too many people who don’t understand and blow it off as a phase, or blow it off as depressed individuals being lazy or weak or whiney. he’s not one of them.

this is one sentence out of many. baekhyun didn’t judge her but responded the best he could to his understanding. its not about what you say, but how you say it. that’s the sign of a responsible person who DOESN’T pretend to know more than they do. that’s humility and sensitivity even if you’re unsure of something.

he was compassionate and attentive, but didn’t treat her like a nut case. he treated her like a person and a friend. he wanted her to have strength. according to op, WHO WAS ACTUALLY THERE to witness his body language and words, said, “we ended the fansign brightly and cheerfully.” op is clearly not offended and in fact, felt brighter!!! so the atmosphere was definitely a positive one. her words, not mine.

she shared it because it was a pleasant memory for her..who the hell are we to say anything otherwise? personal experience should only have to comfort whomever is involved. what’s non negotiable though, WHETHER OR NOT you’re comforted by what he said, is that he DIDN’T SAY “i dont understand why you have depression damn girl bye!” even though that’s what headlines are saying.

again!! regardless of this essay i just typed, what is 100% objective is that he DID NOT say ‘i dont understand why you have depression” and then end the conversation right there?? he used it as a DISCLAIMER. those are the real facts because we can both read. and you can read it in the original tweet lol. AND in the clarity posts op made. you do realize.. she feels really stressed and sad about the situation. that should tell you something right there!

here’s op’s clarification post. i’m not linking her handle (most people aren’t) bc she doesn’t want random people to tweet her or talk to her anymore. 

even op’s apologizing :/ and for what!

i don’t want to make it seem like i’m angry at you because i’m not. it’s not about you or me or even baekhyun, it’s about the fact that we need to look at the full picture before acting!

i hope that you look at this situation and future situations in a more responsible manner. rumors CAN get out of hand; what’s trending is not necessarily the truth. in fact, what’s trending is usually NOT the truth because people like drama and refuse to apologize for starting it. truth gets buried under drama, ALWAYS. baekhyun thinks he did something wrong because he’s under the impression that he shouldnt have said “i dont understand how depression works BUT…..” uh no, that’s usually what you want to say to dispel the idea that you think you know more than you actually do. that’s called being aware of your own situation. that’s a fact. that’s actually a fact. i’m not trying to be funny with the fax™, that’s an ACTUAL fact, like, if you were to ask the internet of depressed people or a therapist for advice, that’s what they would generally advise you say to someone with depression. so..this is an awkward situation now 🚶🏻

and the problem is, he didn’t actually offend anyone who read the entire story, that’s why it was a non issue to exo-l’s who saw the entire fanacct.

he approached the situation as responsibly as he could, provided he was given a couple minutes to speak eloquently about something he has not experienced. you can read every research paper in the world about depression but if you don’t have it.. you just don’t understand. but we don’t NEED OR WANT everyone to understand. we just need people to be compassionate and kind. we want them to be willing to listen. we want them to be positive for us so that we may have a role model to look up to.

all WE can do now…is to be responsible for how WE consume content and look at the full picture before acting.