contents ❥ nikolai gogol x fem!reader, suggestive, slice of life, 1.0k words
links ❥ MAIN MENU, gif+dividers are my edit/mine!
You woke up earlier than usual today. Nikolai is still in bed, dead asleep. He did not even react or stir when you were making noises for your morning routine. And now you are in the kitchen, planning to make some savoury French toast for breakfast. It is not often that you are the one who prepares food.
Just a nice gesture for your beloved. Especially after he fogged your brain with heaven.
As you are whisking a few eggs with a fork in a bowl, the doorbell suddenly rings loudly, jolting you out of your focus. You place the bowl on the counter, hastily wash your hands and wipe them on your shirt. You walk to the door to get it, but you pause.
What if it's the homeowner?
You are not documented as a resident in this unit—it is only Nikolai’s. You are not sure if it is the homeowner, despite Nikolai having stated that he is not in St. Petersburg at the moment. But who knows? Fate plays with you in strange ways many times already.
“I guess it’s better that he’s the one answering…” You mumble to yourself when you hear the doorbell again. You turn away and rush into the bedroom, seeing that Nikolai is still asleep.
You place a hand on him, shaking his body lightly. “Kolya… Kolya, wake up.” You say softly, not wanting to surprise him or anything. But he remains motionless, eyes still shut.
“Kolya, come on. Wake up.” You say again, a little louder. He only hums, nose scrunched, but he relaxes almost immediately as if he is tangled back into the dream. You shake him harder, calling his name.
“Hmm…” Finally, he moves slightly, but only because he is disturbed by your gesture. He turns his face to bury himself into the pillow and lazily brings his hand to his ear, as if to block your voice.
“Nikolai. Wake up, please.”
“Mm…”
“Someone’s at the door, Kolya. Please?”
“Hm.”
“Daddy, wake up.”
“What?”
Nikolai lifts his head almost immediately, blinking confusedly at you.
“What’d you say…?” He asks groggily, and you almost giggle at how his face looks. You think he looks just like a lost kitten—those kitties who try to fight their way through sleepiness. A perfect description, you would say.
“I said someone’s at the door.”
“O-Oh.” Nikolai stares at you, still puzzled. “R-Really..?”
“Hm?” You purposely blink confusedly. “Yeah, someone’s at the door. You should get it. What if it’s the homeowner? And you’re the only one who has the name in the contract, so…” You tug his arm to pull him to sit up. And he does, gently pushing you out of the way. He says nothing as he pushes the blanket to the side and gets up. Your eyes widen, seeing his bare torso right in front of you.
“Why don’t you grab a shirt, at least?” You say, now remembering how he really likes being half-naked in bed.
“Ugh… Shut up.” He grunts, waving his hand dismissively at you. Nikolai’s head is still not clear as he stretches and walks to the door. He opens it barely, just enough for him to peek outside while hiding his body behind the white wood.
A young lady. She looks flustered when she finally sees Nikolai, and a little gasp escapes her mouth.
“Hi, miss,” Nikolai says. “Something wrong?”
“Oh! Uh… not really… Uh, are you new here? I haven’t seen your face before.” The lady asks, giving him an awkward smile.
“Yes. I just moved in a few days ago.” He replies. His tone is friendly, but that effort is the hardest thing ever because Nikolai is frankly annoyed that his sleep time is interrupted like this.
“Right! I hope you are having fun living here. H-Here… Butter cookies for you.” She finally hands him the blue container of butter cookies. Nikolai takes it, chuckling as he thanks her. The lady just nods before she rubs her neck, eyes gazing away. “A-Actually, there’s another thing I wanna ask… Do you live alone?”
Nikolai’s eyebrow jerks. He does not want to overthink this early, but only his name is registered as a resident here. Though it is just on a written contract.
“What’s the matter with that?” He asks the lady.
“Uhm… I’m not coming at you like this in a bad way but… uh… a couple nights ago… w-we heard noises…”
“Noises…?”
The lady’s fair skin begins to bleed a red hue. She bites her lips, as if she is regretting her life choices at this point. Her lips tremble before she whispers, “I mean like… b-bedroom noises…”
Oh, now Nikolai is fully awake.
“Oh my…” He grins mischievously—begone the sleepiness and dizziness.
“Y-Yeah… I-I don’t know if you have a girlfriend or you bring someone over, but uhh… my mom felt bothered by it. I don’t personally mind, okay? It’s just, you know, old people have sensitive hearing sometimes.”
“No, no, it’s totally our fault, miss. I’m sorry for the noises— Pfft—” Nikolai quickly subdues his laugh, pressing his lips together hard. “I’ll be sure to be more considerate. Thanks for the cookies!”
Bam!
“Yeah— Huh?”
Nikolai ignores the confused lady still outside his unit after he just slammed the door in her face. He turns around, eyes wide open, when he sees you standing against the wall—a perfect blind spot from the lady too.
“Who was that?” You ask. Nikolai shrugs, placing the cookies container on the dining table. You approach him, reaching the container with a happy smile on your face. Yes, more snacks!
“Just our neighbour.” He replies.
“Oh! What’d they want?”
“She had a very serious complaint.”
You freeze, looking at him with a frown. “Huh? Why? What happened? What did you do to the people of this building?”
Nikolai glares at you briefly—how dare you just accuse him unprovoked.
“I didn’t do anything. You did!”
“What? Why? I’ve been good!”
“Oh, you’ve been good, alright. You’ve been sooo good that our neighbours were very impressed with your good girl noises.” He smirks, and it gets broader when you shriek in embarrassment, realising immediately about the ‘complaint’ he was talking about.
“I-It’s not my fault!”
“Perhaps. But you’re still the one moaning and screaming, huh?”
You pout, turning your face away as you are getting too shy to look at him in the eye. Nikolai chuckles, taking your chin to make you look at him again.
“Well, I guess we can fix that tonight… Unconventionally.”
Have you ever thought about doing something related to Fyodor? I've been reading your work with Nikolai for ages and I'm OBSESSED with your style and been thinking about what Fyodor would be like in these same situations, even if it would be kinda out of character of him to fall in love. Idk if you ever said something about this so forgive me if i said something wrong
i've done fics for fyodor before (like in my old blog). him appearing in tsm now makes me want to write more for him. i have some ideas of fics i wanna do for both fyodor and nikolai, probably where fyodor will have more roles in it. but it's unpolished, so i doubt i'll start that at near future.
i dont think it's ooc for him to fall in love! i think given circumstances, it could work out for him 🥸 his love can just be as twisted as nikolai's (or healthy. idk. im not into writing healthy relationship that much LMFAO)
Will you ever make more of stalker Nikolai? Like one shots?
not likely tbh. i could do it, if i have time, motivation and ideas for it (or if it's commissioned). the series has been completed and inactive for years now and i don't really have any plan to go further than what i've written (˶• ֊ •˶)
(same anon as before about adding buffalo 66 to my watchlist), i just noticed you had an interactive account. 🤦 i hope that doesn’t screw things up.. and im also incredibly happy to see that trash sugar magic has 22 chapters now?? 🥹 that’s a lot since i last saw it, im gonna devour them one by one (when i have time 😭💔)!!!
you can send asks here or there, i don't mind really. doukeshi is my main, so if i like anything, i appear as that blog instead :3 and yeesh trash sugar magic has 22 chapters now hehe (plus 5 minis). it is also almost complete and i'm very thankful for every single person who stick with the series till the end 🩵
hello! :) i was actually a fan of your works a while ago, i remember seeing the work with the maze and nikolai back then and i was so captivated by your writing and how you can make people feel so immersed in it. i haven’t touched tumblr for maybe a year or so due to being busy and also kind of losing my original account i used to browse bsd stuff… and came back because while organizing things and adding watchlists for what i wanna watch later on when i have more free time, i saw buffalo 66 in a recommendation list and that immediately made me recall your works. and it made me compulsively write to you to thank you again because i remember being so excited and happy to see your writing whenever i was having a bad day.
thank you for deciding to watch bsd and write about nikolai. i hope you have a wonderful day <3
hii thank you so much! i really appreciate your lovely message 🥹🫶 happy to hear that you're coming back to this hellsite oop ( ͡❛ ₃ ͡❛) buffalo 66 was quite a bizarre yet interesting movie ngl lolll
i hope you have a wonderful day too because you certainly made my day ₍^ >ヮ<^₎ .ᐟ.ᐟ
hey so have you heard the song Buffalo 66 by Nessa Barrett ? well to think that your trash sugar magic series is also inspired by that movie as well is very significant so you should check out the lyrics ^^ and it'd be cool if you can add the song into the official playlist, but no force though, just wanna recommend the song because the mv was very cool and kinda tsm's coded 🤭🤭
Thanks for the previous chapter also :))
oh yea i actually saw the music video and i listened to the first several seconds before skipping to the chorus instead IDK WHY LMAO the first verse doesn't really hit but i really like the chorus the most hehe. it fits both nikolai and reader, don't you think ;3
also the title itself was the first thing i noticed and i know both nessa and jesse too, so i was like ooh what's this collab👀
➛ cw: general content in main menu, smut, dubcon, religious theme, obsessive and possessive behaviour, unprotected s-ex | words: 7.1k
➛ ao3 | playlist | main menu
“Shit.”
Nikolai sighs into the tiny face towel for the umpteenth time before he places it on the porcelain, resting both his hands on the edges of the sink. He has been standing and contemplating life for a while now. The towel is hanging low around his waist, and his skin is still flushed from whatever had transpired last night.
The conscience is getting to him. Sanity and rationale are clouding him.
What the hell was I thinking?
Well, he was not thinking at all last night, that is for sure. On a second note—perhaps he did think. He thought of ways that could make you lose your mind. And you did—he literally fucked you to sleep.
Truthfully, he was not getting enough sleep. He forced himself to be up after a post-nut clarity nap and distracted himself to clean you up. A half-assed effort, to be honest. He wiped you clean, and you were barely awake when he took off your dress and bra that were still clinging to your body, gave a couple of gropes here and there.
Nikolai sighs again. He thinks again—does he really want to avoid this, when he felt so much delight and thrill?
No, of course not. He wants you. He has been wanting you. Maybe this surging feeling that he buried all these moments is the one driving his madness.
“But Nikolai, if you think that the answer to total free will is death, why not… die with a smile? Must you cry? Were those little unimportant joys you felt no better than agony?”
Your questions back then echo in his mind. Happiness, unimportant joys—as much as he hates it as it is just a fragment of what he has been trying to refuse for most of his life. But unfortunately, his human brain does feel better with them than agony.
“Man… I’m becoming mad.” He murmurs to himself before he turns to the bathtub and begins filling it up with warm water. Then he takes a tiny bottle of shower gel—he took this from the motel, the complimentary one—and squeezes out everything into the water. It barely bubbles, but it smells nice—apple and spice.
“Urm…”
Nikolai turns his head to the door, eyes wide.
“G-Good morning…”
Your figure is peeking through the gap between the door and the frame. He can see you have your own towel wrapped around your naked body. Your hair is untidy, and he notices all the marks he created on your skin.
Goodness, he thinks he has become a little too obsessed with how messy you look. And your mere presence is enough to dissipate that clouded rationale he has in mind. Now Nikolai thinks a little deeper—would it not be more insane if he just adores you more unconventionally, hence denying the normality of what the brainwashed would call ‘healthy love’?
He smirks then. “Good morning, sexy.”
You are surprised by his reply, and you quickly hide your shy face behind the door. Then you take a peek at him again. “Good morning…” You repeat, presumably because your brain suddenly stops working properly.
“Yes, it’s a very good morning.” Nikolai chuckles. “What do you want?”
“I-I felt very sticky, so I wanna wash myself— Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, uhm. I-I mean… I mean, I w-wanted to use the bathroom. I didn’t realise you were… inside.”
“Did you now?”
“Y-Yes…! I didn’t know.” You quickly say. “A-Are you going to take a while…?”
“You can use it if you want. Shower’s empty.”
You finally look at him, relief washes over your face. “Oh, thank you so much.” You smile at him, expecting him to make a move to leave the bathroom. But he just stares at you, with that same gaze he gave you last night. Your heart warms up, beating faster. “Are you not gonna… come out?”
“You come in.”
Nikolai wants to laugh at your shocked face and puzzled noise. Your lips are moving, but only bits of words came out—unintelligible. You shake your head, and his smile drops slightly. He is not going to just let you leave him—no, no, you were the one who told him to not leave you alone.
Don’t back away now.
I can’t get out of this anymore.
So he approaches closer, stops by the sink and slips his hand into the fabric of the face towel that was left earlier. He dives deeper into his dimension. His detached hand appears right at the door, pulling it wide open. Your eyes widen as he grabs your arm and drags you into the bathroom with him. He catches you, wrapping his arm around your waist.
“There, isn’t that easy?” He teases, tilting your body so your back is against the sink, and placing his hand beside you so his body is blocking your path. Your eyes are everywhere but him, roaming all over his bare tattooed torso. He clicks his tongue, not liking how you are avoiding his eyes. You literally locked your legs around him last night, for fuck’s sake. Nothing to be shy of anymore—well, at least for Nikolai.
With one hand, he seizes your face, tilting it up before he leans closer, catching your lips with his own. You freeze, eyes shut close. You melt almost immediately into his kiss, parting your lips as his tongue slithers inside, sloppily twining with yours.
Lost in the slow burn of your arousal, you barely notice his fingers creeping to your chest, easily undoing your towel. Just when the heaviness drops from your chest, you finally realise what he did and break the kiss, pushing him away, much to his dismay. “A-Ah, n-no!” You turn to grab the towel on the floor, but Nikolai is quick enough to pull you back to him, clashing your back against his chest.
His mouth latches on your shoulders, planting kisses and nibbles—borderline bites—on your skin. You moan breathily, and a high-pitched whimper leaves your mouth when his hand gropes one of your breasts, fondling it, teasing it. “G-God— A-Aah—” Your words are stuck when his naughty fingers pinch and roll your hard nipple, as his other hand travels up to wrap nicely around your neck.
He tightens his grip, your body arches instinctively against him, and you bite your lips hard to subdue another moan when you feel the shape of his dick right behind you.
Oh, fuck.
Nikolai keeps dotting his kisses on your neck, already targeting the spots he had conquered before—all the nicest spots. You squirm, whining loudly when he rolls your sensitive nipple, stimulating the heat that broils in your tummy.
It gets a little overwhelming when the fingers around your neck tighten. Your breath hitches, focus breaking out. You hear his deep chuckle right beside your ear.
“Bathe with me?” He whispers before he kisses the shell of your ear, one hand travelling down. “I’ll clean you up real nice. And I’ll take good care of you forever.”
— ✿
You are lounging by yourself in the living room, watching the television. Nikolai wanted to clean up the bedsheets, and the way he casually told you that just made you more embarrassed than ever.
It is not that you lack experience with this sort of thing, but romance was never a thing in your mind when those past experiences happened. It was always transactional.
Is this what real, normal couples do? Nikolai isn’t normal though…
Your legs are sore, and you just want to lie down some more. But you feel lonely, especially after being so intimate with him who has the tightest hold on your heart. You turn around to look at the hallway and the kitchen, trying to seek him.
As if your mind has summoned him, Nikolai appears out of the laundry room, making a stretch as he walks to grab a bottle of water on the dining table, and drinks it.
“N-Nikolai?”
He looks at you, smiling cutely. “Yes, little dove?” He says as he approaches you and plops down beside you on the sofa. His body is tilted in your direction, and his gaze is piercing your shy ones.
“Can we cuddle…?”
He looks surprised at your innocent request—not to mention, you are looking all adorable with that attempt to be brave. Nikolai chuckles, adjusting his body on the sofa before he extends his hand to you.
“Alright, sweetie. Come here.” He says. You slowly crawl towards him, letting him grab your arm to lead you right onto his lap. Your back is against his chest before he wraps his arms around your body. “You need some hugs, huh?” He teases.
“Well, I’d love that after… you know…” You murmur. He giggles, smooching your neck.
“Mm, I’ll keep that in mind.”
You slowly relax against him, eyes focusing on the drama on the television. The two of you just sit there in serene silence, although sometimes he makes a couple of distasteful comments on how shitty the drama is.
Your fingers trace over his arm, linking them between his own. You turn your head to look at him, only to find that he has been staring at you. Once your gaze locks with him, he smirks. “Have something in mind, sexy?”
“S-Stop calling me that…”
“But you are.”
“Uhm… thank you…”
He laughs again, kissing the top of your head. The number of kisses you receive from him since the past twenty-four hours is tremendous—not good for your heart at all, not good.
“D-Don’t we have something to do today?” You ask. Nikolai hums, closing his eyes as if he is thinking.
But suddenly, you feel his hands travel up to your chest, cupping both of your breasts, squeezing them. You shriek, eyes frantic on his naughty hands and his innocent face. “Wh-What are you doing?!”
“Shh, I’m thinking,” He nods to himself, squeezes your breasts a little firmer. “Thinking very... very hard.”
“This is not— Ngh… You—!” You whimper pathetically. “You pervert…”
He grins; mischief is clear in his face. “Aren’t you just stating the obvious now?” He teases.
“Nikolai…” You grumble, tapping his arm to let you go, but he just keeps touching as he pleases. Nikolai snorts mockingly before he stops moving his hands, but he does not let you go—not yet.
“I’m going out later to get my car.” He says. “Honestly, I prefer it if you stay here because I’ll be dealing with some lowly people. Don’t want you to get hurt.”
“But I wanna come with you.”
Nikolai nods, pursing his lips. “Mmh, called it. Uh… well, no.”
You frown slightly before you look away. “Hmph.”
He blinks profusely before he sighs. “Okay. I’ll bring you. And then we’re gonna go shopping, and you’ll forgive me for offending your childish demands, yeah? Are we good? Is that perfect?”
Your smile appears almost instantly as you nod, excited. Nikolai thinks you probably just manipulated his whole sentiment just by being sulky for a second. Guess he is going to punish you later on or something.
He pats your butt then. “Go get ready. Don’t wear the dress— oh welp… The dress is still very dirty anyway.”
— ✿
“Alright, you wait here.”
As soon as the two of you get out of the taxi, Nikolai leads you to a nearby public park. There are many monuments and a big fountain in the middle of the park. People are around, but mostly are just hanging out. Not everyone is insane enough to work out during winter, despite it being a little sunnier today. The wind is occasionally harsh, though.
“I’ll come pick you up after I’m done.” He says as he looks around, finding a couple of food vendors set up a little further ahead. Nikolai slips his hand into his pocket, taking out some crumpled notes. You happily take them, but your smile drops when you see the accumulated amount is quite small.
“This is not enough. More, more.” You poke his stomach.
“Ow,” Nikolai pouts. “Listen, I’m out of cash right now. I’ll have to pick up some dirty jobs to baby your ass. Give me a break, okay?”
“Hmm, fine.” You shrug as you hold his arm and extend your other hand to show him the panorama of St. Petersburg. “Should I go and seek a job vacancy while you’re gone? Maybe I can find one. I may not look like it, but I’m good at making conversation.”
“You do look like you’re a chatty bird. You chirp chirp chirp until someone gives you bread to shush you.”
“Oh, hehe.” You giggle.
He smiles softly, patting your head. “But sure. Go explore as you please. Don’t go too far and don’t speak with a suspicious-looking person. By the time I’m done, I wanna see you’re still here and not go around fawning people.”
“Yes, sir.” You playfully salute him. He snickers before he turns around and leaves the park. You watch him disappear out of the gate, blending in with the crowd.
You look at the notes in your hands and make your way to the food vendors. Your eyes are sharp, reading and observing the menu and the prices, making calculations in your head.
Damn, not even enough for a potato pirozhki.
“Yes, girl, what do you want?” The vendor asks you immediately after the previous customer leaves.
“Ah. Uh, I want one hot tea, please and thank you.” You say. The vendor nods, tapping things on his cash machine.
“Anything else? Doughnut? Pirozhki?”
“No, thank you.” You make the payment before the vendor prepares it for you. He pours the freshly-brewed hot tea into a paper cup and puts a lid on it before he places the tea on the pick-up counter.
“Sugar and salt in that container.”
You take a couple of packets of sugar and a stirrer before you turn around to leave. However, you immediately bump into someone in your way by accident. You hold the tea firmly, barely looking at the person as you apologise.
You turn your head to the side slightly, a little baffled and relieved that the person does not seem to care about your little mistake. You see a man in white clothes, with a black coat over his shoulder. He is tall—and he does not even look at you.
Guess he does not care.
You leave the area and walk around the park to pass the time. Establishments of shops are a little further than you thought, so you are not going to explore much, lest you risk Nikolai’s displeasure. So you return to a spot in the park where many tables and benches are perched. You take a seat at a table with two seats.
Once you place your tea on the table, you realise there is a built-in checkerboard on the surface. You see a box that is attached to the surface as well. When you open it, you find chess pieces inside. Chess—you do not even know how to play it. You have seen people play it in school, and you used to think that only smart people play such a game.
“Are you waiting for someone?”
A deep, sultry voice greets you from the side. You turn, only to see the same man you bumped into before standing beside you. Black hair reaching his neck, a white ushanka, a white suit, and a long black coat over his lean figure. His skin is pale, and the messiness of his hair makes him look like a walking ghost.
Yet, he looks wise. His gentle voice contrasts with the eeriness of his appearance.
“I-I…”
“May I have a seat for a moment? There’s no spot left for me on the other tables.”
“S-Sure! Sure, sir.” You quickly say, as if you are entranced by his presence. He smiles at you before he takes a seat across. He places a paper bag on the table before he pushes it in your direction. You look at him, baffled. “Huh?”
“I noticed you weren’t buying any food from the vendor. Was it the money that you were concerned with?”
You smile sheepishly. “Yes, hehe.”
He returns your smile with a tender one. “You can take one. I hope you don’t mind a plain doughnut.”
“No, not at all. Thank you so much. And I’m sorry that I bumped into you earlier. I didn’t notice.” You quickly say, already feeling the awkwardness in the air disappearing. You take the paper bag and take out the doughnut from it. It is already going a little cold, most likely because of the air.
“That is fine.” He replies. “Are you alone?”
“No, I’m waiting for my… boyfriend.” You cannot help but grin at the new identity you have given Nikolai. It makes you happy, so you are going to refer to him as such to strangers from now on.
“Is that so? He doesn’t mind leaving you alone in this foreign place?” The man asks.
“Ah, he trusts me enough so… Uhm, how do you know I’m not from here?”
“You just confirmed it.”
You are rendered speechless. What a quick-witted guy, this one. “Let me guess, are you from here then? Because you know much about who is and isn’t from Petersburg.” You grin.
“Close enough, little mouse. I am from Moscow.”
“Moscow isn’t that close.”
“Perhaps. Both are great cities. But Saint Petersburg has been my home, where my stories are written the most.” He says before he looks at the chessboard. “Do you know how to play chess?”
“Uhm, no. I’ve seen people play, but I don’t know the rules. Is it like checkers? Do you know how?”
“It’s a great game to pass the time,” he says. He takes out the chess pieces from the box and arranges both black and white pieces on the board. “There are many rules. Certain pieces must move according to their own rule. But remembering how a piece should move is not hard. Everyone has their predetermined roles in this world after all. Just like these pieces.”
“Oh… so this horse and castle have different rules? Wait, which one is the actual castle?” You ask, holding a rook and a bishop in your hand. The man briefly glances at you with an unfathomable look.
“That is the rook. It moves in a straight line—horizontal and vertical. The other is the bishop. It moves diagonally. That ‘horse’ is called the knight. Well, to make it simple for the likes of you, it moves in the shape of the letter ‘L’. Four squares. And this is the queen, where she can move in a straight and diagonal line. The king can do the same too, but he is only allowed one square per move, unlike the queen. Of course, these pieces can move backwards and towards, just like humans. After all, sometimes in our plan, we should look back to see what we have missed, what path we should have taken.”
“Ergh… Yes, this is really for smart people.” You grumble, watching the guy arrange the pieces for you. You murmur under your breath, repeating and memorising the rules for each piece. “What about these small bald ones?” You point at the row of pieces lining up in front of the fancy-looking ones.
“They are the pawns. They are given the choice to move one or two squares, only in the beginning. They can only move one square ahead in a move. Unless they want to capture another pawn, then you are allowed to make one diagonal move.” He tells you.
“Huh? That’s it? There are so many of them, though. Surely they have other important roles.” You say.
“Pawns are meant to be baits—they are there to open the paths and set the stage.” He looks at you with a thin smile and a dark gaze. “Your turn to make a move first, little mouse.”
“What? Oh— Okay, I guess I’m gonna go easy on you.” You joke as you move a pawn two squares forward. He mirrors your move with a pawn on a square in front of a knight piece. You immediately move another pawn a square ahead, and he finally moves his knight.
“Wait!” You hold a hand up at him. “This is too quick, time out, time out.”
The man looks baffled, a snicker leaves his mouth. “This isn’t a competition. You are allowed to take time. You have to think your next move, and the next, and then the next.”
“Oh, right. I got excited. My boyfriend really likes this sort of board game. But he’s always cheating.” You complain before you finally slow down your eagerness and move the last pawn one square ahead.
“He is able to cheat his way because you have so much trust in him.” The man replies, making a move on his knight.
“Of course. Things get rough sometimes, but I’ve always believed him.”
His purple irises trail up at you, staring hard. Noticing his silence, you look at him, a little nervous. He smiles, though it feels insincere. “What are those beads around your neck? Rosary, I assume.”
You pause, and your hand subconsciously touch the rosary that you wear as a necklace. It was given by Nastasya, a memento from her mother. “Yeah… It’s from a friend…”
“Do you believe in God?”
What.
“Uh, to a degree, I suppose? I-I don’t know…”
“What about your lover?”
Nikolai? You rake through all the memories of your conversation with him as you try to distract yourself from your nervousness by making your move on the chessboard. “He doesn’t seem to be fond of such ideas. I guess free will and God are like antonyms for him.”
“There are many arguments for such rhetoric. Have God determined our path, or have God blessed us with choices? Does free will come from the complexity of human minds, or does it come from God’s will? Are we the chess pieces, or are we those who move them?” He smiles at you. “What do you think, little mouse?”
“Erm…”
Frankly, you do not care. God, free will, evil, good, chicken, egg—honestly, those sound delicious right now—you just want to be able to love and be loved.
But just to be nice and keep the conversation going, you try to form an answer anyway.
“W-What if both of those are not really a thing?”
He looks surprised by your answer. “Elaborate.”
“Ah.” I’m just saying shit. You find yourself raking through your brain, seeking knowledge you learned in school before. And this man looks smart. He talks as if he holds the knowledge of the whole world, as if this land is a novel he can read easily.
“Well, let’s think of it like… what if both of those concepts are just merely manmade and don’t really have that much significance in the next decade? Evolution! Something like that?” You shrug. “Maybe the idea of free will is created because people want to do a lot of things without concerns about many factors. Like… like my boyfriend may want to hurt someone, but he can’t because he doesn’t wanna get into prison. That kind of factor. Maaaybe, the idea of God is created on a similar basis. Because humans need to hold a certain principle to not go crazy. Like, there are a lot of things we can't know about the universe, so sometimes it's comforting to create someone to fulfil that idea. Right? Uh wait! I’m not saying God doesn’t exist—maybe He does for lots of people. L-Like you.”
The man goes silent for a moment. He nods slowly before he extends a hand to the chessboard, moving his queen to trap your king. “Ramblings can form a clearer image of one’s perspective. I appreciate your insights.”
“Oh, you’re very welcome.” You beam, a little proud at whatever words you just jumbled out. “I find this kind of topic a little hard, but you don’t make me feel that bad about it. Hehe.”
“Is that so? You’re very welcome too, little mouse.” He nods before he snickers. “This is a check, by the way.” You finally realise that his queen is just a couple of moves away from capturing your king. You grunt, moving your king away. As if he is toying with you, he wastes his turn to move a rook that is far away from your king.
So you move your pawn ahead. “There..! Hey, this pawn is on your row. Doesn’t this mean I can upgrade it? I saw it when my classmates played it. Don’t you try cheating on me.”
The man glares at the board. “… Yes.”
“Yeay. I’m gonna change it to my queen. Because you ate mine with your horse earlier.” You grin, happily removing the pawn on the last row on the man’s side and placing your queen piece instead. “Now I can protect my king.”
“I withdraw.”
“Huh?”
He gets up from the seat and gives you one last smile. “It was a pleasure to converse with you. Unfortunately, I must leave now.” He says, taking off his ushanka and placing it on his chest. He bows slightly at you, like a gentleman. “I wish you well, little mouse.”
He offers a hand to shake, and you hesitantly grab it. Cold. As if death is just around the corner. He turns around then, leaving you confused about whatever had transpired for the past moment. You stare blankly at the chessboard.
You were just having fun too.
— ✿
“This smells so stale.”
Nikolai scrunches his nose as he is driving around outside of a public park, in search of a parking lot. He makes a mental note to buy a car freshener later. It is just a small car—he does not plan his comfort to be this far. He just needs a car to travel to his death, and that is all.
Now he is about to bring this to a hypermarket, for obvious reasons.
Finally, after about five minutes, he finds an empty parking spot, and he parks his car there. After that, he makes his way into the public park again, trying to find you. Fortunately, he easily spots you at a chess table instead of the bench he left you earlier. He smiles broadly, strolling towards you.
“Hey—”
His smile withers when he notices your sombre face. That face immediately changes when you hear his voice though, but he does not let that fact go.
“Kolya, hello.” You wave at him as he approaches you and sits in the chair across from you. He looks at the table, finding that the pieces are scattered all over, remnants of a recent game. He notices the doughnut too. He knows that with the money he gave you, you could either afford that tea or the doughnut. Not both.
“What happened?”
“Hm?”
“Something happened to you. Tell me.”
“Nothing bad happened, I promise!” You say quickly. Your expression looks innocent though. “Just, there was a guy, and we chatted, and he taught me how to chess.” You explain.
“A guy? What guy?” Nikolai frowns. Could it be Ivan? That is a little impossible because Ivan got off at Moscow yesterday. Unless he was bullshitting—which is more likely—then it is plausible that you were talking with Ivan. However, you look like you are not disturbed compared to when Ivan was being a creep back in the train.
Pushkin? Hell no. That guy looks suspicious from the get-go. You know better than to talk to him freely.
“Kolya, don’t get angry, but…” You grimace, munching the doughnut. “I forgot to ask his name.”
“It’s great that you didn’t know his name. I might have sought him and killed him in front of you.”
“Yeah. Wait, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I’ll kill people.”
“Nikolai, that’s not nice. Why don’t we just work together in a convenience store? You’re so strong and so muscular, you can carry two boxes at once!”
Nikolai makes a disgusted face, shaking his head. “Do you know how much money I can get from doing one dirty job? More than a monthly salary as a cashier, that’s for sure. And thanks for the compliment, yes, I did notice that.”
“Hey, doesn’t that mean you can actually give me more cash for something to eat?” You grunt, pointing your finger at his face, almost touching his nose. “You’re stingy with money. Bad boy.”
He glances at it before he smirks and licks your finger.
“H-Hey!”
You retract your hand quickly, looking at him in disbelief. He giggles, resting his chin on his hand that is propped on the table. “Come on. What’s that face for? I literally lick your pu—”
“S-Shut up…!”
“And you literally squeezed my head with your thighs—”
“Nikolai Gogol!”
“You also locked my whole ass when I was—”
Immediately, you grab his face, pulling him close before you slam your lips on his.
It works.
Eyes widen, frozen. You shut him up successfully.
— ✿
Night has been the time when you look forward to the most ever since Nikolai took you in.
You used to not really get excited when the moon went up in the sky. Mostly it was because of your old job. But then, Nikolai came into the picture.
He used to leave for ‘work’ during the post-midnight hours—you looked forward to watching him getting ready for whatever Viktor told him to do hours before.
Olga used to hold you back for the late-night shift—so you looked forward to the moment he came to fetch you home.
The couch in the living room used to be his bed, until he warmed up to you—you looked forward to the hour he got onto the same bed, lying next to you.
And for (very obvious) reasons undeniable to your heart, you are also looking forward for tonight.
There is no promise being made, though. No plans were being suggested. He did not even bring it up when you were submerged in the bathtub with him this morning. He really just cleaned you up and sat in peace with you in the water mixed with cheap soap—though he made multiple inappropriate touches on your body occasionally.
But when the sun goes down, your mind creeps into its dark corner, repeating events that happened last night. You had felt you were getting nervous when you left the hypermarket with him, and realised that it was getting dark. You stole glances at him, secretly hoping that he would start the move first. At some point, you tried to hint at something by squeezing his arm harder, but of course, he just looked at you with his adorable eyes.
It kinda baffles you that a man in his 30s can look cute like that. Or maybe love is blind.
“Why am I acting like this…” You mutter to yourself, bringing your knees close to your body. You have been hiding in the laundry room—your first-ever safe room in this house—because your thoughts are getting a little overwhelming. Maybe you have lost your mind when you felt something was ignited within you just because you saw him rolling his sleeves up to unload bottles of drinks into the fridge.
“Okay. Okay, stay normal. Stay good, me.” You tap your own cheeks before you lift yourself to finally get out of the room. However, your body is barely up when you suddenly hear his faint voice calling your name.
“Hey~ where are you~?”
You freeze, mouth immediately pressed together to keep quiet. You return to sit on the floor, watching the door and hearing his voice from the outside.
“I know you’re there~” Nikolai chimes, and he sounds a little close. He is probably in the kitchen now. “Boo! Huh? No?”
Did he just try to spook you wherever he thought you were hiding? The confidence is quite funny.
“Hey! Where are you? Are you running away from me?” His voice echoes in the house again. You find yourself flinching at his sudden loud yell, despite the fact that there is no anger in his tone. He does sound a little annoyed though.
You do not want to make him pissed—although seeing him reacting to your naughtiness has been one of your favourite things to do—so you finally get up from the floor. But you hesitate again when his sudden silence sends an alarm to your head and chills all over your skin.
Why is he quiet? Is he angry?
You slowly open the door and peek outside, only to find that your surroundings are empty. You thread nervously to the living room, eyes still looking back and ahead, trying to seek him. But the jester disappears into thin air, it seems. Like magic.
“Hey.”
Calm voice. But it sounds so close.
“I also love a little cat and mouse game.”
Behind—?
You turn your head around, surprised to see Nikolai standing right behind you. You could not even process what happened—when did he appear, because you swear he is not behind you—as he hugs you from behind, arms holding you close.
“Aah—!”
“You know, little dove? This isn’t my first rodeo.” He says right beside your ear. “You enjoyed it too, huh? Otherwise, you wouldn’t be that quiet. I knew you’re in there—the closed door is enough of an answer. You could’ve just yelled ‘Come and fetch me’, and we could have a lot of fun.”
“Did you wish I had come after you like this when I kidnapped you? Hm? You know if you wanted to get chased, you could’ve just told me.” His lips brush over your neck. “I can set the stage for you. Where is it? The forest? The dark street of Peters? A haunted house? I have my favourite too, if you’d like that.”
You shudder, whining as you try to wiggle your way out. Nikolai chuckles, clearly enjoying his torment over you. He finally lets go of you, and you quickly move away from him, hands clutching your heart.
“Poor girl.” He grins, despite his words holding no sincerity. He sits down on the sofa, legs spread, one arm over the cushions and the other rests down. He pats his thigh, and you shyly place yourself on him, holding him. He smiles, tracing his knuckles over your face. “Why were you hiding, love? Are you scared of me?”
“No… Not at all. I just… It’s uh… I couldn’t think straight so I just— I’m kinda finding my comfort there.”
“So I’m no longer a comfort for you?”
You quickly shake your head. “That’s literally not what I meant. I just… If I tell you, you’re gonna ridicule me, and mock me, and bully me, and—”
“Oh my, someone’s a little angry at me.” He cackles. “I’m not gonna do that, sweetheart. But I like that face of yours when you’re all sulky. Makes me want to eat you up.” He kisses your forehead as a tiny apology. “So? What is it?”
You stare hard at his chest before you nervously look into his eyes. But you find yourself averting your own a little too quickly. “I just… I can’t stop thinking about it.”
He stays silent.
You cling your arms around his neck, sheepishly gaze at him. “Can we… do it again? If it’s not tonight, it’s okay too. Maybe someday, we do it..?”
“What ‘it’?”
“Y-You know what I mean, Nikolai…”
“Mm-mm, I don’t understand you if you keep being vague, dolly.” He smirks, full on intention. And he does not even bother to hide his faux confusion. Nikolai’s hand squeezes your side a little harder. “Speak clearly.”
Truthfully, he is quite interested in whatever synonym you might come up with just to avoid the word ‘sex’. You have a quirk in being out of pocket at times. Who knows, maybe your lascivious mind can create a fun, innovative word. A regular synonym works too—lovemaking, devil’s tango, intercourse—shit, he can even expect you to say ‘mating’.
“Kolya…”
“Yes?” Oh, I’m so excited to hear it.
“C-Can— Can you f-fuck me?”
His brain just explodes, probably. The wires in his neurons are shut down. Nikolai lets out a breathy chuckle before he cups your face, bringing you close.
“I think,” He softly kisses your lips. “I’m starting to get obsessed with you.”
He kisses you again, deeper this time. His tongue slides between your teeth, tangling with yours. He crawls his hands all over your body, groping your chest before he grips your hips, moving them back and forth against his hardening boner.
Your moan shatters out from your throat, before you break the kiss, holding his face. Nikolai is already blushing hard, eyes dark and sharp on you. You bite your lips, humping his clothed dick as he continues to pepper his kisses on your neck, tickling your erogenous spots. His hands are roaming all over your body, already slipping into your shirt, massaging everything under.
“Kolya…” You whisper his name softly, beside his ear, as your hands travel down his body, touching and feeling the muscles that shape his figure before you tug on the waistband of his sweatpants. Your fingers slip inside his shirt, tracing soft hairs leading downward.
“Ooh… f-fuck…” He hisses. Through his hazy gaze, he looks at you and tugs on your shorts. “Take these all off, baby.”
“O-Okay…” You move to the side a little bit, just enough for you to take off your shorts, revealing your light blue panties—adorned with scattered navy tiny hearts. Nikolai stares for more than necessary—he remembers buying that for you when you begged him for extra clothes during your hostage period.
“Mm, is she excited yet?” He teases, running his knuckle against the middle of your panties. You let out a small yelp out of surprise before your movement hastens. Nikolai looks up, finally seeing that you are also taking off your shirt—he did not tell you to do so, but he will not be telling you to stop now.
More for his eyes to feast.
“Aren’t you a cute girl?” He smirks, pulling you by your hips to sit on him again. He leans forward, giving a soft kiss on the mound of your breast. With a gentle guide, he thrusts up slightly to adjust his position, letting his boner meet your pussy. He shamelessly moans your name, placing his mouth on your neck again to kiss more.
You whine softly, humping him. You hold his face, pulling him away from your neck, just to kiss his lips. A delighted groan thunders from his throat, enjoying that you are getting encouraged to initiate things now. Your hands travel from his face to his hair, before you move them down his body to shyly palm his dick through his pants. He is already hard—a clear tent.
Nikolai breaks the kiss, staring at you with a naughty grin. “You want it, baby?”
“Mm-hm…”
“Use me, then.” He kisses your lips briefly. “I’m all yours.”
Heat broils deep within you, burning all over your skin. You tug his waistband down, and he helps by lifting his hips for you. Hasty and excited, your effort sends warmth right into his head. Nikolai starts to breathe a little heavier, already flushing like crazy. Sweat forms on his skin as he keeps swallowing his own saliva—an attempt to satiate, especially when your fingers are wrapping around his girth, jerking him.
“Fuck…!” He moans loudly, throwing his head back. With his sweaty neck in your view, you bravely kiss his neck and give tiny licks on his skin. Your hand diligently strokes him, already slick with his arousal. Nikolai chuckles breathily, one hand on the back of your head as his other hand gropes your ass. He moves his hand from your ass to touch your pussy, teasing your sensitive clit. Already, your panties are wet.
He pushes the fabric to the side, and his hand that is on the back of your head pulls on your hair, breaking your lips from nibbling his skin. “Come on, little dove, you’re killing me here.” He begs. A hint of shyness is still on your face as you nod and adjust yourself above him. With a slight shakiness, you lower yourself down on his cock, filling your inside.
“A-Aanh…!”
Nikolai curses under his breath, holding your body close as his cock is buried deep inside your cunt. You are already moving, grinding your hips desperately. He whimpers slightly, biting his lips as his hazy eyes watch how your pussy is taking him in every time you bounce on his dick.
Kisses exchanged, and both of your lusts are rushing up—exhilarating. Your moans are getting louder, accompanied by his own lewd noises. He keeps inciting you, hands all over your body. You whimper; your movement is staggering. Nikolai chuckles, one hand slips down to rub your clit, inciting you.
“Come on, dolly. Be a good girl for me,” He smooches your skin, his grin broadens as he watches you move again, putting the work to reach your climax. “There…” He puts a little more pressure on your bundle of nerves, as another hand guides your hips. “There you go, atta girl.”
“Aah…! Hmm…!” You whine, pelvis trembles as your move hastens. Your body feels incredibly warm inside, and you sweat profusely, tremoring with overwhelming pleasure. “Haa—! K-Kolya— Aah~!” You wrap your arms around him tightly, practically pulling him close to you as your body stills on top of him. Your thighs quiver as your mushy walls contract around his dick.
Nikolai lifts his face—almost suffocated on your cleavage, although such a death is not a bad choice—and cackles as he watches you through your climax. Your body is warm, moulded perfectly for him to embrace.
“Kolya— Ah!” You yelp again when he suddenly hooks both of your thighs with his arms, quickly laying you down on the sofa. His dick slips out, but he hurries to slide back in, making you whimper at the slight sting out of the sensitiveness in your core. Your body arches as his hand slithers from your pussy to your tummy, up to your chest and wraps nicely around your neck. He tightens his grip, bringing his lips down to your ear. You moan in bliss.
“Don’t sleep now, little dove. I need you to keep up with me.”
➛ cw: general content in main menu, smut, dubcon, religious theme, obsessive and possessive behaviour, unprotected s-ex | words: 7.1k
➛ ao3 | playlist | main menu
“Shit.”
Nikolai sighs into the tiny face towel for the umpteenth time before he places it on the porcelain, resting both his hands on the edges of the sink. He has been standing and contemplating life for a while now. The towel is hanging low around his waist, and his skin is still flushed from whatever had transpired last night.
The conscience is getting to him. Sanity and rationale are clouding him.
What the hell was I thinking?
Well, he was not thinking at all last night, that is for sure. On a second note—perhaps he did think. He thought of ways that could make you lose your mind. And you did—he literally fucked you to sleep.
Truthfully, he was not getting enough sleep. He forced himself to be up after a post-nut clarity nap and distracted himself to clean you up. A half-assed effort, to be honest. He wiped you clean, and you were barely awake when he took off your dress and bra that were still clinging to your body, gave a couple of gropes here and there.
Nikolai sighs again. He thinks again—does he really want to avoid this, when he felt so much delight and thrill?
No, of course not. He wants you. He has been wanting you. Maybe this surging feeling that he buried all these moments is the one driving his madness.
“But Nikolai, if you think that the answer to total free will is death, why not… die with a smile? Must you cry? Were those little unimportant joys you felt no better than agony?”
Your questions back then echo in his mind. Happiness, unimportant joys—as much as he hates it as it is just a fragment of what he has been trying to refuse for most of his life. But unfortunately, his human brain does feel better with them than agony.
“Man… I’m becoming mad.” He murmurs to himself before he turns to the bathtub and begins filling it up with warm water. Then he takes a tiny bottle of shower gel—he took this from the motel, the complimentary one—and squeezes out everything into the water. It barely bubbles, but it smells nice—apple and spice.
“Urm…”
Nikolai turns his head to the door, eyes wide.
“G-Good morning…”
Your figure is peeking through the gap between the door and the frame. He can see you have your own towel wrapped around your naked body. Your hair is untidy, and he notices all the marks he created on your skin.
Goodness, he thinks he has become a little too obsessed with how messy you look. And your mere presence is enough to dissipate that clouded rationale he has in mind. Now Nikolai thinks a little deeper—would it not be more insane if he just adores you more unconventionally, hence denying the normality of what the brainwashed would call ‘healthy love’?
He smirks then. “Good morning, sexy.”
You are surprised by his reply, and you quickly hide your shy face behind the door. Then you take a peek at him again. “Good morning…” You repeat, presumably because your brain suddenly stops working properly.
“Yes, it’s a very good morning.” Nikolai chuckles. “What do you want?”
“I-I felt very sticky, so I wanna wash myself— Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, uhm. I-I mean… I mean, I w-wanted to use the bathroom. I didn’t realise you were… inside.”
“Did you now?”
“Y-Yes…! I didn’t know.” You quickly say. “A-Are you going to take a while…?”
“You can use it if you want. Shower’s empty.”
You finally look at him, relief washes over your face. “Oh, thank you so much.” You smile at him, expecting him to make a move to leave the bathroom. But he just stares at you, with that same gaze he gave you last night. Your heart warms up, beating faster. “Are you not gonna… come out?”
“You come in.”
Nikolai wants to laugh at your shocked face and puzzled noise. Your lips are moving, but only bits of words came out—unintelligible. You shake your head, and his smile drops slightly. He is not going to just let you leave him—no, no, you were the one who told him to not leave you alone.
Don’t back away now.
I can’t get out of this anymore.
So he approaches closer, stops by the sink and slips his hand into the fabric of the face towel that was left earlier. He dives deeper into his dimension. His detached hand appears right at the door, pulling it wide open. Your eyes widen as he grabs your arm and drags you into the bathroom with him. He catches you, wrapping his arm around your waist.
“There, isn’t that easy?” He teases, tilting your body so your back is against the sink, and placing his hand beside you so his body is blocking your path. Your eyes are everywhere but him, roaming all over his bare tattooed torso. He clicks his tongue, not liking how you are avoiding his eyes. You literally locked your legs around him last night, for fuck’s sake. Nothing to be shy of anymore—well, at least for Nikolai.
With one hand, he seizes your face, tilting it up before he leans closer, catching your lips with his own. You freeze, eyes shut close. You melt almost immediately into his kiss, parting your lips as his tongue slithers inside, sloppily twining with yours.
Lost in the slow burn of your arousal, you barely notice his fingers creeping to your chest, easily undoing your towel. Just when the heaviness drops from your chest, you finally realise what he did and break the kiss, pushing him away, much to his dismay. “A-Ah, n-no!” You turn to grab the towel on the floor, but Nikolai is quick enough to pull you back to him, clashing your back against his chest.
His mouth latches on your shoulders, planting kisses and nibbles—borderline bites—on your skin. You moan breathily, and a high-pitched whimper leaves your mouth when his hand gropes one of your breasts, fondling it, teasing it. “G-God— A-Aah—” Your words are stuck when his naughty fingers pinch and roll your hard nipple, as his other hand travels up to wrap nicely around your neck.
He tightens his grip, your body arches instinctively against him, and you bite your lips hard to subdue another moan when you feel the shape of his dick right behind you.
Oh, fuck.
Nikolai keeps dotting his kisses on your neck, already targeting the spots he had conquered before—all the nicest spots. You squirm, whining loudly when he rolls your sensitive nipple, stimulating the heat that broils in your tummy.
It gets a little overwhelming when the fingers around your neck tighten. Your breath hitches, focus breaking out. You hear his deep chuckle right beside your ear.
“Bathe with me?” He whispers before he kisses the shell of your ear, one hand travelling down. “I’ll clean you up real nice. And I’ll take good care of you forever.”
— ✿
You are lounging by yourself in the living room, watching the television. Nikolai wanted to clean up the bedsheets, and the way he casually told you that just made you more embarrassed than ever.
It is not that you lack experience with this sort of thing, but romance was never a thing in your mind when those past experiences happened. It was always transactional.
Is this what real, normal couples do? Nikolai isn’t normal though…
Your legs are sore, and you just want to lie down some more. But you feel lonely, especially after being so intimate with him who has the tightest hold on your heart. You turn around to look at the hallway and the kitchen, trying to seek him.
As if your mind has summoned him, Nikolai appears out of the laundry room, making a stretch as he walks to grab a bottle of water on the dining table, and drinks it.
“N-Nikolai?”
He looks at you, smiling cutely. “Yes, little dove?” He says as he approaches you and plops down beside you on the sofa. His body is tilted in your direction, and his gaze is piercing your shy ones.
“Can we cuddle…?”
He looks surprised at your innocent request—not to mention, you are looking all adorable with that attempt to be brave. Nikolai chuckles, adjusting his body on the sofa before he extends his hand to you.
“Alright, sweetie. Come here.” He says. You slowly crawl towards him, letting him grab your arm to lead you right onto his lap. Your back is against his chest before he wraps his arms around your body. “You need some hugs, huh?” He teases.
“Well, I’d love that after… you know…” You murmur. He giggles, smooching your neck.
“Mm, I’ll keep that in mind.”
You slowly relax against him, eyes focusing on the drama on the television. The two of you just sit there in serene silence, although sometimes he makes a couple of distasteful comments on how shitty the drama is.
Your fingers trace over his arm, linking them between his own. You turn your head to look at him, only to find that he has been staring at you. Once your gaze locks with him, he smirks. “Have something in mind, sexy?”
“S-Stop calling me that…”
“But you are.”
“Uhm… thank you…”
He laughs again, kissing the top of your head. The number of kisses you receive from him since the past twenty-four hours is tremendous—not good for your heart at all, not good.
“D-Don’t we have something to do today?” You ask. Nikolai hums, closing his eyes as if he is thinking.
But suddenly, you feel his hands travel up to your chest, cupping both of your breasts, squeezing them. You shriek, eyes frantic on his naughty hands and his innocent face. “Wh-What are you doing?!”
“Shh, I’m thinking,” He nods to himself, squeezes your breasts a little firmer. “Thinking very... very hard.”
“This is not— Ngh… You—!” You whimper pathetically. “You pervert…”
He grins; mischief is clear in his face. “Aren’t you just stating the obvious now?” He teases.
“Nikolai…” You grumble, tapping his arm to let you go, but he just keeps touching as he pleases. Nikolai snorts mockingly before he stops moving his hands, but he does not let you go—not yet.
“I’m going out later to get my car.” He says. “Honestly, I prefer it if you stay here because I’ll be dealing with some lowly people. Don’t want you to get hurt.”
“But I wanna come with you.”
Nikolai nods, pursing his lips. “Mmh, called it. Uh… well, no.”
You frown slightly before you look away. “Hmph.”
He blinks profusely before he sighs. “Okay. I’ll bring you. And then we’re gonna go shopping, and you’ll forgive me for offending your childish demands, yeah? Are we good? Is that perfect?”
Your smile appears almost instantly as you nod, excited. Nikolai thinks you probably just manipulated his whole sentiment just by being sulky for a second. Guess he is going to punish you later on or something.
He pats your butt then. “Go get ready. Don’t wear the dress— oh welp… The dress is still very dirty anyway.”
— ✿
“Alright, you wait here.”
As soon as the two of you get out of the taxi, Nikolai leads you to a nearby public park. There are many monuments and a big fountain in the middle of the park. People are around, but mostly are just hanging out. Not everyone is insane enough to work out during winter, despite it being a little sunnier today. The wind is occasionally harsh, though.
“I’ll come pick you up after I’m done.” He says as he looks around, finding a couple of food vendors set up a little further ahead. Nikolai slips his hand into his pocket, taking out some crumpled notes. You happily take them, but your smile drops when you see the accumulated amount is quite small.
“This is not enough. More, more.” You poke his stomach.
“Ow,” Nikolai pouts. “Listen, I’m out of cash right now. I’ll have to pick up some dirty jobs to baby your ass. Give me a break, okay?”
“Hmm, fine.” You shrug as you hold his arm and extend your other hand to show him the panorama of St. Petersburg. “Should I go and seek a job vacancy while you’re gone? Maybe I can find one. I may not look like it, but I’m good at making conversation.”
“You do look like you’re a chatty bird. You chirp chirp chirp until someone gives you bread to shush you.”
“Oh, hehe.” You giggle.
He smiles softly, patting your head. “But sure. Go explore as you please. Don’t go too far and don’t speak with a suspicious-looking person. By the time I’m done, I wanna see you’re still here and not go around fawning people.”
“Yes, sir.” You playfully salute him. He snickers before he turns around and leaves the park. You watch him disappear out of the gate, blending in with the crowd.
You look at the notes in your hands and make your way to the food vendors. Your eyes are sharp, reading and observing the menu and the prices, making calculations in your head.
Damn, not even enough for a potato pirozhki.
“Yes, girl, what do you want?” The vendor asks you immediately after the previous customer leaves.
“Ah. Uh, I want one hot tea, please and thank you.” You say. The vendor nods, tapping things on his cash machine.
“Anything else? Doughnut? Pirozhki?”
“No, thank you.” You make the payment before the vendor prepares it for you. He pours the freshly-brewed hot tea into a paper cup and puts a lid on it before he places the tea on the pick-up counter.
“Sugar and salt in that container.”
You take a couple of packets of sugar and a stirrer before you turn around to leave. However, you immediately bump into someone in your way by accident. You hold the tea firmly, barely looking at the person as you apologise.
You turn your head to the side slightly, a little baffled and relieved that the person does not seem to care about your little mistake. You see a man in white clothes, with a black coat over his shoulder. He is tall—and he does not even look at you.
Guess he does not care.
You leave the area and walk around the park to pass the time. Establishments of shops are a little further than you thought, so you are not going to explore much, lest you risk Nikolai’s displeasure. So you return to a spot in the park where many tables and benches are perched. You take a seat at a table with two seats.
Once you place your tea on the table, you realise there is a built-in checkerboard on the surface. You see a box that is attached to the surface as well. When you open it, you find chess pieces inside. Chess—you do not even know how to play it. You have seen people play it in school, and you used to think that only smart people play such a game.
“Are you waiting for someone?”
A deep, sultry voice greets you from the side. You turn, only to see the same man you bumped into before standing beside you. Black hair reaching his neck, a white ushanka, a white suit, and a long black coat over his lean figure. His skin is pale, and the messiness of his hair makes him look like a walking ghost.
Yet, he looks wise. His gentle voice contrasts with the eeriness of his appearance.
“I-I…”
“May I have a seat for a moment? There’s no spot left for me on the other tables.”
“S-Sure! Sure, sir.” You quickly say, as if you are entranced by his presence. He smiles at you before he takes a seat across. He places a paper bag on the table before he pushes it in your direction. You look at him, baffled. “Huh?”
“I noticed you weren’t buying any food from the vendor. Was it the money that you were concerned with?”
You smile sheepishly. “Yes, hehe.”
He returns your smile with a tender one. “You can take one. I hope you don’t mind a plain doughnut.”
“No, not at all. Thank you so much. And I’m sorry that I bumped into you earlier. I didn’t notice.” You quickly say, already feeling the awkwardness in the air disappearing. You take the paper bag and take out the doughnut from it. It is already going a little cold, most likely because of the air.
“That is fine.” He replies. “Are you alone?”
“No, I’m waiting for my… boyfriend.” You cannot help but grin at the new identity you have given Nikolai. It makes you happy, so you are going to refer to him as such to strangers from now on.
“Is that so? He doesn’t mind leaving you alone in this foreign place?” The man asks.
“Ah, he trusts me enough so… Uhm, how do you know I’m not from here?”
“You just confirmed it.”
You are rendered speechless. What a quick-witted guy, this one. “Let me guess, are you from here then? Because you know much about who is and isn’t from Petersburg.” You grin.
“Close enough, little mouse. I am from Moscow.”
“Moscow isn’t that close.”
“Perhaps. Both are great cities. But Saint Petersburg has been my home, where my stories are written the most.” He says before he looks at the chessboard. “Do you know how to play chess?”
“Uhm, no. I’ve seen people play, but I don’t know the rules. Is it like checkers? Do you know how?”
“It’s a great game to pass the time,” he says. He takes out the chess pieces from the box and arranges both black and white pieces on the board. “There are many rules. Certain pieces must move according to their own rule. But remembering how a piece should move is not hard. Everyone has their predetermined roles in this world after all. Just like these pieces.”
“Oh… so this horse and castle have different rules? Wait, which one is the actual castle?” You ask, holding a rook and a bishop in your hand. The man briefly glances at you with an unfathomable look.
“That is the rook. It moves in a straight line—horizontal and vertical. The other is the bishop. It moves diagonally. That ‘horse’ is called the knight. Well, to make it simple for the likes of you, it moves in the shape of the letter ‘L’. Four squares. And this is the queen, where she can move in a straight and diagonal line. The king can do the same too, but he is only allowed one square per move, unlike the queen. Of course, these pieces can move backwards and towards, just like humans. After all, sometimes in our plan, we should look back to see what we have missed, what path we should have taken.”
“Ergh… Yes, this is really for smart people.” You grumble, watching the guy arrange the pieces for you. You murmur under your breath, repeating and memorising the rules for each piece. “What about these small bald ones?” You point at the row of pieces lining up in front of the fancy-looking ones.
“They are the pawns. They are given the choice to move one or two squares, only in the beginning. They can only move one square ahead in a move. Unless they want to capture another pawn, then you are allowed to make one diagonal move.” He tells you.
“Huh? That’s it? There are so many of them, though. Surely they have other important roles.” You say.
“Pawns are meant to be baits—they are there to open the paths and set the stage.” He looks at you with a thin smile and a dark gaze. “Your turn to make a move first, little mouse.”
“What? Oh— Okay, I guess I’m gonna go easy on you.” You joke as you move a pawn two squares forward. He mirrors your move with a pawn on a square in front of a knight piece. You immediately move another pawn a square ahead, and he finally moves his knight.
“Wait!” You hold a hand up at him. “This is too quick, time out, time out.”
The man looks baffled, a snicker leaves his mouth. “This isn’t a competition. You are allowed to take time. You have to think your next move, and the next, and then the next.”
“Oh, right. I got excited. My boyfriend really likes this sort of board game. But he’s always cheating.” You complain before you finally slow down your eagerness and move the last pawn one square ahead.
“He is able to cheat his way because you have so much trust in him.” The man replies, making a move on his knight.
“Of course. Things get rough sometimes, but I’ve always believed him.”
His purple irises trail up at you, staring hard. Noticing his silence, you look at him, a little nervous. He smiles, though it feels insincere. “What are those beads around your neck? Rosary, I assume.”
You pause, and your hand subconsciously touch the rosary that you wear as a necklace. It was given by Nastasya, a memento from her mother. “Yeah… It’s from a friend…”
“Do you believe in God?”
What.
“Uh, to a degree, I suppose? I-I don’t know…”
“What about your lover?”
Nikolai? You rake through all the memories of your conversation with him as you try to distract yourself from your nervousness by making your move on the chessboard. “He doesn’t seem to be fond of such ideas. I guess free will and God are like antonyms for him.”
“There are many arguments for such rhetoric. Have God determined our path, or have God blessed us with choices? Does free will come from the complexity of human minds, or does it come from God’s will? Are we the chess pieces, or are we those who move them?” He smiles at you. “What do you think, little mouse?”
“Erm…”
Frankly, you do not care. God, free will, evil, good, chicken, egg—honestly, those sound delicious right now—you just want to be able to love and be loved.
But just to be nice and keep the conversation going, you try to form an answer anyway.
“W-What if both of those are not really a thing?”
He looks surprised by your answer. “Elaborate.”
“Ah.” I’m just saying shit. You find yourself raking through your brain, seeking knowledge you learned in school before. And this man looks smart. He talks as if he holds the knowledge of the whole world, as if this land is a novel he can read easily.
“Well, let’s think of it like… what if both of those concepts are just merely manmade and don’t really have that much significance in the next decade? Evolution! Something like that?” You shrug. “Maybe the idea of free will is created because people want to do a lot of things without concerns about many factors. Like… like my boyfriend may want to hurt someone, but he can’t because he doesn’t wanna get into prison. That kind of factor. Maaaybe, the idea of God is created on a similar basis. Because humans need to hold a certain principle to not go crazy. Like, there are a lot of things we can't know about the universe, so sometimes it's comforting to create someone to fulfil that idea. Right? Uh wait! I’m not saying God doesn’t exist—maybe He does for lots of people. L-Like you.”
The man goes silent for a moment. He nods slowly before he extends a hand to the chessboard, moving his queen to trap your king. “Ramblings can form a clearer image of one’s perspective. I appreciate your insights.”
“Oh, you’re very welcome.” You beam, a little proud at whatever words you just jumbled out. “I find this kind of topic a little hard, but you don’t make me feel that bad about it. Hehe.”
“Is that so? You’re very welcome too, little mouse.” He nods before he snickers. “This is a check, by the way.” You finally realise that his queen is just a couple of moves away from capturing your king. You grunt, moving your king away. As if he is toying with you, he wastes his turn to move a rook that is far away from your king.
So you move your pawn ahead. “There..! Hey, this pawn is on your row. Doesn’t this mean I can upgrade it? I saw it when my classmates played it. Don’t you try cheating on me.”
The man glares at the board. “… Yes.”
“Yeay. I’m gonna change it to my queen. Because you ate mine with your horse earlier.” You grin, happily removing the pawn on the last row on the man’s side and placing your queen piece instead. “Now I can protect my king.”
“I withdraw.”
“Huh?”
He gets up from the seat and gives you one last smile. “It was a pleasure to converse with you. Unfortunately, I must leave now.” He says, taking off his ushanka and placing it on his chest. He bows slightly at you, like a gentleman. “I wish you well, little mouse.”
He offers a hand to shake, and you hesitantly grab it. Cold. As if death is just around the corner. He turns around then, leaving you confused about whatever had transpired for the past moment. You stare blankly at the chessboard.
You were just having fun too.
— ✿
“This smells so stale.”
Nikolai scrunches his nose as he is driving around outside of a public park, in search of a parking lot. He makes a mental note to buy a car freshener later. It is just a small car—he does not plan his comfort to be this far. He just needs a car to travel to his death, and that is all.
Now he is about to bring this to a hypermarket, for obvious reasons.
Finally, after about five minutes, he finds an empty parking spot, and he parks his car there. After that, he makes his way into the public park again, trying to find you. Fortunately, he easily spots you at a chess table instead of the bench he left you earlier. He smiles broadly, strolling towards you.
“Hey—”
His smile withers when he notices your sombre face. That face immediately changes when you hear his voice though, but he does not let that fact go.
“Kolya, hello.” You wave at him as he approaches you and sits in the chair across from you. He looks at the table, finding that the pieces are scattered all over, remnants of a recent game. He notices the doughnut too. He knows that with the money he gave you, you could either afford that tea or the doughnut. Not both.
“What happened?”
“Hm?”
“Something happened to you. Tell me.”
“Nothing bad happened, I promise!” You say quickly. Your expression looks innocent though. “Just, there was a guy, and we chatted, and he taught me how to chess.” You explain.
“A guy? What guy?” Nikolai frowns. Could it be Ivan? That is a little impossible because Ivan got off at Moscow yesterday. Unless he was bullshitting—which is more likely—then it is plausible that you were talking with Ivan. However, you look like you are not disturbed compared to when Ivan was being a creep back in the train.
Pushkin? Hell no. That guy looks suspicious from the get-go. You know better than to talk to him freely.
“Kolya, don’t get angry, but…” You grimace, munching the doughnut. “I forgot to ask his name.”
“It’s great that you didn’t know his name. I might have sought him and killed him in front of you.”
“Yeah. Wait, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I’ll kill people.”
“Nikolai, that’s not nice. Why don’t we just work together in a convenience store? You’re so strong and so muscular, you can carry two boxes at once!”
Nikolai makes a disgusted face, shaking his head. “Do you know how much money I can get from doing one dirty job? More than a monthly salary as a cashier, that’s for sure. And thanks for the compliment, yes, I did notice that.”
“Hey, doesn’t that mean you can actually give me more cash for something to eat?” You grunt, pointing your finger at his face, almost touching his nose. “You’re stingy with money. Bad boy.”
He glances at it before he smirks and licks your finger.
“H-Hey!”
You retract your hand quickly, looking at him in disbelief. He giggles, resting his chin on his hand that is propped on the table. “Come on. What’s that face for? I literally lick your pu—”
“S-Shut up…!”
“And you literally squeezed my head with your thighs—”
“Nikolai Gogol!”
“You also locked my whole ass when I was—”
Immediately, you grab his face, pulling him close before you slam your lips on his.
It works.
Eyes widen, frozen. You shut him up successfully.
— ✿
Night has been the time when you look forward to the most ever since Nikolai took you in.
You used to not really get excited when the moon went up in the sky. Mostly it was because of your old job. But then, Nikolai came into the picture.
He used to leave for ‘work’ during the post-midnight hours—you looked forward to watching him getting ready for whatever Viktor told him to do hours before.
Olga used to hold you back for the late-night shift—so you looked forward to the moment he came to fetch you home.
The couch in the living room used to be his bed, until he warmed up to you—you looked forward to the hour he got onto the same bed, lying next to you.
And for (very obvious) reasons undeniable to your heart, you are also looking forward for tonight.
There is no promise being made, though. No plans were being suggested. He did not even bring it up when you were submerged in the bathtub with him this morning. He really just cleaned you up and sat in peace with you in the water mixed with cheap soap—though he made multiple inappropriate touches on your body occasionally.
But when the sun goes down, your mind creeps into its dark corner, repeating events that happened last night. You had felt you were getting nervous when you left the hypermarket with him, and realised that it was getting dark. You stole glances at him, secretly hoping that he would start the move first. At some point, you tried to hint at something by squeezing his arm harder, but of course, he just looked at you with his adorable eyes.
It kinda baffles you that a man in his 30s can look cute like that. Or maybe love is blind.
“Why am I acting like this…” You mutter to yourself, bringing your knees close to your body. You have been hiding in the laundry room—your first-ever safe room in this house—because your thoughts are getting a little overwhelming. Maybe you have lost your mind when you felt something was ignited within you just because you saw him rolling his sleeves up to unload bottles of drinks into the fridge.
“Okay. Okay, stay normal. Stay good, me.” You tap your own cheeks before you lift yourself to finally get out of the room. However, your body is barely up when you suddenly hear his faint voice calling your name.
“Hey~ where are you~?”
You freeze, mouth immediately pressed together to keep quiet. You return to sit on the floor, watching the door and hearing his voice from the outside.
“I know you’re there~” Nikolai chimes, and he sounds a little close. He is probably in the kitchen now. “Boo! Huh? No?”
Did he just try to spook you wherever he thought you were hiding? The confidence is quite funny.
“Hey! Where are you? Are you running away from me?” His voice echoes in the house again. You find yourself flinching at his sudden loud yell, despite the fact that there is no anger in his tone. He does sound a little annoyed though.
You do not want to make him pissed—although seeing him reacting to your naughtiness has been one of your favourite things to do—so you finally get up from the floor. But you hesitate again when his sudden silence sends an alarm to your head and chills all over your skin.
Why is he quiet? Is he angry?
You slowly open the door and peek outside, only to find that your surroundings are empty. You thread nervously to the living room, eyes still looking back and ahead, trying to seek him. But the jester disappears into thin air, it seems. Like magic.
“Hey.”
Calm voice. But it sounds so close.
“I also love a little cat and mouse game.”
Behind—?
You turn your head around, surprised to see Nikolai standing right behind you. You could not even process what happened—when did he appear, because you swear he is not behind you—as he hugs you from behind, arms holding you close.
“Aah—!”
“You know, little dove? This isn’t my first rodeo.” He says right beside your ear. “You enjoyed it too, huh? Otherwise, you wouldn’t be that quiet. I knew you’re in there—the closed door is enough of an answer. You could’ve just yelled ‘Come and fetch me’, and we could have a lot of fun.”
“Did you wish I had come after you like this when I kidnapped you? Hm? You know if you wanted to get chased, you could’ve just told me.” His lips brush over your neck. “I can set the stage for you. Where is it? The forest? The dark street of Peters? A haunted house? I have my favourite too, if you’d like that.”
You shudder, whining as you try to wiggle your way out. Nikolai chuckles, clearly enjoying his torment over you. He finally lets go of you, and you quickly move away from him, hands clutching your heart.
“Poor girl.” He grins, despite his words holding no sincerity. He sits down on the sofa, legs spread, one arm over the cushions and the other rests down. He pats his thigh, and you shyly place yourself on him, holding him. He smiles, tracing his knuckles over your face. “Why were you hiding, love? Are you scared of me?”
“No… Not at all. I just… It’s uh… I couldn’t think straight so I just— I’m kinda finding my comfort there.”
“So I’m no longer a comfort for you?”
You quickly shake your head. “That’s literally not what I meant. I just… If I tell you, you’re gonna ridicule me, and mock me, and bully me, and—”
“Oh my, someone’s a little angry at me.” He cackles. “I’m not gonna do that, sweetheart. But I like that face of yours when you’re all sulky. Makes me want to eat you up.” He kisses your forehead as a tiny apology. “So? What is it?”
You stare hard at his chest before you nervously look into his eyes. But you find yourself averting your own a little too quickly. “I just… I can’t stop thinking about it.”
He stays silent.
You cling your arms around his neck, sheepishly gaze at him. “Can we… do it again? If it’s not tonight, it’s okay too. Maybe someday, we do it..?”
“What ‘it’?”
“Y-You know what I mean, Nikolai…”
“Mm-mm, I don’t understand you if you keep being vague, dolly.” He smirks, full on intention. And he does not even bother to hide his faux confusion. Nikolai’s hand squeezes your side a little harder. “Speak clearly.”
Truthfully, he is quite interested in whatever synonym you might come up with just to avoid the word ‘sex’. You have a quirk in being out of pocket at times. Who knows, maybe your lascivious mind can create a fun, innovative word. A regular synonym works too—lovemaking, devil’s tango, intercourse—shit, he can even expect you to say ‘mating’.
“Kolya…”
“Yes?” Oh, I’m so excited to hear it.
“C-Can— Can you f-fuck me?”
His brain just explodes, probably. The wires in his neurons are shut down. Nikolai lets out a breathy chuckle before he cups your face, bringing you close.
“I think,” He softly kisses your lips. “I’m starting to get obsessed with you.”
He kisses you again, deeper this time. His tongue slides between your teeth, tangling with yours. He crawls his hands all over your body, groping your chest before he grips your hips, moving them back and forth against his hardening boner.
Your moan shatters out from your throat, before you break the kiss, holding his face. Nikolai is already blushing hard, eyes dark and sharp on you. You bite your lips, humping his clothed dick as he continues to pepper his kisses on your neck, tickling your erogenous spots. His hands are roaming all over your body, already slipping into your shirt, massaging everything under.
“Kolya…” You whisper his name softly, beside his ear, as your hands travel down his body, touching and feeling the muscles that shape his figure before you tug on the waistband of his sweatpants. Your fingers slip inside his shirt, tracing soft hairs leading downward.
“Ooh… f-fuck…” He hisses. Through his hazy gaze, he looks at you and tugs on your shorts. “Take these all off, baby.”
“O-Okay…” You move to the side a little bit, just enough for you to take off your shorts, revealing your light blue panties—adorned with scattered navy tiny hearts. Nikolai stares for more than necessary—he remembers buying that for you when you begged him for extra clothes during your hostage period.
“Mm, is she excited yet?” He teases, running his knuckle against the middle of your panties. You let out a small yelp out of surprise before your movement hastens. Nikolai looks up, finally seeing that you are also taking off your shirt—he did not tell you to do so, but he will not be telling you to stop now.
More for his eyes to feast.
“Aren’t you a cute girl?” He smirks, pulling you by your hips to sit on him again. He leans forward, giving a soft kiss on the mound of your breast. With a gentle guide, he thrusts up slightly to adjust his position, letting his boner meet your pussy. He shamelessly moans your name, placing his mouth on your neck again to kiss more.
You whine softly, humping him. You hold his face, pulling him away from your neck, just to kiss his lips. A delighted groan thunders from his throat, enjoying that you are getting encouraged to initiate things now. Your hands travel from his face to his hair, before you move them down his body to shyly palm his dick through his pants. He is already hard—a clear tent.
Nikolai breaks the kiss, staring at you with a naughty grin. “You want it, baby?”
“Mm-hm…”
“Use me, then.” He kisses your lips briefly. “I’m all yours.”
Heat broils deep within you, burning all over your skin. You tug his waistband down, and he helps by lifting his hips for you. Hasty and excited, your effort sends warmth right into his head. Nikolai starts to breathe a little heavier, already flushing like crazy. Sweat forms on his skin as he keeps swallowing his own saliva—an attempt to satiate, especially when your fingers are wrapping around his girth, jerking him.
“Fuck…!” He moans loudly, throwing his head back. With his sweaty neck in your view, you bravely kiss his neck and give tiny licks on his skin. Your hand diligently strokes him, already slick with his arousal. Nikolai chuckles breathily, one hand on the back of your head as his other hand gropes your ass. He moves his hand from your ass to touch your pussy, teasing your sensitive clit. Already, your panties are wet.
He pushes the fabric to the side, and his hand that is on the back of your head pulls on your hair, breaking your lips from nibbling his skin. “Come on, little dove, you’re killing me here.” He begs. A hint of shyness is still on your face as you nod and adjust yourself above him. With a slight shakiness, you lower yourself down on his cock, filling your inside.
“A-Aanh…!”
Nikolai curses under his breath, holding your body close as his cock is buried deep inside your cunt. You are already moving, grinding your hips desperately. He whimpers slightly, biting his lips as his hazy eyes watch how your pussy is taking him in every time you bounce on his dick.
Kisses exchanged, and both of your lusts are rushing up—exhilarating. Your moans are getting louder, accompanied by his own lewd noises. He keeps inciting you, hands all over your body. You whimper; your movement is staggering. Nikolai chuckles, one hand slips down to rub your clit, inciting you.
“Come on, dolly. Be a good girl for me,” He smooches your skin, his grin broadens as he watches you move again, putting the work to reach your climax. “There…” He puts a little more pressure on your bundle of nerves, as another hand guides your hips. “There you go, atta girl.”
“Aah…! Hmm…!” You whine, pelvis trembles as your move hastens. Your body feels incredibly warm inside, and you sweat profusely, tremoring with overwhelming pleasure. “Haa—! K-Kolya— Aah~!” You wrap your arms around him tightly, practically pulling him close to you as your body stills on top of him. Your thighs quiver as your mushy walls contract around his dick.
Nikolai lifts his face—almost suffocated on your cleavage, although such a death is not a bad choice—and cackles as he watches you through your climax. Your body is warm, moulded perfectly for him to embrace.
“Kolya— Ah!” You yelp again when he suddenly hooks both of your thighs with his arms, quickly laying you down on the sofa. His dick slips out, but he hurries to slide back in, making you whimper at the slight sting out of the sensitiveness in your core. Your body arches as his hand slithers from your pussy to your tummy, up to your chest and wraps nicely around your neck. He tightens his grip, bringing his lips down to your ear. You moan in bliss.
“Don’t sleep now, little dove. I need you to keep up with me.”
➛ cw: general content in main menu, smut, dubcon, religious theme, obsessive and possessive behaviour, unprotected s-ex | words: 7.1k
➛ ao3 | playlist | main menu
“Shit.”
Nikolai sighs into the tiny face towel for the umpteenth time before he places it on the porcelain, resting both his hands on the edges of the sink. He has been standing and contemplating life for a while now. The towel is hanging low around his waist, and his skin is still flushed from whatever had transpired last night.
The conscience is getting to him. Sanity and rationale are clouding him.
What the hell was I thinking?
Well, he was not thinking at all last night, that is for sure. On a second note—perhaps he did think. He thought of ways that could make you lose your mind. And you did—he literally fucked you to sleep.
Truthfully, he was not getting enough sleep. He forced himself to be up after a post-nut clarity nap and distracted himself to clean you up. A half-assed effort, to be honest. He wiped you clean, and you were barely awake when he took off your dress and bra that were still clinging to your body, gave a couple of gropes here and there.
Nikolai sighs again. He thinks again—does he really want to avoid this, when he felt so much delight and thrill?
No, of course not. He wants you. He has been wanting you. Maybe this surging feeling that he buried all these moments is the one driving his madness.
“But Nikolai, if you think that the answer to total free will is death, why not… die with a smile? Must you cry? Were those little unimportant joys you felt no better than agony?”
Your questions back then echo in his mind. Happiness, unimportant joys—as much as he hates it as it is just a fragment of what he has been trying to refuse for most of his life. But unfortunately, his human brain does feel better with them than agony.
“Man… I’m becoming mad.” He murmurs to himself before he turns to the bathtub and begins filling it up with warm water. Then he takes a tiny bottle of shower gel—he took this from the motel, the complimentary one—and squeezes out everything into the water. It barely bubbles, but it smells nice—apple and spice.
“Urm…”
Nikolai turns his head to the door, eyes wide.
“G-Good morning…”
Your figure is peeking through the gap between the door and the frame. He can see you have your own towel wrapped around your naked body. Your hair is untidy, and he notices all the marks he created on your skin.
Goodness, he thinks he has become a little too obsessed with how messy you look. And your mere presence is enough to dissipate that clouded rationale he has in mind. Now Nikolai thinks a little deeper—would it not be more insane if he just adores you more unconventionally, hence denying the normality of what the brainwashed would call ‘healthy love’?
He smirks then. “Good morning, sexy.”
You are surprised by his reply, and you quickly hide your shy face behind the door. Then you take a peek at him again. “Good morning…” You repeat, presumably because your brain suddenly stops working properly.
“Yes, it’s a very good morning.” Nikolai chuckles. “What do you want?”
“I-I felt very sticky, so I wanna wash myself— Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, uhm. I-I mean… I mean, I w-wanted to use the bathroom. I didn’t realise you were… inside.”
“Did you now?”
“Y-Yes…! I didn’t know.” You quickly say. “A-Are you going to take a while…?”
“You can use it if you want. Shower’s empty.”
You finally look at him, relief washes over your face. “Oh, thank you so much.” You smile at him, expecting him to make a move to leave the bathroom. But he just stares at you, with that same gaze he gave you last night. Your heart warms up, beating faster. “Are you not gonna… come out?”
“You come in.”
Nikolai wants to laugh at your shocked face and puzzled noise. Your lips are moving, but only bits of words came out—unintelligible. You shake your head, and his smile drops slightly. He is not going to just let you leave him—no, no, you were the one who told him to not leave you alone.
Don’t back away now.
I can’t get out of this anymore.
So he approaches closer, stops by the sink and slips his hand into the fabric of the face towel that was left earlier. He dives deeper into his dimension. His detached hand appears right at the door, pulling it wide open. Your eyes widen as he grabs your arm and drags you into the bathroom with him. He catches you, wrapping his arm around your waist.
“There, isn’t that easy?” He teases, tilting your body so your back is against the sink, and placing his hand beside you so his body is blocking your path. Your eyes are everywhere but him, roaming all over his bare tattooed torso. He clicks his tongue, not liking how you are avoiding his eyes. You literally locked your legs around him last night, for fuck’s sake. Nothing to be shy of anymore—well, at least for Nikolai.
With one hand, he seizes your face, tilting it up before he leans closer, catching your lips with his own. You freeze, eyes shut close. You melt almost immediately into his kiss, parting your lips as his tongue slithers inside, sloppily twining with yours.
Lost in the slow burn of your arousal, you barely notice his fingers creeping to your chest, easily undoing your towel. Just when the heaviness drops from your chest, you finally realise what he did and break the kiss, pushing him away, much to his dismay. “A-Ah, n-no!” You turn to grab the towel on the floor, but Nikolai is quick enough to pull you back to him, clashing your back against his chest.
His mouth latches on your shoulders, planting kisses and nibbles—borderline bites—on your skin. You moan breathily, and a high-pitched whimper leaves your mouth when his hand gropes one of your breasts, fondling it, teasing it. “G-God— A-Aah—” Your words are stuck when his naughty fingers pinch and roll your hard nipple, as his other hand travels up to wrap nicely around your neck.
He tightens his grip, your body arches instinctively against him, and you bite your lips hard to subdue another moan when you feel the shape of his dick right behind you.
Oh, fuck.
Nikolai keeps dotting his kisses on your neck, already targeting the spots he had conquered before—all the nicest spots. You squirm, whining loudly when he rolls your sensitive nipple, stimulating the heat that broils in your tummy.
It gets a little overwhelming when the fingers around your neck tighten. Your breath hitches, focus breaking out. You hear his deep chuckle right beside your ear.
“Bathe with me?” He whispers before he kisses the shell of your ear, one hand travelling down. “I’ll clean you up real nice. And I’ll take good care of you forever.”
— ✿
You are lounging by yourself in the living room, watching the television. Nikolai wanted to clean up the bedsheets, and the way he casually told you that just made you more embarrassed than ever.
It is not that you lack experience with this sort of thing, but romance was never a thing in your mind when those past experiences happened. It was always transactional.
Is this what real, normal couples do? Nikolai isn’t normal though…
Your legs are sore, and you just want to lie down some more. But you feel lonely, especially after being so intimate with him who has the tightest hold on your heart. You turn around to look at the hallway and the kitchen, trying to seek him.
As if your mind has summoned him, Nikolai appears out of the laundry room, making a stretch as he walks to grab a bottle of water on the dining table, and drinks it.
“N-Nikolai?”
He looks at you, smiling cutely. “Yes, little dove?” He says as he approaches you and plops down beside you on the sofa. His body is tilted in your direction, and his gaze is piercing your shy ones.
“Can we cuddle…?”
He looks surprised at your innocent request—not to mention, you are looking all adorable with that attempt to be brave. Nikolai chuckles, adjusting his body on the sofa before he extends his hand to you.
“Alright, sweetie. Come here.” He says. You slowly crawl towards him, letting him grab your arm to lead you right onto his lap. Your back is against his chest before he wraps his arms around your body. “You need some hugs, huh?” He teases.
“Well, I’d love that after… you know…” You murmur. He giggles, smooching your neck.
“Mm, I’ll keep that in mind.”
You slowly relax against him, eyes focusing on the drama on the television. The two of you just sit there in serene silence, although sometimes he makes a couple of distasteful comments on how shitty the drama is.
Your fingers trace over his arm, linking them between his own. You turn your head to look at him, only to find that he has been staring at you. Once your gaze locks with him, he smirks. “Have something in mind, sexy?”
“S-Stop calling me that…”
“But you are.”
“Uhm… thank you…”
He laughs again, kissing the top of your head. The number of kisses you receive from him since the past twenty-four hours is tremendous—not good for your heart at all, not good.
“D-Don’t we have something to do today?” You ask. Nikolai hums, closing his eyes as if he is thinking.
But suddenly, you feel his hands travel up to your chest, cupping both of your breasts, squeezing them. You shriek, eyes frantic on his naughty hands and his innocent face. “Wh-What are you doing?!”
“Shh, I’m thinking,” He nods to himself, squeezes your breasts a little firmer. “Thinking very... very hard.”
“This is not— Ngh… You—!” You whimper pathetically. “You pervert…”
He grins; mischief is clear in his face. “Aren’t you just stating the obvious now?” He teases.
“Nikolai…” You grumble, tapping his arm to let you go, but he just keeps touching as he pleases. Nikolai snorts mockingly before he stops moving his hands, but he does not let you go—not yet.
“I’m going out later to get my car.” He says. “Honestly, I prefer it if you stay here because I’ll be dealing with some lowly people. Don’t want you to get hurt.”
“But I wanna come with you.”
Nikolai nods, pursing his lips. “Mmh, called it. Uh… well, no.”
You frown slightly before you look away. “Hmph.”
He blinks profusely before he sighs. “Okay. I’ll bring you. And then we’re gonna go shopping, and you’ll forgive me for offending your childish demands, yeah? Are we good? Is that perfect?”
Your smile appears almost instantly as you nod, excited. Nikolai thinks you probably just manipulated his whole sentiment just by being sulky for a second. Guess he is going to punish you later on or something.
He pats your butt then. “Go get ready. Don’t wear the dress— oh welp… The dress is still very dirty anyway.”
— ✿
“Alright, you wait here.”
As soon as the two of you get out of the taxi, Nikolai leads you to a nearby public park. There are many monuments and a big fountain in the middle of the park. People are around, but mostly are just hanging out. Not everyone is insane enough to work out during winter, despite it being a little sunnier today. The wind is occasionally harsh, though.
“I’ll come pick you up after I’m done.” He says as he looks around, finding a couple of food vendors set up a little further ahead. Nikolai slips his hand into his pocket, taking out some crumpled notes. You happily take them, but your smile drops when you see the accumulated amount is quite small.
“This is not enough. More, more.” You poke his stomach.
“Ow,” Nikolai pouts. “Listen, I’m out of cash right now. I’ll have to pick up some dirty jobs to baby your ass. Give me a break, okay?”
“Hmm, fine.” You shrug as you hold his arm and extend your other hand to show him the panorama of St. Petersburg. “Should I go and seek a job vacancy while you’re gone? Maybe I can find one. I may not look like it, but I’m good at making conversation.”
“You do look like you’re a chatty bird. You chirp chirp chirp until someone gives you bread to shush you.”
“Oh, hehe.” You giggle.
He smiles softly, patting your head. “But sure. Go explore as you please. Don’t go too far and don’t speak with a suspicious-looking person. By the time I’m done, I wanna see you’re still here and not go around fawning people.”
“Yes, sir.” You playfully salute him. He snickers before he turns around and leaves the park. You watch him disappear out of the gate, blending in with the crowd.
You look at the notes in your hands and make your way to the food vendors. Your eyes are sharp, reading and observing the menu and the prices, making calculations in your head.
Damn, not even enough for a potato pirozhki.
“Yes, girl, what do you want?” The vendor asks you immediately after the previous customer leaves.
“Ah. Uh, I want one hot tea, please and thank you.” You say. The vendor nods, tapping things on his cash machine.
“Anything else? Doughnut? Pirozhki?”
“No, thank you.” You make the payment before the vendor prepares it for you. He pours the freshly-brewed hot tea into a paper cup and puts a lid on it before he places the tea on the pick-up counter.
“Sugar and salt in that container.”
You take a couple of packets of sugar and a stirrer before you turn around to leave. However, you immediately bump into someone in your way by accident. You hold the tea firmly, barely looking at the person as you apologise.
You turn your head to the side slightly, a little baffled and relieved that the person does not seem to care about your little mistake. You see a man in white clothes, with a black coat over his shoulder. He is tall—and he does not even look at you.
Guess he does not care.
You leave the area and walk around the park to pass the time. Establishments of shops are a little further than you thought, so you are not going to explore much, lest you risk Nikolai’s displeasure. So you return to a spot in the park where many tables and benches are perched. You take a seat at a table with two seats.
Once you place your tea on the table, you realise there is a built-in checkerboard on the surface. You see a box that is attached to the surface as well. When you open it, you find chess pieces inside. Chess—you do not even know how to play it. You have seen people play it in school, and you used to think that only smart people play such a game.
“Are you waiting for someone?”
A deep, sultry voice greets you from the side. You turn, only to see the same man you bumped into before standing beside you. Black hair reaching his neck, a white ushanka, a white suit, and a long black coat over his lean figure. His skin is pale, and the messiness of his hair makes him look like a walking ghost.
Yet, he looks wise. His gentle voice contrasts with the eeriness of his appearance.
“I-I…”
“May I have a seat for a moment? There’s no spot left for me on the other tables.”
“S-Sure! Sure, sir.” You quickly say, as if you are entranced by his presence. He smiles at you before he takes a seat across. He places a paper bag on the table before he pushes it in your direction. You look at him, baffled. “Huh?”
“I noticed you weren’t buying any food from the vendor. Was it the money that you were concerned with?”
You smile sheepishly. “Yes, hehe.”
He returns your smile with a tender one. “You can take one. I hope you don’t mind a plain doughnut.”
“No, not at all. Thank you so much. And I’m sorry that I bumped into you earlier. I didn’t notice.” You quickly say, already feeling the awkwardness in the air disappearing. You take the paper bag and take out the doughnut from it. It is already going a little cold, most likely because of the air.
“That is fine.” He replies. “Are you alone?”
“No, I’m waiting for my… boyfriend.” You cannot help but grin at the new identity you have given Nikolai. It makes you happy, so you are going to refer to him as such to strangers from now on.
“Is that so? He doesn’t mind leaving you alone in this foreign place?” The man asks.
“Ah, he trusts me enough so… Uhm, how do you know I’m not from here?”
“You just confirmed it.”
You are rendered speechless. What a quick-witted guy, this one. “Let me guess, are you from here then? Because you know much about who is and isn’t from Petersburg.” You grin.
“Close enough, little mouse. I am from Moscow.”
“Moscow isn’t that close.”
“Perhaps. Both are great cities. But Saint Petersburg has been my home, where my stories are written the most.” He says before he looks at the chessboard. “Do you know how to play chess?”
“Uhm, no. I’ve seen people play, but I don’t know the rules. Is it like checkers? Do you know how?”
“It’s a great game to pass the time,” he says. He takes out the chess pieces from the box and arranges both black and white pieces on the board. “There are many rules. Certain pieces must move according to their own rule. But remembering how a piece should move is not hard. Everyone has their predetermined roles in this world after all. Just like these pieces.”
“Oh… so this horse and castle have different rules? Wait, which one is the actual castle?” You ask, holding a rook and a bishop in your hand. The man briefly glances at you with an unfathomable look.
“That is the rook. It moves in a straight line—horizontal and vertical. The other is the bishop. It moves diagonally. That ‘horse’ is called the knight. Well, to make it simple for the likes of you, it moves in the shape of the letter ‘L’. Four squares. And this is the queen, where she can move in a straight and diagonal line. The king can do the same too, but he is only allowed one square per move, unlike the queen. Of course, these pieces can move backwards and towards, just like humans. After all, sometimes in our plan, we should look back to see what we have missed, what path we should have taken.”
“Ergh… Yes, this is really for smart people.” You grumble, watching the guy arrange the pieces for you. You murmur under your breath, repeating and memorising the rules for each piece. “What about these small bald ones?” You point at the row of pieces lining up in front of the fancy-looking ones.
“They are the pawns. They are given the choice to move one or two squares, only in the beginning. They can only move one square ahead in a move. Unless they want to capture another pawn, then you are allowed to make one diagonal move.” He tells you.
“Huh? That’s it? There are so many of them, though. Surely they have other important roles.” You say.
“Pawns are meant to be baits—they are there to open the paths and set the stage.” He looks at you with a thin smile and a dark gaze. “Your turn to make a move first, little mouse.”
“What? Oh— Okay, I guess I’m gonna go easy on you.” You joke as you move a pawn two squares forward. He mirrors your move with a pawn on a square in front of a knight piece. You immediately move another pawn a square ahead, and he finally moves his knight.
“Wait!” You hold a hand up at him. “This is too quick, time out, time out.”
The man looks baffled, a snicker leaves his mouth. “This isn’t a competition. You are allowed to take time. You have to think your next move, and the next, and then the next.”
“Oh, right. I got excited. My boyfriend really likes this sort of board game. But he’s always cheating.” You complain before you finally slow down your eagerness and move the last pawn one square ahead.
“He is able to cheat his way because you have so much trust in him.” The man replies, making a move on his knight.
“Of course. Things get rough sometimes, but I’ve always believed him.”
His purple irises trail up at you, staring hard. Noticing his silence, you look at him, a little nervous. He smiles, though it feels insincere. “What are those beads around your neck? Rosary, I assume.”
You pause, and your hand subconsciously touch the rosary that you wear as a necklace. It was given by Nastasya, a memento from her mother. “Yeah… It’s from a friend…”
“Do you believe in God?”
What.
“Uh, to a degree, I suppose? I-I don’t know…”
“What about your lover?”
Nikolai? You rake through all the memories of your conversation with him as you try to distract yourself from your nervousness by making your move on the chessboard. “He doesn’t seem to be fond of such ideas. I guess free will and God are like antonyms for him.”
“There are many arguments for such rhetoric. Have God determined our path, or have God blessed us with choices? Does free will come from the complexity of human minds, or does it come from God’s will? Are we the chess pieces, or are we those who move them?” He smiles at you. “What do you think, little mouse?”
“Erm…”
Frankly, you do not care. God, free will, evil, good, chicken, egg—honestly, those sound delicious right now—you just want to be able to love and be loved.
But just to be nice and keep the conversation going, you try to form an answer anyway.
“W-What if both of those are not really a thing?”
He looks surprised by your answer. “Elaborate.”
“Ah.” I’m just saying shit. You find yourself raking through your brain, seeking knowledge you learned in school before. And this man looks smart. He talks as if he holds the knowledge of the whole world, as if this land is a novel he can read easily.
“Well, let’s think of it like… what if both of those concepts are just merely manmade and don’t really have that much significance in the next decade? Evolution! Something like that?” You shrug. “Maybe the idea of free will is created because people want to do a lot of things without concerns about many factors. Like… like my boyfriend may want to hurt someone, but he can’t because he doesn’t wanna get into prison. That kind of factor. Maaaybe, the idea of God is created on a similar basis. Because humans need to hold a certain principle to not go crazy. Like, there are a lot of things we can't know about the universe, so sometimes it's comforting to create someone to fulfil that idea. Right? Uh wait! I’m not saying God doesn’t exist—maybe He does for lots of people. L-Like you.”
The man goes silent for a moment. He nods slowly before he extends a hand to the chessboard, moving his queen to trap your king. “Ramblings can form a clearer image of one’s perspective. I appreciate your insights.”
“Oh, you’re very welcome.” You beam, a little proud at whatever words you just jumbled out. “I find this kind of topic a little hard, but you don’t make me feel that bad about it. Hehe.”
“Is that so? You’re very welcome too, little mouse.” He nods before he snickers. “This is a check, by the way.” You finally realise that his queen is just a couple of moves away from capturing your king. You grunt, moving your king away. As if he is toying with you, he wastes his turn to move a rook that is far away from your king.
So you move your pawn ahead. “There..! Hey, this pawn is on your row. Doesn’t this mean I can upgrade it? I saw it when my classmates played it. Don’t you try cheating on me.”
The man glares at the board. “… Yes.”
“Yeay. I’m gonna change it to my queen. Because you ate mine with your horse earlier.” You grin, happily removing the pawn on the last row on the man’s side and placing your queen piece instead. “Now I can protect my king.”
“I withdraw.”
“Huh?”
He gets up from the seat and gives you one last smile. “It was a pleasure to converse with you. Unfortunately, I must leave now.” He says, taking off his ushanka and placing it on his chest. He bows slightly at you, like a gentleman. “I wish you well, little mouse.”
He offers a hand to shake, and you hesitantly grab it. Cold. As if death is just around the corner. He turns around then, leaving you confused about whatever had transpired for the past moment. You stare blankly at the chessboard.
You were just having fun too.
— ✿
“This smells so stale.”
Nikolai scrunches his nose as he is driving around outside of a public park, in search of a parking lot. He makes a mental note to buy a car freshener later. It is just a small car—he does not plan his comfort to be this far. He just needs a car to travel to his death, and that is all.
Now he is about to bring this to a hypermarket, for obvious reasons.
Finally, after about five minutes, he finds an empty parking spot, and he parks his car there. After that, he makes his way into the public park again, trying to find you. Fortunately, he easily spots you at a chess table instead of the bench he left you earlier. He smiles broadly, strolling towards you.
“Hey—”
His smile withers when he notices your sombre face. That face immediately changes when you hear his voice though, but he does not let that fact go.
“Kolya, hello.” You wave at him as he approaches you and sits in the chair across from you. He looks at the table, finding that the pieces are scattered all over, remnants of a recent game. He notices the doughnut too. He knows that with the money he gave you, you could either afford that tea or the doughnut. Not both.
“What happened?”
“Hm?”
“Something happened to you. Tell me.”
“Nothing bad happened, I promise!” You say quickly. Your expression looks innocent though. “Just, there was a guy, and we chatted, and he taught me how to chess.” You explain.
“A guy? What guy?” Nikolai frowns. Could it be Ivan? That is a little impossible because Ivan got off at Moscow yesterday. Unless he was bullshitting—which is more likely—then it is plausible that you were talking with Ivan. However, you look like you are not disturbed compared to when Ivan was being a creep back in the train.
Pushkin? Hell no. That guy looks suspicious from the get-go. You know better than to talk to him freely.
“Kolya, don’t get angry, but…” You grimace, munching the doughnut. “I forgot to ask his name.”
“It’s great that you didn’t know his name. I might have sought him and killed him in front of you.”
“Yeah. Wait, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I’ll kill people.”
“Nikolai, that’s not nice. Why don’t we just work together in a convenience store? You’re so strong and so muscular, you can carry two boxes at once!”
Nikolai makes a disgusted face, shaking his head. “Do you know how much money I can get from doing one dirty job? More than a monthly salary as a cashier, that’s for sure. And thanks for the compliment, yes, I did notice that.”
“Hey, doesn’t that mean you can actually give me more cash for something to eat?” You grunt, pointing your finger at his face, almost touching his nose. “You’re stingy with money. Bad boy.”
He glances at it before he smirks and licks your finger.
“H-Hey!”
You retract your hand quickly, looking at him in disbelief. He giggles, resting his chin on his hand that is propped on the table. “Come on. What’s that face for? I literally lick your pu—”
“S-Shut up…!”
“And you literally squeezed my head with your thighs—”
“Nikolai Gogol!”
“You also locked my whole ass when I was—”
Immediately, you grab his face, pulling him close before you slam your lips on his.
It works.
Eyes widen, frozen. You shut him up successfully.
— ✿
Night has been the time when you look forward to the most ever since Nikolai took you in.
You used to not really get excited when the moon went up in the sky. Mostly it was because of your old job. But then, Nikolai came into the picture.
He used to leave for ‘work’ during the post-midnight hours—you looked forward to watching him getting ready for whatever Viktor told him to do hours before.
Olga used to hold you back for the late-night shift—so you looked forward to the moment he came to fetch you home.
The couch in the living room used to be his bed, until he warmed up to you—you looked forward to the hour he got onto the same bed, lying next to you.
And for (very obvious) reasons undeniable to your heart, you are also looking forward for tonight.
There is no promise being made, though. No plans were being suggested. He did not even bring it up when you were submerged in the bathtub with him this morning. He really just cleaned you up and sat in peace with you in the water mixed with cheap soap—though he made multiple inappropriate touches on your body occasionally.
But when the sun goes down, your mind creeps into its dark corner, repeating events that happened last night. You had felt you were getting nervous when you left the hypermarket with him, and realised that it was getting dark. You stole glances at him, secretly hoping that he would start the move first. At some point, you tried to hint at something by squeezing his arm harder, but of course, he just looked at you with his adorable eyes.
It kinda baffles you that a man in his 30s can look cute like that. Or maybe love is blind.
“Why am I acting like this…” You mutter to yourself, bringing your knees close to your body. You have been hiding in the laundry room—your first-ever safe room in this house—because your thoughts are getting a little overwhelming. Maybe you have lost your mind when you felt something was ignited within you just because you saw him rolling his sleeves up to unload bottles of drinks into the fridge.
“Okay. Okay, stay normal. Stay good, me.” You tap your own cheeks before you lift yourself to finally get out of the room. However, your body is barely up when you suddenly hear his faint voice calling your name.
“Hey~ where are you~?”
You freeze, mouth immediately pressed together to keep quiet. You return to sit on the floor, watching the door and hearing his voice from the outside.
“I know you’re there~” Nikolai chimes, and he sounds a little close. He is probably in the kitchen now. “Boo! Huh? No?”
Did he just try to spook you wherever he thought you were hiding? The confidence is quite funny.
“Hey! Where are you? Are you running away from me?” His voice echoes in the house again. You find yourself flinching at his sudden loud yell, despite the fact that there is no anger in his tone. He does sound a little annoyed though.
You do not want to make him pissed—although seeing him reacting to your naughtiness has been one of your favourite things to do—so you finally get up from the floor. But you hesitate again when his sudden silence sends an alarm to your head and chills all over your skin.
Why is he quiet? Is he angry?
You slowly open the door and peek outside, only to find that your surroundings are empty. You thread nervously to the living room, eyes still looking back and ahead, trying to seek him. But the jester disappears into thin air, it seems. Like magic.
“Hey.”
Calm voice. But it sounds so close.
“I also love a little cat and mouse game.”
Behind—?
You turn your head around, surprised to see Nikolai standing right behind you. You could not even process what happened—when did he appear, because you swear he is not behind you—as he hugs you from behind, arms holding you close.
“Aah—!”
“You know, little dove? This isn’t my first rodeo.” He says right beside your ear. “You enjoyed it too, huh? Otherwise, you wouldn’t be that quiet. I knew you’re in there—the closed door is enough of an answer. You could’ve just yelled ‘Come and fetch me’, and we could have a lot of fun.”
“Did you wish I had come after you like this when I kidnapped you? Hm? You know if you wanted to get chased, you could’ve just told me.” His lips brush over your neck. “I can set the stage for you. Where is it? The forest? The dark street of Peters? A haunted house? I have my favourite too, if you’d like that.”
You shudder, whining as you try to wiggle your way out. Nikolai chuckles, clearly enjoying his torment over you. He finally lets go of you, and you quickly move away from him, hands clutching your heart.
“Poor girl.” He grins, despite his words holding no sincerity. He sits down on the sofa, legs spread, one arm over the cushions and the other rests down. He pats his thigh, and you shyly place yourself on him, holding him. He smiles, tracing his knuckles over your face. “Why were you hiding, love? Are you scared of me?”
“No… Not at all. I just… It’s uh… I couldn’t think straight so I just— I’m kinda finding my comfort there.”
“So I’m no longer a comfort for you?”
You quickly shake your head. “That’s literally not what I meant. I just… If I tell you, you’re gonna ridicule me, and mock me, and bully me, and—”
“Oh my, someone’s a little angry at me.” He cackles. “I’m not gonna do that, sweetheart. But I like that face of yours when you’re all sulky. Makes me want to eat you up.” He kisses your forehead as a tiny apology. “So? What is it?”
You stare hard at his chest before you nervously look into his eyes. But you find yourself averting your own a little too quickly. “I just… I can’t stop thinking about it.”
He stays silent.
You cling your arms around his neck, sheepishly gaze at him. “Can we… do it again? If it’s not tonight, it’s okay too. Maybe someday, we do it..?”
“What ‘it’?”
“Y-You know what I mean, Nikolai…”
“Mm-mm, I don’t understand you if you keep being vague, dolly.” He smirks, full on intention. And he does not even bother to hide his faux confusion. Nikolai’s hand squeezes your side a little harder. “Speak clearly.”
Truthfully, he is quite interested in whatever synonym you might come up with just to avoid the word ‘sex’. You have a quirk in being out of pocket at times. Who knows, maybe your lascivious mind can create a fun, innovative word. A regular synonym works too—lovemaking, devil’s tango, intercourse—shit, he can even expect you to say ‘mating’.
“Kolya…”
“Yes?” Oh, I’m so excited to hear it.
“C-Can— Can you f-fuck me?”
His brain just explodes, probably. The wires in his neurons are shut down. Nikolai lets out a breathy chuckle before he cups your face, bringing you close.
“I think,” He softly kisses your lips. “I’m starting to get obsessed with you.”
He kisses you again, deeper this time. His tongue slides between your teeth, tangling with yours. He crawls his hands all over your body, groping your chest before he grips your hips, moving them back and forth against his hardening boner.
Your moan shatters out from your throat, before you break the kiss, holding his face. Nikolai is already blushing hard, eyes dark and sharp on you. You bite your lips, humping his clothed dick as he continues to pepper his kisses on your neck, tickling your erogenous spots. His hands are roaming all over your body, already slipping into your shirt, massaging everything under.
“Kolya…” You whisper his name softly, beside his ear, as your hands travel down his body, touching and feeling the muscles that shape his figure before you tug on the waistband of his sweatpants. Your fingers slip inside his shirt, tracing soft hairs leading downward.
“Ooh… f-fuck…” He hisses. Through his hazy gaze, he looks at you and tugs on your shorts. “Take these all off, baby.”
“O-Okay…” You move to the side a little bit, just enough for you to take off your shorts, revealing your light blue panties—adorned with scattered navy tiny hearts. Nikolai stares for more than necessary—he remembers buying that for you when you begged him for extra clothes during your hostage period.
“Mm, is she excited yet?” He teases, running his knuckle against the middle of your panties. You let out a small yelp out of surprise before your movement hastens. Nikolai looks up, finally seeing that you are also taking off your shirt—he did not tell you to do so, but he will not be telling you to stop now.
More for his eyes to feast.
“Aren’t you a cute girl?” He smirks, pulling you by your hips to sit on him again. He leans forward, giving a soft kiss on the mound of your breast. With a gentle guide, he thrusts up slightly to adjust his position, letting his boner meet your pussy. He shamelessly moans your name, placing his mouth on your neck again to kiss more.
You whine softly, humping him. You hold his face, pulling him away from your neck, just to kiss his lips. A delighted groan thunders from his throat, enjoying that you are getting encouraged to initiate things now. Your hands travel from his face to his hair, before you move them down his body to shyly palm his dick through his pants. He is already hard—a clear tent.
Nikolai breaks the kiss, staring at you with a naughty grin. “You want it, baby?”
“Mm-hm…”
“Use me, then.” He kisses your lips briefly. “I’m all yours.”
Heat broils deep within you, burning all over your skin. You tug his waistband down, and he helps by lifting his hips for you. Hasty and excited, your effort sends warmth right into his head. Nikolai starts to breathe a little heavier, already flushing like crazy. Sweat forms on his skin as he keeps swallowing his own saliva—an attempt to satiate, especially when your fingers are wrapping around his girth, jerking him.
“Fuck…!” He moans loudly, throwing his head back. With his sweaty neck in your view, you bravely kiss his neck and give tiny licks on his skin. Your hand diligently strokes him, already slick with his arousal. Nikolai chuckles breathily, one hand on the back of your head as his other hand gropes your ass. He moves his hand from your ass to touch your pussy, teasing your sensitive clit. Already, your panties are wet.
He pushes the fabric to the side, and his hand that is on the back of your head pulls on your hair, breaking your lips from nibbling his skin. “Come on, little dove, you’re killing me here.” He begs. A hint of shyness is still on your face as you nod and adjust yourself above him. With a slight shakiness, you lower yourself down on his cock, filling your inside.
“A-Aanh…!”
Nikolai curses under his breath, holding your body close as his cock is buried deep inside your cunt. You are already moving, grinding your hips desperately. He whimpers slightly, biting his lips as his hazy eyes watch how your pussy is taking him in every time you bounce on his dick.
Kisses exchanged, and both of your lusts are rushing up—exhilarating. Your moans are getting louder, accompanied by his own lewd noises. He keeps inciting you, hands all over your body. You whimper; your movement is staggering. Nikolai chuckles, one hand slips down to rub your clit, inciting you.
“Come on, dolly. Be a good girl for me,” He smooches your skin, his grin broadens as he watches you move again, putting the work to reach your climax. “There…” He puts a little more pressure on your bundle of nerves, as another hand guides your hips. “There you go, atta girl.”
“Aah…! Hmm…!” You whine, pelvis trembles as your move hastens. Your body feels incredibly warm inside, and you sweat profusely, tremoring with overwhelming pleasure. “Haa—! K-Kolya— Aah~!” You wrap your arms around him tightly, practically pulling him close to you as your body stills on top of him. Your thighs quiver as your mushy walls contract around his dick.
Nikolai lifts his face—almost suffocated on your cleavage, although such a death is not a bad choice—and cackles as he watches you through your climax. Your body is warm, moulded perfectly for him to embrace.
“Kolya— Ah!” You yelp again when he suddenly hooks both of your thighs with his arms, quickly laying you down on the sofa. His dick slips out, but he hurries to slide back in, making you whimper at the slight sting out of the sensitiveness in your core. Your body arches as his hand slithers from your pussy to your tummy, up to your chest and wraps nicely around your neck. He tightens his grip, bringing his lips down to your ear. You moan in bliss.
“Don’t sleep now, little dove. I need you to keep up with me.”
➛ cw: general content in main menu, smut, dubcon, religious theme, obsessive and possessive behaviour, unprotected s-ex | words: 7.1k
➛ ao3 | playlist | main menu
“Shit.”
Nikolai sighs into the tiny face towel for the umpteenth time before he places it on the porcelain, resting both his hands on the edges of the sink. He has been standing and contemplating life for a while now. The towel is hanging low around his waist, and his skin is still flushed from whatever had transpired last night.
The conscience is getting to him. Sanity and rationale are clouding him.
What the hell was I thinking?
Well, he was not thinking at all last night, that is for sure. On a second note—perhaps he did think. He thought of ways that could make you lose your mind. And you did—he literally fucked you to sleep.
Truthfully, he was not getting enough sleep. He forced himself to be up after a post-nut clarity nap and distracted himself to clean you up. A half-assed effort, to be honest. He wiped you clean, and you were barely awake when he took off your dress and bra that were still clinging to your body, gave a couple of gropes here and there.
Nikolai sighs again. He thinks again—does he really want to avoid this, when he felt so much delight and thrill?
No, of course not. He wants you. He has been wanting you. Maybe this surging feeling that he buried all these moments is the one driving his madness.
“But Nikolai, if you think that the answer to total free will is death, why not… die with a smile? Must you cry? Were those little unimportant joys you felt no better than agony?”
Your questions back then echo in his mind. Happiness, unimportant joys—as much as he hates it as it is just a fragment of what he has been trying to refuse for most of his life. But unfortunately, his human brain does feel better with them than agony.
“Man… I’m becoming mad.” He murmurs to himself before he turns to the bathtub and begins filling it up with warm water. Then he takes a tiny bottle of shower gel—he took this from the motel, the complimentary one—and squeezes out everything into the water. It barely bubbles, but it smells nice—apple and spice.
“Urm…”
Nikolai turns his head to the door, eyes wide.
“G-Good morning…”
Your figure is peeking through the gap between the door and the frame. He can see you have your own towel wrapped around your naked body. Your hair is untidy, and he notices all the marks he created on your skin.
Goodness, he thinks he has become a little too obsessed with how messy you look. And your mere presence is enough to dissipate that clouded rationale he has in mind. Now Nikolai thinks a little deeper—would it not be more insane if he just adores you more unconventionally, hence denying the normality of what the brainwashed would call ‘healthy love’?
He smirks then. “Good morning, sexy.”
You are surprised by his reply, and you quickly hide your shy face behind the door. Then you take a peek at him again. “Good morning…” You repeat, presumably because your brain suddenly stops working properly.
“Yes, it’s a very good morning.” Nikolai chuckles. “What do you want?”
“I-I felt very sticky, so I wanna wash myself— Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, uhm. I-I mean… I mean, I w-wanted to use the bathroom. I didn’t realise you were… inside.”
“Did you now?”
“Y-Yes…! I didn’t know.” You quickly say. “A-Are you going to take a while…?”
“You can use it if you want. Shower’s empty.”
You finally look at him, relief washes over your face. “Oh, thank you so much.” You smile at him, expecting him to make a move to leave the bathroom. But he just stares at you, with that same gaze he gave you last night. Your heart warms up, beating faster. “Are you not gonna… come out?”
“You come in.”
Nikolai wants to laugh at your shocked face and puzzled noise. Your lips are moving, but only bits of words came out—unintelligible. You shake your head, and his smile drops slightly. He is not going to just let you leave him—no, no, you were the one who told him to not leave you alone.
Don’t back away now.
I can’t get out of this anymore.
So he approaches closer, stops by the sink and slips his hand into the fabric of the face towel that was left earlier. He dives deeper into his dimension. His detached hand appears right at the door, pulling it wide open. Your eyes widen as he grabs your arm and drags you into the bathroom with him. He catches you, wrapping his arm around your waist.
“There, isn’t that easy?” He teases, tilting your body so your back is against the sink, and placing his hand beside you so his body is blocking your path. Your eyes are everywhere but him, roaming all over his bare tattooed torso. He clicks his tongue, not liking how you are avoiding his eyes. You literally locked your legs around him last night, for fuck’s sake. Nothing to be shy of anymore—well, at least for Nikolai.
With one hand, he seizes your face, tilting it up before he leans closer, catching your lips with his own. You freeze, eyes shut close. You melt almost immediately into his kiss, parting your lips as his tongue slithers inside, sloppily twining with yours.
Lost in the slow burn of your arousal, you barely notice his fingers creeping to your chest, easily undoing your towel. Just when the heaviness drops from your chest, you finally realise what he did and break the kiss, pushing him away, much to his dismay. “A-Ah, n-no!” You turn to grab the towel on the floor, but Nikolai is quick enough to pull you back to him, clashing your back against his chest.
His mouth latches on your shoulders, planting kisses and nibbles—borderline bites—on your skin. You moan breathily, and a high-pitched whimper leaves your mouth when his hand gropes one of your breasts, fondling it, teasing it. “G-God— A-Aah—” Your words are stuck when his naughty fingers pinch and roll your hard nipple, as his other hand travels up to wrap nicely around your neck.
He tightens his grip, your body arches instinctively against him, and you bite your lips hard to subdue another moan when you feel the shape of his dick right behind you.
Oh, fuck.
Nikolai keeps dotting his kisses on your neck, already targeting the spots he had conquered before—all the nicest spots. You squirm, whining loudly when he rolls your sensitive nipple, stimulating the heat that broils in your tummy.
It gets a little overwhelming when the fingers around your neck tighten. Your breath hitches, focus breaking out. You hear his deep chuckle right beside your ear.
“Bathe with me?” He whispers before he kisses the shell of your ear, one hand travelling down. “I’ll clean you up real nice. And I’ll take good care of you forever.”
— ✿
You are lounging by yourself in the living room, watching the television. Nikolai wanted to clean up the bedsheets, and the way he casually told you that just made you more embarrassed than ever.
It is not that you lack experience with this sort of thing, but romance was never a thing in your mind when those past experiences happened. It was always transactional.
Is this what real, normal couples do? Nikolai isn’t normal though…
Your legs are sore, and you just want to lie down some more. But you feel lonely, especially after being so intimate with him who has the tightest hold on your heart. You turn around to look at the hallway and the kitchen, trying to seek him.
As if your mind has summoned him, Nikolai appears out of the laundry room, making a stretch as he walks to grab a bottle of water on the dining table, and drinks it.
“N-Nikolai?”
He looks at you, smiling cutely. “Yes, little dove?” He says as he approaches you and plops down beside you on the sofa. His body is tilted in your direction, and his gaze is piercing your shy ones.
“Can we cuddle…?”
He looks surprised at your innocent request—not to mention, you are looking all adorable with that attempt to be brave. Nikolai chuckles, adjusting his body on the sofa before he extends his hand to you.
“Alright, sweetie. Come here.” He says. You slowly crawl towards him, letting him grab your arm to lead you right onto his lap. Your back is against his chest before he wraps his arms around your body. “You need some hugs, huh?” He teases.
“Well, I’d love that after… you know…” You murmur. He giggles, smooching your neck.
“Mm, I’ll keep that in mind.”
You slowly relax against him, eyes focusing on the drama on the television. The two of you just sit there in serene silence, although sometimes he makes a couple of distasteful comments on how shitty the drama is.
Your fingers trace over his arm, linking them between his own. You turn your head to look at him, only to find that he has been staring at you. Once your gaze locks with him, he smirks. “Have something in mind, sexy?”
“S-Stop calling me that…”
“But you are.”
“Uhm… thank you…”
He laughs again, kissing the top of your head. The number of kisses you receive from him since the past twenty-four hours is tremendous—not good for your heart at all, not good.
“D-Don’t we have something to do today?” You ask. Nikolai hums, closing his eyes as if he is thinking.
But suddenly, you feel his hands travel up to your chest, cupping both of your breasts, squeezing them. You shriek, eyes frantic on his naughty hands and his innocent face. “Wh-What are you doing?!”
“Shh, I’m thinking,” He nods to himself, squeezes your breasts a little firmer. “Thinking very... very hard.”
“This is not— Ngh… You—!” You whimper pathetically. “You pervert…”
He grins; mischief is clear in his face. “Aren’t you just stating the obvious now?” He teases.
“Nikolai…” You grumble, tapping his arm to let you go, but he just keeps touching as he pleases. Nikolai snorts mockingly before he stops moving his hands, but he does not let you go—not yet.
“I’m going out later to get my car.” He says. “Honestly, I prefer it if you stay here because I’ll be dealing with some lowly people. Don’t want you to get hurt.”
“But I wanna come with you.”
Nikolai nods, pursing his lips. “Mmh, called it. Uh… well, no.”
You frown slightly before you look away. “Hmph.”
He blinks profusely before he sighs. “Okay. I’ll bring you. And then we’re gonna go shopping, and you’ll forgive me for offending your childish demands, yeah? Are we good? Is that perfect?”
Your smile appears almost instantly as you nod, excited. Nikolai thinks you probably just manipulated his whole sentiment just by being sulky for a second. Guess he is going to punish you later on or something.
He pats your butt then. “Go get ready. Don’t wear the dress— oh welp… The dress is still very dirty anyway.”
— ✿
“Alright, you wait here.”
As soon as the two of you get out of the taxi, Nikolai leads you to a nearby public park. There are many monuments and a big fountain in the middle of the park. People are around, but mostly are just hanging out. Not everyone is insane enough to work out during winter, despite it being a little sunnier today. The wind is occasionally harsh, though.
“I’ll come pick you up after I’m done.” He says as he looks around, finding a couple of food vendors set up a little further ahead. Nikolai slips his hand into his pocket, taking out some crumpled notes. You happily take them, but your smile drops when you see the accumulated amount is quite small.
“This is not enough. More, more.” You poke his stomach.
“Ow,” Nikolai pouts. “Listen, I’m out of cash right now. I’ll have to pick up some dirty jobs to baby your ass. Give me a break, okay?”
“Hmm, fine.” You shrug as you hold his arm and extend your other hand to show him the panorama of St. Petersburg. “Should I go and seek a job vacancy while you’re gone? Maybe I can find one. I may not look like it, but I’m good at making conversation.”
“You do look like you’re a chatty bird. You chirp chirp chirp until someone gives you bread to shush you.”
“Oh, hehe.” You giggle.
He smiles softly, patting your head. “But sure. Go explore as you please. Don’t go too far and don’t speak with a suspicious-looking person. By the time I’m done, I wanna see you’re still here and not go around fawning people.”
“Yes, sir.” You playfully salute him. He snickers before he turns around and leaves the park. You watch him disappear out of the gate, blending in with the crowd.
You look at the notes in your hands and make your way to the food vendors. Your eyes are sharp, reading and observing the menu and the prices, making calculations in your head.
Damn, not even enough for a potato pirozhki.
“Yes, girl, what do you want?” The vendor asks you immediately after the previous customer leaves.
“Ah. Uh, I want one hot tea, please and thank you.” You say. The vendor nods, tapping things on his cash machine.
“Anything else? Doughnut? Pirozhki?”
“No, thank you.” You make the payment before the vendor prepares it for you. He pours the freshly-brewed hot tea into a paper cup and puts a lid on it before he places the tea on the pick-up counter.
“Sugar and salt in that container.”
You take a couple of packets of sugar and a stirrer before you turn around to leave. However, you immediately bump into someone in your way by accident. You hold the tea firmly, barely looking at the person as you apologise.
You turn your head to the side slightly, a little baffled and relieved that the person does not seem to care about your little mistake. You see a man in white clothes, with a black coat over his shoulder. He is tall—and he does not even look at you.
Guess he does not care.
You leave the area and walk around the park to pass the time. Establishments of shops are a little further than you thought, so you are not going to explore much, lest you risk Nikolai’s displeasure. So you return to a spot in the park where many tables and benches are perched. You take a seat at a table with two seats.
Once you place your tea on the table, you realise there is a built-in checkerboard on the surface. You see a box that is attached to the surface as well. When you open it, you find chess pieces inside. Chess—you do not even know how to play it. You have seen people play it in school, and you used to think that only smart people play such a game.
“Are you waiting for someone?”
A deep, sultry voice greets you from the side. You turn, only to see the same man you bumped into before standing beside you. Black hair reaching his neck, a white ushanka, a white suit, and a long black coat over his lean figure. His skin is pale, and the messiness of his hair makes him look like a walking ghost.
Yet, he looks wise. His gentle voice contrasts with the eeriness of his appearance.
“I-I…”
“May I have a seat for a moment? There’s no spot left for me on the other tables.”
“S-Sure! Sure, sir.” You quickly say, as if you are entranced by his presence. He smiles at you before he takes a seat across. He places a paper bag on the table before he pushes it in your direction. You look at him, baffled. “Huh?”
“I noticed you weren’t buying any food from the vendor. Was it the money that you were concerned with?”
You smile sheepishly. “Yes, hehe.”
He returns your smile with a tender one. “You can take one. I hope you don’t mind a plain doughnut.”
“No, not at all. Thank you so much. And I’m sorry that I bumped into you earlier. I didn’t notice.” You quickly say, already feeling the awkwardness in the air disappearing. You take the paper bag and take out the doughnut from it. It is already going a little cold, most likely because of the air.
“That is fine.” He replies. “Are you alone?”
“No, I’m waiting for my… boyfriend.” You cannot help but grin at the new identity you have given Nikolai. It makes you happy, so you are going to refer to him as such to strangers from now on.
“Is that so? He doesn’t mind leaving you alone in this foreign place?” The man asks.
“Ah, he trusts me enough so… Uhm, how do you know I’m not from here?”
“You just confirmed it.”
You are rendered speechless. What a quick-witted guy, this one. “Let me guess, are you from here then? Because you know much about who is and isn’t from Petersburg.” You grin.
“Close enough, little mouse. I am from Moscow.”
“Moscow isn’t that close.”
“Perhaps. Both are great cities. But Saint Petersburg has been my home, where my stories are written the most.” He says before he looks at the chessboard. “Do you know how to play chess?”
“Uhm, no. I’ve seen people play, but I don’t know the rules. Is it like checkers? Do you know how?”
“It’s a great game to pass the time,” he says. He takes out the chess pieces from the box and arranges both black and white pieces on the board. “There are many rules. Certain pieces must move according to their own rule. But remembering how a piece should move is not hard. Everyone has their predetermined roles in this world after all. Just like these pieces.”
“Oh… so this horse and castle have different rules? Wait, which one is the actual castle?” You ask, holding a rook and a bishop in your hand. The man briefly glances at you with an unfathomable look.
“That is the rook. It moves in a straight line—horizontal and vertical. The other is the bishop. It moves diagonally. That ‘horse’ is called the knight. Well, to make it simple for the likes of you, it moves in the shape of the letter ‘L’. Four squares. And this is the queen, where she can move in a straight and diagonal line. The king can do the same too, but he is only allowed one square per move, unlike the queen. Of course, these pieces can move backwards and towards, just like humans. After all, sometimes in our plan, we should look back to see what we have missed, what path we should have taken.”
“Ergh… Yes, this is really for smart people.” You grumble, watching the guy arrange the pieces for you. You murmur under your breath, repeating and memorising the rules for each piece. “What about these small bald ones?” You point at the row of pieces lining up in front of the fancy-looking ones.
“They are the pawns. They are given the choice to move one or two squares, only in the beginning. They can only move one square ahead in a move. Unless they want to capture another pawn, then you are allowed to make one diagonal move.” He tells you.
“Huh? That’s it? There are so many of them, though. Surely they have other important roles.” You say.
“Pawns are meant to be baits—they are there to open the paths and set the stage.” He looks at you with a thin smile and a dark gaze. “Your turn to make a move first, little mouse.”
“What? Oh— Okay, I guess I’m gonna go easy on you.” You joke as you move a pawn two squares forward. He mirrors your move with a pawn on a square in front of a knight piece. You immediately move another pawn a square ahead, and he finally moves his knight.
“Wait!” You hold a hand up at him. “This is too quick, time out, time out.”
The man looks baffled, a snicker leaves his mouth. “This isn’t a competition. You are allowed to take time. You have to think your next move, and the next, and then the next.”
“Oh, right. I got excited. My boyfriend really likes this sort of board game. But he’s always cheating.” You complain before you finally slow down your eagerness and move the last pawn one square ahead.
“He is able to cheat his way because you have so much trust in him.” The man replies, making a move on his knight.
“Of course. Things get rough sometimes, but I’ve always believed him.”
His purple irises trail up at you, staring hard. Noticing his silence, you look at him, a little nervous. He smiles, though it feels insincere. “What are those beads around your neck? Rosary, I assume.”
You pause, and your hand subconsciously touch the rosary that you wear as a necklace. It was given by Nastasya, a memento from her mother. “Yeah… It’s from a friend…”
“Do you believe in God?”
What.
“Uh, to a degree, I suppose? I-I don’t know…”
“What about your lover?”
Nikolai? You rake through all the memories of your conversation with him as you try to distract yourself from your nervousness by making your move on the chessboard. “He doesn’t seem to be fond of such ideas. I guess free will and God are like antonyms for him.”
“There are many arguments for such rhetoric. Have God determined our path, or have God blessed us with choices? Does free will come from the complexity of human minds, or does it come from God’s will? Are we the chess pieces, or are we those who move them?” He smiles at you. “What do you think, little mouse?”
“Erm…”
Frankly, you do not care. God, free will, evil, good, chicken, egg—honestly, those sound delicious right now—you just want to be able to love and be loved.
But just to be nice and keep the conversation going, you try to form an answer anyway.
“W-What if both of those are not really a thing?”
He looks surprised by your answer. “Elaborate.”
“Ah.” I’m just saying shit. You find yourself raking through your brain, seeking knowledge you learned in school before. And this man looks smart. He talks as if he holds the knowledge of the whole world, as if this land is a novel he can read easily.
“Well, let’s think of it like… what if both of those concepts are just merely manmade and don’t really have that much significance in the next decade? Evolution! Something like that?” You shrug. “Maybe the idea of free will is created because people want to do a lot of things without concerns about many factors. Like… like my boyfriend may want to hurt someone, but he can’t because he doesn’t wanna get into prison. That kind of factor. Maaaybe, the idea of God is created on a similar basis. Because humans need to hold a certain principle to not go crazy. Like, there are a lot of things we can't know about the universe, so sometimes it's comforting to create someone to fulfil that idea. Right? Uh wait! I’m not saying God doesn’t exist—maybe He does for lots of people. L-Like you.”
The man goes silent for a moment. He nods slowly before he extends a hand to the chessboard, moving his queen to trap your king. “Ramblings can form a clearer image of one’s perspective. I appreciate your insights.”
“Oh, you’re very welcome.” You beam, a little proud at whatever words you just jumbled out. “I find this kind of topic a little hard, but you don’t make me feel that bad about it. Hehe.”
“Is that so? You’re very welcome too, little mouse.” He nods before he snickers. “This is a check, by the way.” You finally realise that his queen is just a couple of moves away from capturing your king. You grunt, moving your king away. As if he is toying with you, he wastes his turn to move a rook that is far away from your king.
So you move your pawn ahead. “There..! Hey, this pawn is on your row. Doesn’t this mean I can upgrade it? I saw it when my classmates played it. Don’t you try cheating on me.”
The man glares at the board. “… Yes.”
“Yeay. I’m gonna change it to my queen. Because you ate mine with your horse earlier.” You grin, happily removing the pawn on the last row on the man’s side and placing your queen piece instead. “Now I can protect my king.”
“I withdraw.”
“Huh?”
He gets up from the seat and gives you one last smile. “It was a pleasure to converse with you. Unfortunately, I must leave now.” He says, taking off his ushanka and placing it on his chest. He bows slightly at you, like a gentleman. “I wish you well, little mouse.”
He offers a hand to shake, and you hesitantly grab it. Cold. As if death is just around the corner. He turns around then, leaving you confused about whatever had transpired for the past moment. You stare blankly at the chessboard.
You were just having fun too.
— ✿
“This smells so stale.”
Nikolai scrunches his nose as he is driving around outside of a public park, in search of a parking lot. He makes a mental note to buy a car freshener later. It is just a small car—he does not plan his comfort to be this far. He just needs a car to travel to his death, and that is all.
Now he is about to bring this to a hypermarket, for obvious reasons.
Finally, after about five minutes, he finds an empty parking spot, and he parks his car there. After that, he makes his way into the public park again, trying to find you. Fortunately, he easily spots you at a chess table instead of the bench he left you earlier. He smiles broadly, strolling towards you.
“Hey—”
His smile withers when he notices your sombre face. That face immediately changes when you hear his voice though, but he does not let that fact go.
“Kolya, hello.” You wave at him as he approaches you and sits in the chair across from you. He looks at the table, finding that the pieces are scattered all over, remnants of a recent game. He notices the doughnut too. He knows that with the money he gave you, you could either afford that tea or the doughnut. Not both.
“What happened?”
“Hm?”
“Something happened to you. Tell me.”
“Nothing bad happened, I promise!” You say quickly. Your expression looks innocent though. “Just, there was a guy, and we chatted, and he taught me how to chess.” You explain.
“A guy? What guy?” Nikolai frowns. Could it be Ivan? That is a little impossible because Ivan got off at Moscow yesterday. Unless he was bullshitting—which is more likely—then it is plausible that you were talking with Ivan. However, you look like you are not disturbed compared to when Ivan was being a creep back in the train.
Pushkin? Hell no. That guy looks suspicious from the get-go. You know better than to talk to him freely.
“Kolya, don’t get angry, but…” You grimace, munching the doughnut. “I forgot to ask his name.”
“It’s great that you didn’t know his name. I might have sought him and killed him in front of you.”
“Yeah. Wait, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I’ll kill people.”
“Nikolai, that’s not nice. Why don’t we just work together in a convenience store? You’re so strong and so muscular, you can carry two boxes at once!”
Nikolai makes a disgusted face, shaking his head. “Do you know how much money I can get from doing one dirty job? More than a monthly salary as a cashier, that’s for sure. And thanks for the compliment, yes, I did notice that.”
“Hey, doesn’t that mean you can actually give me more cash for something to eat?” You grunt, pointing your finger at his face, almost touching his nose. “You’re stingy with money. Bad boy.”
He glances at it before he smirks and licks your finger.
“H-Hey!”
You retract your hand quickly, looking at him in disbelief. He giggles, resting his chin on his hand that is propped on the table. “Come on. What’s that face for? I literally lick your pu—”
“S-Shut up…!”
“And you literally squeezed my head with your thighs—”
“Nikolai Gogol!”
“You also locked my whole ass when I was—”
Immediately, you grab his face, pulling him close before you slam your lips on his.
It works.
Eyes widen, frozen. You shut him up successfully.
— ✿
Night has been the time when you look forward to the most ever since Nikolai took you in.
You used to not really get excited when the moon went up in the sky. Mostly it was because of your old job. But then, Nikolai came into the picture.
He used to leave for ‘work’ during the post-midnight hours—you looked forward to watching him getting ready for whatever Viktor told him to do hours before.
Olga used to hold you back for the late-night shift—so you looked forward to the moment he came to fetch you home.
The couch in the living room used to be his bed, until he warmed up to you—you looked forward to the hour he got onto the same bed, lying next to you.
And for (very obvious) reasons undeniable to your heart, you are also looking forward for tonight.
There is no promise being made, though. No plans were being suggested. He did not even bring it up when you were submerged in the bathtub with him this morning. He really just cleaned you up and sat in peace with you in the water mixed with cheap soap—though he made multiple inappropriate touches on your body occasionally.
But when the sun goes down, your mind creeps into its dark corner, repeating events that happened last night. You had felt you were getting nervous when you left the hypermarket with him, and realised that it was getting dark. You stole glances at him, secretly hoping that he would start the move first. At some point, you tried to hint at something by squeezing his arm harder, but of course, he just looked at you with his adorable eyes.
It kinda baffles you that a man in his 30s can look cute like that. Or maybe love is blind.
“Why am I acting like this…” You mutter to yourself, bringing your knees close to your body. You have been hiding in the laundry room—your first-ever safe room in this house—because your thoughts are getting a little overwhelming. Maybe you have lost your mind when you felt something was ignited within you just because you saw him rolling his sleeves up to unload bottles of drinks into the fridge.
“Okay. Okay, stay normal. Stay good, me.” You tap your own cheeks before you lift yourself to finally get out of the room. However, your body is barely up when you suddenly hear his faint voice calling your name.
“Hey~ where are you~?”
You freeze, mouth immediately pressed together to keep quiet. You return to sit on the floor, watching the door and hearing his voice from the outside.
“I know you’re there~” Nikolai chimes, and he sounds a little close. He is probably in the kitchen now. “Boo! Huh? No?”
Did he just try to spook you wherever he thought you were hiding? The confidence is quite funny.
“Hey! Where are you? Are you running away from me?” His voice echoes in the house again. You find yourself flinching at his sudden loud yell, despite the fact that there is no anger in his tone. He does sound a little annoyed though.
You do not want to make him pissed—although seeing him reacting to your naughtiness has been one of your favourite things to do—so you finally get up from the floor. But you hesitate again when his sudden silence sends an alarm to your head and chills all over your skin.
Why is he quiet? Is he angry?
You slowly open the door and peek outside, only to find that your surroundings are empty. You thread nervously to the living room, eyes still looking back and ahead, trying to seek him. But the jester disappears into thin air, it seems. Like magic.
“Hey.”
Calm voice. But it sounds so close.
“I also love a little cat and mouse game.”
Behind—?
You turn your head around, surprised to see Nikolai standing right behind you. You could not even process what happened—when did he appear, because you swear he is not behind you—as he hugs you from behind, arms holding you close.
“Aah—!”
“You know, little dove? This isn’t my first rodeo.” He says right beside your ear. “You enjoyed it too, huh? Otherwise, you wouldn’t be that quiet. I knew you’re in there—the closed door is enough of an answer. You could’ve just yelled ‘Come and fetch me’, and we could have a lot of fun.”
“Did you wish I had come after you like this when I kidnapped you? Hm? You know if you wanted to get chased, you could’ve just told me.” His lips brush over your neck. “I can set the stage for you. Where is it? The forest? The dark street of Peters? A haunted house? I have my favourite too, if you’d like that.”
You shudder, whining as you try to wiggle your way out. Nikolai chuckles, clearly enjoying his torment over you. He finally lets go of you, and you quickly move away from him, hands clutching your heart.
“Poor girl.” He grins, despite his words holding no sincerity. He sits down on the sofa, legs spread, one arm over the cushions and the other rests down. He pats his thigh, and you shyly place yourself on him, holding him. He smiles, tracing his knuckles over your face. “Why were you hiding, love? Are you scared of me?”
“No… Not at all. I just… It’s uh… I couldn’t think straight so I just— I’m kinda finding my comfort there.”
“So I’m no longer a comfort for you?”
You quickly shake your head. “That’s literally not what I meant. I just… If I tell you, you’re gonna ridicule me, and mock me, and bully me, and—”
“Oh my, someone’s a little angry at me.” He cackles. “I’m not gonna do that, sweetheart. But I like that face of yours when you’re all sulky. Makes me want to eat you up.” He kisses your forehead as a tiny apology. “So? What is it?”
You stare hard at his chest before you nervously look into his eyes. But you find yourself averting your own a little too quickly. “I just… I can’t stop thinking about it.”
He stays silent.
You cling your arms around his neck, sheepishly gaze at him. “Can we… do it again? If it’s not tonight, it’s okay too. Maybe someday, we do it..?”
“What ‘it’?”
“Y-You know what I mean, Nikolai…”
“Mm-mm, I don’t understand you if you keep being vague, dolly.” He smirks, full on intention. And he does not even bother to hide his faux confusion. Nikolai’s hand squeezes your side a little harder. “Speak clearly.”
Truthfully, he is quite interested in whatever synonym you might come up with just to avoid the word ‘sex’. You have a quirk in being out of pocket at times. Who knows, maybe your lascivious mind can create a fun, innovative word. A regular synonym works too—lovemaking, devil’s tango, intercourse—shit, he can even expect you to say ‘mating’.
“Kolya…”
“Yes?” Oh, I’m so excited to hear it.
“C-Can— Can you f-fuck me?”
His brain just explodes, probably. The wires in his neurons are shut down. Nikolai lets out a breathy chuckle before he cups your face, bringing you close.
“I think,” He softly kisses your lips. “I’m starting to get obsessed with you.”
He kisses you again, deeper this time. His tongue slides between your teeth, tangling with yours. He crawls his hands all over your body, groping your chest before he grips your hips, moving them back and forth against his hardening boner.
Your moan shatters out from your throat, before you break the kiss, holding his face. Nikolai is already blushing hard, eyes dark and sharp on you. You bite your lips, humping his clothed dick as he continues to pepper his kisses on your neck, tickling your erogenous spots. His hands are roaming all over your body, already slipping into your shirt, massaging everything under.
“Kolya…” You whisper his name softly, beside his ear, as your hands travel down his body, touching and feeling the muscles that shape his figure before you tug on the waistband of his sweatpants. Your fingers slip inside his shirt, tracing soft hairs leading downward.
“Ooh… f-fuck…” He hisses. Through his hazy gaze, he looks at you and tugs on your shorts. “Take these all off, baby.”
“O-Okay…” You move to the side a little bit, just enough for you to take off your shorts, revealing your light blue panties—adorned with scattered navy tiny hearts. Nikolai stares for more than necessary—he remembers buying that for you when you begged him for extra clothes during your hostage period.
“Mm, is she excited yet?” He teases, running his knuckle against the middle of your panties. You let out a small yelp out of surprise before your movement hastens. Nikolai looks up, finally seeing that you are also taking off your shirt—he did not tell you to do so, but he will not be telling you to stop now.
More for his eyes to feast.
“Aren’t you a cute girl?” He smirks, pulling you by your hips to sit on him again. He leans forward, giving a soft kiss on the mound of your breast. With a gentle guide, he thrusts up slightly to adjust his position, letting his boner meet your pussy. He shamelessly moans your name, placing his mouth on your neck again to kiss more.
You whine softly, humping him. You hold his face, pulling him away from your neck, just to kiss his lips. A delighted groan thunders from his throat, enjoying that you are getting encouraged to initiate things now. Your hands travel from his face to his hair, before you move them down his body to shyly palm his dick through his pants. He is already hard—a clear tent.
Nikolai breaks the kiss, staring at you with a naughty grin. “You want it, baby?”
“Mm-hm…”
“Use me, then.” He kisses your lips briefly. “I’m all yours.”
Heat broils deep within you, burning all over your skin. You tug his waistband down, and he helps by lifting his hips for you. Hasty and excited, your effort sends warmth right into his head. Nikolai starts to breathe a little heavier, already flushing like crazy. Sweat forms on his skin as he keeps swallowing his own saliva—an attempt to satiate, especially when your fingers are wrapping around his girth, jerking him.
“Fuck…!” He moans loudly, throwing his head back. With his sweaty neck in your view, you bravely kiss his neck and give tiny licks on his skin. Your hand diligently strokes him, already slick with his arousal. Nikolai chuckles breathily, one hand on the back of your head as his other hand gropes your ass. He moves his hand from your ass to touch your pussy, teasing your sensitive clit. Already, your panties are wet.
He pushes the fabric to the side, and his hand that is on the back of your head pulls on your hair, breaking your lips from nibbling his skin. “Come on, little dove, you’re killing me here.” He begs. A hint of shyness is still on your face as you nod and adjust yourself above him. With a slight shakiness, you lower yourself down on his cock, filling your inside.
“A-Aanh…!”
Nikolai curses under his breath, holding your body close as his cock is buried deep inside your cunt. You are already moving, grinding your hips desperately. He whimpers slightly, biting his lips as his hazy eyes watch how your pussy is taking him in every time you bounce on his dick.
Kisses exchanged, and both of your lusts are rushing up—exhilarating. Your moans are getting louder, accompanied by his own lewd noises. He keeps inciting you, hands all over your body. You whimper; your movement is staggering. Nikolai chuckles, one hand slips down to rub your clit, inciting you.
“Come on, dolly. Be a good girl for me,” He smooches your skin, his grin broadens as he watches you move again, putting the work to reach your climax. “There…” He puts a little more pressure on your bundle of nerves, as another hand guides your hips. “There you go, atta girl.”
“Aah…! Hmm…!” You whine, pelvis trembles as your move hastens. Your body feels incredibly warm inside, and you sweat profusely, tremoring with overwhelming pleasure. “Haa—! K-Kolya— Aah~!” You wrap your arms around him tightly, practically pulling him close to you as your body stills on top of him. Your thighs quiver as your mushy walls contract around his dick.
Nikolai lifts his face—almost suffocated on your cleavage, although such a death is not a bad choice—and cackles as he watches you through your climax. Your body is warm, moulded perfectly for him to embrace.
“Kolya— Ah!” You yelp again when he suddenly hooks both of your thighs with his arms, quickly laying you down on the sofa. His dick slips out, but he hurries to slide back in, making you whimper at the slight sting out of the sensitiveness in your core. Your body arches as his hand slithers from your pussy to your tummy, up to your chest and wraps nicely around your neck. He tightens his grip, bringing his lips down to your ear. You moan in bliss.
“Don’t sleep now, little dove. I need you to keep up with me.”
contents ❥ fem!reader, noncon, manipulation, medical torture(?), dead dove do not eat, wc: 0.2k
notes ❥ i cant help it hehe
You were given promises.
Promises to be better, to be healthier, to finally be able to live like any normal human, and not just have a ‘sick-person’ label on your identity. That is why you came to Rhodes Hill in the first place—to see whether these promises will come to fruition.
But you find yourself stuck in a predicament. The pain of having things injected into your body is swirling in tandem as your mind is confusing it with the pleasure in your crotch.
“There…” You glance up at the monstrous-looking man who is responsible for everything that has happened to you. His thick fingers gently rub your clit in circular motions, making your legs spasm over the stimulation.
“There, there, isn't this nice?” Dr Gideon whispers huskily as his other hand holds your arm still—a tube is administering some kind of liquid into your body, little by little. The sensation makes you feel like you are being hydrated a little too much, as if you are drowning.
But it is just one of his sick experiments.
“Doctor…” You let out a pitiful whimper. He looks at you through the weird visor on his head.
“Yes…” He grins, his forked tongue slithers out in a quick second. “Yes… Does it hurt?”
His fingers travel down a little and slowly slide inside, his thumb rubbing hard. Your toes curled, and your body arches slightly before he firms his hold on your arm.
It hurts. It hurts it hurts it hurts everything is a thorn inside you.
Yuta stirs, frowning at the glimpse of sunshine peeking through the curtains. He blinks his eyes open as his arm pulls your naked body closer to his. You sigh, resting your head on his firm chest.
“Come on, special grade… Let me leave for work, can you?” You say poutily, tracing the faint scars on his chest. Yuta turns his face to look at you, eyes judging your choice of words.
‘Work’, really? You’re a curse user who takes payment, more often than not, for bad purposes. You’ve killed and tormented many, and Yuta was tasked to stop you. It was certainly an honour to have a special grade sorcerer to chase after you.
To escape a special grade sorcerer (second to Gojo too) is futile. So you did what you knew best—heavy flirting, get into his bed, and rob him blind or something. The first two worked—multiple times. This time is one of those.
“Stay the night, will you?” Yuta sighs. “Whatever work you have, maybe don’t do it today.”
“Night? Sun is up, special grade. And I was already paid for the job,” You mumble, pleading him. “Come on, I promised I would never touch your friends, didn’t I?”
He glances at you before he smiles. “Alright, I’ll let you leave.” He says, before he wraps both of his arms around you, caging your body. He grins teasingly. “Only if you can get away.”
“Ugh… this is never a fair game, Yuta.” You grumble, wiggling your body weakly. Bottomless cursed energy, combined with his pure prowess—of course you cannot just get away when he is holding you close.
“Is that so? You’re a pretty tricky curse user. Do your tricks.” He teases again.
“Fine, fine, I’ll stay the night today.” You roll your eyes, feigning annoyance. Yuta cackles before he kisses the top of your head and loosens his hold around you.
“You’re very obedient for a curse user.” He says before he hoists himself up and sits on the edge of the bed. He grabs his pair of shorts that were tossed away during last night’s rendezvous. You only watch him getting up from bed, holding back a smirk when you see glimpses of his behind. He turns then, gazing down at you with a knowing smile.
“Where’d you look?”
“Awh, come on. I deserve to see a bit of your ass. You’ve seen mine.” You stick out your tongue playfully. Yuta snorts before he makes a small stretch.
“So you’re gonna stay, yeah? No doing bad things?”
“Mm-hm.”
“Good. Breakfast in bed?”
“Why, aren’t you a gentleman?” You giggle, voice sultry as you lie flat on your back, not bothering to pull the blanket over your bare chest. Yuta only leers down at your body before he turns to leave the room.
“I’ll be right back.”
You only nod, lounging by yourself as you wait for him to be fully out of sight. Of course you are not gonna sit by and let your client be disappointed. There’s someone you need to curse, and you would like to settle the deal as quick as possible.
So you finally lift your body to leave…
…Only for you to find your leg stuck on something. You shove the blanket away, seeing one of your ankles is cuffed to the bed, and a pink cursed energy is coating the metal, enforcing the material to dig into your skin.
“Didn’t you agree to stay with me?”
You look up at the door, seeing Yuta’s darkened gaze upon you, with a smile hiding the tiniest crazed look beneath it. You let out a baffled chuckle.
Yuta stirs, frowning at the glimpse of sunshine peeking through the curtains. He blinks his eyes open as his arm pulls your naked body closer to his. You sigh, resting your head on his firm chest.
“Come on, special grade… Let me leave for work, can you?” You say poutily, tracing the faint scars on his chest. Yuta turns his face to look at you, eyes judging your choice of words.
‘Work’, really? You’re a curse user who takes payment, more often than not, for bad purposes. You’ve killed and tormented many, and Yuta was tasked to stop you. It was certainly an honour to have a special grade sorcerer to chase after you.
To escape a special grade sorcerer (second to Gojo too) is futile. So you did what you knew best—heavy flirting, get into his bed, and rob him blind or something. The first two worked—multiple times. This time is one of those.
“Stay the night, will you?” Yuta sighs. “Whatever work you have, maybe don’t do it today.”
“Night? Sun is up, special grade. And I was already paid for the job,” You mumble, pleading him. “Come on, I promised I would never touch your friends, didn’t I?”
He glances at you before he smiles. “Alright, I’ll let you leave.” He says, before he wraps both of his arms around you, caging your body. He grins teasingly. “Only if you can get away.”
“Ugh… this is never a fair game, Yuta.” You grumble, wiggling your body weakly. Bottomless cursed energy, combined with his pure prowess—of course you cannot just get away when he is holding you close.
“Is that so? You’re a pretty tricky curse user. Do your tricks.” He teases again.
“Fine, fine, I’ll stay the night today.” You roll your eyes, feigning annoyance. Yuta cackles before he kisses the top of your head and loosens his hold around you.
“You’re very obedient for a curse user.” He says before he hoists himself up and sits on the edge of the bed. He grabs his pair of shorts that were tossed away during last night’s rendezvous. You only watch him getting up from bed, holding back a smirk when you see glimpses of his behind. He turns then, gazing down at you with a knowing smile.
“Where’d you look?”
“Awh, come on. I deserve to see a bit of your ass. You’ve seen mine.” You stick out your tongue playfully. Yuta snorts before he makes a small stretch.
“So you’re gonna stay, yeah? No doing bad things?”
“Mm-hm.”
“Good. Breakfast in bed?”
“Why, aren’t you a gentleman?” You giggle, voice sultry as you lie flat on your back, not bothering to pull the blanket over your bare chest. Yuta only leers down at your body before he turns to leave the room.
“I’ll be right back.”
You only nod, lounging by yourself as you wait for him to be fully out of sight. Of course you are not gonna sit by and let your client be disappointed. There’s someone you need to curse, and you would like to settle the deal as quick as possible.
So you finally lift your body to leave…
…Only for you to find your leg stuck on something. You shove the blanket away, seeing one of your ankles is cuffed to the bed, and a pink cursed energy is coating the metal, enforcing the material to dig into your skin.
“Didn’t you agree to stay with me?”
You look up at the door, seeing Yuta’s darkened gaze upon you, with a smile hiding the tiniest crazed look beneath it. You let out a baffled chuckle.
