* WOMAN / WIDOW

she knew herself, how she had slowly, over years, become a cat, a wolf, a snake, anything but a girl. how she had wrung out her girlhood like death.

[chernayavidua]

a fandomless and spy genre based interpretation of natasha romanova from marvel comics / earth-616. influenced by headcanons and non-marvel related media. emphasis on plot driven threads. mature themes present. selective, mutuals only, low-medium activity, slow reply. highly critical of marvel. twenty one+ / written by soph  (she/her) please read rules before interacting. highly critical of marvel. discrd available to mutuals only

* marvel verse is not mcu compliant. * crossovers and aus welcomed.

mobile rules. verses. dossier. memes. plotting. interest tracker.

[chernayavidua]

( guide) : for SENDER to guide RECEIVER'S to their lap by the hips.

the room is cast in a yellow glow from the lap on the nightstand and a faint orange glow from the street light that filters in through the still partially opened blinds. natasha's skirt hikes upward as she straddles his lap. they both know she let him guide her, let him touch her. this is what she wants because somewhere since finding out he was still alive and stitching him up in some run down safehouse, she realized they could build something between them that was entirely their own.

her hands smooth over his shoulders. one moves to cup his jaw as she searches his eyes. one beat passes and then the next. on the third she's leaning in and kissing him. slow yet determined. ( it stirs something in her chest at how easy this feels. ) her other hand fumbled with the material of her skirt until it is gathered around her waist. natasha shifts higher up on his lap and rolls her hips in slow yet firm movements. heat floods her. she nips at his lower lip and pulls back just a fraction, her nose brushing against his. "<is this what you want?>"

[chernayavidua]

( body ) : for SENDER to press their body against RECEIVER'S.

draped in the warm yellow glow of the nightstand light, natasha's hands card into karen's hair as their lips meet. it isn't the slow, lazy kiss that they'd shared in the living room as they watched tv. this was a hungry and passionate kiss, the type that sets her ablaze and makes her stomach flutter. karen's bare form presses against her own, thigh pressing right up against the slick heat between her legs. a soft groan escapes, one hand travels down karen's side, over her hip to grip at her ass. natasha's own thigh lifts up to press more firmly against karen's center.

nipping at the blonde's lower lip, natasha breaks the kiss. lips travel along the soft curve of her jaw as her own hips buck upward to grind herself against karen's thigh. "is this how you want it?" she asks, pressing her head back against the pillow.

[chernayavidua]

you're making this very difficult for me.

they'd danced around each other for months now, neither fully stepping over the line. it would be unprofessional. or so natasha would tell herself. just like she told herself that the only reason she kept coming to the gym was because it helped with the pain she still had from her injury that had ended her dance career years ago. it had nothing to do with the gym's owner. nothing at all.

he falls into step beside her as she moves down the hall. blue eyes twinkle with mischief. "am i?" she knows he's referring to the picture she'd sent him at an ungodly hour the night before. a mirror picture of her laying in bed, waves a mess, a foot aloof, and the curve of her ass just visible. it was accompanied by a simple p.t tomorrow :(

since arriving at the gym almost two hours ago she had purposefully been avoiding him. not because she was ashamed of what she'd done ---nudged whatever it was that they had going out of the friend zone--- but because she wanted him to stew in whatever feelings the picture had brought up. ( it also excited her to go about her day while knowing full well what she'd sent him. ) natasha turns to him now as they stand outside the locker room. blue eyes flicker over him, the corner of her lips quirking upward into a slow stretching smile. "i prefer to think of it as keeping you on your toes."

[zachrp]

ᝰ🚬 𝚉𝙰𝙲𝙷𝚁𝙿 .ᐟ RANDOM SUGGESTIVE DIALOGUE + ACTION PROMPTS. CHANGE ANY PRONOUNS IF NECESSARY. SOME MATURE THEMES MAY BE PRESENT. SEND "REVERSE" TO SWITCH THE ROLES OF SENDER AND RECEIVER.

DIALOGUE

come here, i just want you closer.

don't rush. i want to feel this.

you feel so good inside me.

i've been thinking about this all day.

tell me what you want.

you drive me absolutely insane.

i love it when you look at me like that.

don't stop, please.

i need you right here.

you're doing that on purpose, aren't you?

i can't stop touching you.

you feel perfect like this.

stay with me tonight.

i want all of you.

you make it hard to think straight.

look at me. keep your eyes on me.

i love the sounds you make.

you're being dangerous right now.

i missed you.. missed this part of you, too.

let me take my time with you.

you're warm. you're real.

i don't want this to end yet.

come closer. closer than that.

you feel like home.

don't tease me unless you mean it.

i like it when you lose control like this.

you're everything i want right now.

you're breathtaking when you're like this.

stay still, let me.

i love how responsive you are.

you're making this very difficult for me.

you don't know what you do to me.

say my name again.

can i come inside? please..

you feel even better than i imagined.

i want to hear you.

you're intoxicating.

i could touch you forever.

don't hide from me.

you're mine tonight.

you look incredible like this.

i love being this close to you.

you're shaking, i've got you.

you taste amazing.

i want you exactly like this.

i'm not letting you go yet.

you're taking me so well.

tell me if this feels good.

i love how soft you are.

breathe, you're doing so well.

i can feel your heartbeat.

i want to make you melt.

you're so beautiful it hurts.

stay right there.

i love when you get needy.

you don't have to be quiet with me.

you feel incredible under my hands.

i've wanted this longer than i'll admit.

you're all i can think about.

i want to savor you.

let me show you how much i want you.

you're making me weak.

i love being tangled up with you.

don't pull away.

i could get addicted to this.

you feel even better pressed against me.

you're driving me absolutely feral.

stay. just like that.

i love how you react to me.

i want to make you feel good.

you're mine in this moment.

you feel so right.

let me kiss you again.

you're intoxicating this close.

i love your hands on me.

you're impossible to resist.

don't stop touching me.

i love when you pull me closer.

you make me feel wanted.

i could stay like this forever.

you're everything i need right now.

i want to hear you come.

you're so warm.

let me take care of you.

i love when you relax into me.

you feel incredible against me.

i'm not done with you yet.

you're making this very tempting.

open up for me..

you're perfect right here.

i want you to remember this.

you're all mine tonight.

i love when you lean into me.

you make me ache.

don't hold back with me.

you feel amazing when you're like this.

i want to feel every part of you.

you're driving me crazy.

i love how close we are.

i don't want to stop touching you.

you're exactly where you belong.

let me feel you breathe.

you're making me lose focus.

stay with me a little longer.

you're everything i want right now.

i want you slow.

you feel incredible wrapped around me.

you're so responsive.

don't rush this.

i love when you look at me like that.

you make this feel so easy.

i want you close when you fall asleep.

you're intoxicating like this.

i love your warmth.

stay right here with me.

you make me feel wanted.

i want you to feel how much i want you.

don't go yet.

you're making me want more.

i love being like this with you.

you're everything in this moment.

let me hold you.

you feel so good against me.

i want to remember this.

you're breathtaking this close.

stay tangled up with me.

i love how you fit with me.

you're making me soft.

i want to stay right here.

don't stop touching me like that.

you're incredible.

i love how needy you get.

you feel perfect right now.

let me keep you here.

you're everything i want.

i want to make this last.

you're making me melt.

stay close.

i love your closeness.

you're intoxicating.

don't move.

i want you exactly like this.

you make me feel alive.

i love being wrapped up with you.

you're so easy to love like this.

you're everything to me right now.

i don't want to rush this moment.

you feel so right.

i want to fall asleep like this.

you're mine tonight.

ACTIONS

( fingers ) : for SENDER to lace their fingers with RECEIVER'S.

( lean ) : for SENDER to lean in until their breaths mingle.

( trail ) : for SENDER to trail their fingertips along RECEIVER'S arm.

( slow ) : for SENDER to press a slow kiss to RECEIVER'S mouth.

( waist ) : for SENDER to pull RECEIVER closer by the waist.

( body ) : for SENDER to press their body against RECEIVER'S.

( neck ) : for SENDER to nuzzle into RECEIVER'S neck.

( murmur ) : for SENDER to murmur softly against RECEIVER'S skin.

( cradle ) : for SENDER to cradle RECEIVER'S face in their hands.

( linger ) : for SENDER to linger close without speaking.

( back ) : for SENDER to stroke RECEIVER'S back slowly.

( firmly ) : for SENDER to hold RECEIVER'S firmly in their arms.

( guide ) : for SENDER to guide RECEIVER'S to their lap by the hips.

( forehead ) : for SENDER to rest their forehead against RECEIVER'S.

( sigh ) : for SENDER to sigh softly against RECEIVER'S mouth.

( cup ) : for SENDER to cup RECEIVER'S cheek gently.

( jaw ) : for SENDER to trail kisses along RECEIVER'S jawline.

( arms ) : for SENDER to wrap their arms around RECEIVER.

( tug ) : for SENDER to tug RECEIVER closer by their clothing.

( temple ) : for SENDER to press a kiss to RECEIVER'S temple.

( skin ) : for SENDER to linger with their lips against RECEIVER'S skin.

( chest ) : for SENDER to hold RECEIVER close against their chest.

( thumb ) : for SENDER to brush their thumb over RECEIVER'S lips.

( deep ) : for SENDER to kiss RECEIVER slowly and deeply.

( nudge ) : for SENDER to nudge RECEIVER closer with their knee.

( curl ) : for SENDER to curl around RECEIVER protectively.

( rest ) : for SENDER to rest their hand at RECEIVER'S lower back.

( lap ) : for SENDER to pull RECEIVER into their lap.

( collar ) : for SENDER to kiss along RECEIVER'S collarbone.

( hips ) : for SENDER to hold RECEIVER'S hips firmly.

( hair ) : for SENDER to brush hair away from RECEIVER'S face.

( press ) : for SENDER to press slow kisses along RECEIVER'S neck.

( nuzzle ) : for SENDER to nuzzle closer, seeking warmth.

( stroke ) : for SENDER to stroke RECEIVER'S thigh absently.

( still ) : for SENDER to hold RECEIVER still beneath their hands.

( kiss ) : for SENDER to kiss RECEIVER'S until they both breathless.

( trace ) : for SENDER to trace small circles on RECEIVER'S skin.

( heart ) : for SENDER to rest their hand over RECEIVER'S heart.

( brush ) : for SENDER to brush their nose against RECEIVER'S.

( wrap ) : for SENDER to wrap their legs around RECEIVER.

( hold ) : for SENDER to hold RECEIVER after climaxing.

( savor ) : for SENDER to kiss RECEIVER slowly, savoring it.

( cuddle ) : for SENDER to pull RECEIVER into a tight cuddle.

( cheek ) : for SENDER to rest their cheek against RECEIVER'S shoulder.

( pull ) : for SENDER to pull RECEIVER closer until there's no space left.

[chernayavidua]

i know the world is on fire, everything sucks, everyone's nervous systems are fried to hell and back and yes this is a hobby but has the rpc considered this might be the last year rpers can access the internet anonymously? like ik in the grand scheme of things rp doesn't matter but it's just a question since i know many ppl have made friendships on here and what not.

[chernayavidua]

with all these internet surveillance bills popping up (hissing and growling at the one that was introduced in cali recently) getting an html achieve version of your blog sound like a good idea. i've already done it across my blogs with the help of python and tumblr-utils. i use this version of tumblr-utils and python version 3.10 for windows. i know most people have way more likes and posts than i do but i was able to archive a little over 1k likes from my non-rp blog. so for some folks this might be something feasible. i don't know if there's a limit to how many posts can be archived (i'm sure there is but i don't know it) but i would suggest those that are nostalgic about their likes or posts like i am to look into using tumblr-utils.

[chernayavidua]

𝐒𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐇   𝐎𝐑   𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐒 + bruce :)

the man behind the mask asking such a frivolous, ----bordering on childish ---- question? how amusing. the widow smiles. gloved fingers of her right hand ghost along his stubbled jaw. moss colored gaze fliting over his features. the woman and the widow settle somewhere between further closing the distance and remaining just out of reach. "well hello to you too, mr. wayne." amusement drips from her words and settles into the twinkle in her eyes despite her features remaining neutral. as if changing her mind, she puts distance between them, and slowly moves backward down the brightly lit empty hall of his company.

natasha slowly tugs the zipper of her widow suit all the way down. "smash, as the kids would say."

[chernayavidua]

  " 𝐒𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐇   𝐎𝐑   𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐒 “

"you're only asking because you want to hear me say it, huh?"

the answer hasn't changed in decades. not really. not entirely. clint will always hold a special place in her heart that is all his own. there's a hint of a nose scrunch that is the product of the language used ---- it feels youthful, in that odd way gen-whatever is now a days. ( she wouldn't be surprised if kate had told him all about it. )

"smash."

[chernayavidua]

                 studio 54. a thick cloud of smoke hanging in the air. karl lagerfeld to her left talking about his up coming collection. a pair of green eyes finding her through the crowd and smoke. ben had been one of the few people that madame natasha had not fallen into bed with or had been rumored to have fallen into bed with ——not for lack of trying, as their flirting was always obvious and their attraction for each other was never hidden. but between hero duties, the relationship ending with daredevil, short lived flings with a few famous faces in hollywood, and then her decision to leave new york to lead her own team on the west coast, acting on the attraction had never materialized. nor did it ever leave the walls of studio 54.

                 now, those same green eyes merely glance at her. dust, smoke, and soot hang between them but she would recognize those eyes and nose anywhere. she's so used to out living everyone she's knows, so used to seeing people she knew from her past age in a way she doesn't, that seeing ben again is odd to say the least. ( she has come to accept that the ghosts of her past have a life of their own. ) the medic cleans the scrape on her forehead and tells her she should go to medical to get checked out.

                 her kevlar suit absorbed most of the impact into the building. natasha knows from experience that her shoulder will be uncomfortable for a few days, but she's had worse. agents move to and fro as clean up and damage assessment start. natasha waits until he's alone ——or as alone as one can be in this situation—— and away from prying ears before materializing at his side. ( even with so much destruction and chaos around them, her footsteps are as quiet as a deer's. )

                 "we are a long way from studio 54."

random starter for @garglemyballsack

[chernayavidua]

i want to take a moment to be an utter sap and let everyone on my dash know that this blog is 5 years old now. (technically 10 years but the flop attempts don't count) back in 2021 when i came back for like the 6th time i truly didn't think it would stick but it in fact did. and because of that i was able to get to write with some wonderful peeps (looking at @sevenbulletsavior @worldsokayestdad @bloodsalted @clawsextended and a ton of others who are no longer active) and despite the fomo i had over the past couple years due to various factors, looking back i'm just happy that i had privilege of writing her on here with wonderful and talented people for five whole fucking years.

love you guys xx

[void-of-nothing]

The age verification thing is horseshit!!!!!! full stop!!!!! Everyone knows the moderation on this site explicitly targets transgender people, especially trans women & transfeminist allies, people of color, and other marginalized groups, often marking their blogs and flagging their posts as mature.

This new update will explicitly take away the visibility of marginalized people. Raise hell about it. Write reviews and call in like we did for the reblog update. If anything, this is even more important than that one, especially for trans women and people of color who are already flagged.

[thehouseofwayne]

─ Izzy Ravas, Disarm: A Forbidden Roman (What We Don't Say )

[bruz3r]

@chernayavidua .

[gloriagraves]

STOP California’s Social Media Ban (A.B. 1709)

A.B. 1709 bans anyone under 16 from using social media & forces every user, regardless of age, to verify their identity before accessing social platforms.

TAKE ACTION

Tell your California State Assemblymember to VOTE NO on A.B. 1709:

https://act.eff.org/action/stop-california-s-social-media-ban-a-b-17

Act Now to Stop California’s Paternalistic and Privacy-Destroying Social Media Ban

California lawmakers are fast-tracking A.B. 1709—a sweeping bill that would ban anyone under 16 from using social media and force every user

April 24, 2026

California lawmakers are fast-tracking A.B. 1709—a sweeping bill that would ban anyone under 16 from using social media and force every user, regardless of age, to verify their identity before accessing social platforms. That means that under this bill, all Californians would be required to submit highly sensitive government-issued ID or biometric information to private companies simply to participate in the modern public square. In the name of “safety,” this bill would destroy online anonymity, expose sensitive personal data to breach and abuse, and replace parental decision-making with state-mandated censorship. A.B. 1709 has already passed out of the Assembly Privacy and Judiciary Committees with nearly unanimous support. Its next stop is the Assembly Appropriations Committee, followed by a floor vote—likely within the next week.

[chernayavidua]

THE WIDOW & THE BAT @bruz3r

[chernayavidua]

💋 + marvel verse dean maybe?? how you doin'?

4 + 1 kiss ➢ no longer accepting / @bloodsalted

i.

                 spies know how to use a knives, right? dean asks. she interrupts sam with analyst, because that's the story fury and maria had sold them about who she was.

“ shield hires only the best. i can handle myself regardless. ”

                 but apparently that doesn't satisfy dean because he's going on about how important it is to know how to use knives and how going up against a djin is no walk in the park. natasha has, over the course of the past couple of months, become attune to the brother's individual footsteps. which is to say that, as she removes the tea bag from her cup and tosses the small bag into the trash, she knows ---even with her back turned--- that it is dean who approaches her. the knife hidden in the back of her belt is pulled out as she whirls around to face him. the blade lands millimeters away from his throat; his hands on her forearm, the only thing keeping metal from kissing flesh. the surprise is written all over his face, and in return, she allows herself a smug smile.

                 “ like i said you, only the best. ” latter words are emphasized with a push against his hands, and by extension the blade. both of which move a fraction closer to his body. her eyes move back and forth over his face, gaze challenging and unwavering. that is, until his gaze flickers down to her lips. tipping her chin up, natasha lets her eyes linger on his lips before leveling her gaze with his throat. she watches the way his adam's apple bobs as he swallows and the faint thrum of skin at his pulse point just below the gleaming blade.

                 “ you just worry about not getting caught by the djin. ” she says, looking up at him through her lashes. natasha feels the edge of the counter dig into the back of her thighs as he pushes more firmly on her arm. a salacious grin takes hold but before she can say anything, sam clears his throat. reminding them that he is, in fact, still in the room.

ii.

                 pointed teeth snap inches away from her face. the only thing keeping the vampire from sinking them into her neck is her strength. somewhere off to one side, she can hear dean also struggling with his own vampire. she punches it hard with her right and then lands a firm kick to the blood sucker's head before scrambling across the damp earth to where her blade lays gleaming in the moonlight.

                 while she's faster and more agile than dean, natasha can feel how wrong her instincts are. ( the instincts to snap a neck, to use her widow bites. ) she can feel how her body still hasn't gotten used to the whole hunting monsters thing. she whirls around in a flurry of crimson hair, ready to strike the vampire, but dean beats her to it.

                 the head is sliced off and blood splatters her as the body crumbles to the floor.

                 “ i was dealing with it. ” annoyance laces her voice. she stands there, giving him and the body a look of frustration. but there’s something in the way dean's hand cups her jaw to inspect the side of her neck that ---coupled with the adrenaline--- stirs something within her that makes her want to lean into his warm calloused touch and kiss him. the only thing that keeps her from acting is her training and the control she has over her body; yet neither stop her gaze from flickering down to his lips for a split second before she's putting space between them.

“ next time, you are playing bait. ”

iii.

you're staring.

                 a small smile tugs at natasha's lips as she lets her gaze flicker from his profile to the horizon and watches the first rays of sun stretch across the cloudless sky before saying anything.

“ you remind me of someone...” trailing off, she turns to better face him.

if you're into that sorta thing. no one's as awesome as i am.

                 natasha, gives him a pointed look.“ i don't mean it in a frivolous way. i mean it in the little things. he was stubborn. he stood firmly by what he believed in and did what he thought was right. regardless if anyone else thought the same. you also remind me of his friend. his friend ---yasha--- was made to do things a long time ago... things he felt he didn't deserve to be forgiven for... despite it all he was a good man. they both were. ” her voice wavers at the end, a sad smile curling across her lips. once upon a time, she was a woman without a country. now, she was a woman without a universe. but if there's one thing that natalya alyanovna romanova is best at doing, it is becoming what is needed of her. and she will do that in this universe too, even if the longer she stays here, the more off-kilter things feel. she looks at dean for a moment and thinks that he would absolutely be worthy of the shield.

                 “ all that to say: you're a good man, dean. ” suddenly, she wants to lean over and kiss his cheek to placate and shush the argument she can practically see forming in his head. “ are some of your decisions reckless and driven by fear? yes. have you done some questionable things? yes. so have i and so have many, many people. but you are still a good man. and i believe it enough for both of us. ”

iv.

                 natasha's laugh clashes with the cacophony of the bar. dean is enthusiastically retelling a story that occasionally gets interrupted by sam who attempts to fact check his brother to no avail. natasha indulges the exaggerations, while on occasion, quirking her brows at sam as if to say is he serious? smitty, the bar owner, appears at their booth with a bottle and three shot glasses. natasha thanks him warmly and they're left alone again.

what is this? smirnoff?

                 “ offend me like that again and i'm going to kick your ass. ” she throws a peanut at dean for good measure. “ smirnoff is rubbing alcohol! this is actually made in russia. i know a guy who knows a guy who knows smitty over there. ” chin nudges in the general direction of the man in question as she opens the bottle. she wants to tell him that you can actually sip good vodka but as the first few notes of livin on a prayer fight against the chatter, the clank of glasses, and the crack from the pool table, she's transported to a different time and place where the song had played.

                 she recalls the feeling of a brick wall pressing into her back; lips trailing along her neck; the cool metal of a thick silver ring gliding along the exposed skin of her midriff making her shudder at the temperature difference. the taste of whiskey on his tongue; long lashes framing green eyes that looked at her without a single good intention in mind. those same green eyes that look at her expectantly from across the table. those lips... she blinks and fills all three shot glasses. if there's one thing she knows about herself, regardless of universe, it is that her poker face is exceptional, but, given the circumstances, she isn't sure how convincing she's currently being. which says a lot about the state her mind is in--- and has been for a while now.

                 natasha downs her drink wishing she could tell dean about the sleepless nights she's been having. about the dreams that feel far too real; wishes his mind wouldn't go right to sex dreams; wishes she could stop staring at those lips as they drink another round. before she can reach across the table to pull dean in for a kiss, natasha takes out her cigarette case and excuses herself. she weaves her way down the hall and out the back into the cool night. a cigarette and fragmented recollections of a warm arizona night the only company she allows herself.

v.

you speak russian.

                 her jaw tightening as she clenches her teeth is only reaction the string of the antiseptic provokes. her hand isn't broken, but it sure looks like she'd gone a few rounds with something. the motel room remains a disaster which neither of them address.

do you always talk to yourself in russian? or were you just talkin' trash about me?

                 her head still throbs, and she knows he's trying to lighten the mood, but her mind is more of a mess than it's ever been. everything feels off and has felt off since she first met the brothers years ago. everything except his warm, callous rough touch. that feels familiar. he feels familiar in a déjà vu way. but she's had her mind messed with enough times to know that the implanted memories of his natasha were starting to fragment. and had been slowly fragmenting for years.

                 natasha looks at dean as he wraps her hand up. takes in his tired features: the almost permanent furrow between his brows; the questions swimming in his green gaze; his nose; a freckle on the bridge and one along his cheek. ( they're the ones that stand out the most to her and something tells her that the natasha he knew would have called them her favorite. )

                 you want to tell me what happened in there? he tips his head a fraction to the trashed room beyond the open bathroom door as he checks to make sure that the bandage isn't too tight. she, in fact, does not want to talk about what had happened before he found her sitting in the middle of the chaos, head buried in her hands at the physical pain remembering a life, and a death, that wasn't her own was causing. instead of answering, she cups his jaw with her uninjured hand. a beat passes and then another before she presses a chaste whisper of a kiss to his lips. and then a second one.

                 i know which bon jovi song was playing at the bar in arizona where you first met me-- her. the natasha you knew. she wants to say but doesn't because he wouldn't believe her ---he would chalk it up to spy stuff and not want to it brought up again--- so, despite the physical pain she's in, natasha kisses him with everything she has. she deepens the kiss hoping that somewhere out there, in a different universe, where nothing bad ever happens, there's a version of them that are happy together.

[winghe4d]

⌜ ⁀➴ ᴄᴏɴᴛ’ᴅ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʜᴇʀᴇ ⌟

𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 Steve falls against the warm velvet of @chernayavidua ’s lips, acquiescing to her determined tug of his tie, moving himself more intimately into her. A soft [albeit a little indecent] sound vibrated in Steve's throat when her tongue swept the roof of his mouth, making his fingers curl firmly along the small of her back, pulling her close – so intensely he walked a fevered and vivid daydream that she would allow him to be hers.

With such grandeur came that yearning it fueled the rising heat of his skin against hers, while every particle of himself conspired with his soul to make a unilateral demand to climb into her, through her ribs and sinew, and hold sacred the frenetic flutters of her heart.

Rogers could feel the unburdening of years falling away; the brittle layers of all those long days that just melted into each other filled only with his fraught, but quiet, pining. The exhaustion from force willing himself to politely look in the opposite direction of where his heart surreptitiously lived – his tattered and weary heart, guilty only of having the temerity to love while his grief demanded a strict regiment of stoic isolation. Steve’s mouth moved with impatient motions, kneading into hers without repent.

“I’m so sorry, Nata,” Steve sighs out words against her lips, like a man at prayer, “…this wasn’t the appropriate place…” but he kisses her again, falling into it like a welcomed weakness before pulling back, the distance of a hair’s width “ — come home with me…” though Rogers trips over his words in an effort to make the request seem less lascivious than the wanton breath it was whispered with.

“Not like…I just…I meant that it would be quieter, less attention.” His head jerks towards all the party goers below.

[chernayavidua]

if asked, she would say she was not surprised at how steve kisses because it is reminiscent of how he does everything else: fully committed and without hesitation. caught up, it takes her a moment longer to register what he’s trying to get at. a breathy monosyllable chuckle escapes as she takes a small step backward to momentarily look around him and down at the gathering.

"you forget whose party this is." another gentle tug of his tie, natasha tilts her chin upward as if to capture his lips again before backing away at the last second as she moves to walk backward down the hall. an invitation. turning, she spares a glance his way before moving further towards the closed door at the far end. the noise of the party falls away in the privacy of her bedroom and she goes about removing her earrings, and the pin keeping her hair up and places them a top the dresser. with anyone else, this would have been different--- with james they wouldn’t have even made it into the room ( and neither would have cared as long as they’d both gotten off. ) but this is steve and she doesn’t want to assume that the lingering glances across rooms mean more than a harmless kiss to bring in the new year. she also doesn’t want to assume she knows how his grief manifests. ( what she does know is that she is the first person he’s kissed since sharon and that in and of itself could be overwhelming. )

"do you want something to drink? i can do down and get us a bottle." natasha studies him as he takes in her personal space. "we can go outside. the view isn’t too bad." she motions to the french doors that lead to the small terrace and the city beyond them.

a metaphorical and literal exit if he needed.

[sevenbulletsavior]

@chernayavidua asked, "are you kidding me?"

Was Karen well aware of what a rhetorical question was? Yes. Was Nat's question rhetorical? Possibly. Was she going to answer it anyway as if the question was asked in earnest? Absolutely. "Why would I be kidding you, Talya?" Her phone was shoved across the counter towards the other woman, the email from an unknown sender open for Nat to browse.

It was a chaotic rambling of what could only be assumed to be someone who was disconnected from reality, claiming that some fanatic cult was establishing a commune near Fagan Corners and worshipping some galactic god who would come soon to free theme from their mortal shackles and allow them to ascend. Usually these types of emails would go straight into the junk folder, but the fact that this one specifically mentioned her hometown made Karen curious.

Whoever sent it did so intentionally, knowing that would lure her in. "I'm going to go even if it is just some delusional person sending it and it turns out to be wrong." Because Karen had to know, had to see and assuage her concerns since Paxton had not been answering her phone calls.

[chernayavidua]

                 sitting on the counter, natasha balances the bowl of ice cream a top her thigh as she takes the phone and reads the email. it certainly reads like delusions. it could also be someone mixing reality and delusions. or perhaps it was written in the middle of a drug fueled episode. setting the phone back on the counter, she takes another spoonful of the chocolate dessert.

                 “ i could do some digging for you... save you the trip... if you want. ” she knows all too well that when karen sets her mind to things, there's no budging her. she also knows what having your personal life used as leverage is like, so she would understand if karen declined her offer to help. ( she suspects she will but hopes she won’t. )

               “ if not, i'll stay here. maybe lend matt a hand at the office while you're away. ”