To my best friend: That hurt.
Suddenly, I'm all by myself, again. No home, no warmth, no shadows I can cover from the unforgiving sun of this desert.
Who would have thought that you, the one who promised me to stay, would leave me eventually?
The wound is so big I don't know when it's going to stop bleeding. I know it will, though, it always does.
I write this because I don't know what else to do, you were the one I relied on, everytime, in every situation.
I wonder if I failed you that bad and you didn't tell me. But I never stopped talking to you for them, never told you "we need to talk less". I would had set on fire that link if they ever tried to cut the ways of our friendship.
That's how I feel.
You knew it. You knew what they thought about you, but I preferred to feel like dying in between than burning the bridge.
Was it my mistake?
I wrote you, before my birthday, how grateful I was for you still being in my life. I hope you don't remember. I'm glad you didn't see it as much. I sent it to you on my birthday, even when I was the one supposed to get gifts.
But it was a lot to say. And I like to give.
You knew.
And I knew when I first saw your text message, that our friendship was ending.
I don't think you can't understand how my hands trembled, how I lost all my voice in a moment, or how my eyes were full in tears with just those words.
"You and I have to talk. And you won't like it". And a sticker.
I know you tried to soften the fall. I'm sorry to say, you failed and gave away enough clues for what was about to happen.
I only asked why. And after I could breathe again, I asked what did that mean. Although I already felt the scissors.
No, you can't come back. I won't let you. I stood for you in a way you have prove me twice you won't ever do for me. I needed reciprocity, and made it up out of the straws you gave me. You were a good listener, I can't deny it. You were good when I was a good option to keep close.
I don't feel used.
But I feel betrayed.
I hope they make you happy.
This feels like karma, at the same time it feels as the clarity I asked for.
Whatever it is, I'll survive.
Our friendship won't.
I appreciate you. I thank you for the time you gave me.
And if you were waiting, even knowing it had no point doing so, you don't have to wait anymore.
I might not delete this later. Like and share will serve to remind me why I have to keep this position and not going back. He really was an appreciated friend. I'm still processing things.
