No-bullshit queer parenting

Parenting & activism blog run by a queer, poly, non-binary, atheist, vegan parent in their 30s. If you need a virtual hug from a queer parent, I’m here. If you’re looking for cishet shit, fuck off.

[childfreeparentingadventures]

Just FYI, I logged in solely to say that if you’re not obeying lockdowns and social distancing, you have no right to walk this planet. 🖕🏻🤷🏼‍♀️

[childfreeparentingadventures]

I just discovered your blong and i wanted to say... thank you. I'm a young adult non binary, and while i had supporting parents, the fact they arz both cis and not really knowing it all on queer matters made it really hard for me to get the right words and "place". I wish i had a queer parent in my life to maybe, show me this all earlier, or at least give me an introduction to non cis genders ? If i ever become parent, i hope i will be a parent like you.

So I’ve completely abandoned this platform because honestly? It’s a dumpster fire and you should all be absolutely ashamed of yourselves, but my dear Anon... please message me privately so I can give you my contact info in case you need support.

Honestly? That goes for anyone. If you need to contact me for queer/nb parenting support/advice, message me. I’ll try to check in with this app for the next little bit and provide you with a way to contact me.

[childfreeparentingadventures]

Honestly, I have to say I’m really disappointed in the way this blog is going and Tumblr as a whole right now and I am really reevaluating this whole thing.

I started this blog specifically to create a space for queer parents and to combat the whole Mombie lifestyle trap. It’s a space that’s desperately needed for people who want to keep their identity as people, but also want support as parents.

And sure, it took a turn towards activism and spreading social justice information because working towards a better world for your kids is a key part of parenting. You don’t get to ignore the state of the world and call yourself a good parent.

But frankly, I’m just talking into a void. I feel like I’m parenting a bunch of teenagers who are just hitting reblog and calling themselves activists instead of doing the bare minimum of texting a representative. Fucks sake, kids. I’ve been getting myself up and out protesting and annoying politicians and volunteering since I was 13. I shouldn’t have to still be carrying your weight twenty years later.

And moreover, I just seem to be a magnet for Mommy Blogs.....which is exactly the opposite of what I am. This blog exists because, and say it with me now, fuck mommy blog culture.

I never wanted to be this person, but recently I’ve even considered having a blanket statement asking all cishets not to follow or interact because apparently it’s impossible for The Straights to respect dedicated queer spaces even on the internet and honestly I’m too old to put up with this bullshit.

I’ve been on Tumblr since the very beginning and I’m shocked at how the culture has changed and eroded the last few years. We joke that this place is a mess, but speaking as an old and grizzled Tumblr elder, this place isn’t a mess, it’s a toxic waste site.

Now would be the time I would really value some input and audience participation and open a dialogue while I decide where I’m headed in the future.

[childfreeparentingadventures]

Me: Hey, can people please stop misgendering me just because I have a kid?

Mommy Blog: You have a kid? Hello fellow MOM! Come join our MOM blog to communicate with other MOMS!

[childfreeparentingadventures]

Queer parenting is a thing

Tumblr likes to pretend that it’s inclusive, but we need to tackle some bullshit here. I see a lot of posts about bisexual erasure, but I’d like to expand on that and talk about queer parent erasure.

It’s like the very second somebody mentions having a child (or Loki forbid carrying and birthing a child) they instantly must be straight. People wanna assume I’m female and my partner is male and we’re straight living the straight life with other....straights. And that is not how it works. That’s not how any of this works.

I honestly cannot relate to straight parenting. And that’s not some queer trophy I’m trying to wave around, that’s legitimately not my experience and will never be my experience and it’s not appropriate to claim otherwise. I am queer af, living in a big ol’ house of queer, surrounded by other queers, raising our kid up in a queer environment. Looking at mommy blogs or the brief period I tried parenting Facebook groups....it’s a foreign language to me. It’s like looking into some weird parallel universe thing and frankly it’s like an AU from hell.

I cannot relate to “ttc”. I cannot relate to pregnancy in the same way cis women (or any pregnancy book) can. I cannot understand the gender reveal parties or the pregnancy photo shoots or having a partner who doesn’t understand they’re equally involved in parenting. That’s not my realm and I don’t want it to be. My parenting experience is distinctly queer. It just is because I am and my community is.

Now I’m lucky enough to live in a fairly queer city so in my day to day existence I don’t actually run into the assumption I’m straight just because I’m carting around an infant too much. And thankfully, I happen to spend the vast majority of my time IRL and actively avoiding more rural areas so it’s not something that gets under my skin.

But the second I get online? It’s like my identity as a parent somehow magically and retroactively erases my identity as a queer individual. The mommy blogs come out of the woodwork and can’t understand why this....really is not that. Why I’m blocking them when they’re all about “just mom things” or boasting ways to get their husbands involved. Fucks sake.

Lesbians have kids, too. Gay, bisexual/pansexual/omnisexuals (who, newsflash, are still queer even when in “straight” relationships), nonbinary, demisexual, aromantic, and trans people all have kids! It happens to the best of us. Queer parenting is a thing. And for as much as all (good/healthy) parenting have things in common, it’s not really the same and everyone needs to back the fuck up.

[childfreeparentingadventures]

I’ve gotten an influx of mommy blogs following me again so I need to reiterate this. This isn’t a mommy blog. This is a queer parenting blog that takes the definitive stance that if you are not involved in actively trying to make the world a better place for your kid, you’re a shitty parent.

Miss me with that cishet shit.

[childfreeparentingadventures]

Look, I know this should be a don’t feed the trolls moment, but I am just so fucking angry right now.

@worldsupermoms

This is EXACTLY the bullshit I’m talking about and you want to come in and erase me on my own post about erasure?! It takes somebody really special to miss the point so spectacularly.

What in the depths of straight hell makes being a mother a biologically unique thing? Aside from the scientific bullshittery of that, are you trying to say that two men adopting a baby aren’t as good as a mom? Are you actively or just passively invalidating the biological pregnancies of trans parents? All adoptive parents?

Let me be explicitly clear here once and for all. I conceived, carried, birthed, and nursed my child. That does not make me a ciswoman. It doesn’t make me a woman at all. It doesn’t invalidate my they/them pronouns. It doesn’t invalidate my non-binary gender identity. It doesn’t invalidate whether or not I proceed with top surgery in the future.

My relationship to my body during my pregnancy was weird and infuriating and this biologically based shit did not help at all.

Fucking check yourself.

[always-awkward-atheist]

[betterthedevilyouknowuk]

[gay-irl]

gay🙄irl

[childfreeparentingadventures]

Well, of course. If straight men cared about trash they’d have to remove themselves.

[mysharona1987]

[graypyre]

I just sent this to my husband and his response was “you can’t put a price on that” uh, yeah you can, they just did. 🙄

[childfreeparentingadventures]

Sounds like you need a new husband 🗑

[coolandepicarchive-deactivated2]

ask meme!!!

Send me an emoji if you want to!!!

INTERACTION 💫 - I want to be friends with you! 🎀 - I consider you a friend already! 💖 - I have a platonic/QP crush on you! 💕 - I have a romantic crush on you! 💌 - I’m not currently crushing on you, but I would date you/be QPPs if I had the chance! 🌸 - We don’t talk, but I appreciate your presence on my dash! 🌷 - We don’t talk, but I would like to! 🌼 - We do talk, and I’m glad we do!

CONTENT 🌠 - I think we have a lot in common! 🌌 - We don’t have much in common, but I appreciate you! 📷 - You have a nice aesthetic! 🌙 - You have a good sense of humour!

THOUGHTS 💙 - I think you’re cool! 💘 - I think you’re cute! 🎼 - I think you’re talented! 💟 - I love you! 🌟 - You make me happy! ☀️ - You inspire me! 🌈 - You’re gay

[childfreeparentingadventures]

I’m feeling petty and decided to put my racist, xenophobic, abusive cunt of a MIL on blast on reddit. Might as well put her here too. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[frognonbinary-deactivated202412]

[jooferslannister-deactivated202]

Good

[takethesword]

As someone who ran into the glue at 23rd st while trying to commute home during the protest I can tell you that:

1) there was a sign encouraging you not to swipe or get glue on your card and that

2) the emergency exit door was open so you could either walk onto the platform or hop the turnstile to still access the train

The protesters left you with a choice: become a fare evader (supporting the protest) or leave. But they didn't stop access to the subway as a utility.

I see a lot of outrage in the comments about inconveniencing people on their commute home but consider whose commute under "normal" circumstances -- under police surveillance -- are inconvenienced by police.

Are you upset because you're not someone who usually has to think about if you'll be singled out for doing the same thing as everyone else?

Did the protests make you experience the thing that, oh, they were protesting against?

Hey, then they worked.

And if you don't like it, well, the next subway stop is 5 blocks away. How convenient for you that this impediment was a one day, one stop friction in your life and not a constant threat.

And before anyone complains about how the protest impacted disability accessibility, 23rd st doesn't have an elevator or other accessibility options. Let's start with critiquing the institutional access first, shall we?

[oscarwetnwilde]

[astro-vee]

I will never not reblog this.

[brbjellyfishing]

fuck it up Cathleen!!!!!!!

[mimikyyuu]

doctors in tweets be like

[vegan-approved-deactivated20200]

Easy Kitchari (Spiced Dal with Rice)

[homo-sex-shoe-whale]

The wisdom that I, a lesbo, have for the world:

Get vaccinated

Dispose of your waste correctly and be aware of climate change

Always get consent (it’s not sexy, it’s mandatory)

Girls… good. Yes

Become an organ donor

Be nice to trans ladies

Kiss the tiddy before you do anything (to show respect for the tiddy)

[homo-sex-shoe-whale]

I have absolutely no recollection of writing this post

[water-of-the-bong-deactivated20]

sappho herself possessed you and had you write it

[phdmama]

If you live in the US, please please call your senators and tell them you want witnesses and documents for the impeachment trial.

[childfreeparentingadventures]

Have anxiety? No problem! There are apps for that!!

Countable lets you message all your prepresebtatives on every single issue that they’re voting on with just a couple clicks and Resist Bot lets you text your opinions/demands, which it then converts to email and auto sends to all your reps.

Both are free and user friendly.